"Mutated goblin, my hairy a—"
Whoosh again. The creature reappeared, hanging off the brain sucking machine like a tiny blue King Kong on tiny Empire State Building. “Say—stop me if you've heard this ... a guy and his donkey walk into a bar—"
"Kill it!” Hades raged.
The little guy blinked across the distance between them and, while standing on air in a way reminiscent of a cartoon character, smacked the dark immortal right across the nose. “Don't you have any manners? I'm trying to tell a joke."
It popped out and materialized back where it was. “Anyway. Before I was so rudely interrupted ... so they walk up to the bar and the bartender looks at ‘em and says, ‘we don't serve donkeys in here.’”
"'This ain't no donkey,'” the guy says. “'This is my friend Burt. He was turned into a donkey by an evil witch.’”
"'Ain't no such thing as a witch,'” the bartender snorted.
"'That's what I thought,'” said the donkey.
"'Wow. You can talk. Maybe you really were turned into a donkey! That must suck! Tell you what. Just because it must suck so bad, I'll give you a both a free drink.’ He places a beer on the counter, the Donkey wraps his mouth around it, and takes it all down in one gulp. ‘And one for my friend too, please.’”
"'Sure. It would take a loyal friend to stay by your side after you've been turned into a donkey.’”
"'Sure does,'” the donkey answered for him. “'He's the best friend a man ever had.’”
"So curious is the bartender about this magical donkey, he serves them beer after beer to get them to tell him more.
"They drink their fill and start to totter out the door at closing time. ‘Nice to meet you,’ the bartender calls out.
"'Same here,’ yells the man.
"They get outside and nearly fall all over themselves laughing. ‘Imagine that,’ says the man.
"'Yeah,’ chuckles the donkey. ‘Gets ‘em every time. Turned into a donkey by a witch. Everybody knows there's no such thing as a witch.'
It hung there in silence for a long moment. “Well, I thought it was funny.” It spun around the column a couple of times and then slung itself all the way across the room, bouncing to a halt in front of Ben. “Nice collar. Who does your wardrobe, the SPCA?"
It swiveled its head at a chortle from Donner. “What you staring at, goat-cheese? What, did Hell vomit? Just looking at you makes me wonder."
"Goddammit!” shrieked Hades, his usually ebon coloration lightening to a ruddy hue. “I said kill that thing!"
Ben had no intention of doing anything of the sort. He stepped smoothly out of the way.
Thinking to score points with the boss, Donner lunged at it. It saw him coming and side-stepped, looking almost bored. The devilish meta stumbled across its outstretched, outsized foot. He sprawled onto the tile floor with a tiny, almost feminine shriek and slid across the tile floor until stopped by one of the steel counters. He stiffened, then slowly rolled over, holding his head and groaning. Ben watched in intense silence as the trigger fell from his grasp and rolled beneath the shelving.
"Did that hurt?” the creature asked, appearing beside him. “Sure looked like it did."
Then it teleported again.
This caught the two ‘demons’ flat-footed, since they were just then lumbering over to give it a piece of their minds. One snarled something viciously as he drew the wickedly curved blade on his hip.
This isn't going to go very well, Ben thought with a wince.
The strange blue creature popped in atop the other beast's head, stuck out its tongue, and blew a respectable raspberry. In sheer fury, the taunted monster brought up his blade and brought it down on his companion's head.
The injured creature turned a slow circle, holding its skull and moaning as blood dripped between its long, taloned fingers. Tough, Ben thought, but not particularly smart.
Fifteen minutes of muscle strain, incidental injuries, and a rising level of frustration, they still hadn't brought the weird little critter to heel. The lab was now a shambles. The winged guys were obviously not made for delicate movements in a confined space. Once given the command, they couldn't seem to stop chasing the creature until everything in their collective path had been broken beyond recognition.
Only some sense of self preservation kept the two monsters from lumbering into the machine and the two patients strapped next to it on more than one occasion. Wasn't as though the critter wasn't doing its best to lead them straight through the midst of it all.
