Tale of the Murda Mamas

by Ashley

“Shh… I got you, ma. I promise you-”

  “Carter, no!” Miamor yelled as she sat up shakily and looked at him with sad eyes. She wanted to be a part of this charade. She wanted to live here with him, but with Mecca around, her life would always be at risk. “I can’t live in this house. I don’t feel safe here. I won’t stay here, Carter. If you try to make me, I’ll run. I’m like a sitting fucking duck in this bitch!” she cried. She had never been this emotional, but since coming out of her coma, her fear had rendered her helpless and feeble. All she did lately was cry. “He can touch me here. I have to go to a place where he can’t find me.”

  “Who, Miamor? Who the fuck is after you? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” Carter said in frustration. “I’ll handle that nigga. You don’t have to run. You don’t have to worry about it if you just trust me. Give me your burdens, ma,” he whispered as he put his hand gently behind her head and pressed his forehead against hers.

  Miamor desperately wanted to give her all to him. She wanted to put her life in his hands, but how could she, when the one man she feared on this earth was Carter’s flesh and blood? She hated Mecca just as much as she loved Carter. If I show him who I really am, I’m going to lose him, she thought as she shook her head and kissed his lips. “I can’t Carter. You would never understand. Just please get me out of here. Right now. I need to feel safe,” Miamor pleaded.

  It hurt Carter that after all they had been through, Miamor still didn’t trust him enough to feel secure in his home. He tried to understand where she was coming from. He figured that she was just paranoid from her attack. She was afraid, and he was determined to give her a sense of security. “Alright, ma. Let me get you dressed then we’ll go. We’ll go wherever you want to go,” he assured her. He placed her back in the bed and put a pair of sweat pants on her.

  He touched her with such gentleness that it made Miamor yearn for him, not in a sexual way, but in an emotional way. He was so stable. He was always so focused and in control. Every move that he made was calculated concisely. Miamor wanted to depend on him and take his lead, but it could never happen. In the grand scheme of things, they would always be adversaries. Like Romeo and Juliet, their allegiances lay on different sides, while their hearts were in each other’s hands.

  “Let me get your pain medication. It’s in the master bedroom. I’ll be right back,” Carter said before kissing the top of her head.

  She nodded and watched him disappear into the hallway. This man is my soul mate, but we can never be together, she thought grimly.

  She looked over to the nightstand that was beside the rocking chair. A gun lay on top of it. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, wincing in pain as she stood to her feet. Her legs felt like Jell-O, but she used all her energy to make it over to the stand. She leaned against it and took deep breaths as she grabbed the gun. Holding the pistol in her hand caused a wave of relief to wash over her. She gripped it as her head hung on her chest, and she inhaled deeply.

  Miamor had been through hell, and she would never be the same woman that she was before. Her body was scarred for life. She would never be able to forget what had happened, because the war wounds would be a constant reminder of her plight. Like a Jew who had been terrorized by Hitler or a slave that had been victimized by their master, Miamor would always remember. She would always feel the pain; she would always harbor fear, resentment, and insecurity… she would never forget. Mecca had changed her life for the worst, and now she had to refocus. She had to retrain her body, and she had to regain composure over her emotions, because she was determined to get back at Mecca. But, she didn’t have a choice but to wait. She had to give herself time to heal.

  Carter came back into the room and frowned when he saw Miamor standing. He rushed over to her. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be on your feet,” he said. His eyes went to the gun in her hands. He tried to take it from her, but she shook her head.

  “Don’t, Carter. I need it,” she whispered seriously.

  Carter picked her up, and with the gun in her hand he carried her out of the room.

  All of the luxury inside of the house meant nothing to Miamor. By being there, she was in Mecca’s territory, and she refused to stay. She clung to her man and kept her finger on the trigger of the gun as he carried her outside to his car. After making sure that she was secure in the passenger seat, he hurried around to the driver’s side, and they pulled away.

