I’ll get to see him later though! she reminded herself.
Every step seemed to take forever to make progress. Step after step was like walking in sludge; walking and walking and getting nowhere. Her legs felt so heavy, and her shoes made of lead. Voices were echoing around her and she could hear dinging and coughing and announcements being made. Coffee steamers were hissing; luggage was clanking and babies were crying. Colors seemed too bright and the sun’s rays shining in the big windows seemed too sharp. She squinted her eyes and slowed her pace. She turned around, trying to decide how to make the noise stop. The floor started rolling underneath her and the walls began to melt. Then she just... slipped to the floor.
Chapter 49
Be Still My Heart
Jahnni opened her heavy eyelids. A soft hissing and beeping that was in the distance was suddenly beside her. She moved her hand to rub her eyes and felt a sharp pinch in her arm. Looking down, she saw a bandage holding a needle in her arm and in the dim lights she began to understand where she was. She tried to sit up but realized that she didn’t have the strength to reposition herself. She squirmed and tried again, but it was no use. She felt so weak. Then she heard a female voice speaking to her.
“You’re awake.”
“Huh? Uh... ya. Where am I, exactly?” she said groggily to the voice in her room.
“Legacy Emanuel. Do you remember me?”
“I... I don’t know. Should I?”
“Yes, dear. You should.”
“Oh... uh, Dr. Robinson? From the plane?”
“Very good. How do you feel honey?”
“I don’t know how I feel. How long have I been here? Why am I here?”
“Well, you’ve had a pretty tough few days that finally caught up with you. We’ve been keeping an eye on you while you slept like a bear. Of course, the sedatives didn’t hurt. You needed rest. A little R & R. The bump on your head also needed to be monitored.”
“When can I go home?”
“Well that depends. I see you don’t have family anywhere near. An aunt and uncle from the east coast have been getting updates on your condition, and you have had many friends trying to see you, but we have restricted your visitors until you were better. Is there anyone who can stay with you and help you at home if we release you?”
“Well, I have a couple friends who could probably stay with me the first day and check on me after that. How long have I been here?”
“A week.”
“WHAT? A WEEK?” she said very loudly before realizing that it really, really made her head hurt.
“Yes, but you had a very scary fall and we had to keep you until you regained your strength.”
“Oh. My head does hurt. What are you putting in my IV? I feel a little... tired. Can I take a nap and discuss this later?”
“Sure, my dear. Get more rest. I’ll check on you when I do my rounds tonight.”
The next afternoon, Jahnni waited in the wheelchair for Sam to get to her room. “I get to go home!”
“I know silly! I’m taking you home,” Sam said.
“I know, but I am so excited to eat regular food and get in my own bed that I want to tell everyone!” She turned to the nurse, “I’m going home!”
Thirty minutes later, Sam was driving north over the Glen Jackson Bridge, high above the Columbia River towards Vancouver where Jahnni lived. Jahnni looked out her window to see crystal blue skies and dozens of sail boats spread out over the water. The sky was clear with some faint wisps of clouds hovering against the blue. Boats? Boats. I never got to go on a boat ride with Beau, she thought. I wonder where he is, how he is doing. Did he even know that I was in the hospital? Why did I even think that there was chance with him. He probably didn’t even know, or care. No sense bothering Sam with my silly imagination. I’ll keep it to myself and keep myself busy. I’m sure in time I’ll forget about him. He has probably already forgotten about me. A tickle fluttered in her heart just picturing him. His smile. His eyes. His kindness. His gentleness. His toughness. His courage. He saved me. Oh Beau. I don’t know what to believe. I shouldn’t have danced around my feelings. Agent Pahlavi was right. I should have told him. It’s probably too late. I should have been clear about my feelings for him. The real ones, not my stupid fantasy ones. Jahnni sighed and closed her eyes for the rest of the ride home, the motion of the car lulling her.
Agent Pahlavi came to see her at home and they talked about the underground “manse,” as they started to refer to it.
