by D. C. Stone
“You still there, Anna?”
“Y-yeah.”
“What’s wrong? Are you sure it’s okay if I come out?”
“Oh no, no, no, that’s not what I’m thinking. Of course, it’s okay. I can’t wait. It’s just—I need to tell you something. Something that just needs to be said. You can take it for what it’s worth.”
“Uh oh. What, you’re married?”
She busted out laughing, tension in the air easing. “No.”
She could practically hear his smile. “Then what, Anna?”
One heartbeat, two, three…
A deep breath.
“I love you, Lucas. I just wanted you to know.”
Silence and then, “Ahhhhh…”
“You don’t have to. I just wanted to tell you…”
He interrupted her. “I love you, too, Annabelle. I have for a while now. Besides my mother, I’ve never told another woman those three words. I hope you get that.”
* * * * *
Three days later, excitement drummed through as Anna waited outside baggage claim. Today was the day, her Lucas would be flying across the country to see her, and she couldn’t begin to describe all the feelings his visit brought. People filtered out from behind the security checkpoint. She lifted on her toes and searched through the thick crowd, looking for any sign of her tall, dark, and handsome Italian-American. You couldn’t miss Lucas, not with his height and build. Hell, even she could spot him out of a crowd of fifty thousand.
His face came into view first, and his eyes met hers across the crowd. Time seemed to stop. Everything around her was a blur. His gaze held an intensity she had never seen before, but the smile that lit his features stole her breath.
To her, he simply was, always had been beautiful, sexy, daring, and he held what she considered so precious. Her heart.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize he had stepped right up to her. Her smile grew.
“Hey, you.”
He grinned wider. “Hey yourself, gorgeous.”
Was she swooning? She never had before, but if she had to look up the description of the word, she would bet her entire life that’s what she did. Her legs were weak, her head dizzy, and her chest close to bursting. He cocked a brow as she just stood there. Imaginary hands pushed her forward, and she tossed her arms around him and pulled him close. He dropped his bag, and within seconds, wrapped her in his embrace, tucked his face into the crook of her neck.
“God, I’ve missed you, Anna.”
Her feet left the floor as he straightened, bringing her up with him. He held her, just like that. All of their surroundings were lost. They were the only two people in the room full of hundreds, just themselves.
Eleven
Coming to San Diego and walking the boardwalk had not been what Lucas had in mind when he planned this trip. Living in Tampa, he had seen his fair share of boardwalks, but he knew what was going on. Call him crude, but he wanted time alone with Anna, a chance to explore this spark between them, and dive into the pleasurable trip in discovering what hid behind her clothing.
He couldn’t blame her for keeping them in public. Beneath her tough exterior laid the heart of innocence. The contrast between their two lives connecting—from where he came from and who he was—to her shy glances, made them quite the fucking pair.
He loved every part of who Annabelle was and respected the hell out of her. Those two reasons were exactly why he wasn’t pressuring her into doing anything else. In fact, this was refreshing. Spending time with her before they had to go separate ways, in an environment completely different from anything he had been used to, where he wasn’t working on getting his date in bed, or she, in his, was…nice.
He had an urge to call his Ma and profess his feelings for Annabelle, although that didn’t make a lick of sense. Instead, he decided to enjoy these last few stolen moments with his friend.
Looking at her, his hands itched. He wanted nothing more than to touch her and taste her. But the coward in him was too much of a chicken shit to do anything about it. Fucking hell, Luc.
Yup, that’s exactly where I’m at.
She had hips designed to make a man beg, round and just right for his hands. He imagined what it’d feel like to grab ahold of them and hang on for the ride.
That thought alone had him at half-mast.
She stopped and leaned over the railing, her hips pushing back, and tossed him a playful smirk over her shoulder. So innocent, yet so goddamn sexy. Just that look alone, combined with his thoughts and the position in which she was standing, had his mind conjuring all types of fantasies and plans on where he’d start with her.
Someone please put my pansy ass out of my misery. Please?
His cock went to a full salute and he quickly moved next to her, grimacing as he slammed into the wooden slabs of the fence. He didn’t want to scare her off, yet at the same damn time he wanted her like a drowning man wanted air. He knew without a doubt she was as innocent as they came. In this day and age it was refreshing, especially making it to nineteen and not succumbing to the pressure. But what he wouldn’t do to sink between her thighs and stay awhile.
You like torturing yourself, don’t you, Luc?
Yup. Sure as fuck, it seems I do.
Annabelle’s gaze was lost out on the sea and his was lost on her. The breeze kicked past them, blowing tendrils of her hair behind her face. She tilted her head and inhaled. The action pushed her perfectly round breasts in the air and he had to stifle a groan. He was turning into such a sap. A horny one at that. With words of poetry in his head and holding his body back from her, he was amazed he wasn’t wearing a skirt. Shit, he almost looked down just to make sure.
She turned her face toward him and sent him a sultry glance, her eyes heavy lidded, her lips full and jutted in a sexy pout. Lucas knew she didn’t do it on purpose, but had a natural sex appeal that he was unable to resist.
