by Criss Copp
“No, they knew 5 days ago, they just didn’t tell us till now.”
“Motherfucking cocksuckers. Does the Department over here really have the shittiest men for the job?” I shout out.
“Silas, you’re shouting in my ear; and no, most police officers in this county are really good at their job. It seems you’ve just stumbled upon a run of incompetent ones.” She assures me.
I move over to Isi, who has pulled the quilt up to her neck and is looking glassy eyed and alarmed. I sit beside her and wrap my arm around her back and hook her into me by pulling her to me by her waist. I kiss her forehead and continue the conversation.
“So, who is Ethan really?”
“They don’t know.”
“So maybe he wasn’t even a nurse?”
“No. He has some sort of background there, he has way too much knowledge; but the real Ethan McCormack went missing 8 years ago. He was a Canadian nurse, and he looks a lot like Ethan, but it’s not him.”
“Fuck. How could they not know who he is?”
“He doesn’t come up on any data banks.”
“Why?”
“He hasn’t been convicted of a crime.”
“No, of course not. He’s just fucking perpetuating them.” I growl.
“So it seems.”
“Who bailed him out?”
“His pastor.”
“So he really does go to church?”
“Yes.”
“Dr. Jensen; this is really fucked.” I point out.
“I agree.”
“What do I do?” I croak.
This is rather overwhelming.
“Look after her, if you can handle it; or bow out and let someone else look after her if you can’t.” She reasons.
“Fuck that, as if I’d walk away.” I shout.
“Shouting Silas, shouting.”
“You just told me to walk away.” I shout.
“No, I just told you your options. I’m glad you aren’t interested in bowing out.”She argues.
“Of course I’m not, she belongs with me; she’s mine.” I explain.
I hear her intake of breath, “Silas, people aren’t possessions.”
I growl down the line.
“Well I’m hers, I’m her possession.” I argue.
“We’ve got a lot to talk about when this is all over.”
“Think what you like Dr. Jensen. But I kid you not, she definitely owns me. I’ll do everything I can to protect her. She’s my responsibility; she’s the woman I want to be with and she’s the woman I’m determined to keep.” I snarl, thinking how Isi definitely is mine… my girl.
“Silas, I’m on your side and I know you’ll keep her safe, which is why I suggested she stay with you.”
I feel a little annoyed by Dr. Jensen at the moment, even though I know none of this is her fault.
“I won’t be letting her out of my site.” I respond.
“Don’t crowd her too much, let her do things, just don’t leave her on her own.”
“I won’t.”
“Good Silas. You’re a good man.”
“Thank you.” I sigh. “Is Paula’s messaging the same?”
“Yes.”
“Can you call Paula and tell her she’ll be staying with me from now on?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, can I briefly speak with Isobelle?” she requests.
I look at Isobelle and I hand the phone over.
Isi talks to her for another 20 minutes. I realize that Dr. Jensen is counseling her through her anxiety; and so I just hold Isi to let her know I intend to protect her.
When the phone call is over, Isi isn’t quite herself, but she’s okay; we’ll wake up okay tomorrow once the initial shock wears off.
Chapter 11: Divorce and Alimony
Isi.
“Thanks Bonnie.” I offer, when she helps me shift the chairs back under their table after washing the floors.
“How are you hanging in there honey?” she asks kindly.
I know what she’s talking about.
Ethan or whoever he is.
But whoever he is, he’s off somewhere else. It’s been several weeks since we found out he’d absconded. A warrant is out for his arrest, despite them having no idea who he is; but they do now have his photo and his finger prints. And the Canadian police are after him to extradite him now too. Hopefully they’ll find him.
Silas and I have navigated through counseling, sharing the financial burdens of coupledom, Halloween (don’t even get me started, he was so jittery by the end of the night, I thought he was going to strangle the next kid that knocked on our door); and finally, settling into a homeostasis of unity.
My course of CBT has been successful in getting me through all of this. I have a monthly ongoing scheduled visits with a personal counselor, and I feel like I’m able to continue applying the skills I developed while at Harrington House. It’s pivotal because it means I can live outside of my bubble; that I’m not defined by my PTSD.
The next stage is meeting my father alongside Silas, since he’s been ringing me regarding his breakup with my mom. And before you think he finally left her, think again. She left him for someone else. For a younger someone else… a much younger someone else.
Yeah, I know she’s a bitch.
Bonnie looks at me, she’s waiting for an answer.
“I feel really good. Everything is going really well.” I offer.
“That’s good.”
Bonnie’s a school counselor. She works at the local high school. I see her every day, because she lets me in the house in the morning, and she comes home for lunch.
I’ve never met her three teenage children. But I dust their photos all the time.
“Bonnie, can I ask you a personal question?”
“That depends.” she smiles.
“How did you meet Jean?”
“Over the internet.”
“You hooked up on the internet?” I smile.
