“You are not a horse, and I did not see myself currying you. A woman should be shown respect, and combing and braiding your hair was a silent way to tell you that I respected you.”
Serena became lost in his dark, pain-filled eyes. “You’ve always been good to me, Wolf. I feel spoiled, if you want the truth. Now, let me spoil you. How do you feel? I tried not to wake you as I combed your hair.”
“I feel more rested. You act as a wife, Cante Tinza. A wife does not want her husband to look unclean, so she combs and plaits his hair every morning.“ He stared into her shadowed features. There was peace and tranquility in her, as she braided his hair. More than ever, Wolf wanted Cante Tinza as his wife. In his drowsy state, he’d said things he’d never think of sharing with her. Wolf watched her pale cheeks stain with the color of ripe, wild strawberries.
“I love to braid your hair. It’s so thick and clean. Now I see why you liked to do mine.“ Serena couldn’t risk looking into Wolf’s half-closed eyes. He’d said “wife,” and how often had she wondered about being his wife? Too many times. Clearing her throat, she said, “It’s dark now. Would you like some deer stew?”
“Yes,” he admitted, “I need to regain my strength, and eating is the only way to do it.”
“I’ve made dock tea for you, too.“ Serena finished tying off the last braid, satisfied with her work. Wolf needed to sweat in a sweat lodge to cleanse himself, but that would have to wait. Instead, Serena had warmed water in the kettle and had washed his upper body as he slept.
“The dock tea will make my blood strong,” Wolf agreed. He caught her slender, work-worn hand in his and squeezed it. “Thank you, Cante Tinza.”
She fell beneath the burning look in his eyes, wildly aware of his hand upon hers. “Didn’t you nurse me back to health at one time?“ she teased unsurely. The look in Wolf’s eyes made her go weak with longing—a strange yearning that was growing within her day by day.
“You care for me as a wife would her husband.”
Serena pulled her hand from his. She knelt at his side, clasping her hands tightly in her lap. “Wolf, I’m frightened.”
“Of what?”
She made a small sound of frustration and looked up at the shadows high on the tepee. “Of myself.”
Wolf caught and held her gaze. “Remember? There are no secrets between us? We can share what we hold in our hearts for each other.”
Touching her brow, Serena gave a little laugh of embarrassment. “I—I have all these crazy feelings going on inside me, and I don’t know what they are. What they mean!”
The rest of the sleep was torn from Wolf, and he focused entirely on Cante Tinza’s flushed features and the fear he saw in her dark green eyes. “Talk to me, my woman,” he urged quietly. How badly he wanted to pull Cante Tinza into his arms and hold her.
My woman. A thread of heat spiraled up through her, and Serena took a deep, nervous breath. “Wolf—I, this is silly.“ Touching her heart, she whispered, “Every time you look at me, my heart starts beating in my breast like a drum. If you touch me, I feel this weakness spread through me, as if I will fall. Your voice…well, your voice is like a warm blanket to me. It makes me feel safe and good and—“ She searched for the words. Forcing herself to look down at him, she whispered, “Your voice gives me hope. When I’m with you, I’m so very happy. Even when I go with the women in search of food, I think of you! At night, I dream of you….”
His eyes narrowed to slits, the silence deepening between them. The crack and snap of the fire broke the tension. “Dreams of me? Will you tell me about them?”
Serena touched her hot cheeks and avoided his sharpened look. “Good dreams, Wolf, not bad ones, believe me.“ Serena knew how much importance Wolf placed on dreams. Biting her lower lip she said, “I dream of you with me, that we are happy. Sometimes I am riding on Wiyaka with you. Other times you’re playing your flute for me while I’m sitting beside the river with Dawn Sky in my arms.“ She shrugged, completely embarrassed by the admissions. “Oh, Wolf, they are silly dreams, that’s all. They mean nothing.”
Wolf remained silent for a long time, digesting her admission. “Have you ever felt this way about any other men?”
With a small laugh, Serena said, “What other men? Wolf, I knew no men in Wexford because I was living in the alleys of the city, foraging for food. I lived with my mother until she died. I don’t even remember having a father. I had no brothers.“ She frowned. “The only man I knew was Kingston, and he hurt me.”
“Does your heart feel glad when I am with you?”
