The others all stood and dispersed toward their shelters. Kendra’s anxiety rose.
Sleep. Right. Next to the man she found both insanely attractive and intensely infuriating. Sleep wouldn’t be happening unless the shelter collapsed on top of her and knocked her out cold. She groaned inwardly. Passing out on the trail that day had been humiliating, but the worst part was waking up in a dreamlike state, seeing Nolan’s face above her illuminated by the sunlight filtering through the trees. She’d reacted to the sight of him as though it were a fantasy, like all the others she’d had...and for a split second she’d let her guard slip. What if she couldn’t keep up the pretense of not caring that he just wasn’t into her, that he hadn’t hurt her?
She looked around. Everyone had disappeared inside their shelters. Including Nolan. She stared at the debris hut. Could she really climb in there with him? Maybe she could sleep outside. As long as she survived the night against the weather, the bugs, the bears...that was all that mattered, right? Technically, the debris hut was more comfort and they were supposed to be surviving on none.
A large dragonfly buzzed straight at her face and she quickly dove into the shelter on her side of the divider. Suddenly, taking her chances with the man who’d broken her heart seemed like a better choice. Slightly.
She lay on her back on the moss and branch bed and stared upward toward the sky. All was quiet on Nolan’s side. Could he actually be asleep already? Unbelievable. He really didn’t care about her or this crazy, awkward situation at all.
Don’t worry, you’ve made it quite clear that you do not need me.
His words had replayed in her mind all afternoon. What the hell did he mean by that? Should she ask?
She sighed. Nothing good would come from starting an argument.
Just go to sleep, Kendra.
* * *
WITH THE DIVIDER in place between them, Nolan lay on his bed of brush and tried to get comfortable. Twigs dug into his neck, so he sat and removed what remained of his ripped shirt to make a pillow. He positioned it behind his head and was immediately more comfortable. Crazy how when stripped of the everyday things he took for granted, the littlest “luxury” made a difference. Damn, maybe he should offer the shirt to Kendra.
Right, and risk another snippy comment about how she could take care of herself? No, thanks.
He placed one hand behind his head and took several deep breaths. Gaps in the branches above him provided a spectacular view of the starry night sky, but they didn’t provide a source of heat...
Was she cold? He really had nothing to give her, but he could add more wood to their little, contained fire...
Nope. If she was cold, she’d do it herself.
He closed his eyes and forced his body to relax.
Was she thirsty? She might still be dehydrated from that day. He might be annoyed with her, but he was still a gentleman. He cleared his throat and aimed for casual. “Hey, you okay over there?”
“Fantastic,” she said.
“Not too cold? I have extra brush...”
“I’m toasty.”
“I still have water if you need some.”
“I’m good.”
She was lying. Clearly she was out to prove that she didn’t need or want anything to do with him, but that message had already been sent loud and clear.
He shifted to his side, facing the divider, catching sight of her hand lying at her side. A hand he’d held and kissed and stroked...just one part of her that he’d explored that week they were together.
Damn, this was going to drive him insane. He had to know what the hell happened. What made her change her mind? Or had it always just been a fling for her? If so, why had she acted like she’d wanted more?
He cleared his throat again and opened his mouth to ask, but he couldn’t find the words. How could he ask her without sounding pathetic and desperate?
Best to let her believe he didn’t care. That he hadn’t been tempted to email her at the address on the business card she’d given him...or stop by her office that day a month ago when he’d been there for an interview.
He had his pride.
Still, this silence was torture. He deserved an answer. If they had any chance at a healthy working relationship, they needed to clear the air eventually.
“So, uh, how’ve you been?” he asked.
“Are we seriously doing this?” she asked, her tone cold.
Guess not. Why the hell was she so annoyed with him? He was the one who’d been made out to be a fool. Was she really that upset that she hadn’t successfully skirted him for the rest of her life? That he’d applied for and gotten a job at her workplace? It was the position she wanted—he did feel bad about that. It would explain her coldness toward him now, if not the three months of silence.
“Hey, if you’re upset about me getting this senior sales position... I am sorry that the promotion didn’t go your way.”
She scoffed. “You’re a man. Of course you were given the opportunity without having to prove yourself.”
Was that what she thought? “Actually, I’ve been busting my ass for this for a long time.” The edge that crept into his voice couldn’t be helped. He’d explained all of this to her in Seattle. How he’d worked three jobs while finishing school and how he’d had to support his single mother when she was sick. How he’d go into the office before 7:00 a.m. every morning and was the last one to leave. He’d also expressed his interest in working for a bigger company with opportunities for advancement, and she’d supported that ambition.
“I’m sure you did,” she said now. “But so did I, and look which one of us got the position.”
“So that’s why you’re annoyed with me? That’s why you’ve tried to avoid me since I arrived?” And before?
“Oh my God, really?” She huffed her impatience. “Good night, Nolan.”
If that wasn’t it, then what the hell was wrong with her? Enough was enough.
