“Why was Deer Woman crying?“ Serena asked softly.
Wolf’s mouth tightened. “She wanted to stay and care for the baby.”
Serena studied his expression carefully. “She was upset.”
“Yes, she was.“ Wolf didn’t want to divulge the ugly conversation to Cante Tinza. She was just beginning to recover, and it wouldn’t help to know that Deer Woman was jealous of her. “Do not worry yourself,” he soothed. “I go to talk with my sister, Little Swallow. She will teach you Lakota ways.”
Serena smiled and nodded, caught up in the joy and laughter of Dawn Sky. She brought the baby back into her lap and cuddled her. “I want to learn, Wolf. Just tell me what I have to do.”
His mouth moved into a slight smile. “You are doing it right now. I have never seen my niece laugh like that since her mother died.“ He motioned to the child as he got to his feet and moved toward the entrance. “Dawn Sky accepts you as her real mother. That is good.”
The tepee became quiet after Wolf left. Serena looked around at the large, roomy structure. This was her new life. Had it been the right decision? Any other choice would mean starvation as it had in Wexford. White men couldn’t be trusted, and she certainly didn’t want to go back to the miner’s camp owned by Blackjack Kingston.
Gazing down at Dawn Sky, who moved her arms and legs in happy abandon as she lay on her back, Serena smoothed the baby’s black hair away from her small brow. The quarrel between Deer Woman and Wolf had disturbed her. There had been such hatred in Deer Woman’s eyes when she left. Was it because of her? So much was changing in her life that Serena felt terribly insecure and unsure of her decisions. In Wexford she had had to live one day at a time, without seeing a future. She would have to do the same here. She could not afford to hope; she wouldn’t know what to hope for, anyway. The Lakota had taken her in. If she could prove to them that she wasn’t a liability, but rather, an asset, perhaps she could make a new life for herself. Perhaps.
* * *
“Soon,” Wolf told Cante Tinza, “the moon will come when geese return in scattered formations. After the equinox, when Mother Earth turns toward the warmth once again, we will break camp and begin our trek toward Pte He Gi, the Gray Buffalo Horn region.“ He used his hands to indicate that they would make their summer camp high in the hills. “A stone rises out of the earth and has the claw marks of a grizzly bear all around it. It is very tall, and very sacred. We will hold our summer solstice Sun Dance beneath its shadow.”
Busy beading, a craft that she had learned from Little Swallow, Serena looked up at Wolf who sat on the opposite pallet. “I can hardly wait to see it. I will be glad when winter is over, too.”
The Lakota camp had taken on a new energy of late, and Serena had been busy making her second pair of moccasins for Wolf. The first pair had been a disaster, but with Little Swallow’s help and guidance, the second hadn’t turned out too badly. Wolf wore them, she noticed, with great pride. It made her feel good that he liked them. Dawn Sky lay beside her, playing with a deer bone, happily gurgling and cooing.
“This is sacred land we live upon,” Wolf said. “And nowhere is it felt more powerfully than where we go to make our summer camp. We will move the camp many times before we reach the Gray Buffalo Horn. In the moon when berries are ripe, we will finally arrive.”
“I never realized how much you move.”
“We must, for to remain in one area too long is to take away Mother Earth’s food and animals. The Great Spirit taught us to take only what is needed, and leave the rest. It is a good way to live.”
Serena smiled at his flawless logic. How different the Lakota were from white society. And yet Serena preferred the Lakota way of life. No one went hungry. No one had to sleep in gutters. The camp was a large, extended family. Sometimes there were problems, but they were settled fairly and without bloodshed.
“Are you happy with us, Cante Tinza?“ The moons had flown by for Wolf, and she had worked unerringly to learn Lakota ways. To his delight, she had made a fast friendship with his sister, Little Swallow. But there had been those who were not so pleased with Cante Tinza’s presence. Chief Badger Mouth told Wolf that if the horse soldiers found out a wasicun lived among them, a woman, they would attack their camp and drag her off to live with wasicuns once again. Deer Woman’s nasty gossip about Cante Tinza had hurt her deeply when she found out about it after learning their language. She had cried, and that had hurt Wolf.
