by Criss Copp
“So talk about stuff. Talk about the weather, talk about the price of petrol, but please leave me alone on this one.” He huffs.
“So you can talk to Jean and not to me?”
“Yes, I can fucking talk to Dr. Jensen and not you. She was my God damn therapist and that’s what I do. I talk to doctors.”
“I thought you were starting to do better again.” I mention, a little saddened by his acidic tone.
“I’m doing just fine waiting for the fucking monster to come knocking at my door.” He shouts sarcastically.
“Silas, you’re scaring me.” I tell him.
“We were talking about fucking Ethan, alright? That’s what I’ve got on my mind.”
“What about him? I need to know just as much as you do.” I reason.
“You won’t need to. I’ll be stabbing him repeatedly if I see him set foot anywhere near you.” He growls.
“Silas, what do you know?” I demand, driving faster.
“I don’t want to tell you.” He shouts.
“Fucking tell me.” I begin to cry in frustration, my voice breaking.
He gives me a tortured look, but I can’t watch him for long, because I have to steer through the traffic and I already have the disadvantage of teary eyes.
He croaks a groan.
“Pull over Isi.” He says more calmly.
I pull over near a park.
I turn to look at him.
“I’m scared.” He says.
“Of Ethan or your illness?”
“Both.” He says calmly, but his body contradicts him, he’s anything but calm, he’s shaking.
“Please tell me what I need to know.” I plead, putting my hand out to take his.
He looks at the joining of our hands as I interlace them together over the console. He moves his other hand to rub his eyes and pinch at the bridge of his nose, while he groans.
“He probably won’t stop till he’s caught.” He says.
“He’ll keep trying to find us?” I whisper.
He nods. “He’s what they refer to as a sociopath. He’s dangerous.”
I nod, I realize this.
“What do you want me to do?” I ask, squeezing his hand.
“Stay close to me at all times.” He begs.
“I will.”
“I’m sorry for acting like a fuckwit.”
“I wish you didn’t see me as the enemy.” I sigh.
“I know you’re not the enemy Isi. I just want to keep you safe and happy.”
“That’s impossible if I see you struggling to deal with stuff.” I reason.
He reaches across with his right hand and touches my face.
“I love you Isi, I have never loved someone as much as I love you. I didn’t even really know what it meant till now.” He says sincerely.
I lean in and kiss the palm of his hand.
“We’ll deal with this together, okay?” I bargain.
He nods and gives me a weak smile. He looks down and sighs.
“I’m slipping, I feel it. If we don’t find him soon, I’ll end up back in an acute setting.” He begins to cry, it’s heartbreaking. “And then I won’t be able to protect you. He’ll be able to waltz in and take you.”
“Oh Silas. I wouldn’t let him take me easily.” I promise. “And if you do go in again, I’ll be too busy inside with you for him to stroll up and just take me.”
“Visiting hours don’t go for 24 hours a day.” He croaks.
“I’ll call Dad tomorrow and organize that money. We’ll just hire a security team and live in a big-ass house for a while.” I argue.
“I hate that option; but it kind of makes me feel better.” He says softly.
“If it means I get to wake up next to you every day and know we’re safe, then I just don’t give a fuck.”
Silas.
I feel a little calmer knowing we have an option, but at the same time I absolutely hate it.
I feel myself elevating, but this time I’m dragging my depression up with it. I’m scared, this can only end badly. And it’s happening pretty fast; I normally can’t recognize it till it’s too late, because it happens insidiously slow most times. The last time it was this rapid was my 18th birthday.
I’m only tempered by the fact that if I do go in, I won’t stay as long, because I won’t be stupid like last time. I’ll do the program and stick to being well behaved.
Jade is noticing my weird behavior tonight.
“You’re taking your medications properly, aren’t you Silas?” She asks.
“Yes, I’m just not able to cope with this bullshit anymore. It needs to stop.”
“Oh Silas. Please hold on. We just have to get to the other side.” Jade says, rubbing my neck and the top of my back.
“I’m really trying.”
“I know, and I think you’re doing an amazing job. I love you Silas. I love you so much it hurts me to see you hurt.” She says.
“I love you too Jade.” I croak.
***
“Fuck, Ben, what is it?” I ask. Ben has just pushed me awake. “It’s the middle of the night.” I groan.
“What’s going on?” Isi sleepily says into her pillow.
“Pete’s gym has just been smashed up. He’s asked if we can go downtown and help with everyone to secure it overnight.” He explains.
“Seriously?” Isi replies.
“I’ll get dressed.” I find myself replying. “Isi? Are you going to come?”
“How long are you going to be?” she asks.
“Ben?” I ask.
“Well, if everyone is there, maybe an hour?”
“Oh, I don’t really want to. But if you really want me to.”
“I’m caught in two minds.” I admit. “On the one hand you’ll be working in the dark, outdoors or in the gym, and I can’t have eyes in the back of my head; on the other hand, you’ll be without Ben and I here.”
“I’ll take the here, and I’ll make sure the door is double bolted.” She murmurs.