  * * *

  Murder sat up in his seat when he saw Carter carrying Miamor out of his house. It was the first time he had seen her in five long years, and it was evident that she was badly injured. His blood boiled at the thought of someone putting their hands on her, and the intimate way that Carter handled her enraged Murder even more. I’ma handle that nigga personally, he thought as he palmed his pistol and leaned low in his seat as he watched Carter drive by. Murder pulled out into traffic and followed. This was the opportunity he had been waiting patiently for. There were no bodyguards surrounding Carter. It’s just me and him. This mu’fucka riding around with my shorty like she’s his bitch, Murder thought angrily. I’ma bout to claim that, and wipe him and his people off the map.

  Murder made sure that he kept Carter’s car in sight. Now that he had seen Miamor, he was more determined than ever to bring her home.

  * * *

  Anger pulsed through Carter as he drove in silence. He was livid, not with Miamor, but with whoever had instilled so much fear in her heart. He stroked her hand reassuringly as he sped through the city streets, headed toward the Four Seasons Hotel.

  Miamor didn’t ask him where he was taking her. She trusted that he would take her to a place where she couldn’t be touched.

  When they arrived, Carter didn’t let Miamor’s feet touch the ground. Seeing her so broken was tearing him up inside. All he wanted to do was treat her like his queen, and if tucking her away inside a fortress was what she wanted, then he would give it to her. He picked her up, and she nestled her head into his chest. He tucked the gun inside of his jacket so that it wouldn’t be visible as he took her inside.

  “I need your Presidential Suite,” Carter said to the front desk clerk. The young man behind the desk looked awkwardly at Carter, who was still holding his woman in his arms. “Now!” Carter reinforced with authority.

  When Carter entered the room, he lay Miamor down on the bed. “Close your eyes, ma. You’re safe here. Nobody knows where you are but me,” he said as he pulled the duvet up to cover her battered body.

  Tears accumulated in her eyes until they were so full that they had nowhere else to go but down her face. “Will you hold me?” she asked.

  Carter removed his clothes as Miamor’s eyes took him in. Her love button began to throb as she admired his chiseled abdomen and chest. He stood before her in nothing, but his boxers. He was exquisite… the ideal specimen of a man in every way. He was the Adam to her Eve, but seeing his perfection brought about her insecurity as she reached up to touch her face. She had yet to look at herself in a mirror, but she knew that she didn’t look the same. Her face felt differently, as if Mecca’s fists and torturous beating had rearranged her features in the worst possible composition.

  Carter climbed into the bed and spooned Miamor from the back.

  “I can’t keep you,” she whispered. “I’m all fucked up. I can feel it. My face isn’t the same. Everything about me is fucked up. My body, my face, my heart, my soul.” She spoke so low that Carter could barely hear her.

  “You can’t keep me away from you, ma,” Carter said, his lips gracing her ear. He stood up and retrieved a mirror from the vanity. He brought it over to Miamor.

  Her hands shook as she reached for the antique handle. When her face came into view, she had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying too loudly. She could not bear to look at herself. Her face was almost unrecognizable. The left side of her face suffered a broken jaw, and was healing, but remained swollen and bruised. The blood vessels near her left eye were
permanently damaged, and a green bruise would always remain near her temple, not to mention the many cuts that marred her once smooth skin. Everything that she loved about herself was non-existent. All of her perfect features were destroyed. “How can you even stand to look at me?” she asked as she tossed the mirror aside. “I’m not even the same woman you used to know.” Now, her face reflected the way she had always felt inside… ugly, scarred, and bruised. She had always felt like damaged goods.

  “Miamor, you’re beautiful, ma. Everything about you is beautiful,” Carter whispered as he climbed back in bed with her, holding her tight. “Do you know how fucked up I was when I thought I’d never see you again?” Miamor didn’t answer, so he continued. “I was lost, ma. You were made for me. These scars show you’re a fighter. You’re supposed to be dead right now, but you’re not. Your body will heal, Miamor. You just have to give it time. But I love you for what’s inside you. You’re my lady, forever,” he whispered as he took her hand and held it up for her to see. He knew that she had been in so much pain lately that she never even realized that he had slipped a diamond ring onto her finger. She gasped when she finally noticed it. “Be my wife.”