“Very happy, Wolf,” Serena answered, glancing up from her beading. “Why?”
He shrugged. “You work very hard.“ He gestured to her hands. “Even harder than my sister, who is a model Lakota woman. Your hands are always chapped and bleeding.”
With a laugh, Serena said, “That’s because I still haven’t gotten down the art of porcupine quilling!” Her smile dissolved as she discovered the worry in Wolf’s eyes. “You’ve made me feel welcome. How can I not be happy?”
Grumbling, he said, “Deer Woman’s gossip has hurt you.”
“Oh, that. I’m not so sure it came from her, Wolf. I know there are several people in the tribe who don’t like me here. It could have been one of them who said those mean things about me.”
Mouth quirking, Wolf sighed. Gossip had gotten started about Cante Tinza’s scarred breasts—that because of the terrible burns on them, she could never nurse a baby. Rumor had circulated that if she had a baby, it would starve for lack of milk. Wolf couldn’t prove that it was Deer Woman who had started the latest round of gossip. To his surprise, there were several other maids who disliked Cante Tinza’s presence in his tepee. They, too, had their eyes on him as a husband.
“I know the gossip has hurt you,” he said in a low voice, studying her placid features as she beaded beneath the light of the fire.
With a nod, Serena said, “Maybe it’s true.“ Yet, thanks to the herbs provided by Dreaming Bear, the scars on her breasts weren’t as bad as they might have been.
“What?“ Wolf demanded. “That you cannot give a baby your milk? That is nonsense!” He gestured toward her. “Only the outer skin is damaged.”
The conversation was embarrassing to Serena, but she had found over the months that the Lakota people accepted the human body and human functions as natural—not something to be ignored, covered up or hidden. She wrestled with the moral taboos that had been taught to her. One just didn’t discuss a woman’s breasts this openly. Heat fled to her cheeks and she dropped her lashes.
Wolf was far from unaware of her changing moods. “I shame you by speaking on the matter,” he muttered unhappily as he saw the color rise in her face. Cante Tinza’s cheeks were now fuller, and gave her face more beauty, he thought.
“No…I…it’s just that among my people, we don’t talk about such private parts, that’s all.“ With a little laugh, Serena glanced up at him. She melted beneath Wolf’s ebony gaze. There was a fierce fire of life burning in the depths of his eyes, and she had come to treasure these quiet moments with him. Perhaps it was Dawn Sky who had brought them this close to each other, for the baby was greatly loved and cared for by both of them.
When Cante Tinza touched her flaming red cheek, Wolf felt for her. “You are a beautiful woman. Any warrior would be proud to have you for a wife. Ho. They would be crazy, heyoka, to turn you away just because of scars you bear on your breasts. A warrior would see them as battle wounds, and that is honorable. They are nothing to be ashamed of, so you should hold your head high, Cante Tinza, and not allow this gossip to hurt you so.”
Serena’s lips parted over his impassioned speech. Wolf had never called her beautiful before. No, if anything, he was the model of decorum around her. Since her wounds had healed sufficiently, he no longer combed or braided her hair. How much she missed that intimacy with him. Wolf slept on his pallet opposite her. He respected her privacy, and never touched her. An ache was centered deep within Serena as she held his fierce, searching stare. She had never forgotten that day when she’d fallen into his arms and he’d
held her. His touch had been exquisitely gentle and healing.
“Well,” Serena stumbled, “I’ve never seen myself except in the reflection of a pool of water, and no one ever said I was pretty.“ She gestured to the coverlet of freckles across her cheeks and nose. “I have freckles, and they are considered ugly looking. And my face is long and narrow, like a horse’s face.”
