"Yes, I know. But she's been hurting for years and none of you self-appointed macho brothers of hers bothered to see it."
"We all know about Captain Jackson."
"Sarah's pain goes deeper than that. Jackson was a Band-Aid she tried to slap on top of it."
Redinger didn't respond. He stared at Hawk in silence, this time studying him openly.
The sound of the shower shut off. Hawk gritted his teeth. He shouldn't take out his frustration with the situation on the Major. The man did seem to be genuinely concerned about Sarah. "You are right about one thing," Hawk said. "Sarah could never be forced into doing anything she didn't want."
"I'll keep that in mind." Redinger took a step back. "And I suggest, Dr. Lemay, that you do the same."
Chapter 9
Despite the noon sunlight, patches of frost still silvered the grooves between the cobblestones where the buildings' shadows stretched into the street. A cold wind from the harbor brought the scent of damp stone and the tang of the Baltic. Pedestrians moved quickly along the sidewalk in front of the hotel, the vapor from their breath trailing in puffs behind them. Sarah slipped her hands into her coat pockets and quickened her stride to keep up with the Major. "I apologize for keeping you waiting, Major."
"Not a problem, Captain," Redinger said. "You were expecting me to return your phone call, not show up in person."
"I was told you were in transit, but I wasn't aware you were en route here."
"I had some business to take care of at the embassy. You don't mind if we walk while we talk, do you? I've been sitting in planes for the past twelve hours."
"Fine with me, sir. I've been cooped up for days and I could use the fresh air."
"You feel a need to clear your head, do you, Captain?"
His tone had sharpened. Sarah was pretty sure what had caused it. She glanced at him as they paused beside a lamppost at a cross street. He wouldn't meet her gaze. She had sensed the tension between Hawk and her C.O. as soon as she'd stepped out of the bathroom. Redinger was no fool. He must have read the signs. He would have figured out she'd slept with Hawk.
Sarah wasn't embarrassed. She wasn't ashamed, either. After all, she was a grown woman, and what she and Hawk had done in private was immaterial. It was over. It had no bearing on her duty. If the Major didn't bring it up, neither would she. "Yes, sir," she replied briskly. She put on her sunglasses so she wouldn't need to squint. "I always prefer to keep a clear head."
He dipped his chin in a curt nod. "Yes, you can be depended on for that. I'll listen to your report now."
They turned right at the next corner and started down an alley that led away from the harbor. For the next fifteen minutes they wove through the maze of narrow cobblestone streets of Old Town while Sarah related the events of the night before as they pertained to her mission. She answered the Major's questions, supplying more details as he requested them. By the time she was finished, their route had brought them to a street of small shops. Coffee bars and boutiques for the tourists were set into the ground floors of the weathered brick buildings.
Redinger slowed his steps. "Your father sends his regards," he said.
"How is the general?"
"Giving the boys at the Pentagon a run for their money. He has no patience for politicians."
"I hope he wasn't concerned when he heard the news about Weltzer's attack."
"No, he has the same confidence in your abilities as I do."
She realized she'd allowed her shoulders to hunch forward against the cold. She straightened her spine. "Thank you, sir."
"I've already spoken with Interpol and with Intelligence. Lemay took everyone by surprise with his announcement yesterday. By giving away his research, he made a name for himself in the media."
"He didn't do it for publicity. He did it to save lives."
"Primarily his own."
Sarah frowned. "From what I saw, he appeared more concerned about putting others into danger. Above all, he wanted to make sure his work gets completed, no matter what happens to him."
"Did you have any indication what he was planning?"
"No, sir. His decision came as a complete surprise to me."
"Has he been approached by anyone yet?"
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"To complete his work. Has anyone made him an offer?"
"Not to my knowledge. He went into seclusion immediately after the speech. He took no calls and saw no one."
"No one except you."
She pushed her sunglasses into place on her nose more firmly. "Releasing his life's work was a very emotional and difficult decision for him," she said. "He told me he's not interested in continuing."
"Do you believe him?"
"Absolutely. Dr. Lemay puts a high value on honesty."
"Are you sure he wouldn't complete it? Not even for his own country?"
"It wasn't a lack of patriotism that caused him to refuse the government's offer. He was thinking of the bigger picture. He doesn't want his work used as a political tool."
"Do you think it's possible he held back some of his research, that he didn't upload everything?"
"No," she said immediately. "He told me he used his laptop to access the mainframe of his computer in his lab in order to transfer all the files. I believe him."
"You sound very positive. Did you have a chance to see his notes or watch him while he did the file transfer?"
She looked at the Major. "Why are you asking me these questions, sir? You told me my mission was to protect him, that's all."
Redinger walked several paces in silence. "I simply wanted a complete report, Captain, as is customary when a mission has concluded."
Sarah continued to watch him, noting the tight lines around his mouth. She remembered how he'd seemed distant on the phone. She'd thought it might have been due to the poor reception, but there was no mistaking his discomfort now. "Is there a problem, Major?"
