Jessica was about to ask Clay about his poetry book, but she glanced at the entrance to the Business Center and saw Ramon. She almost waved at him, but then she saw Helen Hines frantically waving and blowing kisses at him from the other side of the room. She stiffened.
"I can't believe he's seeing Helen Hines," Jessica said, feeling shell-shocked.
"Who?" Clay looked confused. Jessica's emotions could be so mercurial. One minute they were talking about her family and she was laughing with him, and the next she was scowling, a fierce frown on her slightly flushed face.
"Ramon ‘Stupid’ Rodriguez," Jessica said huffily. "That science prig, scum of the earth, old betrayer."
"I thought you two weren't together." Clay looked confused.
"We're not, but he is supposed to tell me if he's seeing anyone. It's a deal we made." Jessica sighed and aggressively wiped her mouth with the napkin that she had gotten with the ice cream, leaving some of the paper on her face.
Clay was about to point it out to her, but he didn't get the chance.
"I am going home. Today sucked big time. First Khaled, now Ramon."
She got up and left a puzzled Clay staring at her retreating back.
Chapter Three
"Do you think I have feelings for Ramon?" Jessica asked her cousin, Arnella. She was sitting in a colorful corner of Arnella's studio.
Arnella was painting birds and had various easels strewn around the studio with paintings of birds in mid-flight, birds bathing in water, and birds in pose. It was beautiful. A wealthy bird lover had commissioned several bright-colored pieces to match his decor.
Jessica figured that Arnella was only half-listening to her because she had been agreeing with every thing she had asked her so far. Her suspicions were confirmed when Arnella mumbled 'yes' to her Ramon question as she painted a bright orange swipe across her blank canvas then looked at it as if she had just done something marvelous. It was a simple stroke, one orange line across a blank canvas, so Jessica concluded that Arnella was looking through her mind's eye and was not really focusing on her present environment nor Jessica's relationship issues.
Jessica grinned impishly and decided to test if Arnella was even listening by teasing her about her boyfriend, Alric. "Alric sent me a note yesterday saying he liked me."
Arnella was still staring at her canvas, and in the same monotone with which she had answered the other questions, said, "No, he didn't."
"So you really are listening?" Jessica asked cautiously.
"Yes," Arnella replied slowly. After several moments, she finally broke eye contact with her canvas and looked at Jessica fully.
"So far you've said that last Thursday you found out that Khaled retired. Same day you found out that Ramon was seeing Helen Fugly Hines. Is that really her name, ‘Fugly’? And then you asked me if you have feelings for Ramon, to which I answered ‘yes’."
"So you were listening, and no her name isn't ‘Fugly’. She's actually pretty but I am not exactly objective now, am I?" Jessica sighed. "So why do you think I have feelings for Ramon?"
Arnella shrugged, "I don't know, it could have something to do with the fact that you guys have been so tight for years. I got the feeling that Ramon was waiting for you to grow out of your Khaled stage and was biding his time to be with you. Fine time too. You are too old for all that Khaled nonsense."
Jessica frowned, "I did not have a Khaled stage."
Arnella pointed her brush at Jessica. "That's what everybody knows you for Jessica Bancroft: Khaled this, Khaled that. There was no room for Ramon. My two cents is that this Khaled guy needed to retire or die for you to wake up from your slumber. His retirement is a good thing. It means no new music for you to look forward to and no imagining that he is singing to you, which is ridiculous by the way. Go and talk to Ramon. He's your best friend; tell him you have feelings for him."
"But I don't," Jessica said. "I like Ramon, I really do, but I don't think we have that connection, you know—no shivers down my spine. I just can't picture being with Ramon."
"Because you have been picturing being with Khaled. You just need to reset. Maybe you have suppressed it?" Arnella asked. "Didn't you feel jealous when you saw him with Heather?"
"Helen," Jessica corrected. "Yes, I sorta did. I even got up and left that guy I was talking to, Clay."