“We became friends on the internet. Then we hooked up.” she chuckles.
“Oh, so how long have you been together?”
“Ten years.”
“Wow, that’s a long time.” I grin.
“Longer than my marriage.” she grumbles.
“Sorry.”
“No, he was an asshole.” she states.
“Were you always attracted to women?”
Bonnie begins to chuckle, then she laughs harder.
“What?”
“I’m not attracted to women.” she says.
“But,” confused much? “You live, um, share the same room. Jean?” I quiz.
“I’m attracted to Jean, yes. But I have never been attracted to any other woman, I’ve been attracted to plenty of men.” she explains.
“Oh. I’m sorry to have pried.” I apologize.
“Don’t be silly. It’s natural to be curious, and you’re not being rude.” she waves off my apology.
“Okay.”
“Let me explain. I fell in love with Jean because, well; because she’s wonderful.” she grins.
“She is pretty incredible.” I nod.
“It was the same for her. She’s never been attracted to women before either. I guess we just saw past all the outside bullshit; and into the soul of each other beneath the exterior.” She says, fetching up her keys and making to leave.
It’s time for me to go too. Silas will be frantic. This is the first week I haven’t had him trailing me around everywhere. Picking up my phone, I see he’s already sent me a text.
“I know what you mean about seeing the soul of the person.” I say to Bonnie, as I reach for the front door. “I feel that way about Silas.”
“It’s something you have to grab with both hands.” Bonnie says, pulling the door closed and checking that it’s locked. She turns around. “It’s about being with the person that makes you feel the best you can be.” She smiles.
“Well I’ve found th
at.” I grin, walking to my car and jumping in.
She waves over her shoulder as she makes her way to her own car.
I pull out my phone and start texting.
Me:
Just said goodbye to Bonnie. In car now.
Today, 12:23
Silas:
I’ll meet you at home.
Today, 12:23
Me:
Don’t forget we’re having dinner with Dad tonight.
Today, 12:24
Silas:
You should already be driving.
Today, 12:24
Typical, he’s bossy when it comes to my safety. I start the car and head off.
Silas.
I’m not convinced we’re out of the woods concerning this Ethan imposter, I mean I’m trying to give her more room to move about, but I just can’t relax till he’s caught. I remember the slimy bullshit he used to say to her; to my girl. She was my girl then too, I just didn’t quite see it back then; but she was. My body and soul knew it. They just needed my brain to catch up.
Her Dad’s?
I fucking hate that we’re going over there to talk divorce bullshit with him.
Where’s he been the last two months?
Why did he let his wife talk to Isi like that for the last three years?
Actually, why did he let her mom treat her like shit for the last seven years?
If you ask me, he deserves a punch in the head, just for being a passive standby all those years. What a dickhead.
But, I’ll do it for her. I’ll go to dinner and keep my mouth shut as much as I can, just to keep her happy. But if he steps out of line, it won’t be pretty, it just won’t be.
***
Her father is sitting there with a determined look on his face.
Isi is sitting there with a stunned look on hers, and I’m sitting here with a grin and a hint of wild air around me.
“Silas?”
“If your father wants your help, I just want to know where his help has been for the last seven years.” I say, shoveling a forkful of pasta into my mouth.
“I’m sorry Dad.” She begins.
“No, don’t be sorry. Your boyfriend has a point.” He sighs.
“And your answer is?” I ask.
Isi gives me a glare.
“I haven’t got a good one; I just thought Darla had it under control.” he sighs.
“Pffft.” I reply in disgust.
“I know, it’s not a defense, it’s a weak excuse for sure, but it was how it was for so long and I didn’t know how to change it.”
“But you’ve grown a backbone since and have the capacity to fight her now that she’s fucking a guy my age.” I argue.
Isi’s face has fallen. I’m going to cop it later, but he needs to wake up and smell the shit. It’s not all roses and sunshine out here.
He winces, “Yes.”
“Fair enough.” I shrug; he can ask her, I’m not sure Isi should listen though.
“Do you love my daughter?” he asks me instead.
“Yes.”
“I’m not talking the ‘at the moment’ kind of teenage romance; I’m talking ‘forever’.” he argues.
“Yes, I love your daughter with forever type love. It’s not teenage puppy dog bullshit.” I explain bluntly.
“So, you want her to be happy and you want to give her everything you can repeatedly.” he queries.
“Yes. That’s what I want.”
“I used to feel like that, about Darla. But she was a different woman back then.” He sighs.
I must have a frightened look in my eyes, because he continues.
“Now don’t worry; Bella will never be like that. Darla was always prone to be a bitch. She was always trying to keep up with ‘The Joneses’.” He explains.
I wasn’t worried about that, I was worried that he could see any parallels between the two women at all. I couldn’t.
“I love your daughter with everything I am.” I explain.
He looks at me; he looks at me with a scrutinizing intensity.
“If you ever intend on asking her to marry you, please know you already have my blessing.” he says.
