Finding Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  And with that, he slams the door, both me and Riggan grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “When do you think he’s going to catch on to the real Landon? It’s laughable at this point.”

  Blondie looks at me. “What do you mean?”

  Riggan picks up the button-down shirt he had on beneath the jacket he probably ditched in the club so he wouldn’t have to wear it again, and slides it on her arms, already buttoning it from behind. “Princess, Landon is not shy. He doesn’t talk much because you generally don’t want to hear what he has to say. He’s an asshole. Would make me and Maddox look like saints. Where do you think the name of our band really came from? He’s the savage. We’re the saints. He probably already fucked one wearing easy access clothing against a wall somewhere and left her there like a whore. Maybe even two. He has zero fucks to give. Everyone thinks he’s the sweet little quiet Landon. You do not want to know him behind closed doors. The only females worth more than sex to him are his mother, sister, and niece. There is no place in his little black heart for more. Occasionally he has a steady fuck for a few months when one rubs him the right way, but he doesn’t do overnights and shit. He’s weird. Or, like I said, an asshole. He sent a girl home once in the freezing cold at two in the morning even though her heat was messed up in her car just because he didn’t want her sleeping over.”

  She looks as confused as I knew she would be. “It’s true, blondie. The three of you will never see it. The only girls he’s nice to—or quiet around, for better terminology—are his friends’ girls. At some point he’ll decide he’s comfortable with Konnor and blow his damn mind.” I smile, knowing how nice of a guy he is deep down, especially where girls are concerned, and I glance at Riggan. “If I’m not there, record it for me.”

  I drop my head, looking at Gabby, who’s got her eyes closed. “Baby.”

  “Mmm . . .”

  She’s out for the count. It’s hard not to laugh. I push off her and sit on the edge of the seat, yank my shoes off, and then push my slacks down my legs to get my boxer briefs off, before stepping back into my pants and quickly yank them up my body, zipping them to keep my junk covered. She tore off the button. I work my boxer briefs up her legs until the band is around her waist. Those interconnected strings she calls panties may be hot but aren’t going to do shit for my cum coming out of her.

  I look around. There is no way I’m going to get that tight dress back on her. I reach down and pick her up off the floor and sit back in the seat, bringing her in my lap. The door opens and Riggan gets out. Blondie walks toward me dressed in Riggan’s shirt and her panties as I grab mine from where it was thrown. It hits her like a short dress. “Here, let me help you,” she says, grabbing it out of my hand, and then starts working it up Gabby’s arm. Gabby groans when I sit her up long enough for Blondie to get the other sleeve on. She pulls the two front sides shut, fastening the one button that made it through all of Gabby’s ripping, and thankfully, it’s the one right over her breasts.

  “Thanks,” I tell her, and then scoot to one side and prop my arm up, fixing Gabby so that she’s comfortable while still giving Landon a place to sit. I laugh accidentally as everything comes back, thinking of the irony. Blondie may have broken a barrier, considering what her deepest insecurities are. “You kissed a girl. Shucking those innocent layers one after the other.”

  She laughs. “Shut up. It’s something I can write down in my journal of life experiences just like the night with you and Riggan. That’s what matters.”

  That night is the single only time I don’t feel guilty about hooking up with a girl while me and Gabby were apart, and it’s weird. Maybe because I know Sayler’s underlying issues are mental, and it connected us on that level because my head is so fucked up over Gabby. It messes a person up when someone has that much power over them day in and day out. It takes another dealing with similar shit to understand it. “I know.”

  I look down at Gabby snuggled against my bare chest, her blonde hair laying over the costume paint. I didn’t realize I would miss something like her blonde hair until I saw her standing before me with jet black. While she’d likely still be beautiful even bald, it’s not my Gabby. She can be a little tyrant conscious, but she’s an angel when she sleeps. She knows how to piss me off like no other, and she can hurt me with one carefully orchestrated sentence, but I’m so far gone in love with her there is no way in hell I could make it a lifetime without her.