"Mmm," Arnella folded her arms. She was in a white paint-splattered t-shirt, and she added a smudge of orange to it. "So you were on a date with someone as well?"
"Sort of." Jessica shrugged. "Clay likes poetry and he likes Khaled too, so I invited him to our poetry concert."
Arnella nodded imitating Taj Jackson, her former psychiatrist, "So tell me about this Clay."
"He is good-looking, especially when he smiles. He has this way about him, but I can't pinpoint exactly what it is." Jessica mused. "He has an attractive maturity. You know, not stiff and overbearing. I don't know; I just like him."
Arnella frowned. "So what about Ramon?"
"I have known Ramon since I was three," Jessica said. "We went to the same prep school, the same high school, we celebrate the same birthday, and hang out together. He feels like my brother most of the time, when he's not being super-annoying."
Arnella raised her eyebrow. "Really? Brotherly love?"
"Yes." Jessica started massaging her scalp hoping for some revelation to pop up in her head regarding her mixed-up, topsy-turvy feelings toward Ramon. "But then there was that feeling of possessiveness last night. I can't believe I was jealous. It's like incest. I feel so dirty and weird."
"I don't think Ramon has the same kind of brotherly feelings toward you as you do toward him," Arnella said. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? You are pretty, and you are fun to be around, and so energetic and full of life. Ramon probably does not want to upset the relationship he has with you so he is moving on with Hillary."
"Helen," Jessica murmured once more. She was beginning to think that Arnella was deliberately mispronouncing Helen's name wrong.
"The guy is twenty-one, not twelve. He has man feelings for you, while you go crazy over a singer. Boy, I feel it for Ramon." Arnella shook her head.
Jessica looked at Arnella throughout the whole assessment of her situation, knowing with certainty that Arnella was right, but at the same time irritated by her cousin for her plain speaking. She now wished that Arnella would just go back to her canvas and stop dispensing painful hard assessments, especially the one where she practically called her a case of arrested development.
She was itching to get up and storm out of Arnella's studio, but that would be immature. She inhaled. "That was harsh."
Arnella smiled. "You came to me for the truth. You could have gone to your sister, or your brothers, but you wanted someone to shake you out of your stupor. You are most welcome, now go and sort out your life."
Arnella turned back to her painting.
"I hate it when you think you are right, and I hate the way you spout out those stinging words," Jessica said getting up.
Arnella picked up her paintbrush and chuckled. "I hate it that you are bright and pretty and have your whole life spread out before you to enjoy but yet you live an active fantasy life with a guy you have never met and who doesn't know you exist. Wake up, look around, do something about Ramon, or that Clay guy, before they disappear."
*****
Jessica waited for Ramon's Chemistry Dynamics class to end. She was sitting in the lounge area of the science building. She was facing the glass doors that lead to the entrance of the lecture theatre; as soon as he came out, she would know. She had thirty minutes to wait. She took out her iPod and then dropped it back in her bag. She was about to let Khaled keep her company, but since Arnella's speech yesterday she was rethinking her every action as it regarded Khaled.
She glanced at her watch; thirty minutes seemed to be crawling unnecessarily slowly. She twiddled her thumbs and shifted in the chair. She wished that she had carried a book to read. There was a stack of Chemistry To
day magazines on the center table in the lounge. They still looked glossy and untouched.
She considered picking up one but thought better of it. If not even chemistry students were reading it, why should she? If this were the Creative and Performing Arts Center, the arts magazines would be dog-eared from having been well-thumbed through, if there were even any left on the table.
She glanced at her watch again and realized that barely a minute had ticked by. She reluctantly reached for the magazine. The headline article was The Role of Selenium in Chemical Biology.
"Oh, joy," she said out loud.
Clay chuckled behind her. "It's actually interesting."
Jessica swiveled around to look at him, almost cracking her neck in the process.
"Clay! I owe you an apology." She gripped the magazine close to her chest. "I know I walked away from you last Thursday without saying a proper goodbye, but I was a bit traumatized."
Clay nodded. "I could see that." He walked around the sofa and sat beside her. "So how are you doing?"