Jahnni couldn’t hold it in any longer. “How is Beau doing?”
“He is healing up just fine. He’ll be back to work soon enough. Right now, he is resting,” Pahlavi offered. “The others have been presented with a court order like this one. It prevents you from speaking of anything below the airport or Zale’s former long-time home,” Delaram said, then clarified, “because what started as an airport issue became a county issue. Then it escalated into a state issue and because of Homeland Security, turned into a Federal issue. It’s a matter that’s being determined in private, behind closed doors, until the outcome is finalized. Plus, public talking points have to be determined so no one says something they shouldn’t. We need to protect the airport and the passengers.”
“Sure,” Jahnni replied. “I get it. We are all pretty much of the same mind anyway. We all seem to be the type who want what is best for each other... and our airport.”
“Well, I have to get back to the office. Agent Anthony is waiting for me in the car while he fills out some paperwork. I’m glad to see that you are recuperating. I’m sure we will see each other again. Please, don’t get up.” And with that, Special Agent Delaram Pahlavi let herself out, locking the door before pulling it shut.
A week later, Jahnni was back at work, standing behind the ticket counter helping with the large crowd that was trying to get checked in for their flights. She was glad that Carolyn let her take her time coming back full force as a supervisor. She appreciated it as she still felt a little... ‘off.’ Her body seemed to be healing on track, but her heart ached at a rhythm that felt in sync with her breathing; all day, every day. Even at night, she would wake up thinking about Beau.
“Hello! I can help the next person over here. Welcome to First Class Air. Where is your destination today?” she repeated over and over. After another hour, she decided to help one more person before taking her lunch break. Jahnni waved forward the next person in the Special Services line without looking up, because she bent to check the stalled printer. She checked the paper feed to be sure that the boarding passes would print out timelier then pushed the reset button. She stood back up to help the person that walked up to the counter.
“I am on the San Francisco flight and I am traveling armed... oh, and I would like to check a bag also,” said the tall, dark haired, handsome, green eyed Adonis standing before her. His face appeared chiseled, and his eyes melted the part of Jahnni’s brain that formed complete sentences. All sorts of electrical short circuits were going off in her head... and elsewhere. He was sublime, a beauteous specimen of maleness. Absolutely worth the embarrassing open mouthed drool that was beginning to form on her lips.
Jahnni’s heart skipped several beats. She stood there motionless, staring into his eyes as she tried to respond, but the letters in her head were not forming words, just pictures. Finally, she answered, “Oh, uh, okay.” Then added, for the sake of the rules, “May I see your ID please?”
“Sure.” He flipped open his wallet so she could see his official FBI ID.
She smiled and began checking him in, continually glancing up as she grabbed his boarding pass and tagged his bag.
“I need to have you fill out this paperwork and sign please,” Jahnni said, handing him the AI paperwork concerning his armed status. Her face felt warm because she couldn’t break her eye contact from him. Try as she did, she felt a string of hope reaching from her eyes to his. He stood there smiling back at her as well.
Finally, more words formed automatically
and spilled from her lips, “You’ll need to show this paperwork at security and when you introduce yourself to the gate agent.”
After a slight lull in the conversation he said, “I was hoping you could help me with a reservation for the future. Can you do that here?”
“Yes, I can do that. Where is your destination?” Jahnni asked, her fingers resting on the keyboard ready to type in the information. Her heart was pounding and her knees felt feeble as she stood there, three feet of space between them.
“Well, I would like to make a reservation for a beach get-away. What do you suggest?” he asked, as he leaned onto the counter, tracing her face with his eyes.
His smile, his lips. She wanted to reach up and touch his hand, as it rested on top of the counter. Fear of mistaking his intentions made her hold back.
“Okay... do you mean like the Oregon Coast?” she asked, trying to remain professional... with unprofessional longing.
“No, farther.”
“Do you mean like San Diego?”
“No, farther. Quieter.”
“Okay... Hawaii?”
