“David, I ain’t lifting up my dress to nobody until I’m married before God.” Was that what he had brought her out here to the cotton fields for? To get her to marry him? All he had to do was ask, so why wasn’t he asking proper-like on the courting porch with John Bledsoe saying yes?
Ruby tried to use her other hand to free herself, but David’s strength was too great. She could smell liquor on his breath and all of a sudden he frightened her. She kicked him in the thigh and, startled, he let go of her wrist and she scrambled away in the dirt, not caring if the red dust ruined her shirtwaist and skirt. She had to get away from him.
Just as she was now. She had heard stories about how when white men had a Negro woman, they couldn’t stay away, that they kept coming back. She had no intentions of being David’s play toy. Childhood was over.
Now, with the Bledsoe home looming in the clearing, where Adam had gone back to the house, everyone laughing happily with the Carvers eating biscuits and sausage gravy and Adam was disappointed that she had said no to him. After all he had endured being on the chain gang and everything, how could she say no? It hurt her to her soul that she had hurt the doctor, because she truly loved him, but she wasn’t worthy of him. She was dirty.
“Be still, Ruby. Come on, be nice.”
David pressed himself on top of her, deep into the red dirt, ripping at her work skirt with one hand and holding her down with his terrible, powerful strength with the other. “Stop it, David. Stop. Don’t do it. Please.”
As he ripped her underdrawers, intent on his goal, Ruby screamed, but she knew it didn’t matter. No one ever came out here to the edge of this field. She was alone and the spiky cotton bolls and dirt pressed deeper into her back.
He slapped her again. “Be quiet. And still. Do you hear me? Don’t make me have to hurt you worse.”
Worse? What was worse than him doing this to her in a dirty smelly field rather than in a bed in the big Winslow house with a wedding ring on her finger? There was worse than this?
When it was over, he stood over her, and adjusted his clothing.
“That’s what they teach you up in college, I guess?” Her voice shook.
David was over by the horse. “Get on.”
Get on the horse? As if she could. The pain was too much to bear, and she couldn’t imagine wrapping her arms around him to stay on the horse. Ever again.
“I don’t want to.”
“I can’t believe you are acting this way. All of your kind like it. Come on. Stop being mad.”
“Give me my bag.”
David tossed her the bag and her tools clanged in the dirt. She picked them up and silently put them back in.
David got on the horse’s back and stood over her, taller and bigger and stronger than her. “You better not tell anyone, Ruby. And you need to stop doing what you are doing to hurt my Daddy. And the mill.”
What? What did Paul Winslow have to do with this? “Your Daddy too big time for any little Negro gal to hurt him.”
“That’s right. So stop it. I mean you to understand.”
He rode off, leaving her behind in the field to fend for herself in the darkness and to make the long, long walk home by herself in the dark. Which was easy. She herself was a part of the dark now. No matter how light her skin was, she was a part of the dark in a way she never understood before.
Now, he was here again, and loomed in front of her. “Ruby. I just got to tell you…”
Ruby screamed and she ran toward the house away from the memory in her mind’s eye, straight into the protective arms of Adam. He cradled her to him tenderly and she never, ever wanted him to let her go.
There had been few times in his life when he had been so disappointed. Just a few. Ruby’s missing acceptance of his proposal felt like a failure and he didn’t fail many times in his life. Only when he had been very young, and was not able to get his cousin Lucas to feed him more or treat him better. Ever since then, he had been on a roll and this failure, in particular stung.
He had fallen in love with her.
His brief exposure to life as a Negro man in the South was enough to convince him. He wanted away from here as soon as possible and he wanted the petite, soft roundness of Ruby next to him for all his life.
“Where is she?” Lona fixed upon him with intensity.
“She went off into the woods.”
“She’s just thinking,” Mags said softly as she put the biscuits on the table. “She be back soon. No fish?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t stay long enough to help her and she didn’t have any.”