“Wanna go see a movie?”
Not really. I want to see you. But, he paused and thought it over. Two hours in a dark theater, alone with Anna?
Fuck, you didn’t have to ask him twice.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Maybe he’d be able to get the nerve up to do something. Or, at his rate, maybe not.
* * * * *
Hours later Anna was asking herself where the day had gone. Why had it flown by so fast?
Back where they started, San Diego Airport, Lucas was about to step through security. He turned toward her as they approached the gate and dropped his bag at his feet. Something moved across his face, an emotion she didn’t understand, but it was gone before she could blink. His arms opened, and without hesitation, she walked into them.
Her head rested on his shoulder, her arms shielding her face from the views of others. This hug wasn’t going to be rushed. There was no one to deny them time or affection like the small goodbye they had upon leaving graduation.
This goodbye was forever. Somehow she knew that deep in her heart. Five thousand miles and several hours of time difference would separate them. The option of a long-distance relationship was there, but she knew better than to ask. Neither of them were mature enough for that right now, and how could she keep Lucas in that kind of hold? She couldn’t. And she knew he wouldn’t ask.
His arms loosened around her waist, but she tightened her grip, not wanting to let go. He sighed before his arms came around her again, his lips brushed the top of her hair.
“Annabelle…I gotta go.”
Pain jacked up in her chest, splitting her wide open. This was it, wasn’t it? Their last time together. She couldn’t seem to let him go, but short of becoming AWOL, she knew she had to. Pulling back reluctantly, her entire body shouted in denial. Her lips brushed across his cheek before she stepped away.
Concern etched across his face with a deep frown. She knew what he saw. Her, an absolute mess. Tears pooled in her eyes, unshed, threatening to spill over. Her throat had so much pressure from the sob pushing its way out
, it physically hurt. Her chest caved inward and her legs felt like stones. Her heart, her soul, was shattering into pieces.
“Call me,” she quipped, her voice cracking. They both knew that wouldn’t happen.
“Take care of yourself, Anna,” he said, his voice rough as if his throat was wrapped in sandpaper. His eyes bore into hers, blazing with a shiny emotion. “Keep in touch and have a safe flight to Italy.”
He turned abruptly and headed down the gate. As she watched him go, her soul cried out and she realized her one true regret. One she’d never forgive herself for in all of her life. She had never told him to his face that she loved him. She’d forever missed the opportunity to watch his eyes glow with the words, to hear his sweet, intimate whisper of affection back.
Part II
Twelve
Ten years later.
“You’re daydreaming…again.”
“Shit.” Sitting at her cubicle, Annabelle found Mike grinning, and heat rushed to her cheeks. She rolled her eyes and slapped his arm. Working with the Investigator Analysis for the past five years had helped her understand his moods and facial expressions. And the one he wore now screamed of his mischievous thoughts. His eyes dance with delight.
“Stop it,” she laughed nervously, afraid he’d seen too much.
“Why?” He shrugged. “You were.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Girl,” he said, drawing the word out. “You’re going to have to tell me what’s put that dreamy look on your face. ‘Cause Lord Ol’ Mighty, I’d give anything to join in on the fantasy.”
Laughter burst from her chest, and she stood from her chair. Mike had been open in his sexuality and preferred those of the same gender. Looking at pictures of hot hunks in their boxers was just one of the ways they’d grown so close.
Margaritas fell in at number two.
Walking out of her cubicle, Mike fell in step beside her as they made their way for the coffee room in the back of their office.
Lately, thoughts of her past haunted her. She couldn’t ignore the what if’s of decisions and choices. For some reason, her old friend Lucas had been a constant presence in her head, and at night, in her dreams.
“Do you ever wonder about the past?” she asked as she grabbed a cup and poured what looked like black sludge inside.
One would think the FBI served some sort of fancy coffee, maybe even have a Starbucks in the lobby, but there was none of that here. Just good ole Folders, and many courageous individuals trying to get their caffeine fix.
Mike snorted. “You’re going to have to narrow that down a bit more. It’s me we’re talking about, after all.”
He leaned against the counter and got a faraway look on his face that meant he was thinking. She stifled a groan.
“I was a teenager in the 80s, Anna. You know how wild the young were back in those days. Spandex, headbands, high tops, disco…”
Mike styled his hair with enough hairspray each day that left not a strand out of place. The wind could be howling outside and yet, each brown piece either knew not to move, or couldn’t. He wore jeans tighter than her little black dress, and a bright yellow polo that screamed fashion disaster.
And there would be no stopping him at this point. Once Mike went on a tangent about the past, he was often lost there for large bouts of time. She took reprieve from having to answer his first question and concentrated on her coffee and her own thoughts, lost a million miles away on what had been, what could have, and what happened.
* * * * *
About thirty minutes later, Anna sat behind her desk and stared at the computer screen. An email from her past stirred conflicting emotions. All those old feelings she thought depleted, made themselves known again with just one name, as if having built power over the years. She read the email too many times to count, but couldn’t stop herself from rereading it again.