"Fine," Jessica paused, "getting by without Khaled, trying to act my age. I am having withdrawal symptoms." She pointed to her iPod. "Serious withdrawal symptoms."
Clay regarded her, an indefinable expression in his eyes. He didn't respond to what she said, and Jessica looked him over, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
He was dressed in blue jeans and a blue checkered shirt. He looked very attractive, more so than he did last week Thursday. Jessica shook her head inwardly. She had to get a grip. She couldn't think of Clay this way. After all, she was sitting in the lobby waiting for Ramon to put Arnella's theory to the test. She wanted to see if he was attracted to her and was waiting for her to quit Khaled.
Well, she hadn't quite gotten Khaled out of her head, and she was not going to quit cold turkey, but here was Clay, looking as handsome as ever, creating a tension in her that she didn't quite know how to handle.
"You have orange paint in your hair," he finally said.
"I know," Jessica said jerkily. She was feeling shy and nervy. The emotion was so new to her that she almost gasped. What was happening to her?
"I went to visit my cousin's studio yesterday, and she was waving her brush around, lecturing me about..."
"About?" Clay asked when she slumped back in the chair and squeezed her eyes shut.
"How immature I am," Jessica mumbled, "the usual lecture about Khaled that everybody takes pleasure in imparting when I am around."
Clay smiled, and Jessica watched as his mouth curled slowly. She felt that little nervousness return to her body. She was twitching because of it and couldn't make eye contact with him just then.
"What's wrong?" Clay asked as she lowered her eyes.
"I don't know." Jessica moaned. "I think my nervous system is short circuiting or something."
Clay bent down his head and looked at her. "The first time I saw you I think my nervous system short circuited too. It was a Wednesday afternoon, the first day of summer school. You leaned against the door and looked around. Your eyes met mine briefly, too briefly for you to register, but it meant a lot to me, and I think I had some circuitry problems then."
His eyes were serious as he said this, and Jessica bit her lip from trembling. He even looked good from upside down. Jessica closed her eyes and swallowed.
"I can't deal with this feeling right now. I am supposed to be talking to Ramon about our relationship."
Clay straightened up. "You two are going to take your relationship to a romantic level?"
"Well, apparently I am suppressing my feelings for him, and now that I have decided to give up my Khaled fantasy, it is probably time for us to move on to another level."
Clay sighed. "That seems so clinical. If it's time you should know it in here."
He touched her on her green t-shirt, right in the center, near her racing heart. Jessica felt her heart hammering long after he withdrew his hand. She licked her lips and looked out toward the glass door. The first wave of students was now coming through the door.
She looked at the big clock on the wall. She was agitated, and she knew that Clay could see her discomfort. She just wanted him, and his unsettling presence, to move away so that she could properly assess what was happening to her.
She looked at him from the sides of her eyes. He was looking at the doors as well.
"I was invited to a bonfire at my apartment building on Saturday night. Want to come? Just as friends." He said this hurriedly, while still not looking at her.
Jessica cleared her throat. "What time... er... does it start?"
"Don't know," Clay said, "Come at eight. You can hang out with me till they are ready. No pressure."
But I am pressured, Jessica thought. Quite out of the blue, she was horrendously attracted to Clay Reid.
Clay got up. "I would wish you well with Ramon, but that would be a conflict of interest. See you on Saturday." He waved to her and walked toward the doors, almost brushing against Ramon, who was on his way out.
Ramon had headed straight to the cafeteria after class. Jessica walked beside him, filling up his brooding silence with inane chatter. He collected his food at the station, and they sat at the back of the cafeteria in their usual spot.
"Why are you so quiet?" Jessica asked.
"Nobody can get in a word when you start," Ramon said, chewing on his second burger. His hair was overly long, and some of it was flopping onto his forehead. Jessica assessed him while she drummed her fingers on the table. She wasn't hungry so she had not taken a lunch. She was free to ogle Ramon as much as she wanted. His face was as familiar to her as her own. She looked at him: his wavy black hair, his olive complexion, and his oval face.