"That depends on you." He guided her toward the recessed entrance of a small bookstore. The sign on the door said it was closed on Sundays, but the alcove between the angled windows provided some degree of shelter from the cold breeze. "The team will be arriving in Dartmoor three days from now," he said. "We'll be going on a joint training exercise with the British SAS."
"Will I be participating?"
"I expect you to, Sarah. You're part of the team. I trust three days will be enough."
"I'm not sure I understand. Enough for what?"
"After our last mission, you were adamant about giving Sergeant O'Toole at least a five-day leave."
"I still don't—"
"To finish his personal business with Miss Locke."
He was referring to Flynn O'Toole and Abbie Locke, Sarah realized. Abbie was a civilian schoolteacher who had been involved with the team from Eagle Squadron during their previous mission. The sparks between her and Sergeant O'Toole had been obvious to everyone. That's why Sarah had barely waited for her shoulder to be popped back into its socket before she had called the Major from the hospital in order to smooth the way for Flynn's leave. She had believed Flynn and Abbie deserved some time in private.
"You're losing me, Major. What does O'Toole's leave have to do with me?"
"I'm assuming three days will be sufficient for you and Dr. Lemay, or will you be requesting more?"
Understanding came suddenly. There was a simple explanation for the Major's discomfort. It was the same as the reason for the sharpness in his tone when they'd left the hotel. She had assumed he was going to let the issue pass, but apparently he wanted to pursue the subject of her involvement with Hawk after all.
Sarah moved her gaze to the store's window display, a colorful pyramid of travel books. "I won't be requesting a leave, Major. The situation between Dr. Lemay and me is not like that of Flynn and Abbie."
"I'm not judging you, Captain. We both know these things happen during the heat of the moment."
"Yes, and the psych training we've had teaches us how meaningl
ess these adrenaline-based relationships are."
"I got the impression that Lemay doesn't agree."
"My God. You actually spoke with him about this?"
Redinger didn't reply.
Sarah shifted her gaze so she could look at his reflection in the window. "No disrespect meant, sir, but I wasn't on duty when I slept with Lemay, so it really isn't any of the Army's concern what I do on my own time. You had no business interrogating him."
"Don't worry about Dr. Lemay. For a scientist he handled himself well. I'm not talking as your C.O. now, Sarah, I'm talking as your friend."
She turned, taking a closer look at the man in front of her. She had always admired Mitchell Redinger's dedication to the service. He was a superb officer, never expecting his men to do anything he wouldn't be prepared to do himself. He was tough yet fair, a natural leader. He seemed to accept the fact that the demands of leadership prevented him from befriending those under his command. That was probably why Sarah had seldom seen him smile.
It was just a small tilt at the corners of his mouth. It softened his face. It made him look…younger. Sarah's irritation faded. "I appreciate your concern," she said. "But I don't need more time. I'm eager to get back to work."
"Officially the exercise doesn't start for three days."
"I'm sure I'll find something to do if I get to England early."
"I won't expect you early." He hesitated. "Sergeant O'Toole made full use of the leave you arranged for him."
She cleared her throat. "I'm surprised Flynn provided everyone the details."
Redinger's smile turned lopsided. "Not those details. You were already on your way here when they returned to Bragg so you wouldn't have heard. O'Toole and Abbie are engaged now."
Engaged? The adamantly single, ridiculously handsome Flynn O'Toole engaged? He certainly hadn't wasted any time, but then, that's the way Flynn was. "Good for them. I hope they're two of the lucky ones and that everything works out."
"When I left the base, Sergeant Marek and his fiancée were talking about amending their wedding plans to make it a double ceremony."
At the thought of the scarred, noble Rafe Marek, another of her friends from Eagle Squadron, Sarah relaxed with a sigh. Rafe had met and fallen in love with Glenna Hastings on a mission months ago. Despite Sarah's initial protectiveness of her friend Rafe, she had eventually come to the conclusion that Glenna was perfect for him. The entire team had gone on the raid that had reunited the two lovers. "They're two more of the lucky ones," she said. "I wish them every happiness."
"We all do. It's rare to find the right person." The Major's voice softened. "It only happens once in a lifetime."
"Yes, I know."
"But sometimes the right person is difficult to recognize."
"Well, that's not a problem for me. I already did recognize him." She returned her gaze to the travel books. There was a photo of a beach and palm trees on one of them. What language would they use to say goodbye there? "Hawk is a good man," she said. "But he's not Jackson."
* * *
Hawk was standing alone on an arching stone footbridge that spanned a narrow section of canal when Sarah spotted him. He was wearing his leather jacket and a wrinkled pair of khakis, his head bare, his hair ruffled by the wind. His arms were crossed on top of the waist-high wall that ran along the side of the bridge. His gaze was on the water.
It was a different bridge, and the street she was on was only a cobbled lane along the edge of the canal, not a main thoroughfare, but his pose was almost identical to the first time she had seen him. For a moment it seemed as if time were folding in on itself. How could so much have happened? How could it already be over?
But she knew how to do this. It was something she'd been trained in long before she'd put on a uniform. She crossed the lane and walked to his side. "Nice spot," she said.
He turned his head to look at her. "I didn't feel like sitting around in the room alone."
