Finding Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  “I’m trying.”

  “Speaking of the baby,” he says, changing the subject slightly from something depressing like he does so well when I’m being a downer. “Why haven’t you done a pregnancy announcement? You’ve always posted positive stuff on your Facebook. I didn’t knock you up this time, despite the fact no one aside from our families knows about that. We were trying for it. Why do you look up all that shit on Pinterest like pregnancy announcements and gender reveal ideas if you’re not going to actually do one?”

  My heart rate picks up. Sometimes I forget that he’s so perceptive. I smirk at him. “Is this your way of admitting that you have always Facebook stalked me?”

  “I think the secret has been out for a while now that I’ve always been hyper aware of you, even when we both dated other people. Quit dodging the subject.”

  My shoulders fall. “I’m scared.”

  “Of what?”

  “That I’ll jinx myself. That people will judge us for doing everything so fast and young. We’re good, and for a long time we weren’t. Our parents support us one hundred percent, which is sort of a miracle. I don’t want us to change if people start getting opinionated, which is always the case with social media.”

  He stands and steps in front of me, then leans over and places his hands on each armrest of my chair so that we’re face to face. “The only people that can change us, Presley, is us. Stop letting our timeline or the abortion determine how you live your life. We aren’t ashamed of our choice to get married and start a family. We have a lifetime of history. No one was there for the eighteen years that we knew each other and were friends. No one else determined our feelings for each other even when we were too stubborn to tell each other. Did you care what anyone else thought when you let me fuck you for the first time that Christmas? Did you think about what people would say when you didn’t make me wrap it up or pull out? Had I not been a dick when you found out you were pregnant the first time at eighteen would you have been ashamed to tell people?”

  I wonder if he’ll ever know how much he’s my rock. He levels me. He’s my voice of reason. “No. The answer to every question is the same.”

  “Do you regret getting pregnant now that you are? Have you changed your mind about wanting a baby with me? Do you feel like we made this decision prematurely?”

  I frown and place my hand on my baby bump. “Of course not. You know I want this baby. God knows we worked hard for it. I knew I wanted forever and a family with you from the time I was young. I want everything with you. I always have. That’s never going to change. I’m mostly scared that if I get too excited or cocky, we’ll lose it.” My eyes water up a little. “I want our baby. I love you.”

  His eyes soften a little. He’s so handsome. “We can’t control everything, Pres. I’d like to think God takes our circumstances into consideration when it comes to our mistakes. You can’t help that I was in a bad place then any more than I can help you making the decision alone. You’re not going to be punished. If this baby is meant to be here it will be. Enjoy the process or it’s going to pass us by and you’re going to have regrets. And while I’m pretty positive there will be others, it won’t be the same.”

  I take a deep breath. “You’re right. I promise I’ll try harder to be positive.”

  He comes closer and presses his lips to mine. I love that he’s not afraid to show me affection in public. While the small lobby isn’t full, there are a couple of other patients scattered.

  “Presley Baker,” a female voice calls out into the lobby. Konnor stands upright and takes my hands to help pull me up. We both walk toward the smiling girl in scrubs that looks to be in her thirties if I had to guess. She pushes the door open farther with her back to let us enter. “How are you?”

  “Good,” I answer, following her through the maze to a room where she shuts the door behind us.

  She shuts off the fluorescent light, making it a little more relaxing and intimate with just the light on at her station and the ultrasound table. “Hop on the table and we’ll get a look.”

  I set my purse on the chair inside the door and do as instructed, trying to take a deep breath as she taps keys on the keyboard. She turns and pushes up my shirt to my bra, leaving my swollen belly exposed, and then she takes the disposable paper blanket and tucks it over the waistband of my pants. I’m so nervous. Konnor leans down and kisses me again, as if he knows, and then he smiles. “It’s time to find out the winner.”

  The pretty brunette smiles at us. “Are we taking bets on the sex?” the X-ray technician asks as she grabs a tube from its holder before coming to my direct side. “This is going to be warm.”