I sigh. Ben gives me a shrug.
“I fucking hate both options. Let’s go Ben.”
I get dressed in the darkness and shake Isi back awake.
“Lock the door; I’ll phone when we come home so you can open up.” I say.
She nods and throws the covers off her bare legs. She follows both of us to the entrance.
“Be careful guys.” She says and leans in to kiss me.
I kiss her back, briefly pulling her to me.
I step out the door and wait to hear her put the chain across and lock the deadbolt.
“Let’s go.” I tell Ben, walking over to the bikes under cover and pulling on my helmet.
***
Someone did an absolute job on the place. But it was fast and furious. From all accounts nothing has been discovered to be missing.
We’re boarding the windows up till Pete can organize an assessor in the morning and a glassier to fix them.
I can hear Logan in my sleepy and tired state.
‘Not right, this is bullshit.’
I don’t want to answer. But I think its bullshit too.
‘Fucking bullshit and he’ll be fucking her in your bed right now.’
“Fuck.” I whisper, holding up the board for Ben to hammer up.
“Hold it together Silas.” He warns. “We’ll go back after this board.”
I nod.
‘She was too good for you anyway.’
I know it’s not real. I know it gets worse if I actively listen, but as I feel the stress of the recent past get the better of me; the seductive tones that are a distant white noise when I’m well, begin to entice me in.
I’m suddenly filled with a terrible fear.
I know what happened here. I know why nothing is missing.
I jump up and scramble towards my bike as an eerie calm fills me. The sound in my mind is surreal, like angels lamenting a fall from grace.
I’ve been at this ledge before; I know what happens next, but
I just have to get to Isi before he does.
Ben is holding me back from my bike. He should know better. I practically pick him up and shove him off.
I’m on my motorcycle and my heart rate is driving the adrenaline through my veins ever faster.
I’m off. My sound track for imminent destruction is metal and hardcore punk, painfully playing in my mind as I feel the knowledge of reality leaving me.
Isi.
A sound from the kitchen has my attention. I’ve just drifted back to sleep, but not enough obviously, because I wake up to the sound.
It’s probably just Jade getting up for Ben.
I groan and I hear a light, clattering noise; like she’s dropped a bottle on the floor.
I better go and see if she wants some help.
I get up and turn the nightlight on so I’m not blinded but can see enough when I return to the room.
I shuffle out my door in my panties and a t-shirt and walk to the kitchen. There’s a light on, but it’s just the exhaust fan light. Jade obviously doesn’t wanting to blind herself either.
I call out through a yawn.
“Jade?”
She doesn’t answer, but I hear a shuffling.
Walking around the corner I see the light on, but no-one is there. I suddenly realize I can’t hear Ben grumbling either.
In my sleepy state I breathe in deep and shake my head.
The kitchen feels really cold.
There’s a bottle on the floor, so I bend down and collect it up.
It must’ve fallen free from the drainer, where Jade lets them air overnight after washing them out.
“So it was you that woke me, you little bastard.” I tell the offending object.
I place it on the dirty side of the sink, since it’s fallen on the floor and I go to turn around, but the sudden chill on my face and the chill in the kitchen are explained.
The window above the sink is open.
I know for a fact that Jade doesn’t open these windows. At least since I’ve been here, that’s been the case.
My shaking hand reaches up to pull the lace curtain back and look at the window. It’s been jimmied with something. The twisted and pushed in frame tells me it’s so.
Suddenly my body feels a prickling and intense fear.
I feel if I turn around I’ll see a monster standing there, waiting to tear my flesh from me strip by strip. I’m not calm; I’m simply frozen in place with a sick gnawing feeling in my stomach.
The jerking actions of my hand falling back away from the curtains return my mind to the situation.
The only monster is a person monster. And the reality that is Ethan sends a wave of pins and needles across my chest and down my arms. My scalp is prickling and I feel immensely uncomfortable.
I can’t turn around; I know he’s there watching me. I can feel it; I can feel his gaze touching my skin; I can feel the imminent danger, because the warning sirens in my head are pounding against the confines of my skull as is my heart against my ribcage. There’s a man standing behind me. I know it; I can smell his cologne and feel the intense stare he has leveled on me. I also understand he’s not here to play friendly and he won’t take no as an option. I can’t turn around and face him standing behind me, because I can’t willingly know I ran into his grasp.
I shakily begin to move forward. I plan on ignoring him for the moment and keeping him behind me. I pretend not to notice the creeping fear now claiming my entire body. I know my movements are jerky and I know he won’t be fooled by my pretend ignorance. I do this for myself, not for him. I walk towards the lounge area, slowly and methodically moving away from him, so that I know I didn’t walk to him willingly.
I can no longer hear anything but an ethereal lamenting of angels, which I understand is my soundtrack for finality. I cannot let that be the fate for the two other people in this house right now.