Hades roared like a bull becoming a steer and leaped forward, swinging a long, curved, crystalline weapon. The amethyst katana swept through the creature as if it weren't even there. The top half flew across the room and swept a row of test tubes off a counter.
The creature sprang to its ... hands ... and flung itself from the counter, scurrying toward its separated lower half. It trailed no blood or entrails, and seemed not in the least discomfited by its current condition.
The lower half was turning circles, as if searching for the rest of it. As Hades lunged forward to deliver a low slash to the upper torso, the torso threw itself between his legs and rolled back to its lower half. The two halves scrambled back together.
"In case you were wondering—and I know you were—I'm Quickfingers the imp!"
"Kill that little freak!” Hades roared, spraying the room with saliva.
"Sticks and bones can't break my bones and names will never hurt me.” The imp took three bouncing steps and flashed out of existence only to reappear a split second later hanging in the air in front of Hades. “Gee, mister, haven't you ever heard the phrase—'say it, don't spray it?’”
The dark immortal slashed at it with his blade. The imp dropped below the arc, hit the floor, and giggled wildly as it zipped between his legs. He whirled, tried to take a step, and fell flat on his face as his shoelaces twanged between his feet. His weapon flew out of his hand and embedded itself in the wall not six inches from Ben's head.
Amanda watched the chaos in a haze. She was having problems concentrating. They had her on some kind of drug, obviously. The room spun lazily. She caught movement from the corner of her eye and turned slightly.
Between the two beds crouched a girl. A young woman, actually, dark of complexion, with hair the color of a raven's wing splayed across her back. A child's hand mirror lay on the tile between her knees.
She held a bundle of wires in one hand and a gleaming knife in the other as she sawed at the cables. She noticed Amanda gazing down at her and lifted a finger to her lips.
Amanda gave a brief nod and lay back. Even focusing on anything for any length of time was a strain. Drifting was better.
"What the hell is going on?” her grandfather was yelling. Half-hearted, considering his usual raspy roar. Or maybe he's as foggy as I am, she thought, stifling a giggle as the little blue fellow vaulted over her and landed back on her grandfather's bed.
"Crypt Keeper!” the imp warbled. Something fell with a loud crash.
How is someone supposed to get any sleep around here? she wondered. Consciousness washed away like a beach at high tide and she felt herself float out to sea.
* * * *
Athena crouched across the street, eyes riveted on the house and waiting for backup to arrive. The street was quiet, as befitted this neighborhood, especially in the middle of the night.
Perched above the Puget Sound, Brown's Point was an affluent bedroom community on the edge of the border between Pierce and King Counties. Some of the wealthiest of Pierce County's residents were ensconced here, especially on the edges of the cliffs that ringed the seaside plateau.
Dusk had settled around her like a cool, wet blanket and she snarled silently as she glanced at her watch. She didn't see as the darkness swirled and two silent figures stepped up behind her. “Your PARD team has been waylaid,” Raven told her clinically. “Someone has Highway 509 blocked halfway up the hill. Parked a tractor trailer there and left it."
Athen
a, looking a bit miffed that they'd snuck up on her so easily, stood and stretched out the knots that had claimed her thighs and calves. “You're kidding me, right?"
"Wish I were. Are they in there?"
Athena nodded, then glanced over at his companion. She did a double-take and shot him an angry glare. “If you already got her out, what the hell are we doing here?"
"Look again,” he said. “This isn't Amanda. Athena, meet Mandy Keening. She's not from around here."
The immortal Amazon's eyes narrowed as she raked the woman with her gaze. “I'd heard Loki had established a gate. Hadn't realized you'd brought back company."
He didn't reply to that. He refused to state the obvious. “So what's the plan?"
"You just got here and gave me the bad news,” she replied testily. “You expect me to pull a plan out of my butt?"
