by Aiden Bates
Allen gasped. "Carter, that's… I mean, what would the job be?"
"I'd be running the obstetric department at Mercy. It would be a pretty big step up in terms of salary. They've got a lot more connections in terms of research, and I'd definitely be teaching as well as working with patients and running the department. It would be intense." He bit his lip and rolled a pen around on his desk.
"Dude. You would never have to see snow again." Allen grinned at him. "Don't tell me that doesn't appeal to you."
Carter laughed, although he didn't pick his head up. "Yeah. There's a huge advantage to that, I will confess. It's also a whole hour closer to Dyersburg, so there's that."
"Something's making you hesitate." Allen grabbed an apple from the bag. "I'm going to assume that it's me, so I'm happy to give you my blessing." He snickered. "I mean seriously, Carter. I'll miss you. You're my best friend, and you're the best thing to happen to Silver Oak in a long time, but you're not happy here. You deserve to be happy, man."
Carter slouched in his chair. He took another bite from his apple and chewed it thoughtfully, savoring the tart flavor. "I've got a lot here to be happy about. The staff here at Silver Oak is top notch, you know? I've got a lot of friends here, people I'd give a kidney to. People I'd take a bullet for."
"And we'd all take a bullet for you." Allen toyed with his apple, trying to make it spin. It didn't work. "You know that, Carter. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do what's right for you."
Carter nodded. "I don't want to leave the kids. Adam and Larissa and Madison."
"After that blowout you'll be lucky to see them in pictures." Allen stopped playing with his food and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't want to be blunt, but Carter, come on. You rejected their dad. There's no way that an alpha who's so entitled that he thinks bringing you in as a brother-husband however many years after he rejected you is going to continue to give you access to his children now that you've rejected him."
Carter closed his eyes to hold back the tears that threatened there. "Yeah. I know. I do. I just—I wish it could be different."
"You wish that those were your kids." Allen put a hand over Carter's.
"Not really. I mean, for one thing, they wouldn't be mine. I'd have miscarried." Carter took another bite of his apple and pretended those words didn't hurt like a knife in his heart.
"Not necessarily. Carter, you're a scientist. You know better than that. But that's beside the point, and I'm not going to get into a fight with you about it. You know that it would be better for you to get the hell away from Tom, the farther the better. Paul's not going to mourn." Allen snorted. "I don't like that guy. I know he's my patient, but I don't like him."
"I think he's very insecure." Carter gestured with his apple. "I mean, who does he have around him? His husband's a lawyer and associates with lawyers. His husband encourages him to hang around with one other omega—me, a doctor. There's you, a PhD. He has to stake a claim somehow. I try not to take his crap personally." He squirmed. "And anyway, there's other stuff keeping me here."
"A deeper passion for the local basketball team than I'd thought possible?" Allen asked in a dry tone.
"Screw you, Allen." Carter huffed out a little laugh. "There's a guy."
"Well I figured that the incident a few months ago had another component. Fetuses don't spontaneously generate." Allen bit down on the inside of his cheek. "I figured that you'd talk about it when you were ready."
Carter hid his mouth with a hand for a long moment. He couldn't think of how to say what he needed to say without giving away the secret, but he had to try. "So, there's only so much that I can talk about. There are reasons that I haven't said anything, okay? We don't have a real relationship, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. We have to keep what we do quiet."
"Not that quiet, I hope." Allen waggled his eyebrows.
"Gross, Allen." Carter laughed, which he suspected had been his friend's goal. "But yeah. We've had our problems. It was only ever supposed to be physical, and I shouldn't have any problem walking away. I should be able to just reach back out to Dr. Sibley and say, Thank you very much, I'll be very happy to start on December first."
"But you're not." Allen nodded slowly and turned his apple around in his hand. "Does he even know you'd consider leaving?"
"I don't think so. But to be honest, he wouldn't care. Like I said, it's supposed to be just physical. That was his idea, you know?" Carter grimaced, remembering those words coming out of Finn's mouth. That was all he'd ever been good for, just the physical stuff. Carter wasn't the sort of guy men planned a future with, but he'd chosen that with his eyes wide open. He'd made his bed; now it was time to lie in it.
"Well I didn't think it was yours." Allen leaned back and sighed. "You've always preferred to have a real connection to your partners. An actual partnership, if you will." He looked over at Carter. "You care about him."
"I do." Carter looked down at the ground. "I shouldn't, but I do. What the hell, you know? It's me. I tried not to get too attached, but I was there at the conference and I met a couple of guys. I thought, hey, this guy seems kind of into me, maybe there could be something there, but I couldn't stop thinking of the guy back home." He cradled his head in his hands. "Who hasn't touched me since I got back."
"Yikes. Does he think you were unfaithful?" Allen shifted in his seat.
"No idea." Carter shook his head. "He's been super busy at work, and I get that. I'm not going to try to interrupt or anything stupid, I'm just—I guess I'm kind of frustrated, you know? I mean, I knew he only wanted someone convenient to screw, and I said okay, but now that it's happening I hate it."
