After spending much of the afternoon cleaning out our livestock trailer and helping Dad pick which of the heifers are going to go to auction, my brain is mentally exhausted. Dad’s feeble attempt to keep his emotions in check, as we lead heifer after heifer into the outer barn for loading tomorrow, nearly drove me to my own set of tears more than I would like to admit. Tomorrow, will be rough, but at least, I have my dinner with Alex to look forward to, as a distraction from it all.
I peek at my phone and see a text from Alex, when I finish cleaning up from the day’s work.
Alex: Be there at seven.
Checking the clock, I see I only have roughly twenty minutes to spare. I fire off a quick response, saying that I will be ready, before tossing my phone. Opting for comfort versus something sexier, because let’s be real here, nothing about me or this body can be deemed sexy. Not with my fuller hips and curves. Pulling a pair of my favorite Miss Me jeans from my closet, I slip them on over my waist and throw one of my nicer shirts over my head. I tug down the hem and peer into the full-length mirror. Every second I look, I chastise myself, seeing every single flaw I have and comparing it with his possible superstar girlfriend. I shouldn’t even be thinking of meeting with him, knowing that she might actually be down there in Nashville, waiting on him to come home. I have to find a way tonight to bring it up. I can’t with good conscious move forward with anything he might propose, until I know for sure that I’m not going to be the girl on the side. If I can’t be number one, then I don’t even need to be considered.
Pulling my hair up into a loose, messy bun, I grab a hoodie and my phone, and then slip on a pair of sneakers, before setting off towards the porch. Alex didn’t say anything about picking me up, so I decide to do the independent woman thing and just walk across the field. It’s not, until I’m half-way across it, that I spy his truck, pulling up into my driveway.
Smooth, Izzy. Real smooth.
“Hey, Alex!” I call out, when he jumps from his truck, catching his attention. He gives me a wave, before climbing back inside and heading back out of our driveway. He isn’t there yet by the time I make it through the shortcut we made as kids to each other’s houses. His family’s old farmhouse looks foreign now. The pristine white siding has greyed over the years from the lack of anyone caring for her. The grass while cut isn’t as neat as it had been under his father’s careful and obsessive-compulsive eye. We often joked as kids that his dad should have gotten an alarm system installed, like in the Princess Diaries movie, warning anyone who dared to get off the grass in every language imaginable. He didn’t find it nearly as funny as we did.
Alex speeds up their long, tree-lined lane and comes to a stop with a cloud of dust, blowing behind him. He leaps from the truck, and with a few long strides, meets me on the porch.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?”
I shrug. “You didn’t say you were picking me up. It’s not like this is a date or anything.”
He quickly frowns. Is this a date? Maybe, I shouldn’t have said that right off the bat. It’s not like I have a considerable track record of dating, except if you count that uneventful two weeks that Dan pursued me, after Alex left. By pursuing, I mean stalking me, until I finally went out on a date with him and never called him back. Apparently, my prom night look turned his head a little bit farther than I cared to know about. Harsh, but I can’t bring myself to try to move on with someone so close with Alex, even if it might have hurt him. It just seemed wrong.
“I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less from you,” he remarks, stalking past me to unlock his front door, as I cock a brow. This small town didn’t usually require things such as locked doors. Honestly, I can’t think of a time in recent history, where our front door had even been bolted. “What?” He asks, when he notices the look on my face. “Famous guy, remember? The last thing I need is some crazy fan tracking down my old address and squatting here.”
“Must be such a hard life to have women throwing themselves at your feet,” I smile with a hint of jealously, prickling up inside of me. That is one of the aspects of his career that I don’t think I’ll ever been able to get used to.
“Not the right one,” he fires back with a harsh tone. “Go on in. I’ve got to get dinner out of the truck.”
“Yum. Three-hour old dinner.”
“Very funny, Iz. I’ll have you know that I made a slight pit stop on my way home to a certain little barbecue place that you love.”
“You didn’t!” I happily squeal, as Alex stalks back to his truck, retrieving a white plastic bag from the cab. I try my hardest not to jump up and down. It’s been too long, since I had Mr. Pig. Best damn food this side of Kentucky. Even better than my moms, but lord have mercy, I’ll never tell her that. I like not having to cook for myself. He opens the sack in front of me. A heavenly scent of smoky, sweet barbecue wafts up, and I swear I can feel myself drooling already.
“Hickory smoked pulled pork, rib tips, and extra cornbread.”
My exact order from all those years ago. How in the hell did he manage to remember that? Alex pushes beside me, bag in hand, and heads into the house.
“Are you coming in, or am I going to have to eat this all myself?”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I hiss back, following behind him and shutting the door. “Don’t you tease me like that, Alex McCloud. You know you don’t come between Mr. Pig and me. Remember junior year?”
Alex smiles wide. “Iz, how could I forget? I tried to sneak a bite of your pork, and you tried to stab me with a fork. Not something you can forget.”