“Always.”
“I see.”
“Wolf, what do all of these feelings mean? I’m so confused. Sometimes, I feel so ashamed of them, and at other times I feel as if I’m dancing on clouds in Father Sky. Can you help me? Can you answer my questions?“
Chapter Nine
Serena could see how exhausted Wolf was becoming by continuing to talk with her. “I’m a fool for prattling on when you should be eating and then resting.“ She helped Wolf sit up and placed several buckskin pillows stuffed with cattail down behind his back so that he could lean against one of the poles of the tepee. “We can talk later. Let me get some food into you.”
As Wolf leaned wearily against the lodgepole, surrounded by the warmth of his thick, shaggy buffalo robe, his pain eased somewhat. Perhaps it was watching Cante Tinza cook over the fire, her thick braids gleaming like the tongues of flame, that made him feel better.
“I never thought I would see you again,” he said, his voice a rasp.
Serena glanced at him as she ladled the thick deer stew into a wooden bowl. “I knew something was wrong, Wolf. I had terrible dreams the past three nights about you.“ Serena brought over the bowl and placed it in his robe-covered lap. She realized how weak he was as he tried to pick up and hold the spoon.
“I’ll feed you,” she whispered, taking the utensil from his fingers.
“I’m as helpless as Dawn Sky,” he joked. “You may mother us both.”
She smiled gently and spooned the stew from the bowl. Blowing on it for several seconds, she placed it between Wolf’s lips. Just the act of feeding him made her go shaky once again. Serena forced her hand not to tremble as she fed him. How the man affected her! Wolf tipped back his head after she finished feeding him and shut his eyes.
“You’re tired,” Serena said as she set the bowl aside.
“I want to talk with you,” Wolf protested, barely opening his eyes.
“Later,” she said firmly. “Come, slide down between the robes. A good night’s sleep will make you feel much better tomorrow.”
Wolf didn’t have the strength to argue with Cante Tinza. Not that he would argue. He knew she had made the correct decision and acquiesced without a word. The last thing Wolf remembered before he sank into a healing sleep was Cante Tinza covering him with the robe.
* * *
Serena jerked awake. It was pitch-black inside the tepee. What had awakened her? Instantly, sleep was torn from her as she heard Wolf moan. Kagi was sleeping at his feet. Serena placed a few sticks of wood on the fire and quickly made her way to Wolf’s side. She was relieved to find that his skin was cool. He was restless, though, and kept muttering and turning his head slowly from one side to the other. Serena guessed that Wolf was having a dream, or worse, a nightmare. She, of all people, understood the terror of a nightmare.
Her heart told her to lie down beside him and place her arm around him. Serena knelt there several seconds digesting that unbidden thought. Hadn’t Wolf always told her to follow her heart? He’d often said that the wasicun had cut off the cord between their head and heart. All they did was think, not feel. And to not feel was to isolate oneself from all the beauty of life’s feelings, and all of Mother Earth’s relatives.
What would it hurt? Serena told herself that she didn’t want Wolf moving and jerking around and opening his wound. She slid down beside him, laid her head on the pillow next to his head and inched closer until
her body was pressed against the contour of his. Her heart pounded with imagined fear, because she vividly remembered Kingston sliding down beside her in her bed.
The sensation was nothing like what she remembered a year before with Kingston. As Serena settled near Wolf, only heat and longing throbbed through her. Wolf stopped muttering almost instantly, and ceased his restless movement. The tepee was chilly as Serena lay there in her sleeping dress. Soon the flames would rise and again warm the tepee.
Sometime during the night, Serena finally slept amid the rainbow feelings that sleeping next to Wolf evoked. Her dreams were vivid, colorful and provocative. In them, she told Wolf that she loved him, unequivocally. He smiled at the admission and opened his arms so that she might step into them.
* * *
Wolf awoke slowly, filled with a sense of well-being and peace. He was warm, his wound wasn’t aching half as much, and—His attention swung to the person at his side. The tepee glowed with the weak light of dawn. He turned his head just enough to realize that Cante Tinza slept beside him. Her arm was thrown across his torso and her fingers grazed his left arm.
