by D. C. Stone
He didn’t realize they moved until her back slammed against the wall. The kiss deepened as hot velvet encompassed him. He was a drowning man and Annabelle was his sea. Her arms wrapped around him, her hands everywhere, and her mouth his for the taking. He was on a ship, lost, lust gripping and taking him away.
She wrapped a leg around his waist. His mouth tore off and trailed a line of kisses along her neck. She tasted sweeter than sugar, tasted better than anything he’d had on his tongue. He reached down and gripped her thigh, stepped closer until nestled between her thighs. God, she felt so right. Like a missing piece of the puzzle he’d lost.
This was wrong.
They were alone.
Yet they weren’t.
He pulled back abruptly, just as she pushed at his shoulders, as if the same thought crossed their minds. The cool air of the room was such a stark contrast to the sheltering heat of her body. He fought not to go back to her. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her cheeks flushed with arousal, the skirt hiked up from her leg from being propped over his hip. His own body screamed for her, his soul wanted to take. His heart was conflicted, but his mind, the decent part of the man inside, knew it could never happen.
“Anna…” His voice was rough, deep, strained.
“No. Don’t.” Sounding breathless, she smoothed her skirt and pushed from the wall. “Don’t,” she repeated and walked in a wide arc around the table in the center of the floor, almost as if having as hard a time staying away from him as he from her. “It’s okay, Luc. Seriously. Thank you.”
He turned to follow as she went over to grab a glass and fill it with water. It was only when she emptied the glass that he could speak. “I’m always going to love you, Anna.”
Her face crumbled again and he took a step toward her. She lifted her hand and stepped back. “Don’t. God,” she said giving a harsh laugh, “I sound like a parrot tonight, don’t I? I just can’t handle you getting any closer to me right now, Luc. If you do, I won’t be able to stop from tossing myself on you. And in order to save us both from either making a bad decision, or me from embarrassing myself, I am going to have to ask that you don’t come any closer.” Her hand came down on the counter as she waged some sort of struggle within herself. She looked to be in such pain, such sweet agony, as her emotions finally broke. A sob shook her frame and she dropped her head. Several minutes passed as she silently cried before him across the room. Each time he went to comfort her, she lifted a hand, refusing his touch. It killed him to see her hurting, to know he caused this grief, and not being able to help her.
His death would be much easier to bear and a lot less painful than watching his strong Annabelle break down in front of him. Because of him.
But she wasn’t his…
After what seemed like a torturous amount of time, she lifted her head and met his gaze. Her hands wiped under her eyes, pushing the stains of tears away. Her mascara blotted beneath her lids, her eyes swollen and glassy. Yet she never looked more beautiful.
“I’m not going to say anything else. I’m not strong enough to say much of anything other than thank you, Luc. You’ve given me such sweet memories, taught me how to love someone unconditionally, and helped me grow into the woman I am today. You, Luc, only you. The one who was in my life for such a short amount of time, has had such a strong impact on me. You will always hold a special place in my heart and soul. You will always be my best friend, and I will always love you, and be with you, no matter what.”
Her words touched him so deep that he could only stare at her. Memories pinged in his head.
That first night at basic training, her eyes young and eager, full of fear with the unknown.
The determination of a woman pushing herself harder, wanting to prove that she was just as good as any male on the squad.
The first time he’d seen her watch a Texas sunrise.
The first time she’d laughed in front of him.
The first time he’d kissed her.
And the last.
This was the point in their lives that the past was buried. This was the point in which they both were forced to move on. This…was their future.
Eighteen
Annabelle slowly opened her eyes the next morning and stared at the sun outside. Her eyes stung from both the light and the previous night’s tears. She was still in her clothes from yesterday, had fallen asleep after Lucas left. She cried until she passed out, exhausted beyond belief. The night had been one of revelations, and one for healing the heartbroken past.
Bathed in the sunlight, a song by Alex Clare popped in her head. The words hummed through her mind, their meaning a perfect description of the moment. I Won’t Let You Down. It was too applicable to what Lucas and she were going through.
He was her sunlight, watching over her and giving her the strength to get up and move, making her ready to go home. To the life she was supposed to live. To get out of the past and leave it behind.
* * * * *
“Daddy, Daddy, catch me!” AJ raced through the yard.
Lucas had to think fast and it was a good thing his reflexes were even faster, because AJ flung himself through the air.
His heart hitched for the second time in less than twelve hours. He caught the bounding child at the last moment and lifted his giggling son above his head, spun him around and soaked in the laughter. AJ was his world, had been from the second he was born. With each passing moment, Lucas grew more amazed at how much he could love something so small.
That he’d almost missed catching him flying through the air had him shaking his head. A bit distracted this morning, his thoughts kept wandering to last night. To talking, touching, and kissing a certain woman. The same woman currently on a plane back to Seattle.