  I watch her squirt the jelly on my stomach in a glob. “I think it’s a boy. He says it’s a girl.”

  “Interesting. More times than not I hear the opposite.” She rolls the wand around in the jelly, spreading it over my flesh as she looks at her computer screen. “I like these ultrasounds. They’re more fun. Do we have names picked out yet?”

  I glance at Konnor on my other side with a grin. We’ve been back and forth over this for months before finally deciding last night. The names have changed umpteen dozen times. He’s always supportive of my crazy indecisive mind, giving his opinion but mostly leaving it up to me. It’s harder than I thought. Our name sticks with us forever. I’m trying not to take it lightly, but I was set on having it picked out by the time we found out what the baby is. I wanted to leave from here knowing our baby’s name. “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” I tell him.

  He grabs my hand and leans down next to me, propping his weight on his forearms now taking a sliver of the table beside me. “I’m good. I think these are the right ones.”

  She glances at me when I turn to her. “Kade Aston Baker if it’s a boy to share his dad’s middle name and initials. Kylar Anne Baker if it’s a girl to take my middle name and her dad’s initials.”

  “Excellent choices! Both are super fun and pretty too. Let’s meet this special little one. It’ll be the boring stuff first and then we’ll get to the goods.”

  I turn my head to the opposite side. He’s so close. “The defining moment,” he says. “Team pink or team blue.”

  My heart swells. I’m so overwhelmed. “I’m glad I get to do this with you.”

  “Me too.”

  A swishing sounds fills the room. “Here’s your little cub.”

  We both glance at the overhead television. My heart somersaults as I stare at the little profile of a baby. You can see it all clearly; a torso and head with perfect little lips and a nose. It’s hard to believe at just halfway it looks so developed. I tear up. “And that’s its heart beating?”

  “Sure is. Nice and strong.”

  Relief washes over me. She moves the wand and I jump when the baby starts moving unexpectedly from the still image I was just looking at. Little nub-like parts are moving around. “What is that?”

  She presses a knob every few seconds and stretches out a line here and there on the screen like she’s measuring body parts. “Knees. Looks like we have a little wiggle worm. Give me a second and I’ll get a foot or hand. I just have to check all the organs and take measurements.”

  I glance at Konnor, who is staring at the screen as if he can’t look away. My heart soars. It’s a beautiful view. He smiles. “Five fingers.”

  I look back at the screen, but she’s already moved to something else, the wand lower on my abdomen, and suddenly I see the bottom of a small foot. Before I can say anything, I start laughing. “It has your feet.”

  “What? All feet look the same. How can you even tell?”

  “All feet do not look the same,” I argue. “How can you not tell? They look just like your feet?”

  “How do you even know what my feet look like?”

  I squint at him. “Because I’ve seen them for twenty years.”

  He shakes his head at me like I’m nuts. Do guys not pay attention to detail? It’s obvious. They’re shaped exactly like his from t
op to bottom. Mine are narrower all the way down. His are wider at the top. “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.”

  When she moves the wand this time it’s a frontal. Large eye sockets are staring at us. “It kind of looks like an alien,” Konnor comments. “Will the eyes go to normal?”

  “Yep. All perfectly normal. In the beginning of a pregnancy they’re actually on the side. As it develops and progresses, they draw in to the front and get more proportionate.”

  “Okay.”

  “Ready for the fun part?”

  “I’m so ready,” I tell her as I squeeze Konnor’s hand. My heart is palpitating and my nerves are on edge.”

  “Final answer. What do you think it is?”

  “Boy. It’s just a weird feeling I have.” She looks at Konnor for his answer. “I’ve said girl from the beginning. I’m sticking with it. Either is fine, though.”

  She smiles and moves the wand. “One of you needs to keep your day job. I’ll give you first guess. If you’re lying under a glass table, the baby is sitting on top. What do you see?”

  I study the screen as she stops, instantly knowing what it is. I turn to Konnor, who is already looking at me. “You see it?”

  He grins. “I’d know that anywhere.”

  I laugh. “It is pretty obvious. Are you happy?”