Wolf couldn’t stand to hear her speak of herself in such a way. Getting up, he walked around the altar and fire. “You,” he said, kneeling before her and barely grazing her fiery cheek with his fingertips, “are beautiful in the ways of a woman. These freckles remind me of the many stars in Father Sky. I see them as a reflection of Wanaglta Canju, the Milky Way. To me, they are a symbol of how special you are, Cante Tinza.“ He smiled and gently outlined the shape of her face. “And yes, your face is long, but you have high cheekbones just like the Lakota. Your eyes remind me of the quiet green pools found near the banks of the river. And your mouth is the color of ripe wild strawberries that the women gather each summer.“ He forced himself to sit back on his heels, his hands coming to rest on his buckskin-clad thighs. “And a horse’s face? No. Your nose is too fine and thin.”
His unexpected nearness, his touch, which she had come to hunger for and never received, was thrilling. Serena stared up at his features. Wolf’s voice was low with feeling, and she absorbed his sincerity into her heart. “I love the way you see me, Wolf. It’s so beautiful….”
Wolf tried to stop his hand from rising. He had fought himself throughout the moons, constantly battling with his need and hunger for Cante Tinza. She was still watchful and wary of men, which he knew because he would often see her shy away from the other warriors. She had shed that wariness with him, but he had to constantly remind himself that she had been raped, and that it would take her a long time to release that terrible memory, if ever. But the liquid look in Cante Tinza’s eyes now made him do the unthinkable, and Wolf found himself reaching out and cradling her cheek and jaw against his large, open palm.
“You walk in beauty, my woman. Your heart belongs to Mother Earth, and your soul to the Great Spirit. Do you not think that I see how the children love you? How they beg you to play their games with you? And the elders talk respectfully of you, of your attention and care to them.“ Her skin was soft and pliant beneath his palm, and Wolf wanted to continue to explore her, to show her his love and reverence. When her ripe lips parted and tears made her green eyes luminous, he smiled a little. “Listen to the smiles given to you, Cante Tinza, the looks of adoration and respect from those whom you have unselfishly and generously helped. Do not listen to the wicked gossip spoken by a few who are jealous of you. They are the lazy ones, the ones who wish to receive such smiles and respect from others but who do not earn it.”
Wolf forced himself to remove his hand. If he didn’t, he would do something unforgivable, such as lean down and explore her red, full lips. A maid did not allow a warrior to kiss her unless she was thinking of marriage. Getting up, he moved away from Cante Tinza and took his place on his pallet.
Serena blinked once, and reached up to touch her tingling skin where he’d laid his hand against her flesh. A warm, melting sensation continued to blanket her in the aftermath of Wolf’s unexpected touch, as did the trembling words that had come from his heart. She knew he wouldn’t look at her, instead busying himself by crushing dried roots gathered the previous fall for medicinal purposes. The firelight shadowed his large form, revealing the deep lines around his mouth and eyes.
She was beautiful to Wolf. The discovery was as potent as it was frightening. But Serena wasn’t frightened of Wolf as much as she was of herself. What were these feelings moving like chaos within her? What was the strange ache centered in her lower body? Even her breasts tingled with an oddly disturbing sensation. She bowed her head and forced herself to pay attention to the beading. A part of her had been silently crying out for Wolf’s touch, and now that he had grazed her skin, she felt shaky and breathless in the wake of the experience. Would she feel this way all the time? Blackjack’s touch had been painful and bruising. Serena had experienced only hurt from him. Wolf’s touch was the opposite, and she had no one to share her discovery with.
* * *
“Come,” Wolf told Cante Tinza. He gestured for her to follow him. The April sunlight was strong and warm, sending away the winter chill. They walked just outside of the circle of tepees toward the large herd of horses. Wolf held a rawhide jaw cord in one hand, and a cottonwood saddle in another. The snow was less than ankle deep, and was quickly melting.
“Where are we going?“ Serena asked, running to catch up with his long stride. She wore a heavy elkskin dress that Little Swallow had made for her. The elkskin leggings and moccasins kept her far warmer than deerskin. As she hurried to Wolf’s side, she squinted against the glare of the snow and her breath came out in white clouds of steam.
“You are going to learn to ride,” he announced. When he realized she was struggling to keep up with him, he shortened his stride.
“Really?“ Serena laughed and clapped her hands. With the melting of the snow and the longer hours of sunlight, she’d felt more alive than she had ever felt before.