He hoped their friendship would remain intact, but for some reason, that moment signaled the end. Like this was it, the end of whatever could have been, replaced by a casual email now and then. He didn’t want it to be like that. He missed the closeness he once had with Annabelle. Wanted their friendship to be as strong as it could be and her in his life as his confidant.
But that would never work, would it?
He already missed her. It had only been sixteen hours since he left the hotel.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and sent off a text, knowing her plane would be landing in the next hour.
Hey Anna, just wanted to check in with you. Hope your flight was smooth.
He hit send and quickly keyed in another.
And I already miss you. Call me when you can.
* * * * *
Annabelle passed out as soon as the plane took off from Tampa and slept the entire trip. She couldn’t be pissed about it, as she barely got any sleep last night. But in the back of her mind, a little voice kept her up all night, a reminder that she had jumped across three time zones for this case.
Yawning, she stretched her arms and walked to her car. She felt laden, tired. Her thoughts drug, like she hadn’t fully woken up either. With all that happened last night, she was emotionally exhausted.
On top of it all, her dreams didn’t help. She had dreamt of an Italian man, dark and broody, of alternate endings and lives lost. She had woken in a somber mood and with Lucas on her mind.
She slid into her car and started her trek home. Her eyes were on the road but her mind kept wandering to Lucas and everything they had been through. She wanted his friendship. She didn’t want another ten years to pass without contact from him. But there needed to be borderlines they couldn’t cross.
He wasn’t hers.
He had never been.
Right or wrong, this was the way of things.
Move on and get past it, Anna.
The sun disappeared behind the horizon as she started the hour-long drive home. She reached over and dug into her purse for her phone, knowing her husband would be wondering how she was doing.
She needed to be upfront about meeting with Lucas. Try to come up with a way to broach the conver
sation ahead. He’d be upset, but they had survived things worse than this. They’d survive again. But she had to be honest with him.
Turning on her phone, she waited for it to load. When the home screen popped up, a distinct ring of incoming texts sang through the car. Three in succession. She arched a brow and opened the messages, seeing one from her husband and two from Luc. With her eyes split between the road, the backlight illuminated her skin around the phone, and she read.
Hey Annabelle, just wanted to check in with you. Hope your flight was smooth.
The second one.
And I already miss you. Call me when you can.
I already miss you.
Oh, Lucas…
Hitting reply, her attention shifted for one moment.
A second too late. The oncoming car’s lights blinded her. The squeal of breaks screeched across the pavement, the sound of broken glass. Pain, enormous amounts of agony. Sirens. And then blessed peace.
If there had been a redo button, she would have chosen to ignore her texts and wait until she was home. Or, an even better idea would have been to turn on her phone before she left the airport parking lot. But see, life happened the way others higher planned it out. Actions had consequences. Words could never be taken back. Regrets were permanent, and mistakes set in stone. Losses became real, and heartbreak tore lives apart. There was nothing in the world anyone could go back and change, although, there were things one could attempt to fix.
This one moment in Annabelle’s life was very permanent, and this time, there was no chance of a goodbye.
Nineteen
It had been three days since Lucas last heard from her.
Nothing.
Silence.
He worried about the after effects of their conversation and kiss. On whether they crossed a line of no return. On whether their friendship would remain intact. He had to have faith, though. Too much had happened, too much time wasted between them, and too much lost in order for things not to work out. They had been through too damn much and yet not enough to let their friendship fail.
He sat behind his desk and lifted two fingers to his upper lip, tapped out a rhythm while he studied his phone.
No matter how long he stared at it, it didn’t chirp. No matter how much he willed it to ring, it didn’t. With a low growl of frustration, he tossed it on his desk and keyed up his email. What the hell was wrong with her?
May 21, 2011 9:30a.m EST
Annabelle,
Has your phone quit working? I hope your flight went well and that all is back to normal in Seattle. Do give your dear “old” friend a shout out when you have time. Your long lost friend down here in Florida would really like to know if you are all right.
Lucas
He hit send and sat back once again, staring at his email. He didn’t know how much time passed, or if anyone had come into his office. His mind was preoccupied on the feeling that something wasn’t right. He didn’t know how to explain it, but the dark sense that something was wrong kept slithering down his spine.
He had to believe it was anything other than Annabelle finally realizing she was too good for him and he wasn’t worthy of her friendship.
He couldn’t believe she would just let him go.
It was too damn painful.
Twenty
May 28, 2011 10:32a.m EST
Anna,
Where are you?
This “old” man’s heart can’t take so much worry.
;)
Lucas
Twenty-One
Annabelle gave him two damn weeks of silence. At first, he got worried. The worry turned into bewilderment. And now, he was plain pissed off and resigned to the fact that once again, she made a decision without him.
It stung. He worried over the very fact that they opened up so much to one another, and that they almost crossed a critical line, but pulled back. Right? Didn’t they? Didn’t their friendship mean anything to her? Or did he imagine that she pushed at his shoulders? He couldn’t envision hurting her or even having her regret anything between them. But with her silence, he couldn’t help but double-guess everything.
