by Jemma Grey
“She’s fine, Dina.” Eric’s voice had gone hard and cold suddenly.
“She doesn’t look fine,” the girl commented, walking further into the tent. There was something about her that was familiar, but I couldn’t figure out what.
Eric was suddenly on his feet, facing the girl. Now all I could see was his back, completely blocking her from my view. “She wouldn’t look like this, had you done your job!” he sneered at her, jabbing a finger at me. “You were standing by, watching her.”
“Hey, dumb shit, I had a plan and had you not rushed in Zane would be dead and this would be over,” she snapped back with just as much venom as Eric’s voice had held. Eric took a step towards her, clenching his fist at his side but before he could reply, the warm faint, glow in the tent brightened again, for just as second and then someone was standing in front of the opening. Just as with the girl, I couldn’t make out any features except that this person was a guy. He folded his arms over his chest staring at Eric and the girl, Dina.
“Dina what the Hell is going on?” he said sounding pissed off.
“I had a plan Dean, but he screwed it up,” the girl defended herself.
“They were about to kill her, did your plan involve going in when she was dead?” Eric growled in a voice that was more animal than human.
“She’s a soon-to-be vampire Eric,” Dina spat back, “and a pureblood no less. She could’ve handled herself for five minutes more.”
Eric took another step towards the girl and even with his back to me I could tell he'd had enough. I could almost feel the rage and hate radiating off his skin, like venom and poison being released into the air. Dean must have sensed it too because he stepped in between them, shoving Eric towards me, and Dina to the opposite side of the tent.
“Okay that’s enough, both of you,” he commanded in a voice that made me flinch back. It was hard and demanding. There was something in his tone that made a part of me want to rip his head off while another, more human part wanted to shrink back and disappear.
Eric let out a loud, rough breath that also sounded like a low, smooth growl and Dean immediately dropped his hand from touching him. Now that he was closer, I could see him clearly. Dean was built and lean with perfect skin. He was tall, standing inches above Eric, and dominance and power leaked out from him in waves. But that wasn’t the stunning thing about Dean – it was his eyes and hair. His eyes were the color of dark silver and his hair was a messy array of pure silver threads that fell around his head carelessly. It made him look otherworldly and almost Godly, or at the very least exotic.
“Now what is going on, and why does she look like that?” he asked, his silhouette pointing to me.
“I know who killed Daren, his name is Zane. Tonight he attacked her. We could've killed him.” Dina answered.
Dean nodded letting out a breath. “I know who killed Daren... I've never not known,” he sighed.
Dina stepped back away from Dean, putting herself in what little light came peeking through the tent, and as soon as I saw her, recognition instantly tore through me. I could see Daren in her; she had his eyes, his dark hair. Even the way she moved reminded me of him.
“You knew?” she asked and I could even hear a familiarity in her voice when it reached a certain pitch. Dean stayed silent and I saw her hands clenched into fists that were so tight, her knuckles paled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You'd have gone looking for him, Dina,” Dean kept his eyes on her.
“He was my brother,” she shouted, charging for him. Dean's movements were so fast and precise that I only saw a flash and then he was holding her hand inches from his face. He held it there for a second and then forced it down between them.
“He was also my second Dina; a brother not by blood, but by the bond so I know exactly what you feel… but losing it like you did tonight, that is not going to happen again.” His words were hard and demanding yet at the same time, he was also brotherly and warm.
“Tonight you went against everything I told you not to do. You risked your life trying to kill Zane. You even risked the pack’s safety! You were supposed to protect her, look at her!” he screamed jabbing a finger at me. I instantly flinched back from his voice and his finger. “Does she look okay? What happens when Kat finds out? Our purpose is to protect her - that’s why we left home.”
Dean took a moment and then let out a loud breath releasing her hand. “We'll talk about this later... for now, see to it she gets clean clothes,” he sighed and then turned to Eric. “We need to talk. I’ll give you a minute,” he whispered and then he and Dina walked out of the tent.