Sitting up, he yanked down the divider. “Hey, I think we should clear the air about what happened in Seattle since we are going to be working together.”
She sat up and turned to face him. Her eyes clocked his shirtless state and her cheeks flushed slightly in the glow of the fire outside the hut, but her expression was challenging as she nodded. “Okay. You start.”
Shit.
He took a deep breath. “Look, what happened three months ago is in the past and I’m mature enough to move on and keep things professional in the office.” Not that he wanted to, but what choice did he have? She’d made it clear she had no interest in pursuing things anymore.
“Great. Me, too,” she said, folding her arms across her body.
He waited. No apology. No embarrassment. Just still annoyed.
“I mean it would help if there had been some sort of closure.”
She nodded. “Yes, that would have been nice.”
So why the hell hadn’t she made her intentions clear back then? “An explanation of some sort...” Did she need him to spell it out?
“I could use one... I mean, just for closure’s sake.”
He frowned. “You could use one? For what?”
Daggers from her eyes. “For ghosting me.”
Ghosting her? What the hell was she talking about? “What the hell are you talking about?”
She shivered slightly, but her voice never wavered as she said, “You never called.”
Was she for real? “You gave me the wrong phone number.”
She scoffed. “Nice try.”
“It’s true.” Was she fucking with him right now, replacing the blame because she didn’t want to admit she was in the wrong? Or did she really believe that he purposely hadn’t called?
No way. He’d been so transparent about his feelings.
“I think you’re full of shit and are making excuses now because
you don’t want to appear like an ass when you are my new boss,” she said.
“Nope.”
She frowned, her confidence in her accusation clearly diminishing. “So you didn’t just lead me on and vanish?”
“Why the hell would I do that? We had an amazing week together.”
“I know!”
“Like mind-blowingly amazing.”
“I know!”
His heart raced. “And I thought we’d...connected. Beyond the physical, you know?”
“Yes! But then I didn’t hear from you,” she said, her annoyance returning.
He took a deep breath. “So you thought I was ghosting you and I thought you’d tried to ditch me with a fake number?” Oh no... All this time. Months of second-guessing his feelings, conflicted and tortured... It had all been a misunderstanding?
“Looks that way,” she said, sheepishly.
He stared at her and his mind reeled.
Then her challenging stare returned. “Okay, but if you had the wrong number, why didn’t you email or stop by when you were interviewing at the office?”
He’d definitely wanted to. Now he wished he had. “I didn’t want to seem like a stalker. I can take a hint.”
“One I wasn’t giving,” she said.
He ran a hand over his head. He knew that now, but was it a little too late? “Wow.” He really wasn’t sure what else to say.
“Yeah” was all she said.
He stared across the dimly lit hut at her for a long moment as he decided what to do next. So he hadn’t been wrong about their connection. She’d felt it, too. It was all just a misunderstanding. “And now we...work together.”
“Technically, you’re my boss.”
Pained, uncertain and confused, he was desperate to take her in his arms and kiss her, erase the last three months of torture and pick up where they’d left off...but he couldn’t read her. Was it too late? Had she built a wall up to keep him away since she thought he’d purposely hurt her? What did she want? He was more than willing to put the mistake behind them and move forward. He was ready to reopen himself up to the possibility of a relationship, but was it really even up to them anymore? Being boss and employee certainly changed things. “So...what now?”
She looked disappointed as she lowered her head. When she looked at him again, her expression matched his hopeless one. “I think there’s only one thing we can do.” She replaced the divider between them. “Get a good sleep, Nolan. We still need to win tomorrow.”
CHAPTER FIVE
AS DIFFICULT AS being around Nolan was before, it was even more excruciating now.
The guy hadn’t ghosted her, he’d just copied her number down incorrectly. Unbelievable. Three months of suffering, second thoughts, doubts, resisting temptation to reach out, countless tubs of ice cream and more tears than she’d ever admit to were all the fault of a misunderstanding.
All night she’d tossed and turned in their uncomfortable shelter, fighting the urge to bring down the divider and snuggle up with him. She needed to talk to him. There was so much she wanted to say, but how could they move forward until they knew the answer to the biggest question of all—was an office relationship possible now?
That morning, Kendra knew Nolan hadn’t slept either—he looked adorably sexy-sleepy as they ate a breakfast of wild berries he’d tracked down nearby. The same irresistible way he’d looked the morning after their night together when they’d reluctantly parted ways in the hotel lobby.
Her stomach flip-flopped when he glanced at her across the fire and gave her a small smile. She couldn’t stop looking at him. Being angry had helped her resist him. What could she cling to now?
“Hi,” he mouthed.
“Hi,” she mouthed back.
Oh God, she was in trouble. Her boss had her heart.
“Good morning!” Mike said, approaching the group with that damn clipboard.
Kendra nodded in greeting. All around her, mumbles about it not in fact being a good morning made Mike smile as though he derived great pleasure from their suffering.
“Hope everyone slept well,” he joked. “If you’re wondering where your boss is, Roger and his partner tapped out around two a.m. and Cassie took them back to town. They are sleeping comfortably in a hotel room.”