  “How does it feel to be engaged?” I glance back at her, my smile plenty enough of an answer. “Your proposal was beautiful . . . and very unique.”

  “Is that code for—you sounded like a tool?”

  She giggles. “No! It means I really like seeing you happy. It shows. I was worried about you. I couldn’t imagine a girl having that much of a grip on a strong guy before, but after hanging out with her all day, I get it. I can even see why she drew Konnor’s attention. She has a way about her that draws you in; makes you want to be her friend. She’s a free bird. Never meets a stranger. Easy to like. Has a spark about her. Doesn’t take shit off of anyone. Knows what she wants and goes after it. She isn’t ashamed of who she is, regardless of what background she came from, and she treats everyone as if there are no social classes. She wears her love for you proudly. How many girls would stand there and be whipped instead of conforming. She’s one of the strongest girls I’ve met. She’s like my goal girl.”

  I give her a small smile. I hate being reminded of the whip marks she had all up and down her back and thighs. I should have gone hunting for answers even if she had left me, if for nothing more than closure about us as a couple. The second I get ahold of her dad I’m going to let him have it. That controlling dick may even beat my ass, but I won’t stop until I get my share of licks. “And you just want to be her friend. Imagine being in love with her and then walking away against your own will. Having her back reminds me how miserable all those years were, and I don’t even deserve her.”

  She picks up Gabby’s feet and sits beside me, laying them across her lap. With the weight of Gabby’s feet bearing down on the ends of Blondie’s shirt, it tightens the fabric and makes her growing belly show. “Why don’t you deserve her? I find that hard to believe.”

  “I don’t care what anyone says, I should have done a lot of things differently. Regardless of how many times I ask myself, I can’t formulate an answer on why I didn’t look for her when she turned eighteen. I guess I just assumed she was over what we had by that point or had found someone else and I was the only one that couldn’t move on. It’s not like I would have blamed any guy that wanted her. She’s beautiful. She’s someone you meet and have to know. You never forget her. God, I don’t even know what she saw in me that night. ‘Hot guys’ are a dime a dozen in the eyes of a girl. I spotted her and was at least going to try to talk to her. A girl had never stuck out to me like that before. I’d had a few girlfriends starting around fifteen. Never loved any of them, but the second I saw her, I don’t know, it’s like I couldn’t look away. I figured she’d blow me off. She didn’t look her age or I wouldn’t have been that stupid—at least that’s what I tell myself. She’s always looked older, at least to me. Maybe it’s just because she acts older.” I laugh, going back to the memory of that night like I’ve done so many times. “But instead, she lit up like she was waiting for me. We started talking. It felt right. I asked her if she wanted to go hang out despite the fact we’d just met. One memorable night later we never looked back. I saw her every chance I got. Didn’t even care what I had to do to get it. During the summer it was easy since there was no school. I didn’t even know she was lying and sneaking around until later, except for spend the nights. She just told her dad she was with a friend or snuck out and I had her back home before five. She’s an only child. He never questioned it or checked her room once she went to bed. He trusted her. Had no reason to. He’s too busy to care. Once school started back, I snuck her out a lot more at night.”

  She wraps her arm around mine. “Sounds rom
antic.”

  “We were just kids, but I guess, in a sense, it was if you think about all the immoral shit we did to be together. We were obsessed with each other.” I smile, thinking back over the last few weeks. “I guess some things never change. When her dad found out we were having sex he filed a restraining order against me immediately. He was going to press charges for statutory rape, but somehow, she changed his mind. Knowing Gabby, she probably threw in his face it’d ruin his reputation. I had to leave town, though, to get out of it. Was forced to move to Baton Rouge with my older brother and finish out my senior year at a local high school. The guilt over everything is eating me alive. I should have found a way. She never gave herself to anyone else while I was out sleeping with random girls that meant nothing to me. Heartbreak isn’t a good enough excuse.”