"You could try talking to him about it." Allen tossed a paper clip up into the air. "You know, like a grownup."
"What would I say?" Carter shook his head. "Hey, so I know that we agreed that we'd just do the sex thing but that's not working out so well. I'd like to take back our agreement and demand your actual affection, even though I'm pretty sure that any such thing is far beyond you, and it would be kind of awesome if I were allowed to show some affection to you as well."
"Sounds about right." Allen sat back and put his feet up on the desk. "Of course considering the guy in question, or at least who I think it is, I don't think it'll be all that effective."
Carter's heart froze in his chest. "Don't." How could Allen know? They'd been perfectly discreet. Had Carter said something while doped up during the miscarriage?
"Don't worry." Allen patted Carter's hand. "You're fine. I was suspicious when he was always coming down here to talk to you, but you confirmed it when you mentioned you thought he was beyond feeling affection. He's the only guy I know that I think is really that cold, isn't able to show any affection at all. Or feel it." Allen turned from patting Carter's hand to holding it. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
"I sure can pick 'em, huh?" Carter closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Hey, none of that. He must have some redeeming qualities, or else you wouldn't be so into him." Allen gave his hand a squeeze. "But Carter, you can't go hanging on again, putting your whole life on hold and waiting for a guy who will never love or even respect you. You've got a great opportunity here. Don't let it slip by hoping for a chance with him. I'll miss you, but Carter, the only person agonizing about this decision is you."
Carter hung his head. "I know." It hurt him more than he could say, but he couldn't deny the facts. Carter wouldn't hurt anyone by leaving. He'd be doing a lot of good, if he took a job that allowed him to teach and share his knowledge. If he stayed, he would only make himself miserable, and he wouldn't bring any benefit to anyone at all.
One of their pregnant patients arrived at the hospital to give birth approximately two weeks later than anticipated, so Allen went to go assist with that delivery. Carter didn't have long to sit in silent contemplation; a pregnant tourist came in through the ER to give birth not long after Allen took off, leaving Carter to officiate at a premature birth with compli
cations.
The birth was arduous and challenging from a medical standpoint, which gave Carter plenty to focus on that wasn't his own indecision. Once the mother had safely delivered and her new son placed in the NICU, Carter washed up from his work and returned to the safety of his office.
Allen had been right. He truly was the only one agonizing about this decision. He wasn't the only surgeon certified to handle omegas in Syracuse anymore; Huntington wasn't quite as good as Carter was, but he was still pretty good and getting better every day. He would be going to another underserved area, and he would be helping to train a whole host of new doctors and surgeons.
In Syracuse, he was doing his best to make sure that what happened to Toby didn't happen to omegas in this specific area. In San Antonio, he could do his best to make sure that what happened to Toby didn't happen to omegas at all.
If Carter stripped away all other considerations, the choice was easy. He liked his house, but Toby was more important. He had friends here, but he could stay in touch with them and help them get jobs in San Antonio when they got sick of working for Regent. Besides, Toby was more important. He wanted to get away from Tom, so that was another point in favor of San Antonio.
He loved Finn. He would probably stay if Finn wanted him as more than a plaything. He would stay for love, and Toby would forgive him for that. But Toby was worth more than a furtive roll in the hay. For that matter, so was Carter.
All of Carter's anxiety drained away. He was sorry to leave Silver Oak. He would be sad to leave Finn, too, but he'd get over it. He opened up his word processing program and started to type his resignation letter.
He didn't want to wait a minute.
***
Finn woke up at three o'clock in the afternoon, in Carter's bed, after a dream in which the general ledger had turned into a sea of sharks made out of cheddar cheese. He resolved to speak to someone from the mental health department if it recurred and sat up, intent on finding his omega, when he realized that the other side of the bed was cold.
Carter wasn't home.
He found a note stuck to the bathroom mirror, written in Carter's meticulous handwriting. Had to work. Thought about waking you up, but you looked like you needed the sleep. Have a good day.—Carter.
Carter had even left coffee for him.
Finn stretched and reheated the coffee. He couldn't decide if he was more embarrassed by the fact that he'd fallen asleep as soon as he'd gotten to Carter's, or touched by his omega's thoughtfulness. He didn't deserve Carter. Okay, maybe they'd had their problems. Carter had certainly lashed out just as much as Finn had, but Finn was pretty sure he understood what had been going on now.
They'd just been showing off, jockeying for power. They couldn't fight their attraction, so each had just been trying to ensure that he got into an advantageous position when they finally succumbed. They couldn't help it. They were men, and men with ambition. Neither one of them was built to take a backseat to someone else.
Finn drank his coffee. He'd hoped to have a chance to spend a little time with Carter, but he should have found a way to check the schedules before he got his hopes up. Maybe tomorrow, or next weekend, would be better. He rifled through Carter's refrigerator until he found something to snack on, cleaned up his cup and the plate and the coffee pot too, and then he headed out.