I turned and found Eric at my side staring at me. “You’re healing slowly,” he murmured, “but does it still hurt?” I shook my head no, swallowing. “You’re okay?” he then asked and I nodded. “Say something,” he commanded.
I forced myself to open my mouth. “She… Dina looks like him,” I whispered almost silently, my voice cracking and breaking. Silent tears ran down my face as I wondered how many times was it possible for a heart to break and be put back together, before it could no longer be put back together again.
“Yeah,” he nodded.
“She's his sister,” I mumbled as more tears ran down my face. I couldn’t make sense of it. In my head it didn’t fit.
“Yeah,” he said again.
“Eric, did you know about Daren,” I swallowed, turning back to face him. “That he was…” I trailed off not knowing what he was.
“A shifter,” Eric told me shaking his head. “I didn’t know about any of this until tonight, when I met Dina… Katalin sent Daren. He was supposed to keep you safe until your eighteenth birthday.”
I closed my eyes, turning away from Eric as more tears ran down my face. I didn’t know w hat was real and what wasn’t… Did Daren even really care about me or was he pretending..? Who was he at all? Just when I’d thought that I was finally beginning to find myself again – to heal – I find this out, and once again I didn’t know anything anymore. Where did the lies end and the truth begin?
Not wanting to think about this any more, I sucked in a breath and turned back to Eric, drying my face with the back of my hand. “How’d you know where I was..?”
“What do you mean?” Eric frowned at me deeply, confusion suddenly written across his face. “You called me…”
“What..?” I frowned back, mirroring his expression. “What are you talking about Eric?”
“I heard you in my head, loud enough that you woke me up and as clear as if you were standing right next to me.”
“How is that possible?”
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “It could be because you’ve started the stages of awakening,” his frown deepening as Dina walked into the tent, stopping at its opening.
“Dean’s ready for you,” she grumbled to Eric, who sighed loudly and stood up.
“This won’t take long. I’ll be right back,” he muttered to me, turned, and left me alone in the tent with Dina. I couldn’t do anything but look at her. She was so surreal; this entire night was surreal.
“I’ve clean clothes for you. We’re just about the same size,” she whispered to me as she walked further into the tent and handed me a t-shirt and jeans.
“Thanks,” I muttered, my eyes never leaving her face as I reached out zombie-like and took the clothes she offered.
“I’m outside if you need anything.” Then without waiting for me to respond she too turned and walked out of the tent.
Robotically, I stood up and began to strip down. My body felt stiff and tense, and every now and then a wave of pain would wash through me, but it was nowhere near anything I’d felt earlier. I was healing, slowly.
When I was done changing I walked out of the tent and the scene that met me was almost like it came right out of a TV screen. The camp was huge. There were countless tents and fires, scattered around a clearing that was completely surrounded by tall trees. There had to be at least fifty persons here. Some were sit
ting around the fires laughing and talking, and others were walking about.
Without thinking, I walked over to the nearest fire and sat down on the ground, as close to it as I could as the chill in the air bit into my skin harshly without Eric’s hoodie. I curled my arms around my legs, pulling my knees up to my chest and my eyes closed automatically. I was so exhausted that even if I wanted too, I didn’t think I’d be able to keep them open.
By the time Eric came to find me a while later, I was literally freezing and so exhausted I was sleeping away. I could barely keep my eyes open, but the cold wouldn’t let me sleep. Shivers rocked my body. Even the fire inches away did nothing to help, and all I could focus on was the coldness that seemed to seep through my skin and plant itself inside me - it felt like that; as if the coldness was coming from inside rather than around me. It was like an inner winter, raging and burning on until everything was frozen.
“Come on, let’s go home,” Eric whispered and I opened my eyes to find him holding out his hand for me. Hesitantly I nodded, taking it. The minute his skin touched mine, another wave of bone chilling tremors washed through me as Eric frowned, helping me to my feet. “You’re hot…” he trailed off, his frown deepening.