  I glance down at her pregnant belly. “I see you pregnant and wonder what she looked like when she was. Some days I only think about it a time or two, and sometimes it consumes my mind. Can you imagine after carrying her for all these months, laying in a bed and giving birth to her, and then someone walking in the room and basically stealing her from you?”

  She frowns at me. “No. I love her already. I can feel her. I may pick at Riggan for being overprotective about things, but in ways, I am too. I don’t want anything to happen to her.”

  A damn tear leaks from my eye with no warning. “I was making new friends and partying every weekend almost, angry at the world and getting drunk to get my mind off her, and even hooking up with girls because I’d get so trashed it became easy. My brother had no rules as long as he knew where I was and I didn’t get put in jail. While I was living it up, she was carrying my son and then was forced to give him away. Fifteen and had him pried from her arms while I didn’t even fucking know about him. She only turned him loose to keep my sorry ass out of jail. She was always protecting me, but what did I do for her? Not a damn thing. Then to find out she made sure he got my middle name—which is also my grandfather’s name—and a first name close to mine ripped my heart in two.” Sayler’s eyes are quickly matching mine. “The part that hurts the most is that she doesn’t even hate me for it. She makes me work off my fuckups, albeit, but she still loves me. Try that conscience on for size.”

  She lays her head on my shoulder and hugs my bicep in her arms. “I’m sorry. Life can be so unfair sometimes. People can be cruel, and the thing is, two people in love are always going to find a way, so forbidding your kid from seeing someone doesn’t make sense to me. As long as the person they’re with doesn’t hurt them, you should encourage them to love who they want. That’s how I’m going to be with my kids. Me and Riggan get stares all the time, but that just proves the world is still living skin deep and keeping social classes separated. That’s what I noticed was so special about Gabby. She looks at the world like we’re all one big integrated unit and everyone is equal.”

  “She’s always been a humble person. I have no idea where she gets it from either. None of her family is like that. Not a single one.”

  “Every soul is as different as a fingerprint. I’m starting to think that a person’s spiritual makeup has nothing to do with genetics and that they’re handed out like playing cards. You take what you get, whether it’s good or bad. You found an Ace.”

  I glance down at Gabby and smile. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more accurate description for her to date. Highest in the suit. Most desired card to come out a winner. Limited in number. Only a select few find it. I glance at Sayler with a smirk in place. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, blondie.”

  With one compliment she grins from ear to ear, just like I knew she would.

  Twenty-Four

  Maddox

  I walk out of the bathroom in a pair of athletic shorts, the steam following me from the temperature of the water, phone in hand, and I turn to head for the stairs to go put it on the charger. I haven’t been home from work long—an office space we’re renovating for resale—but none of the girls were here when I arrived, so I texted Gabby to see where she was and went to take a shower. She still hasn’t read or answered the message yet. I don’t remember her telling me she had anything she wanted to do today or I would have left her my truck like I’ve been doing on the days Konnor doesn’t have school and ride with him.

  The light is on in Riggan’s old room, which is basically empty since we moved his furniture to the open area in the back of the basement for Landon when he’s here, or any guest I suppose, causing me to stop. A large, long box is opened with white furniture pieces inside, and an instruction booklet is open while he stares at it on his hands and knees with a handful of tools beside him. One side of my mouth lifts, because he looks like he’s concentrating way too hard. “You know you’re shit at putting things together. Something always gets put on backward and you have to take it off and redo it.”

  He doesn’t look at me, only flips me off. I laugh. “Not all of us had daddies to teach us how to be manly. Some of us had to teach ourselves.”

  I walk into the room and sit down not far from him. “Yeah, well, you turned out just fine without one. What is that? I’ll help.”