Anger seeped through him, ugly, and when combined with pain, he almost didn’t recognize who he was. His emotions drew him to act before thinking. Like she held a magnetic pull and he was the metal, insanely attracted to her. Her lack of response blinded him, his empty email taunted. His temper flared.
He gave it one last shot, keying in her old email address, one he knew from ten years ago, one she admitted she still had. He hoped it worked.
May 31, 2011 1:26p.m EST
Annabelle,
It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since we last saw each other and two weeks of silence that can only lead me to believe what you are clearly stating. You don’t want this friendship. That’s fine and I will let it go. But first, there is something I need to say.
Ten years ago, you took my choice away. Ten years ago, you decided for yourself just how things would play out. You didn’t reach out to me, and you didn’t give me an opportunity to tell you how I felt, or what I wanted. This isn’t my perspective on what happened, but it’s really what happened, Anna. You stated it yourself on the beach. You let me go in the hopes that I would come back.
Well in case you missed the memo, I am right the hell here. But now, like ten years ago, you have apparently made your decision on what is best without any input from me, again.
I loved you, Anna. I love you now, I loved you then, I always will. My love for you would have been shown in the only thing we could have now, a friendship. I don’t know if you’re upset because I can’t give you more or even if it’s because of what happened that night. I don’t regret it, Anna, and I won’t take it back. I’d kiss you again if I could.
Ten years, Anna. I won’t wait again. Take care of yourself.
Your Friend,
Lucas
He hit send and blew out a breath, stared at his screen as if he could will an email from her. She’d joke that she’d been teasing him, that she’d been busy, or even that she’d lost her contact information on him. Any of it he’d accept, because yes, he loved her, and regardless of his anger, despite his temper, he wanted her in his life. He didn’t want to say goodbye.
But nothing came. Several minutes passed by and still…zilch.
With his heart pounding a fierce tempo in his throat, he went into his address book and deleted all her contact information. He needed to get the point and move on. He wasn’t trying to be an ass, but he didn’t have enough strength not to reach out. It had to all go away. He had to be left with nothing.
Maybe she did the right thing. The connection between them was too strong for a friendship, no matter how badly he wanted it, or Annabelle in his life.
He had to let her run again, no matter how much it stung.
Twenty-Two
Later the next day, Lucas sat at his desk filtering through reports on the latest round of deployments when his phone rang. He picked up the receiver, his attention not focused on the call but on what the Group Command was asking his Squadron to send.
“Sergeant Angotta,” he answered.
The low sound of a throat clearing came over the line. “Is this Lucas Angotta?”
Lucas glanced up and stared out across the office, the voice sounding vaguely familiar, but he was unable to identify the caller. “That’s me. Who’s asking?”
“Alan Turner. I don’t know if you remember me…”
Lucas’ attention snapped up as if his squadron commander had walked in the room. He sure as shit remembered Mr. Turner. Just the sound of Annabelle’s last name…well, her maiden name, sent a jolt through his heart.
How did that still happen when she wasn’t anywhere near him?
“I remember you, Mr. Turner.”
“Please, call me Alan.”
“Okay then, Alan.” Several beats of silence passed through. “Is there something—”
“This is going to be awkward, but I got
your email, Lucas.”
He frowned, momentarily struck silent. He didn’t remember sending Mr. Turner an email. “Sir? Did you? I didn’t think I had your contact information.”
“To Anna,” he grumbled. “The one you sent yesterday to Anna.”
Shit. Lucas took a deep breath, let it out slowly. Everything he put in that email, his raw emotions echoed through his head. Annabelle was married, and here he was sending her some email that got intercepted by her father. Hell, this was a nightmare.
“Ah…listen, Mr., I mean, Alan…”
“You don’t need to explain yourself, Luc.” The other man blew air down the line, and damn if the sad sound didn’t tug at Lucas’ heart.
“Listen, son,” Alan said, “I know exactly who you were to my daughter. I know what happened between you two some years ago and I know how much it hurt Anna to let you go.”
Oh hell, where was he going with this? Was the “talk” coming from Annabelle’s dad? Would he warn him off?
“Look, Sir, I really don’t think we should talk about this.”
“Don’t interrupt, boy, I know they taught you better than that in the military.”
Chastised, he winced. “Yes, Sir.”
“Good. As I was saying, I know what you meant to her. Things happened, life played out differently than what either of you probably intended. But then you two found each other again. Only this time, it was too late.” Lucas heard Alan take a deep, shaky breath. “She was excited to see you. She told me as much and I know how much it meant to her. I also know that she was torn and conflicted. In love with you and her husband as well. He was a good man to her.”
Lucas cringed. Fuck, he didn’t know if he could sit through this.
“He was there for her when she needed him. He treated her right and helped my baby girl grow into the woman she was.”