“I’m just tired,” I whispered, my voice low and broken.
“No, this isn’t nothing…” he trailed off, then without explaining anything he turned to face Dean, who I hadn’t realized was standing behind him until now. “Do you have your cloak here, the army’s cloak?” he asked his voice commanding and stern. Dean barely had time to nod before Eric started talking again. “Get it,” he demanded and before he could finish the sentence Dean was gone and back, now holding a thick dark grey coat out to us.
Eric grabbed it and then the next thing I knew, the coat was covering every inch of my body. It was surprisingly light on me. The material had looked sturdy and heavy, but it wasn’t. Instead it was like a second skin; almost as though the coat was a part of me even though it hung loosely. My arms and legs were too short and so it completely drowned my body. Even the hood, which Eric had pulled over my head, obscured my entire face. It was warm though – like a thermostat regulating my temperature. I was still cold, but this was helping. “Eric,” I said hoarsely, my throat dry as if the inner winter had frozen the moisture inside me. “What’s happening to me?”
He didn’t answer immediately. Instead he wrapped his arms around my body and began leading us out of the camp site. “You’re going through the second stage of awakening.”
16
The moment we got back to the Wilson’s house Eric rushed me to a bedroom - I couldn't tell whether it was his or mine. He turned off all the lights and sealed the curtains and windows shut, leaving me in complete and utter darkness.
Without being asked I crawled into the bed, wrapping myself tightly between the thick, heavy blankets, trying to get warm. I was freezing, more than before if that was possible. Any second now, I felt as though I was going to become a human Popsicle. Even Dean’s coat, which had to have some kind of ability to generate heat, did nothing to get me warm now. I was trembling and shaking uncontrollably. I could hear my teeth chattering loudly.
Seconds later Eric crawled into the bed, wrapping his arms around me as he drew my body closer to his. I welcomed him and as his body heat began to seep into my skin, I pressed myself as close to him as I could.
“What do we do?” I chattered, burying my face into his chest.
“Nothing,” he whispered back, his voice so calm and smooth that it blended in with the darkness instead of disrupting it. “You just have to ride it out…”
“Have… anyone ever… died from… this..?” I muttered, my teeth knocking each other ungracefully.
“No…” he murmured.
“I’m so cold…”
“I know… Try to calm down. It’ll help,” he ordered, his grip on me tightening. “Listen to my breathing… just relax. I promise everything is going to be okay. I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you, I promise,” he breathed out, his tone radiating nothing but absolute calmness.
I closed my eyes tightly, listening to his heart as it gently pushed blood through his body; to his breaths come and go, feeling his chest steadily rise and fall, and slowly I found myself calming down. My trembling body seemed to relax a bit and I found that I wasn’t shaking as much as before. I could breathe better now.
Gradually my breaths began to match Eric’s, but along with the calmness came something else, something I really didn’t mind. It was a sort of fog that wrapped around my senses, dulling the world. It made focusing on something other than the raging winter inside my bones easier. It also made me feel exhaustion washing over me. I was so tired; my body had just had enough of this.
“What's your favorite color?” I asked, hoping to distract myself from everything as the exhaustion slowly pulled me under.
“I don't have one, but if I had to choose, I'd pick black.”
“Why?”
“It goes with anything...” he chuckled.
“Hmm…” I heard myself moan as I realized that Eric and I hardly knew anything about each other. We were supposed to get married soon, and I didn’t know what his favorite foods were or any of that trivial, superficial stuff that I was sure we were going to fight about after marriage.
“What’s yours?”
“Don’t have one,” I shook my head. “I hate yellow. Favorite food?”
“Anything my mom cooks,” he chuckled, but it sounded far away or as if I was underwater. “She doesn’t do that often though, just on birthdays.”