  Miamor was sobbing so hard that she could not form the words to respond. Carter kissed the back of her neck. “I don’t want to see you cry, ma,” he whispered. “I know you love me, Miamor, but you refuse to let me all the way in. Trust me. Let me protect you. Let me see all of you.”

  “You won’t like what you see,” Miamor admitted with sorrow in her tone.

  Carter’s lips made their way south as he kissed from the back of her neck to her shoulders, to her back, and further on. He parted her legs and slipped his tongue between her thighs.

  The intense pleasure temporarily erased her pain as a sigh escaped from her lips. “You don’t really know me,” Miamor moaned as she allowed him to kiss her inner thigh. She could see the top of his head as he slowly traced the creases of her vagina with his tongue.

  “Teach me,” he responded. He pulled her southern lips apart, revealing her pearl. “Trust me,” he said as he took it into his mouth, causing Miamor to squirm underneath him. “Marry me,” he whispered as his tongue made love to her clit, plucking it like a delicate flower.

  The heat from his mouth drove her crazy, and her eyelids closed in ecstasy. Her love for this man was so deep, that from the very first time she saw him, she knew he was her Achilles heel. He was one of the few people who had actually ever gotten her to feel. She experienced emotions with him that she never knew existed. He had found her and nursed her back to health. He loved her despite her appearance, but she was not sure that he would accept her once he found out who she really was. Her soul rained as teardrops graced her cheeks. Her cry was inaudible, but her heart was bleeding for the love that she needed, but she knew that it was one she could never have.

  Carter worked her over until she came in his mouth. Her love came down like a waterfall, and Carter licked her clean, sucking her clit until her legs shook in satisfaction. He arose silently and walked into the bathroom and drew her a bath.

  The feelings he had for Miamor made him weak, but it was a weakness that he embraced. She made him a better man, and no matter what she said, she would always belong to him. He wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. He was so torn up about what had happened to her. He blamed himself every day. He just wanted to make her happy. After everything he had lost in the war with the Haitians, she was all he had left. As he sat on the side of the tub and watched it fill with water, he felt himself becoming emotional. I let this happen to her, he thought.

  He felt her arms envelop him, and he looked up to see her standing there. Her health had come a long way since the day he had found her close to dead in the hospital, but she still needed to rest. He knew that it had taken a lot out of her to come and check on him. As he looked up into her eyes, he saw the woman his heart was meant for. She was a fighter, but he didn’t want her to have to endure anymore anguish. He had to be strong for her. He quickly restored his composure and pulled her down onto his lap.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” he whispered, his words stopping in his throat.

  Hearing the stress in his voice caused Miamor to close her eyes in torment. I have to tell him. I can’t let him think that he did this to me. I can’t hurt him like this. He thinks he loves me, but he doesn’t even know the real me. I’m the reason why everyone he loves is dead. I can’t marry him. There is no way that we can ever be together, she thought dismally. Even if she agreed to marry Carter, in her heart of hearts, she knew that it would never happen. Their wedding would turn into somebody’s funeral, because he was sure to find out about her affiliation with the Murder Mamas and her role in Taryn and Breeze’s misfortunes. She also did not trust herself, because as soon as she crossed Mecca’s path, she knew that she would get it popping.

  I am not the housewife type. If you really love him, then you will let him go, she told herself over and over. Miamor had to convince herself that their love affair was over just to stop herself from yearning for his touch. Carter was like a drug to her. She had become addicted to his swagger; the way he walked; the way he talked; the unspoken boss status that he possessed’ the way he smiled… all of it endeared her to him. She was willing to settle down, willing to be faithful, willing to trust him. She was ready, but she had to walk away. Out of everything she had been through, leaving Carter would undoubtedly be the hardest thing she ever had to do. I don’t have a choice, she told herself. She hoped that Carter would remember them for what they were to each other before all of the shit had been thrown into the game. He would always hold a special place in her heart. Miamor wiped away a tear as she closed her eyes.