Mandy giggled a little at that. Raven offered her a smile and a wink. She'd been here on this Earth for less than forty-eight hours and she still wasn't quite accustomed to hearing obscenities and vulgarities spouted off quite so freely. Her eyes were a little wide as she looked up at the huge immortal woman, massing easily twice her own body weight.
"Fuck it,” Athena growled. “We can't wait around all day for them to move that tractor trailer. I guess we're on our own."
"I don't have a problem with that,” Raven told her.
Athena smiled thankfully. “And you?” she asked the young woman by his side.
Mandy shrugged. “Where he goes, I go. At least for now."
"Good enough,” Athena said. “Fine. We might as well go full-frontal. The only thing sneaky we can manage is a transit tube entrance into the house. From there we're just going to have to find our way around.” She treated Raven to a long, measuring stare. “If I remember right, I understand you don't have any special powers?"
He tilted his head and lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “Depends on what you mean by special,” he answered. “We're both mages. I can talk to dogs. Oh ... and I can become invisible.” As he said this last he stepped back and let the shadows swallow him whole.
"What about you?"
Mandy shook her head. “I don't know yet. I've only been a vampire for a couple of days. If I have any special talents, I'm not aware of them."
"They'll come,” Raven told her. “For now we've both got magic."
Athena gave a non-committal grunt. “Enough chatting. You two ready?"
"Of course,” Raven said. “Let's do this."
Three transit tubes snapped out in unison and the three of them entered the house together.
* * * *
Hades threw off his jacket, revealing a long, lean, well muscled torso literally criss-crossed with silver threaded tattoos, most done in Celtic knotwork, but interspersed here and there with fantastical figures like dragons and griffins. But the most striking image of all was that of the twelve-armed kraken currently writhing its limbs in the center of his broad chest.
It leaped off his body straight for the imp.
Get out of here! Jaz screamed mentally. The kraken was a spell sigil, and one of the most complex she'd ever seen—nearly as intricate in its own right as the one at the imp's innermost core.
As if in response to her mental command, the imp winked out. The kraken sigil flew unerringly to the spot the imp had just vacated.
The kraken hurled itself around, sweeping the counter clean as it grasped blindly for its target. Hades let out a mindless bellow and spun, eyes stabbing like a pair of high-watt lasers for any sign of the little blue pest.
Ben spotted Donner scouring the floor, probably looking for the trigger, and slipped up beside him. “Lose something?” he asked cheerfully.
Donner paled to pink and sweat beaded his brow. “No,” he hissed, holding up his hand as if still holding the device in his grasp.
The werewolf smiled broadly. “Nice try, numbskull, but I saw you drop it.” He hammered his fist into the devil's face and watched him go over backwards like a tree struck by an avalanche. He turned and spotted Hades advancing on the machine, swearing a blue streak.
"Get it done now,” he hissed at the technician, who fumbled shakily with the control panel.
A loud explosion from somewhere in the distance shook the whole room. Hades jerked his head up and gazed intently at the ceiling. “What the—?"
The door clicked open and Chase entered at a fast clip. “Lord Hades! We're under attack!"
"No kidding?” the immortal responded sardonically. “Where's Dusk?"
"Preparing to meet the invaders,” Chase answered, but his gaze shifted at the last second, making Ben wondering if the man was lying.
Apparently the thought occurred to Hades as well. “You come with me,” he commanded. He turned and stabbed a finger at the two demonic creatures who'd failed so miserably to catch the imp. “You two guard the werewolf. And you—” he glowered angrily at the technician—"get that fucking transfer accomplished. Now!"
He spun and left the room. Chase paused in the doorway, aiming a meaningful look in Ben's direction. What are you trying to tell me? he wanted to ask, but the two gargoyles were descending on him now, and he didn't have time to actually exchange any real information with the man.
One of the big creatures grabbed him by the upper arm, glaring down at him angrily. “Getting brave, are you? I saw you knock Donner out."
"He had it coming,” Ben snarled back.
To his surprise, the big fellow laughed. “Aye, that he did! We don't have much time. You must stop the machine."