“I love pizza. If I could, I’d eat it every day. Daren used to get pissed at me…” I trailed off, feeling the hurt all over again.
“Jen, can I ask you something..?” Eric hesitated.
“Sure,” my answer was instant.
“I want you to answer honestly… no matter if you think it'll hurt my feelings… If Daren were alive and you were given the chance to choose… who would you stay with - me or him?”
I didn't answer right away. I had thought about this question a lot recently and I could never come up with an answer. Even after I’d spent hours upon hours, I could never come up with a solid choice. The only conclusion I always came to was that I needed them both in my life.
Considering what I’d learned about Daren tonight, and not knowing whether his feelings for me was real or made up just so he could get close to me should change my answer to Eric’s question... Certainly now, Eric was the better choice. His love was certain and I loved him just as much as. But although Daren betrayed me, hid things from me, and our entire relationship had been a lie, I couldn’t deny that I still loved him. I wondered how that was possible, that you could still love someone who had unraveled and destroyed everything you were.
Instead of answering his question, I asked my own. “Do you think it was real, or was it just a way to be close to me? I mean...” I mused swallowing, “Daren was my protector and I didn’t know about this world at that time... he’d have needed a reason to get close to me... a reason why he was always so protective...”
For a long while Eric didn’t say anything and just as I started to think that his silence was confirmation he let out a breath and said, “I honestly don’t know, Jen... and right now there’s no way of knowing... I do know that whatever his feelings for you were, Daren died so you could live, and that in itself is something...”
“If he were alive...” I breathed out, “I wouldn’t be able to choose between you two. It's literally impossible to choose. It's like…” I took a breath and then swallowed the lump rising in my throat. I couldn't explain it right - I didn't know how. “You know on those movies where people are climbing mountains… but something goes wrong and one of the climbers has to let go, because the weight is too much… If it were us... and only two could live… I would let go… It's like that, Eric - I can't choose between you and him, I just can't…”
He was silent for a short moment and then he said, �
��If I had to choose for you, I would choose Daren.” From his voice, I could tell that he was sure, this was an absolute for him and I didn’t understand why. Eric should hate Daren. He was the person I had given everything to. Daren was the one I loved and if it wasn’t for him, there might not be anything holding me back from wanting to marry Eric completely.
“Why..? If Daren was alive… wouldn't you fight for me?” I whispered, feeling the fog in my head slowly pulling me away from the moment. Exhaustion was taking over now – it was too much and I didn’t think I could fight it anymore.
“I would fight like Hell for you. I will always fight for you, Jenifer - never think that I won't… but every day I see you struggling to hold yourself together… I saw how you looked at Dina tonight; it was like she was your own Heaven and Hell wrapped into one... I'd choose Daren for you because my unhappiness would be worth it… if you were happy.”
“How can you say that?” I asked glad he couldn't see my face. I was horrified that he would even think like that, but I understood it. It was the same way I felt about him; like wanting to marry him, not because I wanted to, but because it would make him happy.
“If it comes down to being selfish or selfless, I will be selfless, Jen...” he trailed off almost as if reading my mind. Maybe he was. “Always remember that I will do anything for you. I'll always be there for you… no matter what.” I didn't like him talking like this - it made me feel as if he was saying goodbye to me. I needed him too. I needed and wanted him in my life more than I could ever admit. “I was afraid of you… when I saw you fighting, I was afraid of you,” I admitted. “You didn't seem… you weren't yourself, you were cold, and you scared me the most… I didn't want to see you like that…” I said changing the subject, picking the first thing I could think about.
I had been standing in front of monsters, all terrifying, and tearing each other to pieces. Half of those monsters were fighting to kill me, yet they didn't scare me half as much as Eric did. I had expected the dark, nonhuman bloodlust from Zane and maybe even Dean, but never from Eric. From the very beginning, he had been my stability, my strength and my safe place, and seeing all that disappear was horrifying.