  “Carter, I have to tell you something,” she uttered as she massaged the back of his head gently. Knowing that it would be the last time she would ever touch him, she took her time and stared him in his eyes. “I’m not who you-”

  Before Miamor could get the words out of her mouth, Carter’s lips covered hers. He kissed her passionately as he removed the hotel robe she was wearing. He didn’t want to make love to her. She was still too weak for that. He just wanted to take care of his queen, to nurture his woman, to sit back and spend time with his future wife. He removed his Calvin Klein boxers and pulled her gently into the tub.

  “Carter, I really need to tell you this-”

  “Shh!” his lips never left hers as he silenced her. “If you’re not saying “yes", then I don’t want to hear it. Will you marry me?” he asked.

  A lump formed in Miamor’s throat. How could she tell him no? She nodded her head and gave him a weak smile. “Yes,” she answered, but as soon the words left her mouth, she knew that she had made a mistake. In the morning… I’ll tell him tomorrow, she told herself.

  The next morning, Carter awoke to find Miamor staring at him. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying all night as she watched him sleep.

  “What’s wrong, ma? Everything a’ight?” he asked as the palm of his hand graced her face. “Are you in pain?”

  “More than you can even understand,” she admitted.

  “I’ma take all of that away, Mia,” he said. “We’re moving to Phoenix. I’ve already begun making the arrangements. In a week, we’ll be miles away from Miami.”

  Miamor put her finger to his lips. “Carter, I need to tell you something. There is something that I need to get off my chest. It’s important.”

  Carter frowned. He could see the worried look in her eyes. There was something heavy on her mind, and he wanted her to know that she could tell him anything. “Just say it, Miamor. You can talk to me.”

  “First, I want you to know that everything I feel for you is real. It’s more real than anything I’ve ever known. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in the world. You mean everything to me, Carter, but I can’t accept this ring,” she said as she removed it from her finger.

  “Don’t do this, Miamor,” he said. “Don’t shut me ou
t.”

  Miamor stood up and paced the room, her wobbly legs barely able to keep her up. Just tell him, she urged herself. “Carter, there’s a lot about me that you don’t know. I’ve been lying to you-never about how I feel-but all along, you never knew who I really was. Ma’tee paid me and my girls to get at The Cartel!”

  Carter sat up in the bed and his eyes instantly turned cold. He stood and put his hands on the wall as he lowered his head and absorbed her words.

  “I belong to a group called the Murder Mamas. We’ve hit niggas from New York to the South. Ma’tee paid us to come at Mecca, but he ended up killing my sister, Anisa. I’ve been at him ever since, but he got to me first. He beat the shit out of me. All these cuts and bruises came from him, all because he knew who I was. He gave me a poisoned drink at your sister’s memorial, but I gave it to Taryn. I knew the drink Mecca had given me had something in it, and I gave it to her anyway. I was willing to do anything to get back at Mecca for taking my sister away. When I first met you, I didn’t know you were a part of The Cartel!” Miamor cried.

  Carter was calm, as he used the wall for support. He was too calm for what she was telling him, and she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she still continued her confession.

  “Carter, you have to believe me. If I had known that you were a part of it, I would have never fucked with you. I came to your brother’s funeral to kill Mecca. That’s when I found out who you were, but by then, it was too late. I had already fallen for you. I love you Carter, but there is something wrong with me inside. Killing is all I know. I’ve been doing it since I was twelve years old. You don’t know me! I’m a bitch! I’m a Murder Mama! I’m heartless and cold! I’m all of these things, except when I’m with you. You are the only person in my entire life who has ever taken my pain away!”

  Carter clenched his teeth as he listened to Miamor’s story. The realization of who she really was hit him like a ton of bricks. The thousand lies that she had told him were a slap in the face. It was all too much for him to even comprehend. He could feel his anger rising as he thought of how he had trusted her. He had made the mistake of letting her get close. All this time, he had been sleeping with the enemy. She had been plotting on him while he had been investing his time and commitment into her. She had played him. He thought of the day he had seen her at Monroe’s funeral, and then the faces of his deceased loved ones popped into his mind. She had contributed to the madness, and he had allowed her to. Everything had gone down right underneath his nose. Mecca had tried to warn him about her treachery, but Carter had refused to see. That’s why he hates her so much! he thought.