I wouldn’t have actually cared if I had his blessing or not; when it comes to asking Isi to marry me, it won’t be because I’ve been told I’m allowed to, it will be because we’re ready for that next step. But it’s good for Isi to hear him say this, so I risk looking at her.
She has tears pouring down her face and she’s smiling.
Shit, she cries a bit lately. It’s all part of her healing process, but it breaks my heart every time I see it. She’s in touch with her emotions much more these days.
“Isi.” I soothe.
“No, no. I’m okay.” she waves off my concern.
She wipes her face on the napkin, and then she turns to her Dad with a beaming smile. He doesn’t deserve it.
Her smile doesn’t last very long though.
“Belle, I asked you here tonight so I could ask you to take all of my money. Every cent I have in all of my accounts.” he asks.
Well, that was a shock. The look on her face is beyond pained. It looks like everything negative you could think of, blended together and slapped back on there.
“No.”
“I need you to have it so your mother doesn’t get it. She can have half the house and alimony out of my income. But I’ll be damned if she’s going to line her pockets and that boys from your inheritance.” he reasons.
“NO.” She shouts.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll buy a little apartment out of my part of the house, and I can support myself with the money left over after paying her half my wages…”
“NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.”
Isi gets up, throws her napkin down, storms around to me and drags at my arm, “fucking move Silas, we’re leaving.”
“I think you should think,” I begin.
“Fucking move Silas, we’re leaving.”
I stand and follow her out the door. We’ll talk about this. I like this idea. I don’t want that bitch gaining advantage from Isi’s future either.
And what did I say about being in touch with her emotions? Well that includes anger too. At least she generally gets over things fairly fast.
***
“You should consider it; she shouldn’t have it at all.” I seethe, as we’re driving away from the house.
“Do you even know how much money we’re talking about Silas?” she shouts.
“No, but if you don’t want it, you could always give it to charity.”
“I’m not about the money; I’m not about wanting to prove my value with green and white pieces of paper.” she shouts.
I’m starting to get angry now.
“This is not about your feelings about money. This is about preventing your mom from getting everything she wants all the time. It’s about payback.”
“Well, you know loads of money doesn’t make you happy and it won’t make our lives fucking easier, because I wouldn’t let us use a cent.” she screams.
“I wouldn’t let you use a cent for us either.” I shout back. This is rapidly deteriorating – this is more than anger, this is something else.
“Are you sure about that? Money’s tight around here Silas.”
Is she insinuating what I think she is?
“Are you saying I want that money?” I fume.
“I’m not saying you want that money, what I’m saying is it would be easy and convenient to use if we had it.” she shouts.
“I fucking wouldn’t touch that money for anything in the world.”
“You say that now, but when the next bill comes in and we’re scrambling you’ll consider it.” she screams.
“Do you even fucking know me?”
“I don’t want the fucking money Silas. They can fight it out in court. Dad can give it to a charity right now. I fucking don’t care; I just refuse to have that money.”
“I fucking don’t want your motherfucking dad’s mon
ey either Isi. I just want your bitch of a mother having it less.” I scream.
She screams, slams the car brakes on and jumps out the driver’s door, and then she runs across the road.
I have no idea where we are. It’s dark and I’m not familiar with the terrain.
But I can see her scrambling through some scrubby, dry looking shrubs on the other side of the road. And then I see her fall down a ditch.
Fuck.
I jump out of the car and navigate the traffic, before rushing across the road to see her screaming and crying as she rights herself and continues to move forward on the other side of the hedged barrier.
“Get back here Isi.” I growl.
“Fuck off Silas. Go fuck yourself.”
We’ve argued a little about stuff before, but this is different. This is a fight. This is something else Shae wouldn’t be having with me. She’d have run a thousand miles before confronting me on anything. Hang on, that’s precisely what she did. I vastly prefer this, no matter how much it pisses me off.
“Get the fuck back in the car Isi and stop acting like a bitch.”
She whirls around, but there’s only a half moon out, so I can barely see her from this distance, however, I don’t need to see her well to know she’s seriously pissed with me.
She’s gathered herself together and yep, she’s pissed.
“I’m a bitch? Well you’re a motherfucking cocksucker.” She shouts, and then she turns and runs across the field.
“Get the fuck back here.” I scream out as I navigate the shrubs and ditch and find another ditch full of water. Fuck, now I have wet shoes.
“Fuck off.” She screams back. She’s running out here somewhere. So I set off in the direction I saw her go and heard the last curse from.
Not a field, it’s that golf course I’ve passed more than a dozen times.
“Isi.” I shout out angrily.
“Fuck. Off.” She shouts back, the sound informing me of her direction.
I’m somewhere between seriously angry and worried right now.
I can see her now. My eyes have adjusted to the dim light and I can see her running through a clearing.
I put in as much speed as I can muster. I don’t want to lose sight of her again.