"Don't worry about it,” said Jaz, popping up from between the tables. The technician gave a little gasp and started backing away as the girl advanced on him with naked steel in her fist. “I cut the cables. Grandpa ain't getting into that body."
"Can anybody get this goddam collar off my neck?” he asked irritably. “All this sudden cooperation is well and good, but ... well ... I'm kinda attached to my head and would prefer it stay where it is."
"Understandable,” the tattooed giant replied. “I am Cowl, First Abyssian Knight in service to our Queen. This is my brother Shade."
The other Abyssian inclined his massive head. “We do not have much time. There are those among us who are still loyal to the Dark Lord. We cannot get that collar off by ourselves, but our Queen should be able to manage it."
"Screw that,” snapped Jaz. “Let me have a look.” She wrapped her hand in Ben's shirt and dragged him down to her level, inspecting the device intently. “Nasty piece of work. What you need is an engineer.” She glanced over at the technician, whose eyes were as big around as pie plates by this time. It had apparently just occurred to him how much danger he was in. “Can you get this off?"
"I ... I don't know."
"I suggest you figure it out,” she said sweetly. “Before one of the big boys here decides to cave your skull in for a bit of practice."
Ben suppressed a shudder. This girl was as alive as he or Amanda, yet her icy rationalism reminded him of Raven's ‘I don't have to care because I'm deader-than-thou’ demeanor. What is it with the women of the PAC? he wondered. Even Amanda can be scarier than hell when she wants to be.
Suddenly he felt out of his league. He could get violent and even dangerous if angered, but these people, particularly the females, made life and death decisions at the spur of the moment without breaking stride.
"I ... I ... think I can,” the technician said, wiping beads of sweat from his brow as he leaned close to the collar. “I just need tools."
Her eyes narrowed. “What kind?"
"Standard degaussed computer tools should work,” he said, relaxing a little now that he knew she wasn't going to slit his throat out of hand. “I think there's a set in here somewhere.” He looked around at the mess and winced.
"We must hurry,” Cowl repeated urgently. “We're running out of time. Get your woman and let us leave. We can deal with the collar later."
"I'm not going anywhere until I get this thing off,” B
en told him.
Jaz dashed around the lab, kicking the debris around until she came upon a small plastic case. She leaned down, popped it open, and returned to their side with a self-satisfied smile. “Here. Now get it done."
He didn't waste any time. Within another minute, Ben was free of the bomb, which he set carefully on the table between Grey's legs. He stopped a moment, watching for any sign of breathing, and offered up a derisive snort when he realized the man would no longer be any kind of a threat. The failed transfer had apparently killed him.
"He's in the brain box,” the technician said, noticing his gaze lingering on the old man. He motioned toward the machine sitting between the tables. “Identity still intact, more or less."
Ben stared at it thoughtfully for a long moment before turning and scooping Amanda off the table. “Can you take her out of here the same way you got in?” he asked Jaz.
She nodded. “You're not coming?"
"I've got unfinished business here,” he replied. “If you can get her to safety, that's one less thing I have to worry about."
The Abyssians were getting antsy, like they expected the mother of all monsters to come tearing through the door any second. “Go!” he snarled at them. “I'll follow."
They sketched small bows and lumbered for the door. He watched them leave with a wry grin. No wonder they'd seemed so completely incompetent. They didn't want to obey the orders they'd been given.
"Quickfingers!” Jaz called. The imp materialized silently, grinning from ear to ear. “Nice work, Boss! You want me to get you and the girl out of here?"
"It didn't make any noise this time,” Ben observed, a touch confused.
"He didn't actually leave. He just went ethereal and dodged out of the way. And, even though he's technically without gender, we refer to him as being a male."
"I see,” he said, though he really didn't. Sounded like more mumbo-jumbo to him. Of course, it all did. If he ever understood magic, he'd be shocked all the way to his toes.
Quickfingers gave the werewolf a wink, grabbed Jaz by the hand. He popped out, then returned an instant later to snatch Amanda's unconscious body away.
* * * *
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