Sleep was torn from Wolf as he humbly realized that Cante Tinza was at his side. Her head rested against his and her moist breath softly whispered across his shoulder. He could feel the roundness of her breast against his arm and the length of her body following the line of his own. A blinding, aching heat grew in his loins as he absorbed her innocent action. He must have been restless during the night and she had come to him, transcending her own fear of him as a man, to lie beside and soothe him. Wolf’s love for her was fierce and nearly uncontrollable as he realized her gesture toward him.
As he lay staring up at the many lodgepoles that came together in a point far above him, Cante Tinza’s words from last night flowed back to him. She had been living in his tepee for well over a year now. At some point, she had learned to trust him—to relax her guard. Later, she had begun to see him as a human, not just as a man. Much later, she had fallen in love with him. Wolf realized that wonderful discovery with a gratefulness that brought tears to his eyes. Cante Tinza loved him, but did not know it. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and savored her closeness.
A plan began to form in his mind. Come spring, as they made their way back to the Gray Buffalo Horn area, he would begin to court Cante Tinza the way every maiden was courted by a warrior who wanted her as his wife. Just because she lived with him did not mean she didn’t deserve to be accorded the same consideration. Relief flowed like a quiet river through Wolf as he developed the plan. Yes, come the moon of the green leaves, he would begin to court her in earnest.
* * *
Serena watched Dawn Sky play near her moccasin-covered feet. They sat beneath the spreading arms of a pine tree. Each late afternoon, she would take the infant, who now walked with unbridled energy, to the shade of the trees on this small hill that overlooked the village below. As Dawn Sky puttered around, testing her newfound skills of picking up stones and twigs and examining the wildflowers, Serena would watch her and do quill work.
The sunlight was very warm, and the meadow was alive with Lakota, busily performing their individual tasks. The leather in Serena’s lap was a buckskin vest she was making for Wolf. She divided her attention between the vest and Dawn Sky, who still played happily at her feet. Smiling, Serena recalled the very first time that Dawn Sky had called her ina or mother. Wolf was ahtay or father. Serena was certain that Dove That Flies had taught the little child to say those words to them. Lately, Wolf had hinted that there should be a hunka, or relative-making ceremony, to make Dawn Sky officially their daughter by blood ceremony.
From her vantage point on the knoll, Serena viewed the entire village, which was nestled in a wide, circular meadow surrounded by the dark pine trees. Serena sat there with her hands idle over the vest and closed her eyes. Wolf had taught her to see, hear, smell and taste the beauty of Mother Earth. It was a year and a half since she’d come to the Lakota people, and she’d never dreamed of such contentment.
Just as she was about to busy herself quilling, she heard a different sound. A beautiful sound. A flute! Serena turned, wanting to locate where the flute music came from and who was playing it.
When she stood up, her eyes widened. Wolf, dressed in a breechclout, leggings and moccasins, sat on a large rock just below the summit of the hill. He smiled at her with his eyes as he continued to play the soft, raspy music.
Stunned, Serena could only stand there, clutching the vest in her hands, and listening. She had never realized Wolf knew how to play the flute. The instrument was decorated with trade beads and seven great blue heron feathers that hung beneath the instrument. Dawn Sky had stopped playing and was listening with equal intentness.
With a shy smile, Serena walked over and picked up the baby girl. Carrying the child on her hip, Serena sat down near Wolf and took advantage of the shade of the pine boughs overhead. Dawn Sky snuggled to her breast, sighed and closed her eyes as Serena embraced her. The music flowing from Wolf’s flute was soft, poignant and stirring. She saw the familiar burning fierceness in his eyes and her heart responded with effortlessness to the call of his music. She, too, closed her eyes as she held the infant, and not only listened, but felt the magic of the music as it flowed through her heart.
Wolf played the flute for nearly a half hour. Some of the songs were sad, others were uplifting. When the music ended Serena opened her eyes. Wolf placed the flute gently across his hard, curved thighs.
“That was so beautiful.“ Serena sighed. “Thank you.”
“A maid,” Wolf told her in a deep voice, “should always be courted with music.“ He touched his chest. “The music comes from my heart to be given to your heart, Cante Tinza.“ Did she know how beautiful she looked with Dawn Sky in her arms?
Lips parting, Serena gazed at Wolf as she digested his words. “Courted?“ she said finally, the word a bare whisper.