For real? This was bullshit. If Roger could quit, they should all be able to.
“So before we start the day—anyone else want to give up?” Mike asked as Cassie returned and joined them.
Yes! She desperately did. She was exhausted and hungry and dirty. She craved a comfortable bed and hot shower, but Nolan was sending her a look from across the fire that said they needed to stick it out... She couldn’t decide if it was for his competitive spirit or another reason.
Either way, looked like she was staying.
“Great!” Mike said when no one bailed. “Well, today’s first challenge is our orienteering race. Each team will be headed to the same finish line checkpoint, but taking different equal-distance, equal-challenge routes to get there.” He walked around, handing out their maps.
Nolan stood and approached her as Mike came toward them.
“Either one of you good with a map?” the guide asked.
The day before she’d have lied and claimed to be an expert, but truthfully, she’d get lost driving to work if it weren’t for her GPS, so she glanced at Nolan. Hopefully he was better at reading a map than he was at copying a phone number. “Not really,” she said.
Nolan nodded. “Yeah, I can figure one out.” He stood and accepted their map from Mike.
“Great. The race starts in five minutes.”
Mike headed off to hand out the other maps and Kendra watched as Nolan studied the map. “You do know how to read that, right?”
He nodded, but when his eyes met hers, they were full of conflicted passion. “Though I wouldn’t mind getting lost...”
Her heart raced. She no longer cared who was at fault for the torturous time apart. She just didn’t want to waste even more time feeling miserable and hiding her feelings. The look in his eyes told her Nolan was feeling the same way.
“You two learning to communicate better?” Cassie asked, joining them with a conspiratorial wink.
Shit. The guides’ hut was next to theirs. Had Cassie heard them talking the night before, or was their attraction to one another obvious?
Kendra’s cheeks flushed as Nolan said, “Getting there.”
Cassie smiled. “There’s nothing that unplugging in the wild outdoors can’t fix. Helps to give you a new perspective on things,” she said, before heading to the front of the group. “Okay, everyone—on your marks, get set, go!”
Nolan turned to her. “Ready?”
“Sure. Lead the way,” Kendra said, falling into step behind him as he took the path indicated on their map.
What should she say? Did they even need to discuss things again? It was clear where they both stood, where their hearts were, but how could they make things work now?
Luckily, once they were out of earshot of the other groups, he spoke first. “So... I guess three months was enough time to move on...forget about our connection, huh?”
Was he asking her or letting her know? “I don’t know,” she said carefully, not wanting to reveal all her cards if he wasn’t. “I mean, it was a long time ago and I thought you just weren’t interested.”
“I was... Still am.” He stopped on the trail and grabbed her hand, pulling her closer. “Are you?” His questioning gaze only made her more conflicted.
She was, but... “Does it matter now?”
“Of course it matters.” He stepped closer and took her face between his hands. “Since saying goodbye to you in Seattle, you were constantly on my mind. I was going crazy trying to figure out what had gone wrong. I thought for sure we’d had something special.”
“Me, too,” she whispered. “But now things are complicated.”
He nodded. “But not impossible, right?”
She sighed. “I don’t know.” What could they do? Hide their relationship from everyone at work? A secret office romance might be exciting for a while, but eventually they’d need to tell everyone or it would get more frustrating than exciting.
“That’s not a complete shutdown, so I’ll take it.” He stepped toward her, his expression intense. “Maybe this might help for clarity,” he said, tipping her chin upward to face him.
Her mind reeled. She wanted him to kiss her, give her all the answers, but she was falling hard and fast for him, the three months apart only amplifying and confirming her feelings.
She swallowed hard and said, “We’re not going to win the challenge if we don’t get moving.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to not care so much about the challenges,” he said, before kissing her.
His mouth was warm and inviting. The gesture was soft, tentative, unsure at first, but quickly deepened with the familiarity and longing of two people who’d been missing each other. His hand cupped the back of her head as his tongue slid between her lips, desperate and hungry for her. His fingers tangled in her messy hair and she moaned against his mouth.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body into his, closing her eyes and savoring the taste of him. Even dirty, sweaty and wearing yesterday’s clothes, he was sexy as hell. She clung to him, never wanting to let go.
He pulled away slowly, scanning her face for any sign of remorse. “Is it okay that I did that?”
Breathless, she couldn’t decide. Maybe it wasn’t okay but it sure was amazing. “I don’t know,” she said. “Try it again.”
He did and, an hour and a half later, long after everyone else, the two of them reached the finish line checkpoint blissfully in last place.
* * *
INCREDIBLE HOW TWENTY-FOUR hours could change so much. A conversation and a few kisses had certainly helped, as well. Nolan couldn’t keep the smile off his face or his eyes off Kendra as they gathered around the campsite to get the instructions for their next challenge. At that point, Nolan felt like he could conquer anything, and he was desperate to figure out a way they could make things work.
A Wild River Retreat Page 4