Both his parents were doctors at the Mount Faith Teaching Hospital. His father was head of cardiology, and his mother was a general practitioner who some referred to as Doctor “Panadol” Rodriguez because she prescribed it so frequently.
They had come from Columbia to Jamaica to stay for a few years, only going back for holidays. They had two children, Ramon and Henri; both boys had followed in their scientific footsteps.
Henri was doing his residency at the Medical Center at Mount Faith and Ramon was doing Chemistry. The next step for Ramon would be medical school, then internship at the hospital, then marriage, then boring little Rodriguez babies who would want to walk in their dad’s footsteps.
Jessica almost snored at the picture in her mind. No music, no art, no energy. Ramon especially hated music, or did he just hate Khaled? She didn't know. During the many years that they grew up together, she couldn't pinpoint anything remotely artsy that Ramon was ever interested in.
She drummed her finger on the table again, struggling to come up with any common ground that she and Ramon shared. They liked to watch animal documentaries together; they liked the same foods, and they were born on June 1 of the same year. He was a tad bit shorter than her though. She was beginning to realize, after looking at her best friend for several moments, that she was always the one to dictate what activities they did together.
She had always been the dominant in her relationship with Ramon. Sometimes he protested, other times he just gave in. Did he really like her in a romantic kind of way? She doubted that the more she thought about it; but she decided to test Arnella's theory.
She touched his hand to see if her heart raced as it did when Clay had touched her. There was nothing. Maybe she was doing it the wrong way. She gently brushed his hair-covered arm with hers—still nothing.
"What are you doing?" Ramon asked in mid-chew, staring at her as if she were an alien.
"Checking for chemistry, a rush of blood to the head, a tingling in the spine, that sort of thing," Jessica said, brushing his hand again.
Ramon was still looking at her like she had two heads. "Why are you checking if you and me have chemistry?"
"Because since I have been trying to give up Khaled, I realize that I should stop living in a fantasy world and start living in the here and now. Since
you must have a thing for me through all these years because I am pretty and full of life, I am giving a romantic relationship with you a try."
Ramon started coughing, and Jessica quickly realized that he was really laughing. He swallowed the burger pre-maturely and started choking. After a thump in the back from Jessica, he was fine. He laughed so hard he fell out of his chair and kept laughing on the ground. Tears were running down his cheeks by the time he recovered enough to say, "I love you, Jess."
"You do?" Jessica asked, dismay written all over her face. "What kind of love?"
Ramon panted. "I love you like I always have. You make me laugh. You have so much energy. You are like my sister, for heavens sake."
"That's what I told Arnella," Jessica said, relief coursing through her body. "She had this idea that you were waiting for me to get over Khaled before dating me."
"I did," Ramon said, "four years ago when I took you to senior dance. I was mad jealous of Khaled too. You spoke about him for 90% of the time. I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend then."
"I didn't realize..."
"I know." Ramon shrugged. "I thought Khaled was just too much competition. I sobered up soon after that dance and realized that you were too much for me to handle anyhow."
"I am?" Jessica asked. "What does that mean?"
"I am quiet. You are high voltage," Ramon said. "We are super incompatible and I know it. When I accepted that, things went back to normal in my mind, though it did take a long while."
Jessica grimaced. "High voltage. I sound like electricity."
"It feels that way sometimes," Ramon said. "After a livewire session with you, I have to recharge my batteries to handle exposure to you the following day."
"I sound toxic too." Jessica grinned, understanding exactly what he was saying. She pinched him, twisting his skin savagely.
"Ouch," Ramon howled. "What was that for?"
"I saw you with Helen last Thursday."
"She likes me." Ramon grinned wickedly. "She is wonderfully un-melodramatic and quiet, with the right amount of energy for me," Ramon said, sipping his drink, and grimacing. "Whoever made this drink must have stayed at a distance and thrown in the sugar, granule by granule."
Just To See Her (The Bancrofts: Book 8) Page 3