“Nope, too commercial.”
“Uh... Cancun, in Mexico?”
“Nah... I’m thinking quieter. If you could go anywhere, where would you suggest? It’s for two.”
Jahnni suddenly felt queasy. The nausea swept over her, choking her heart from feeling any joy in the world. She felt an immediate sense of loss and retreated inward. Is he going to take someone with him there? I hate her already! she thought as she kept her smile plastered on her face.
She cleared her throat then asked further, “Oh, uh, well, is this a female friend? I would suggest Bora Bora. I have always wanted to go there. I am sure anyone would love it.”
“That sounds great! Then Bora Bora it is. Two weeks. Just her and I. We will block out the world and relax, napping in hammock swings, eating fresh fruit, watching the sun come up and watching the sun go down. I’ve always wanted to take a walk on a sunset beach, hand in hand along the edge of the water, the soft waves lapping at our bare feet.”
Jahnni felt a little flushed. Since the time she saw him last, she had wrestled with her longing to see him again. But her heart began aching so deeply when he said those three words, ‘it’s for two.’ What was real and what was my imagination? Did I misread any of his friendliness as possibly something more? Have I really been that caught up in my hope that I couldn’t see... the truth? Oh God, I want to run into the office and send someone else out here to finish up this transaction. I want to... cry! Has he even forgiven me for what happened to him? To know that he was going to take some lady on vacation was a crushing blow to the hopes and dreams that had lived in her heart... since that day. That day when he first walked up to the ticket counter. So many thoughts and memories flooded her mind. Still, she realized that her mistake of misinterpreting his intentions was no reason to not do her job. I’ll be professional and make the reservation for him and his... whoever, she painfully decided.
“So, what are the dates for this... beautiful, relaxing, romantic, getaway?” she asked, cheerfulness masking the ache of despondent misery.
Beau tipped his head to the side and smiled as those glorious dimples broke the surface. He looked into her eyes and she felt his gaze burn away a part of her that was afraid; afraid of carrying the burden of hopelessness around forever, yet afraid to dare hope for more. As fear began to fade, she realized nothing mattered at this moment except what she felt rising like a tide inside her. Hope. Hope flowing as the world around them faded. I’m just going to tell him. I don’t care if he is planning on taking someone else. I’m going to simply blurt it out and be done with this torture that has me chained to the unknown. Here goes. I’ll be clear and to the point. I’m not afraid. I am gonna tell him. I’m just gonna say it. I, I, I lo... She breathed in courage, preparing to say it out loud.
Time ticked slowly before Beau spoke first, interrupting her thoughts in a way that melted away years of waiting and days of longing and wondering. He reached over the counter and gently touched the side of her face.
“I don’t know the dates yet... you tell me. When’s your vacation?”
The End
Acknowledgements
I read a book once that promoted the theme that no one who ever “made it,” really did so alone. (Outliers-The Story of True Success-by Malcolm Gladwell.) At first I thought about all the self-made millionaires you hear about, or singers who made it big after being discovered in a seedy bar, singing for pennies. I thought about people I’ve known who “made millions” or those who simply had a ginormous retirement. What I have come to see is that many people, most people in fact, who have been successful, look back with short memories and think, “I did this all by myself.”
They forget about anyone who has loaned them a dollar, gave them their time, or hooked them up with a friend that could help them. They forget about the free used car they received to get to their job, the job that eventually gave them the skills that they used to carve out their future. The tax advice that saved their business, home, or bank account. The free daycare either by a friend, helpful relative or spouse as they forged ahead. Loans when they couldn’t pay rent or they needed just a few hundred dollars to get their patent. On-going free advice from significant sources.
Yes... the hand up is underrated. And, no one gets there all alone. In this vein, I accept the fact that I have not done anything great without help. That is, if I could even label anything I have ever done, as great. I thought about all the mistakes I’ve made in life after I thought about a decision and tried to weigh the pros and cons, mulling over every detail... only to end up in a worse position for having tried to improve my life or financial situation. In the long run, they were amazing detours I needed, but not for the reasons I had originally assumed.