I remain calm as I walk slowly onto the carpeted lounge room floor. I don’t bother to turn the lights on; there really isn’t a good enough reason. I compel myself to walk into the darkness and it’s there that I see him in the window glass - in the lounge room’s window glass. He’s following me, walking at a discrete distance. My heart is beating rapidly; and I nearly wet myself at the sight of him starring at me with his darkened eyes. I delay my next step barely, but to me it feels like forever. He’s stepping in time to my own stumbling footsteps. There’s a methodical calmness about him. He’s stalking me. He’s waiting for me to run, like a big cat becoming excited by the chase.
I can’t help my body’s reaction, the instinct is to run. Especially now that I’ve seen him.
I can’t help my burning need to warn and protect the two other occupants of the house.
I flinch, just immediately before I leap and then sprint towards the hallway, where I turn left and rapidly make my way to little Ben’s door.
The door is closed and the handle is missing. This feels like a nightmare; I’m waiting for the hallway to stretch out and for a multitude of doors without handles to appear.
I’m frantic, and so I rush to the next door, the door belonging to Jade, but this time the door is simply locked.
I freeze with the knowledge that he’s done this. That he’s made it so I couldn’t reach them, or worse; he’s done something to them already.
I’m scared to turn around – I feel like I’m trapped in this never ending nightmare; and that my voice has been stolen.
I try to call out to Jade, but my beating heart is making more noise than the rasping sound emitting from my throat. My voice is stolen… it’s gone.
A creeping icy chill goes through me. It prevents me momentarily from doing anything but feel intense fear.
I realize that once again I’m showing this monster my back.
And I can acutely feel his presence. I’m sort of confused that he hasn’t tackled me and taken me.
He’s still behind me and I know he’s closer than before. Maybe he’s three feet behind me. I feel his immediacy and believe he could reach out and grab me. The prickles on my flesh are heightened by his proximity. The fact that he’s toying with me and letting me fearfully wander through the house, knowing he’s there, highlights his twisted and dislocated need to unhinge his prey, which is me.
I hope Jade is okay and I plead with anyone or anything that will listen that little Ben is too.
He is here for me, and I take some comfort in the fact that they’re probably okay as a result, and once I lure this asshole away from the house, I’ll do whatever I can to stop him from taking me completely. I’ll fight him like I promised.
It’s now time to turn towards him and make an end of it.
Slowly I turn around.
My movements are jerky and I shake all over like I’m standing in snow rather than a warm house.
My body is refusing to comply; I’m forcing it to face this fear.
I’m trying to lift my head and eyes. To see his distasteful smirk in front of me, to see his expression and face this nightmare head on.
A whimper escapes me.
I’m in lockdown thinking about what I’m preparing to face.
Inch by painful inch I lift my face and open my eyes to…
Nothing.
I inch forward.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Did I imagine it?
Was it a dream?
My confusion knows no bounds. I inch my eye to the corner of the other hallway and look around.
Nothing.
I slowly walk to my room. I stand in front of my open door and the prickles are back.
Either he’s in my room or he’s behind me once more. And now my skin is crawling – it’s attempting to jump right off my body.
The nightlight illuminates my room. I can see my bed, and I can see the can of mace on my side of the bed. My side is the far side of the bed, away from the door. The position I’m in to be furthest from danger.
I suck in a breath.
I need to get to that ma
ce. I can do it for Silas; this will be over then.
I know Ethan’s watching me, so I decide in that moment to run and jump on an odd beat.
It almost works for me.
I run halfway through dragging in a breath.
I dive onto the bed and grab the mace.
I quickly twist and turn around to see him standing behind the door with a handgun carefully pointed at me.
I’m breathing hard.
He doesn’t appear to be breathing at all.
He was inches from my face, looking at me through the crack in the door.
“Drop it.”
“You won’t shoot me.” I barely squeak out.
“I will shoot you; I’ll shoot you in the knee. You don’t need your knee to get around, because you’ll still be able to limp. But I hear it hurts like a motherfucker.”
And then he throws a shoe at my head and I jump and try to press the nozzle on the mace, but the damn thing slips out of my now sweaty hands to the floor.
I roll over to collect it up, but he’s on me.
“Déjà vu.” He grunts as he pulls my legs toward him to prevent me reaching my mace, and then holding the gun to my head. “If you don’t co-operate Isobelle, I’ll tie you up and go and shoot the red-headed bitch.” He sneers.
I nod. I have to get away from here before I take him on.
“Have you hurt them?” I fearfully ask.
Now my fucking voice works properly?
She’s not my type.” He sneers. I don’t want to know what he means by this.
“The baby?” I croak.
“He’s a baby – of course he’s safe, now put your hands behind your back Isobelle.”
“Ethan, please don’t do this.”
“No, not Ethan. I’m Michael.”
“Michael?”
“Yes. That’s my name. My real name.” He says as he secures zip ties around my wrists.
He’s been kneeling on my backside, and when he gets up, the entire bed lifts.
“Michael?”
“Isobelle.”
“What are you doing?”
“Taking you home.”
He turns me over on the bed so I’m now looking up.
“I am home.” I try to explain.
“No, you’re not. Home is a long drive away. It’ll take us all day to get there.” He says switching the bedside lamp on.