“She upset?” Lona asked.
Adam nodded his head and sat down in the awkward chain gang clothes, eager to change back to his suits. “I told her I wanted to take her away from here and marry her. She ran off.”
“She thinking she don’t deserve better.” Lona wiped her hands on her apron. “I find her and talk to her.”
“We needs to pray for our Ruby,” Sister Carver intervened. “I expect she got something in her mind got a hold of her and don’t want to let her go.”
Sister Carver may have been a simple preacher woman, but she was right. There was a lot of wisdom in country folk. They were teaching classes at Michigan. Psychology—treating medicine of the mind. He wished he had paid closer attention to them.
“Fine. Let’s pray.”
“You going to pray with us?” Delie sidled up next to him on the bench. “You believing in God’s word?”
He looked down at the small, heart-shaped face and all of its innocence. “Yes, Delie. I understand now, these things that have happened, me coming here, finding Ruby, getting to know her despite the way my mother died, I’m a part of something much greater than myself. God’s plan. I’m not ashamed to say it.”
“Praise him,” Sister said. “Let us join hands. Brother?”
“You was doing good, Sister.” Brother put down his biscuit and wiped his lips. Some of the girls snickered a bit. They all joined hands and prayed.
When they were done, they let go of each other’s hands and the fluffy cathead biscuits were split and coated with thick gravy. But he wasn’t hungry. Twenty-four hours ago, he would have jumped on the food. Now? All he could think about was the turmoil of his beloved and how he could relieve it.
He got the plate that Mags served him and started in on it, reluctantly and accepted a cup of hot coffee.
A scream from the woods echoed through the still of the summer morning. “It’s Ruby.”
Adam stood and on fast feet made his way to the direction of the scream at the edge of the farm where the woods began. What had caused her to react so?
He started to part the trees, calling her name, over and over. Anyone or anything that dared to harm her would have to answer to him.
The thudding fear in his chest, that was what love was. It was in his soul to be attached to another human being. He understood now. And he was not going to let it go and he would not let one more thing happen to her. She had been through enough.
A heavy weight smacked into his chest. Ruby. He pulled her into the circle of his arms and held her. “It’s okay. Whatever it is. It’s all right, Ruby. I’m here.”
“The dirt. I was in the dirt.” She sobbed into his chest and he could barely hear her.
“No, love, you’re here with me. You’re with me now.”
The pines parted and David, with that fine sheen of sweat on his face came through. “I didn’t touch her.”
Adam spoke in a loud voice, but his nerves pricked his fingertips, making him want to curl his hands into fists and pummel them into his brother.
“You did something to make her upset. And you’ll answer for it if you did.”
“Dr. Morson, Adam, I’m telling you.”
He pulled Ruby under one arm and put his body in front of hers to shield her fr
om the sight of her rapist. “You don’t look well, David. Go on home.”
“I just wanted to let her know—”
“She doesn’t want anything from you. Leave her alone. Come on.” Ruby’s petite frame shook and tears fell fast down her face as they made their way back to the Bledsoe farm.
“You can’t have a dirty wife, Adam. That’s why I can’t say yes. I-I’m dirty.”
He stopped her and put his hands on her shoulders. “I want you for me, just as you are. I love you.”
“I love you too, but I just can’t.” He put his hand under her chin and put his lips to hers again. But she trembled still and he pulled her close to him and held her tight.
Then the idea came to him about how to make it alright. Today.
“I want to be baptized. And you must sponsor me.”
“What?” Ruby wiped her tears away and looked confused.
“In the creek. Won’t Brother Carver baptize me?”
“I don’t know. We never done anything like that before. Usually if it isn’t babies, Rev—”
“And we know he won’t want to do it. Let’s ask.”
His request seemed to perk her up. And it perked him up too. He wanted to get into the creek to wash away the grime of the chain gang, and everything else that had been holding him back. As they went into the house, Adam said, “I want to be baptized. Ruby is going to sponsor me.”