Wolf nodded somberly. “I have come to court you, Cante Tinza.“ Fear clashed with his need of her. Would she be frightened? Would she say no? Wolf sat very quietly, praying, as he did every day, to the Great Spirit, to turn the eyes of her heart upon him as husbandly material. He saw the surprise, the desire and the fear loom together in her huge green eyes that could hide nothing from him.
“Oh, dear….”
He cocked his head toward her, and she quickly looked down at the green grass, biting her lower lip between her teeth. “You are not pleased?”
Serena raised her chin. Wolf’s face, despite its harsh quality, was gentle as he searched her eyes. “I—uh, no. No….”
Wolf slowly unwound from the rock and walked over to her. On one knee, he knelt before her and the baby she held. Stroking her fiery red cheek with his fingers, he asked, “Then what? I see many feelings in your eyes, Cante Tinza. Will you share them with me?”
Tears flooded Serena’s eyes as she became lost in the tenderness of Wolf’s gaze. His touch, fleeting and feathery, sent off a storm of tiny explosions throughout her. Heat pooled deep within her body, and that same raw, restless yearning awakened within her once again. Gathering her strewn thoughts, Serena whispered, “Y-you want me to marry you. Is that it?”
Wolf shrugged. “Marry?”
“Yes. You want me to share your robe—to be your wife.”
He smiled a very proud smile. “Yes, I want to court you until you agree to share my robe every night.“ He ruffled Dawn Sky’s thick, black hair. “And I want to create children to grow within your belly.”
Molten heat spread quickly throughout Serena, and she gasped. Wolf continued to caress her cheek lightly. “I—I thought these were all dreams,” she admitted with a nervous laugh.
Wolf withdrew his hand and rested his elbow on his thigh as he held her startled gaze. “Dreams?”
Looking away, Serena whispered, “I dreamed so many times of this moment, Wolf. I dreamed of you covering me with your courting blanket. But then I got scared. I ran.”
Frowning,
Wolf took the infant into his arms as he sat down opposite Cante Tinza. Dawn Sky fingered his necklace. “Why?”
Serena stood up, her hands tight around the vest she held against her belly. “Because of what Kingston did to me.“ She gave him a pleading look. “I know you’d never be like that to me, Wolf. You’re too gentle, too sensitive.“ Frustration ate at her. “I—I try and tell my crazy head that. My heart believes you wouldn’t be like that, but my head doesn’t trust even you. I feel so ashamed of that because you’ve never given me one reason to distrust you.”
He nodded and gently ran his hands across Dawn Sky’s small form. Cante Tinza had made the outfit the baby wore, even the tiny, neatly beaded moccasins. “Allow me to court you, Cante Tinza. With time, perhaps your head will know what your heart already knows—that I love you, that you already own my heart—my very spirit that walks Mother Earth.”
Shaken, Serena nodded. Tears remained in her eyes as she gazed down at Wolf’s upturned features. “I’m sorry to be like this. I don’t want to be, but—”
“Hush, Cante Tinza. You cannot help how you feel. It is not your fault. Kingston hurt you. He stole from you. I will never steal from you, my woman. I will come honestly to you, I will speak the truth that lies in my heart as to how I feel toward you.” His voice was unsteady with feelings. “Love can never be captured and tamed. Love should be left wild, like an eagle flying. If you come to me, it will be because you desire me as much as I desire you. But, always, it will be your decision, not mine.”
* * *
The bulrushes were growing tall and high, Serena noticed as she walked beside the river she had come to love. They had just made camp in the Gray Buffalo Horn area yesterday, and directly above her was the towering rock with the bear claw scars deeply scored into all sides of it. Serena had asked Little Swallow to care for Dawn Sky for an hour so that she could take a walk alone in order to think.
The past two weeks, Wolf had come every day and played his flute for her. Beside him was a red wool courting blanket. When he finished playing, he would ease to his feet, come over to her and gently place the blanket first around himself and then her. His hands would rest lightly against her, but he would not draw her those last few inches to rest against him. Instead, he would tell her stories—stories she loved to hear about Lakota myths. Beautiful stories about White Buffalo Calf Woman, who had visited the Lakota only recently to give them the seven sacred ceremonies, including the pipe.
Brave Heart Page 14