May 8, 2011 9:05a.m EST
Annabelle,
Hey stranger! Long time, no talk. I saw your email on Military.com. Sorry it’s taken me such a long time to respond but I have been crazy busy around here. How are you? What’s new? Let’s catch up soon.
Lucas
Oh, she remembered that email all right. On a whim, she tracked down Lucas on the site a few months ago and sent him an email. He never left her mind over the years, but hovered in the back, guiding her through rough times. It had been ten long years since they spoke.
They lost contact, and she honestly couldn’t remember whose fault it was. She supposed it was hers as she was the one who moved to a new country. She didn’t want to hold him back. She let him go, wanting him to choose his own life, pursue his own happiness, whether or not she was in it. That had been her final gift to him. Her chance to prove how much she loved him.
Though wanting him to find her, come after her, and call her was always her wish, it never came. And she hated her traitorous thoughts that those wishes were still present even after she’d married someone else.
Sitting up straighter, she moved the cursor and hit reply.
May 8, 2011 10:34a.m PST
Lucas,
Wow, it definitely has been a long time, huh? It’s entirely okay about the time; I can understand how busy you must be. Things here are pretty hectic as well.
I am great, thank you for asking. No longer in the military, but now have a different type of obligation with the FBI. Yes, you’ve read that right. Your timid Annabelle signed up to be a federal agent. Been on the force for about two years now after serving my eight of active duty. I did the two years in Italy before moving over to Fairchild in Washington State. Served out my remaining six there. It’s also where I met my husband, who had actually responded to a call one night as a paramedic for this horrific car accident just outside the base. Not too much else is new, just kicking ass and taking names.
What about you? Are you still in? Anything new? Will talk to you soon.
Anna
She hit send and reread her email in the sent items folder.
“Anything new? God, Anna, of course something is new, it’s been ten years! You idiot!”
“Why, Agent Russo, I do believe you’re talking to yourself…again.”
Spinning around, she scowled at Mike standing there with his usual bemused expression. “I emailed him back.”
She jumped out of the chair just as Mike’s brows hit his hairline. He would corner her for more information, but she couldn’t sit still. She made a dash to get out of her cubical.
He tsked. “Not so fast.”
“I need to use the ladies room.”
“Bullshit. You’re running. What did you say?”
She walked down the hall and he followed. She didn’t say a word, couldn’t, everything gathered up way too fast in her mind, memories pinging her with the force of a lightning bolt.
She stepped into the ladies room and let out a breath of relief. Mike followed. Of course he would. She scowled as she shut the stall door.
“You do know this is a ladies restroom? And there are certain rules governing males in here?”
“Oh phooey. Like you all have anything I want to see.”
“Not the point, Mike!”
Finishing her business, she stepped out and went to wash her hands.
“So?” he asked, impatience lacing that one word.
She shook her hands and grabbed a towel, then leaned against the counter. “I just told him what was new on my part and asked what was up with him. That’s it.”
Mike narrowed his eyes, and she sighed.
“That is not it. You’ve told me the whole story about Mr. Swoonworthy Lucas. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Annabelle.”
Stepping around him, she walked out of the bathroom as another woman was coming in. Mike held the door open to the confused girl and Anna chuckled as he winked. He fell into step next to her. “It is what it is.”
“Have you told him yet?”
“What?”
“That you’ll be down in Florida next month?”
/>
“No.”
“No?” The word went up about two octaves.
She huffed. “Well shit, Mike. It’s not necessarily something that comes up in a first email.”
“Chicken shit.”
“Queen.”
“You know it, and I’m proud of it, baby.”
* * * * *
May 9, 2011 08:46a.m PST
Anna,
Wow! Yes, a lot has changed I see. The FBI, huh? Should I watch what I say or will you come use your Special Agent authority on me?
Life is good. I’m still in Florida and like you, I am married, with a kid. Stayed in the Reserves and moved it to full time. Just got my recent promotion to E-7 and I’m living the life.
So, you told me you are in the FBI, but where exactly are you? Back home in San Diego?
Luc
Anna sat back and reread the email, her brow arching high at the, “will you come use your Special Agent authority on me?” Was Lucas flirting with her? The fact that he was married with a kid both squashed that theory while at the same time caused a little tug in her heart. She loved her husband. He supported her every step of the way: through federal law enforcement training, the long nights of cases, and when her mother passed. He had become her best friend, her confidant, and a piece of her life. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder how her life would have turned out had she been stationed closer to Lucas for her first or second duty assignment.
May 9, 2011 09:30a.m PST
Luc,
Use my Special Agent authority on you? Lucas Angotta, are you flirting with me? LOL Well, in order to use my “authority” on you, you first would have to have done something pretty darn bad.
To answer your question, I am currently living in Seattle, Washington. Once again opposite sides of the continent, huh? It is amazing how that always seems to happen, even despite what we wanted. Almost as if it were fate.
So tell me about your child, this offspring you have managed to produce. May the world shake in their pants at a young Lucas Angotta running around.