“I never said I would.”
“Who else would do it? You’re perfect.”
“I haven’t done no baptism in years.” Brother Carver’s round face was a puzzle. “Ain’t got no robe.”
“You don’t need no robe, old man,” Sister Jane said. “I’ma be right there to hold up the Bible for you.”
“It’s a fine idea.”
“Only one to baptize in the creek is Reverend Dodge,” Lona drew out.
“Then we should do it while Brother Carver is still here,” Ruby said and the whole room turned toward her. “It’s the best time. When?”
“I’m ready right now.”
“Now?” Ruby asked him in a small voice.
“Now.” Adam faced her. “I need you to come with me to wash all of my sins away, will you? Help me?”
The room was silent. And the first brightness appeared on her face. “I will. I will help.”
“Let’s go then!” Delie shouted and the room became a whirl as breakfast dishes were cleared away. “We going to the creek for a baptism party! Praise God!”
The entire room laughed, but Adam watched Ruby’s face, willing her brightness to stay there with him, present and strong.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The group went into the small woods and creek behind the Bledsoe farm. They were all happy and celebrating. Ruby knew she should have gladness in her heart, but the sight of David in the woods made her want to grip something and hold it tight. Instead, she carried Solomon and kept kissing his forehead, while he happily babbled on her shoulder. The gladness bubbled inside her at seeing Adam, looking satisfied despite his prison gear that was too tight and small, and showing off his bulging muscles to a great advantage.
Her sponsor him? How was it possible?
The Bledsoes and Sister Jane lined up on the side of the small creek while Brother Carver and Adam waded in, only thigh deep for Adam. Ruby watched while kissing Solomon and holding him tightly, her hands clammy and cold.
“Ruby Jean? You got to come in.”
Lona reached for Solomon and tried to take him but Ruby held on.
“I don’t think I’m the right sponsor. What about Daddy?”
“He didn’t ask for me, Ruby. He asked for you.” John Bledsoe shook his head.
“It’s chilly. I might catch cold in that creek and pass it on to the baby.”
The celebratory chatter stopped and everyone looked at Ruby. She knew why. For her to say that she didn’t want to be in the creek? Something was wrong.
Adam held his hand out. “Please. Come.”
The kindness on his handsome features was so welcoming, Ruby nearly believed that she could be clean in that creek water. “Come on, Sister Ruby. In the creek with you.”
Sister Jane took Solomon up into her sure arms. “Go on, honey.”
Ruby stepped forward slowly with the small pebbles in the creek stabbing at her feet until she stood next to Adam.
“Brother Adam. Do you take up God’s promise to man that to be baptized is to be washed clean in his word?”
“Say, I do,” Ruby cued him.
“I do.” Adam reached over and palmed her hand in his big one.
“Then in the word of God, you are born again, and are clean. Come over and be baptized anew,” Brother Carver boomed out and Adam kneeled down to receive the water on his forehead, but Brother took him over backwards and he laid out in the small creek. Adam sprang up wet from head to toe, glasses still firmly in place, but laughing joyfully.
The entire bank of Bledsoes laughed and cheered at the sight. Even Ruby smiled at the creek water dripping down off of the tall doctor. He stepped over to her. “Doesn’t the sponsor give a kiss at the baptism?”
“Yes,” Ruby shook a little.
He reached down, quite a task for the tall doctor and kissed her on the cheek with a chaste protectiveness.
“That wasn’t no real kiss!” Sister Jane shouted out and Solomon gurgled, as if he agreed with her.
“It was a sponsor kiss,” Ruby shouted back, catching some of their gladness.
“And what about you?” Adam spoke into her ear.
“What do you mean?”
“You should be clean too.”
“I was only here to watch you. I’m not trying to be wet.” Ruby started to make her way out of the creek to the baby and Adam grabbed her by her wrist, pulling her back. She was jerked off her feet and in the creek before she knew it. The water surrounded her and she began to breathe as she knew to, under the water, where everything was distorted and felt so clear and clean.