“The rules still stand, McCloud. You stay away from my food.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He gives me a fake salute, before disappearing into the kitchen, making sure to leave the bag in plain sight. Smart man. I take the chance to look around the house that I used to be able to call a second home growing up. Surprisingly, not much has changed. The old, brown leather sectional still sits in the center of their large living room to the left of the entryway with the only new addition of a large flat screen above the red brick fireplace. Everything else, is the same from my last memory of the place, including the cedar smell of the wooden accents in the dining.
“Ready to eat?” Alex offers me a paper plate, before ushering me into one of the tall dining chairs. I observe, as he takes each container out of the bag and arranges them neatly on the table. A smile forms on my face, when he pulls out a cold can of coke from his back pocket, depositing it next to me. “Dig in. I’m going to go grab some napkins.”
He’s not even two steps away, before my fork stabs at one of the larger pieces of pulled pork, popping it into my mouth. I moan, when the sweet and smoky sauce ignites all my taste buds. I stab another piece, stuffing it in right behind the first.
“You know you should probably chew that.”
“Shut up,” I mumble, while chewing. “It’s been a long time.”
“Yes, it has. Too long, if you ask me.”
He slides into his seat, and takes a few scoops of everything, putting them on his plate. I watch him, while I take a sip of my pop. His eyes go wide on the first bite. Pot meet kettle.
“Who’s making fun of who now?” Alex lets out a deep laugh, before shoving in another large bite.
“Hey, you better have more of that in that bag of yours, if you’re going to eat like that.”
“You underestimate me, Moulton. There are two more bags in my truck. I just didn’t want to tell you that, before I had, too.”
Sneaky. I like it. It’s kind of funny that someone in the south said the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I think it’s the other way around. Buy a girl some great barbeque and bring her extras, and you might not be able to shake her off, even if you tried.
“Can I ask you something, Alex?”
He stops chewing, swallowing hard. “It’s kind of the point of tonight. You know, the whole talking thing. Ask away.”
The Rolodex of all the questions I have saved up for him spin
s and spins uncontrollably. Unable to land on the right topic to ease into some of the more pressing issues I have for him. His gaze doesn’t leave mine, while he waits. Fuck it. I might as well get the big one out of the way first. If this, whatever it is, isn’t going to go any farther than me running away with both of the bags of food in his truck, I might as well just pull the Band-Aid off.
“Taylor Aldean.”
He sets his fork down, wiping his face off with one of the napkins. “Wondered how long it would take you to ask about her again. If you hadn’t cut me off in the field, you’d already know the answer to this, but someone said she didn’t need to know and dismissed me.” He smiles, throwing my words back in my face. Smart ass. I didn’t want to know back then, but now, it’s a little different with the potential relationship building between us.
“Well, I’m asking now. Is it true y’all are together?”
“Absolutely not,” he sternly answers. “Taylor and I are just friends. The whole romance thing between us is fake. A story created by our label to sell more tickets to our last tour. Taylor actually has a boyfriend, and he’s a good guy. Had a beer with him on tour a couple of times.”
My brain seizes the minute he stops talking. I mean, I know that it’s possible. I just didn’t think Alex capable of putting on that kind of charade. He was also so genuine, before his rise to fame. To blatantly, outright lie about a relationship to boost sales? It seems so foreign of an idea.
“I didn’t want to do it, if that’s your follow-up question, but I didn’t have a choice. My contract apparently has a damn loophole regarding creative marketing,” he says, emphasizing the last part with air quotes. “It’s one of the reasons my label wanted to talk to me a few extra days. They weren’t happy about you and me getting photographed together.”
I set down my fork with a hard slam to the table. “It’s not like we were asking for it.”
“I know, but my little runaway stunt put them on edge. I’m supposed to be writing my new album right now, and I up and disappear without a word. My ass is still sore from the chewing they gave me. I’m surprised that they didn’t send some of my security guys back with me to make sure I didn’t give them the slip again.”
I pause, knowing he just gave me the perfect place to insert my next question. The one that feels like it’s burning a hole through the pit of my stomach. The question about his intentions. Am I the reason that he came home, or am I just a convenient bonus prize for a runaway country music star?
“Why’d you leave? Isn’t your life kind of perfect back in Nashville.”
“You’d think that, if you read the tabloids, but fame and fortune leaves you pretty lonely. I can’t even go to the grocery store or hit a bar with some of my crew to watch a football game without being recognized.”
“So, this trip is like a vacation for you? Go back home to the middle of nowhere.”
“I had a reason to come back here, Iz. One that I’m pretty sure you’re trying to skirt around to ask me.”
Nothing comes out, when I open my mouth. Not a damn word.
“Ask me, Iz. I want to hear it from your lips.”
“Are you here for me?” I gulp, closing my eyes. Unsure that I really did want to hear the answer after all.
“Yes. It’s finally time that I man up and claim what’s mine.”
He doesn’t follow it up with anything else. Just a decisive yes. He slides from his chair and takes a step closer to me with his arm falling along the back side of my chair. I spin to face him. His warmth and closeness, making goosebumps shiver to life all over my body.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’m not going to lie about that, but leaving you that night without kissing those sweet lips of yours and telling you how I feel, will always be the biggest one of them all. I spent the last four years trying to find a way back to you. To find the right words to tell you that I’ve been in love with you, since high school.”