Tempting as it might be to hang around Carter's house, and maybe wait for him in bed with some wine and a hot meal, that might be construed as creepy. Finn didn't want to be creepy. He wanted to be everything that Carter ever dreamed of, even if he had no idea how to go about it.
The next day, Finn got up and headed out to the club to work out. It was raining too hard to get any golf in, but he did get some social time in at the country club's cafe. He had a chance to speak with a few big-name donors, who expressed dismay at the embezzlement. Finn fought down his irritation—it wasn't their fault, after all, it was Gerig's—and he hastened to assure them that everything had been taken care of swiftly. "It's still a pending court case, so I shouldn't speak too much about it, but what I can tell you is that we realized very quickly that a problem was occurring, we investigated very thoroughly, and we're putting even more stringent controls in place to ensure that it won't happen again."
He wasn't going to think about the fact that someone he'd known for years had tried, very hard, to end his career and to humiliate him personally. That wouldn't get him far. Instead, he'd focus on Carter. Carter had been right there for him. Carter had understood what was at stake, as soon as Finn trusted the information to him. Carter had understood what he needed in terms of space and in terms of support. Carter had dragged everyone out for a drink after the arrest, too. It had been Carter, out of everyone, who had made everything possible.
Finn was going to have to do something nice for Carter.
He spent the rest of his day entertaining potential donors and headed back to his place. He spent some time online trying to figure out what kind of gift Carter might like. He didn't like a lot of "stuff." He liked to work out, and he liked to be in his garden. Maybe some new patio furniture? No, it was already October. Why give him something he wouldn't be able to use until next year?
In the end, Finn made a donation to the Omega Center of Dyersburg in Carter's name. That would mean more to him than any baubles or junk anyway.
The next day, Finn went to work at a more reasonable hour. He saw a message from Bill letting him know that he'd gotten back to Cleveland all right, which was good. He hadn't been all that worried, but something could have come up to keep his boss in town for a little longer. The last thing that Finn needed as he pursued taking his nascent relationship to the next level was a boss looking over his shoulder, even if he'd already given his tacit approval.
Finn found that his day was exceptionally productive for about two hours, but he was interrupted at ten thirty by an unexpected visitor. "I've got a Tom Geary here to see you," Marcia told him, calling him on the intercom.
Finn glared at the phone. He didn't have any appointments with Tom today, or even for the next few weeks. Right now Tom was the last person Finn wanted to see, but maybe Finn shouldn't hold a grudge. He knew that Carter hadn't chosen Tom, no matter what his previous wishes had been. "All right, send him in."
Tom stalked into the office. He seemed to be trying to keep his face affable, but anyone could see the cracks at the edges of his manic smile. "Hiya, Finn. How's things?" Tom threw himself onto the couch.
"Things are fine, Tom. It's good to see you. What brings you by?"
"What brings me by? Funny you should ask. See, there's this guy. Works for you, down in obstetrics." Tom sniffed and ran the back of his hand across his nose. "I'm pretty sure you know Carter."
"We've met once or twice." Finn could still remember the warmth of Carter's bed if he let himself, and the comfort of his omega's arms. "What's this about?"
"Now, see, Carter's belonged to me for years. Ever since he came to New York, but you know." He pressed that same snotty hand into his chest. "I had to do what I had to do for me, you know? I had to make babies, and lots of them. That's… that's my job. That's always been my job, as a man. Get a good job, making money, start a family with some young trophy omega, make as many babies as the world can stand… you know how this works."
Finn raised an eyebrow. It was the best way to convey his disdain. "Are you drunk?"
"I might have had a cocktail or two on my way over. I might have. See, Carter, he couldn't be part of all that." Tom waved a hand. "And it was sad, sure. I mean, I might have led him on, he might have thought I'd have married him eventually, but let's be real. A guy his age isn't going to be able to give me more than a kid or two, right? If that," he scoffed.
"So what does this have to do with you being drunk at ten thirty in the morning? And in my office, Tom?" Finn pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're a great real estate lawyer, so I'll try to overlook this indiscretion, but come on. You've got to admit that this crosses a line here."
Finn scoffed. "And now I know you've had too much to drink. I've got about as much interest in Paul as I do in that potted plant." He gestured at the plant.
"Not him, dumbass." Tom slurred his s sounds. "I'm talking about Carter. See, I asked him. You know, because I figured that now that I had three, and a fourth on the way, it would be okay to bring him in. I figured he'd be all over that, right? But somehow between last spring and now he got his pretty little head turned around and now he's holding out for something better."
Finn sighed. "Tom, he just doesn't want to put himself in that position. He knows that Paul doesn't want him there." He picked up his phone. "Marcia, maybe you could ask someone to bring some coffee for Mr. Geary? I don't think he's feeling very well."