  “I think you know the answer to that based on a comment that was made not all that long ago. Things are about to get more interesting. That’s for sure.”

  It takes a second to realize what he’s talking about. My lips curl. “I should have known.”

  He looks at the technician. “Instead of confirming it out loud, will you put it in an envelope? She wanted to do a gender reveal but wasn’t sure if she wanted us to find out or someone else. We can do a little of both. We’re leaving for Lake Tahoe with some friends in a few days and can find out for sure then.”

  “Whatever you wish. Close your eyes.”

  We do as told. Konnor comes over me to ensure I don’t peek and says into my ear, “Practice. Start by telling our friends. Then we can tell the world whether we’re going to have a son or daughter. I’ll have your back when we do. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Pres. In ways you’ve always been my girl. No more hiding.”

  I close my eyes to stop them from watering up. How embarrassing would it be to cry right here. He’s right. There is one thing that’s always been true. “I’ve always been your girl, and I always will be. No more hiding.”

  Fifty-Eight

  Maddox

  Riggan paces back and forth like he’s feening for a cigarette. It’s amusing to see him so messed up when the drama has been revolved around me lately. He stops and looks at me, stress etched all in his features. I smirk at him. “Starting to regret that you quit smoking now?”

  “Daddy, what’s smoking?” Madden asks from where he’s sitting in the chair of the room all the groomsmen are occupying while playing the Nintendo DS Gabby and me got him for a late birthday present after he saw one on television. Gabby asked me if we should get it for him for Christmas and it dawned on me that we’ve never gotten to celebrate his birthday with him, and I wasn’t going to wait an entire year to make up for it when we were not long after this one just because it’s almost Christmas, so I told her no and grabbed my truck keys, telling her to load him up. We took him to eat pizza, play arcade games, and get one with about three games.

  Luckily, the boy can multitask better than anyone I’ve ever seen, adults included, because he hasn’t looked up yet to see the horror on my face. I didn’t even know he was listening. Riggan crosses his arms over his chest and grins at me. “Yeah, Dad, what’s smoking?”

  I point at him. “You’re a dick,” I whisper.

  “I could say the same to you,” he replies with a shoulder shrug. “It’s not like I’ve ever gotten married before!”

  “Quit your whining. You’ll be fine. You’re obsessed with her. She’s in love with you. Y’all are the perfect little mismatched couple. Just pretend the people you don’t know aren’t there.”

  “I hate people. Uppity people give me hives. We should have eloped.” He shakes his head. “Isn’t the best man supposed to be supportive and shit? So far, you’re shit at the job. I’m going to remember this when we swap shoes and you’re freaking the hell out in Greece with all Gabby’s family you’re scared of.”

  “Who said you’re even coming? You’ll have a baby by then. Greece is not a quick trip. To be honest, I was prepared for you to ask Konnor to be the best man.”

  He narrows his eyes at me and steps into my space in his matching tux. It’s weird to see most of his tattoos covered. “Oh, I’m going to be there, unless you have a best man in your pocket I don’t know about. That position is mine. I’ve earned that title through all the years of putting up with your bullshit just like you have mine. We’re brothers. You aren’t taking that from me any more than I’m taking it from you. Standing beside me when I marry the love of my life is something earned over time. You think my mom won’t be there to see you get married like your parents and brother are out there for mine just because it requires a longer plane ride? You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think I’m missing you get married.” He lowers his voice to where only I can hear him. “I’ll be there when your baby is born too.”

  I square my chest, trying to brush off my emotions, our eyes locked on one another. I blink, clearing my throat. God knows he’s always been my best friend. He’s no less of a brother to me than Micah is. Neither of us have had a perfect life. We’ve had shit thrown at us. We’ve been close and we’ve been distant, but I love him like a brother. “Rig.”

  “I know,” he says. “I do too.”