Clean.
She popped up out of the water and cleared it from her face. “What? What was that?”
Adam’s face was serious and grim. “You’re washed clean too, before God, Ruby. I’m washed of my sins. So are you.”
He reached down and gave her a real kiss on her lips and his sudden actions and the stones in the creek cutting at her feet threatened to sweep her away.
“What is going on here?” The sound of a different male voice broke them apart. Dodge.
“We having a baptizing party,” Delie’s little voice piped up in the warm July air.
“Only one to be having any baptizing parties is me. I’m the ordained minister at First Water. I does this. Not no traveling preacher men.”
“Beg pardon, Brother Dodge. I been doing this before you was born, I believe,” Brother Carver said with the genuine insult in his voice. It hurt Ruby to hear his hurt feelings.
“And I asked him to do it.” Adam faced Dodge and put Ruby firmly next to him.
“Well, then. I don’t mind telling you that it didn’t take. You still a sinner in God’s eyes. Even if you’re clean of the dirt of the chain gang.”
“Well now. It isn’t for you to say who is a sinner in God’s eyes,” Adam shouted.
“I don’t agree with you, Doctor. I am what I say. And to dip her in that old creek water. Well now. She’s the one who is unclean in God’s eyes.”
John Bledsoe was about to speak, in a not nice way, but Lona put a hand on him. “Is there something we can help you with, Reverend? We just having a picnic on this beautiful day.”
“I come by to make sure everything fine since the doctor got on the gang, but I see he got off again. Slippery fellow, isn’t he?”
“You see I’m here. You can go now.”
“And that’s what I come to tell you all.
I’m leaving. Going back to Tennessee. Where I come from.”
“Good,” Adam said. “Tell all the home folks I said hello, ’cause I’m never going back there.”
“Not so sure you be welcome.”
“I wouldn’t want the woman who is to be my new wife,” Adam put an arm around her shoulders, “to be uncomfortable in such a place. I’ve shed Tennessee for good. God’s traveling mercies on you to go back there.”
Brother Carver made his way back to the creek bank. “Amen to that.”
Their nonchalant attitude at his leaving seemed to make Dodge even angrier. He was such a sad person, Ruby resolved as Dodge walked to his horse in a huff. Being in Adam’s arms, the dip in the creek, seeing Dodge ride away, should have lifted everything from her, but it did not. As Adam helped her from the creek, she wondered—what would?
Adam knew Ruby was still thinking of the attack and how it made her unsuitable to be his wife. There was nothing he could say or do to make it right for her. He could tell her all day long about how wonderful and virtuous she was to him, and she still would feel as if she was less than deserving.
He resolved just to stay by her side in whatever way possible for strength. It was all he could do, he realized as they all sat down. Everyone laughed and smiled, but they could still see Ruby wore her shame like a garment she refused to shed. Could Lona tell her something to make her understand? Sister Jane? He didn’t know. Shame was a jail. He had found his way free of it, and he could only hope she would as well.
He would never have thought it possible a month ago, but he felt better to go to revival later. He and Ruby held hands as they drove to the tent together and sat in the uplifting service. It was truly a miracle, how much these people found joy in their faith, even as they lived hard lives. Their joy in living made him feel ashamed as to how long he carried his own shame around.
At the revival that night, people were especially joyous at his return. As Brother Carver and Sister Jane took down the tempo from one joyous hymn, a shuffle stirred in the back of the tent.
He turned around and David Winslow came down the aisle. The sheen of sweat he had seen on him that morning was thicker and more pronounced. Adam longed to go to the man to help him. David staggered to the front. People might have thought he had been drinking, but Adam knew better. David was ill. He stood up and watched his brother and, as loud and joyous as the tent had been, it was quiet now.
A Virtuous Ruby Page 24