  He finally looks up at me from the book. “A crib. Figured I better start doing this shit now and space it out. Do you know this thing was six hundred dollars? . . . Without the mattress. And apparently, we still have to get a dresser and car seat and all sorts of stuff. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous. She gave this thing the ‘shake test’ in the store on the display and said it’s a good one, and it has an attached changing table with some drawers for storage, but still, doesn’t that seem a little steep for a piece of furniture that will hold a person weighing in less than ten pounds?”

  “Rig, I know you’ve been out of practice for many years, but you do know everything you buy has a price range, right? I doubt that was the cheapest, or even the most expensive. Not everyone can afford that. Hell, I’m almost positive I’ve seen those things in Walmart for like two or three hundred. You walk right by that section for the snacks back home.”

  He sits back on his heels and exhales. “This is the one she wanted. If this isn’t the most expensive, she was probably even settling because of me. She would’ve offered to swipe it otherwise, and I’m not letting her parents pay for it. She’s already prepped me to not freak out when she brings a new car home with four doors. Apparently, it’s already been discussed with her parents. They’re selling hers and it’ll be her Christmas and birthday gift. I had to let it go. I have to do this before I can worry about something as big as a car. I’d be a nervous wreck with her driving our daughter in that small car she has that she drives way too fast in. Plus, I can’t imagine trying to drag a car seat in and out of that thing. I choose my battles. Abby died in a car. I’m not going there. Sayler is the best thing I have. I have money set back. I was just expecting it to go a lot further. What would you have done if it were Gabby?”

  I smirk. “Bought it and then bitched about it to my friend just like you’re doing.”

  He laughs. “We lost our balls somewhere. Can’t even tell a girl no.”

  “You can when it counts. Don’t stress too hard. I’m sure she’ll get a baby shower that will cover a bunch of the smaller stuff.” I grab the booklet off the floor. Riggan can’t concentrate on shit like this. He just gets angry and gives up. “You get. I’ll instruct. We’ll both assemble.”

  His demeanor becomes serious. “Thanks. I owe you. I told her I’d have it done when she gets home.”

  I look over page one where it lists the items included in the box and what you’ll need to assemble. “Yeah, you do. When I have to do this shit you’re going to be right there doing it too. Where are they anyway?”

  “Shopping. Something about baby stuff and Presley’s sister coming into town soon for the weekend to celebrate Presley’s birthday since she has a day out of school for Veteran’s Day. All I heard was she’s a seventeen-year-old nightmare and everything has to be perfect. Presley seemed a
little high-strung. Apparently, they’re nothing alike according to Konnor.”

  I set the booklet down and get up. “I’ll be right back. You have a sorry excuse for tools. It doesn’t have to take all night. Part of the fun in putting things together is power tools. I have Allen wrench bits. Be getting all the pieces out and separate them. It’s easier and less time consuming to grab when you aren’t constantly digging through a box.”

  “Okay,” he says to my back as I walk out the door. I may also need a quick breather to shut my thoughts down, and maybe even a beer, because the first thing I thought when he said it was a crib was that this should have been me years ago . . .

  Riggan removes his pocketknife from his pocket and opens it, before running the blade down the protective plastic that’s wrapped around the mattress while I put the trash back in the box and gather up the tools in one pile. Right as he’s putting the soft mattress in the finished white crib against the middle of the wall, footsteps thud against the upper flight of stairs.

  Blondie walks in wearing a bikini with some robe-looking thing over it, open in the front, minus a tie, and holding two beers. I’m not sure what the purpose of that is. It’s covering nothing but her arms and back, and she’s obviously not worried about covering anything since her entire pregnant belly is bare and on display. I guess if you have a body like hers even pregnant then go for it. “I’ve come with gifts of thanks,” she says with a smile on her face, her long blonde hair hanging over her shoulders. I take one when she hands it to me and Riggan takes the other, before she wraps her arms around my bare midsection for a hug, her belly pressed against my stomach. Feels weird with no fabric in the way. It’s an oversized hard knot. “It looks so good! Thank you for helping.”