"How did you get past the reporters?"
"There aren't that many of them left. That kid from room service showed me how to get out the back way." He glanced past her shoulder. "Where's Major Redinger?"
"He left."
"He knew about us. I hope it didn't cause you any problems."
"No, the Major understands what happened." She squared her shoulders. "He told me the team is assembling for a training mission."
"Does that include you?"
"Yes. I wanted to say goodbye, Hawk."
"I'd like to come with you."
She started. "You can't."
"Why not? I don't have anywhere else to be. As a matter of fact, I'm currently unemployed."
If there had been any trace of self-pity in his voice, it would have made this easier for her. Instead, Sarah heard a tinge of humor. She found herself remembering the smile he'd greeted her with this morning despite the sadness she'd seen the night before. "Hawk, I won't be on my own time. I'll be on a training exercise."
"Then I'll wait for you at your base until you're finished."
"Hawk…"
"Even soldiers go home eventually, don't they?"
"Yes, but—"
"We need more time, Sarah. We need to figure out what's going on between us."
"We've been over that already."
He reached out, eased off her sunglasses and slipped them into her coat pocket. He leaned forward, his gaze warming hers. "As I recall, we started to discuss it but you never got the chance to reply after I sucked your nipple into my mouth. I'm sorry we were interrupted before we could finish the conversation."
A jab of awareness tightened her body. How could he arouse her so easily? A look, a few soft words, and she could almost forget where they were and what she had come to say. Almost. "Let's not drag this out, okay?"
"Drag what out?"
"Saying goodbye. Last night was great, but that's all it was. One night."
"Why did you really make love with me, Sarah?"
He'd spoken quietly. His voice was almost lost in the sound of the water and the wind. Yet she felt his words slice through her resolve. "Because we both wanted to," she replied. "It's as simple as that. I never wanted to hurt you. I made it clear from the start there's no future for us. You know I'll always love Jackson."
"You weren't thinking about him when you came apart in my arms."
"Leave it alone, Hawk."
"You called my name, not his."
"Hawk—"
"Did you ever call him by his first name?"
"What?"
"Captain Kyle Jackson. Whenever you mention him, you call him Jackson, not Kyle. Why?"
She stepped back from him. "I came to say goodbye, Hawk. I wanted to part on good terms. I didn't come to get ambushed."
"You call your father General, not Dad. Why?"
She turned and started walking toward the other end of the bridge.
He caught up to her in two strides. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"No."
"You do that because you need your distance, especially from the people you love. That's why you're in such a panic to leave me."
"You have an inflated opinion of the sex we shared. Who said anything about love?"
"Sarah—"
"And how dare you question the way I refer to my fiancé and my father? One night in bed doesn't give you the right to talk to me like this."
"The timetable was your idea." He grasped her arm. "Is that why you limited it to one night?"
She stopped walking and brought up her elbow, giving it a quick twist to break his hold. "You're treating me as if I'm a puzzle for you to solve. I'm not."
"But you are. You're a woman full of contradictions and you fascinate me."
"So I'm your new project, is that it? This is what I said before. Now that you gave away your other project, you're using me to fill the void."
"Sarah—"
"Instead of pushing me, why don't you ask yourself why you're refusing to let me go?"
"I
told you. We need more time."
"How much is me and how much is your own past?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're dwelling on my love for Jackson as if you're in competition with him, as if you don't want to lose me, but I was never yours in the first place. Maybe what happened with Faith is mixed up in this as much as what happened with Jackson."
He stepped back.
"In the beginning, you didn't want to trust me," she continued. "I understand now why you'd have a problem trusting women. I'm sorry for the pain you went through when you learned about your fiancée's betrayal, but I'm not her anymore than you're Jackson. Winning me isn't going to make up for losing her."
"I know that, Sarah."
"Then trust what I'm telling you now. We had one night, Hawk. It's over. I don't know how much clearer I can make it. Let's say goodbye and get on with our lives."
"I can't stand by and watch you leave."
She made a cutting motion with her hand. "Then don't watch, okay? It's easier that way. Turn away. Make it clean and quick. Good memories and no regrets. That's how it's done."
"How what's done?"
"Saying goodbye."
"You're trembling."
"It's cold."
"You're scared. What are you scared of?"
"Scared? Like hell."
He touched his fingertip to the corner of her eye, then rubbed his thumb against the moisture that coated his glove.
"The wind is making my eyes water."
"You don't have to be tough with me, Sarah. You don't have to prove anything. Haven't you realized that by now?"
Damn him. He was being tender again, his voice as gentle as when he'd kissed her bruises. How could he stir her emotions so easily? What was it about him that made her lose control?
She had to leave. She should have left sooner. She retrieved her sunglasses from her pocket and put them back on. So she wouldn't have to squint. So the wind didn't get in her eyes. So no one would see her cry because she was trying so hard to be a good little soldier or no one would love her…
She turned and walked the rest of the way to the end of the bridge.
Hawk's footsteps pounded behind her. He grasped her shoulder. "Sarah, upsetting you is the last thing I wanted to do."
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