Time freezes around us, and the only thing I can feel, other than the pull between us, is my heart pounding inside of my chest, like it’s running the Kentucky Derby. One pound after another. He loves me. Alex McCloud, the man who holds the keys to my heart and soul, just admitted that he loves me. I should be dancing the happiest of dances right now at his declaration, but I can’t think. Not with his lips so close to mind, begging for me to reach out and kiss him. I have to resist. If I kiss him now, there will be no going back. I’d be his. Lock, stock, and barrel.
“You say that now, but what happens, when you have to go back to Nashville or go on tour. You’ll forget about me again.”
“I made that mistake once. I’m not going to make that again, Iz. Not with you.” He rubs his thumb over my lips roughly, and I tremble under his touch. The urge to kiss him growing intense inside of me. It’s a pull so indescribable.
“Why now?” I squeak out. “After all this time, you can’t tell me you didn’t know how I felt about you.”
“I did, Iz. I was stupid back then. The girls. The fame. All of it. You were the only constant in my life, and I didn’t want to ruin what we had, when I didn’t know where my life was headed. I couldn’t take you with me down that path only to lose you.”
“Alex, you lost me, when you cut me out of your life. Do you know how hard it was being your best friend one minute, and your ex-friend the next? To see your face plastered all over the local newspapers with a new girl on your arm. It was fucking torture.” He winces hard, and his face is nearly unreadable. Throwing in his face, the things that have haunted me in his absence, should feel better than it does, but regret wells instantly up inside of me. Taking over the emotional tornado about to destroy everything inside of me.
“You don’t know how sorry I am for what I did. I thought it was for the best. That I could forget about the way I felt about you to protect you.” He pauses, looking away. “But I can’t forget the unforgettable. Not one person in my entire life holds a candle to you, or to the way, I feel about you.”
A tear slips down my cheek, before I can stop it. How long have I waited to hear him say this to me, and now that he has, I don’t know what to say? I wanted him. I always have, but the Alex I loved back then and the one now, are so different. The man that he has become comes with so much to him that I don’t know how to handle it. Loving Alex means a life in the spotlight and away from my family and the farm, where I’m needed.
“I have shit timing, I know that, but I needed you to know.”
“You always did like to make a statement,” I try to laugh it off, but fail miserably. “Where do we go from here? Your life is in Nashville, and mine is here. It’ll never work.”
“I don’t know, Iz, but we’ve got plenty of time to figure it out, if you’re willing to give me a chance. If this is meant to be, we’ll figure out a way to make it work.”
Do I give in to my heart, or do I listen to my head and run? The dueling forces inside of me want two different things. Just like we’re two very different people. Do I want his life? Can I live with being the small-town girl on his arm in the spotlight? I just don’t know what to do, no matter which way I look at it. Not with everything else going on right now.
“I want to say yes, Alex. Believe me, I do, but I need time to think about this. Can you give me that?”
“If it takes a thousand years to prove to you that I’m sorry, I’ll wait for it, because you’re worth that to me.” I try to shift out of the chair, but he stops me, trapping me between his arm and the table. “Distance isn’t going to help. I tried that, remember?”
10
“You know, when you said let’s hang out, this isn’t exactly what I pictured,” Alex remarks, as I help one of the hands at the auction house, herd the last few heifers into a pen. “I was thinking more of a movie or putt-putt.”
“What was your first clue that we weren’t going to see a movie?” I snark back. “The trailer behind my truck full of our cows, or the shit kickers I have on my feet.” He knew damn well what we were
doing, when I invited him to come along. “You going to stand there all day, Mr. Country Star, or are you going to help me with this ramp?”
“Fine,” he scoffs, kicking off of the metal fencing he was leaning against and heads my way. “This is going to cost you. I’m not a cheap date, you know.”
“Who said this is a date?” I fire back, as the auction hand leads Mooella out of the trailer last in her full diva fashion. A part of me is sad to see her go, but another is happy. She has been a staple in our farm for so many years, as the resident pain in the ass, but as one of the older cows, she has to go first. She moos loudly, when she passes me. I’m pretty sure she’s calling me a traitor or some other vulgar name in cow language.
Alex grabs the bottom of the trailer ramp, sliding it back into place, as the gate closes behind her. Helping me close the heavy trailer door, we both fall into a lean against it. I can’t help but stare at her. She’s soon to become someone else’s. It doesn’t seem right, but it is a necessary evil to our survival. Alex had asked a dozen times on the way here why we were auctioning them. It’s hard to come up with a plausible excuse, but I can’t tell him the truth, because I know he’ll want to help. Alex has money, and it’s enough to save us and then some, I guess. If I know him as well as I think I do, he’ll give me whatever I need to save the farm. I just can’t accept it. Not so soon into the relationship he wants with me. I won’t be that girl. Too many people have already tried to use him for his money and fame from what he has told me, and I refuse to be the next one in line. If there is a way to save it, I will find it. If there isn’t, well, I can always say that I tried my best. There is honor in that.
Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology Page 266