So, I would like to thank anyone, and everyone who has encouraged me, or helped me with ideas or confirmation about my ideas while writing this book. Most of all, I would like to thank those who made my project monetarily possible. I apologize ahead of time if I have accidently left anyone out. Freda Gardner, who has been one of my biggest fans and gave me enough of a donation to make me realize I can’t give up now! Jeralita Costa, Rietta Costa, Charvette Costa, Traci Fontyn, Madden Strawn, Marlene Tucker, Kelly Hollingshead, Danyelle Prom, Barb and Don Wilkenson, Jo Coila, (did you know I applied some of my tips to my book fund?) Mae Ries (did you know I applied some of my tips to my book fund also?) and my three anonymous donors. Your gifts are so kind and the reason I could publish. My cheering section and/or idea bouncers, Cindi McNichols, Linda Fleischman, Jill McPherson, Cory Strawn, and Cory Fontyn. To Carla Christensen and Shane DeLong for being in my cheering section. And especially to all my wonderful grandbabies that seemed to arrive as if an earthly conveyor belt was connected to our family. My heart beats for you; Gabriel, Madison, Riley, Brianna, Madalynn, Madden, Isabella, Chenoa, Cheyenne, Sage, and Summer. For you, I can’t give up. How can I tell you to chase your dreams if I grow weary of chasing mine? I can’t forget Keri Kuper who probably thought I would never finish this book, but never said anything except how she can’t wait to read it. Then she had superb suggestions that turned out to be do-or-die scene improvements; those details that slipped by me. James Chesky, who was not afraid to point out some issues with the storyline that I needed to consider in the beginning. Valuable advice delivered with fun and chuckles! I’m still laughing.
To one of the greatest pilots, Todd Phillips, who is a master of cutting down the small talk and getting to the point. You are a true teacher and mentor when it comes to the big tin bird in the sky, but I’m not sure I’m a very good learner! Your friendship, time and expertise was invaluable. Thank you! Special thanks to Laura Kingsley, my editor who did more than edit, she made me dig deeper and had a crisp way of cutting to the chase, which by the way, is refreshingly honest and helpful. (https://laurakingsley.wordpress.com or [email protected]) And of course, to Cheri Lasota, my formatter,
uploader, and designer for my book covers. She is also an author and editor with mad skills! (www.CheriLasota.com or [email protected]). Thank you ALL!
Glossary
AI—Armed Individual
ARNK—Arrival Unknown (gap in the reservation where the travel isn’t synched in the reservation. An ARNK in the reservation will hold the rest of the reservation in place without getting canceled. A pause, in the reservation, making no changes below it.
ATC—Air Traffic Control
BC’d—Background checked
Captain—Pilot in Command
CDU—Control Display Unit-A small screen with keyboard and touch screen for the plane’s FMC/FMS
CSS—Customer Service Supervisor
Direct—Straight to the arrival city without changing planes although the plane could make at least one stop.
ETD—Estimated Time of Departure
FA—Flight Attendant/A, B, C, D, there are forward and aft FA’s
FAA—Federal Aviation Administration
FAM—Federal Air Marshall
FAB—Food and Beverage
FBI—Federal Bureau of Investigation
FFDO—Federal Flight Deck Officer (armed pilot)
FGC—Flight Guidance Computer
FLEO—Federal Law Enforcement Office
FLIFO—Flight Information
Flight Deck—front of aircraft where pilots operate the airplane (also flightdeck). Also, referred to as the cockpit.
Flight Simulator—A machine used to train pilots that recreates an airplane’s flight deck, and outside environment through movement, and computer-generated visuals.
FMC—Flight Management Computer-controls the FMS
FMS—Flight Management System-Information is entered by the FMC
F/O—First Officer/co-pilot/second in command under the captain
HRT—Hostage Rescue Team (FBI)
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