Wolf met her smile, admiring her green eyes dancing with life. He knew he was going to have trouble keeping his hands off her today. Cante Tinza’s long, heavy braids were wrapped in otter. She wore the fluffy eagle feather and porcupine medicine wheel that he had made for her two moons ago. He had told her that only a person who had a Lakota name could wear the eagle feather and medicine wheel. From that day forward, Wolf had seen her plait her hair and tie the gift into her burnished strands. Pride swept through him, because she walked so tall and straight now, her shoulders thrown back with confidence, her chin high. No longer was Cante Tinza the cowering dog who had come to them so many moons before.
Wolf chose the oldest of his horses for her to learn to ride upon—a gray mustang mare so old that her knees were arthritic. The midday sun was warm, and the air clean and fresh as he showed her how to saddle the mare and place the jaw cord into its partially toothless mouth. A number of children looking for something to do had followed them out to the horse herd, which was guarded by two Lakota riders. All warriors took turns protecting the herd from potential Crow raiders.
“Now,” Wolf counseled her, “you do it,” and he removed the saddle and the jaw cord from the gray mare.
The children gathered around Serena to give her advice. She glanced up at Wolf and then at the saddle in her arms. “The poor horse will hate me when I’m done.”
“She’s too old to care,” Wolf said.
Serena had learned long ago to pay attention whenever Wolf tried to teach her something. She timidly approached the gray mare, who stood there with her head hanging down, and petted the thickly furred animal. With help and suggestions from the children who crowded around her, Serena saddled and bridled the mare. She turned, smiling triumphantly.
“There!”
Wolf laughed. “I think your helpers did most of the work for you.”
The children came up for hugs and embraces from Serena. She did not disappoint them.
“Now, you must learn to mount,” Wolf instructed her.
Serena watched Wolf approach the horse while the children crowded close to her, hanging on to her elkskin dress and moving beneath each of her arms. Wolf placed his foot in the cottonwood stirrup and moved easily into the saddle. She sighed. “You’re so graceful, Wolf. I’d be lucky to have half of that.”
Dismounting, Wolf grinned and handed her the jaw cord. “A woman who walks in beauty is always graceful. Try it. You will see.”
Serena nervously patted the gray mare, and burying her doubts, tried to mount. It took several attempts, along with Wolf’s cajoling to realize that the key to success was balance. Finally, she climbed into the saddle. All the children broke into yells and cries of victory. Laughing, Serena bowed her head in thanks to them. But it was the warmth in Wolf’s eyes, h
is admiration, that made her feel so good.
Wolf quickly caught, bridled, and mounted Wiyaka, his black mare. He rode up to Serena. “Now, we ride.“ He showed her how to use the calves of her legs to squeeze the sides of the horse to make it move forward.
They rode at a walk along the willow- and bulrush-lined riverbank. At first, Serena clutched at the front of the saddle, but after a while, she established a rocking motion with the mare and finally released her grip. Wolf praised her. The children ran after them for some distance, and then went back to the village to play.
All around Serena was beauty she would never tire of seeing. The sky was wide and blue, the sunlight warm against the elkskin dress, and returning birds trilled their hearts out among the bare willow branches. Occasionally, Wolf’s leg would brush against her own, and she would look over and smile at him. He rode with such naturalness, Serena realized, that he was beautiful to watch, too. His thighs were long, curved and hard from being born to a horse, his back ramrod straight, and his arms loose and relaxed. It was obvious that Wiyaka loved her master as much as he loved her; Wolf would sometimes lean forward and slide his fingers across her ebony neck to pet her, and the mare would arch her neck and dance sideways in response.
Serena wondered what it would be like to have Wolf touch her the same way.
Wolf thought she looked beautiful as she rode the mare. With time, as she relaxed and trusted the horse, she would become a good rider. “Tomorrow,” he told her as he gestured to the north of them, “we begin to pack and move toward our summer grounds.”
“I can hardly wait!”
“You grow bored, Cante Tinza?”
“Oh, no! It’s just that I’ve heard everyone talk of how lovely the Gray Buffalo Horn area is. I’m excited!”
Brave Heart Page 10