  I feel eyes on me. I look at my son, who’s looking at me like he’s waiting for an answer, reminding me what started all of this. Gabby is going to kill me. She feels like he already knows too much for his age, because even though he doesn’t exactly know what sex is, he knows she was young when he was born, which is why he had to live with his grandparents, so even though we’re grateful he knew who we were, she wanted to try hard to preserve his innocence from here on out. “Smoking is bad, buddy. It makes people sick after a while. We’ll talk about it later with Mommy.”

  Speaking of, I’d like to see her before the ceremony starts, because Riggan is going to need some time alone. It’s time for one of his wedding gifts. Konnor was here earlier, but his parents wanted some family photos since Kinzleigh was here for the wedding with Breyson and they came along to help with their son so they could have some time with friends while they were here in Miami. I think Konnor invited them anyway since they’ve been supportive of his friendship with Riggan in the past.

  A knock sounds at the door. Riggan glances at it. “Who is that?”

  “Blondie’s wedding gift. After you proposed she asked if I’d help her surprise you. Your mom and Kinzleigh are in on it too, so if you get mad, you can be mad at the rest of us.”

  He squints at me. “What did you do?”

  “Madden, come on, buddy. Let’s go see how pretty Mommy looks. I bet she wants to see you too.”

  He gets off the chair and comes running at me in his slacks and long sleeve sweater, holding his DS. I take his free hand in mine and lead him to the door. Another knock comes. I open it, slightly taken back when looking at the person on the other side. It’s amazing how people can change when they want to. She looks at me with similar features to the ones I was just looking at. No one could ever deny they were kin. “Hey, Maddox. How have you been? It’s been a while.”

  I smile back. “Lil, you look good.”

  She runs her hands down her black dress like she’s nervous. It looks like she’s put on a little weight, which makes a huge difference for some people. She’s been a bag of bones forever. She smells of perfume and is wearing makeup. Her blonde hair hangs just past her shoulders and has a shine to it I’m not sure I’ve ever seen. She looks . . . healthy.

  She’s beautiful when she’s cleaned up.
The only people that ever really cared about her were Riggan and Abby. Abby had a special place in her heart for helping her when she wouldn’t help herself. After Abby died and Riggan went downhill, there was no hope for her. She’s been dealing with daddy issues her entire life. Her mom didn’t want her because of what she was the result of. Since Riggan met her he’s had a soft spot for her. He’s always been protective of her since she’s younger. When he was strung out, he was almost always with her. He couldn’t keep her off the drugs, but he could keep her safe. He hates his aunt for what she’s done to her more than he hates their dad. “Thank you.” She looks at Madden. “Who is this handsome guy?”

  “My son, Madden.” Her eyes lock with mine. I can see the questions. She’s known me as long as she’s known Riggan. “Madden, this is Uncle Riggan’s sister Lily.”

  Despite the fact that she’s wearing heels, she squats to his height with her legs closed. “Hey, Madden. It’s nice to meet you. You look just like your dad did when he was younger.”

  “Hey,” he says all cool like, as if he’s flirting, making me smile. Boy after my own heart. He’s just like me. Then he tilts his head. “You’re pretty. Will you be my girlfriend?”

  Her face lights up as if she’s never been complimented. It’s sad. I place my hand on the top of his head and wiggle it side to side. “Boy, she’s too old for you.”

  She laughs. “Thank you, but your dad is right. Besides, I bet you’ll forget all about me when you see the flower girl. She’s wearing a pretty dress and looks about your age.”

  He smiles and looks at me. “Can we go find her, Daddy?”

  I laugh. I can’t totally blame him. He’s around couples all the time now and men that like to grope their women before they remember little eyes are around. I didn’t know what the hell to do the other night when me and Gabby were going at it and he walked in the dark room right as I was finishing, saying he couldn’t sleep. Thank God we were under the blankets and Gabby thinks fast by telling him to go get his stuffed animal so he wasn’t lonely, which gave me time to get the fuck out of her and put my boxer briefs back on so that I could go distract him for her to put her pajamas back on. I’ve been trying to be more unpredictable in bed with sex to make her happy. I would have been mortified had I been pounding her or something on top of all the bedding. We’ve locked the door ever since, just in case.