"It's not there," Luke said with disappointment.
"Nothing stays the same."
"I wish we could go back."
"Why? Would you have done things differently? I don't think so. Besides, we can't go back." Jenny sat down on the sand and stared at the water.
Luke sat down beside her. "Would you have done anything differently?"
"Me? I wouldn't have worked at that ice cream shop. I gained ten pounds that summer."
Luke grinned as he played with the sand, letting it drift through his fingers. "You always made me laugh."
"You're a pretty good straight guy, I must admit."
Luke sent her a curious look. "Why me, Jenny? You could have had any boy you wanted that summer. Your friends thought you were crazy. I was a bookworm. I didn't know how to flirt or make time with the girls. My life was a mathematical equation and the only chemistry I knew about was the kind done in a laboratory."
"I liked your quiet strength," she said, remembering him as a young man. "I liked the way you watched people, as if you knew more than all the rest of us. Of course, you did. Your IQ was beyond compare. And you listened to me. Really listened." She looked him in the eye. "God, Luke. Nobody at my house ever listened to me. My mother was the only one, and she died. After that, I had Merrilee running my life, Matt playing the superstar sports hero, and my father refusing to look at me because I always did everything wrong. When I met you, I felt like a real person."
"You were real to me from the first second. Open, honest, loving. Everything right out there for the world to see."
"That's not such a good thing."
"We were different though, in a lot of ways," Luke said. "I was a conservative Republican, you, a liberal Democrat."
"I liked to go barefoot. You never took your shoes off."
"I drove everywhere. You always wanted to walk," Luke continued.
"I ate dessert first. You hated to even let your meat touch your potatoes."
"And your sand castles." Luke shook his head. "Haven't you ever heard of a blueprint? Your engineering skills were sadly lacking."
"My vision was huge, bigger than life. What a pair, huh?" She smiled at him, and he smiled back, as caught up in the memories as she was.
"You can say that again. Why did we get together?"
She tilted her head in thought. "Because alone we were each a little odd. But together -- we made sense. At least for a while." She dug her toes into the sand, enjoying the feel of the cool, wet beach.
Luke leaned all the way back, resting his head on his arms as he looked up at the sky.
Jenny followed his gaze. It was a starry night. No fog. No clouds. Just an endless array of bright, shiny lights.
"Do you believe in heaven?" she asked, then laughed at her own question. "Of course you don't. You're a man of science. You can probably tell me exactly how the universe developed."
"I can." Luke pointed at the stars. "I can also tell you which of those are stars and which are planets. I can even point out the Milky Way. See that shadow?"
Jenny strained her eyes. "Yes. It's almost like a rainbow, only white."
"There's a scientific explanation for the colors," Luke said. "But my grandmother once told me that the Milky Way is the path that souls take to heaven, and it's their spirits that make the shadow white."
"I like that. It's comforting, especially now, when I have so many questions and so few answers." She paused. "I've never heard you speak of your grandmother before."
"She died when I was ten. She was my father's mother. Used to say that God gave everyone else in the family brains, and gave her all the heart. Nana would have liked you."
"I think I would have liked her. Sounds a bit like my mother. Do you think they were really so saintly or do we just remember them that way, now that they're gone?"
"Saintly?" Luke turned to her. "When my grandmother was sixty-two, she married a man who was fifteen years younger than her, a man who wore an earring in his left ear. My father almost had a heart attack. Wouldn't speak to her for three years. No, she wasn't a saint. She was human. We're all human. We all make mistakes."
Jenny sighed. "We were a big mistake, although we did have some good times."
"The best time I ever had was the day we got lost driving to Lake Tahoe."
"You were furious, because I forgot the map."
"And the compass and the water and the directions. But I can still remember that hawk. It was so damned arrogant, so above us."
"Like you." She paused. "And the mountains. They were spectacular."
"That deer came right up to you, practically ate out of your hand."
"We slept in the back of the car. You hogged the blanket."
"You snored."
"You made love to me."
"We made Danny."
Jenny looked at Luke and saw the exact same emotions she was feeling. "You're right. It was the best time we ever had."
Chapter Nineteen
Jenny walked into McDougal's Market just before eight o'clock Wednesday morning. It seemed like a lifetime since she had been to work. Although not counting the weekend, she had only missed two days. It hardly seemed possible. So much had changed.
George Hanling, a portly man with a face that looked liked Santa Claus and a belly to match, was the first person to see her arrive. George was the butcher, and a nicer man to yield a cleaver she had yet to meet. He was standing by the bakery counter, jelly dripping down one finger as he bit into the center of a donut.
"Oh, Jesus," he muttered, swallowing as he reached for a napkin.
"Your wife said no more donuts, George."
George cleaned the jelly off his fingers, then took her hand. "I am so sorry, I can't believe what's happened. We've been worried about you. If there's anything I can do ..."
Jenny nodded and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks. You're a sweetie."
George turned a dark shade of red as he headed back to work.
Jenny looked up as Prudence Meyers called her name. Pru was a sexy, twenty-seven-year-old blonde with earrings that dangled down to her shoulders, a skirt that crept up her thighs, and a heart as big as the Pacific Ocean. Pru, also a single mother, had been a checker at McDougal's for almost five years, and she and Jenny had become close friends.
Although working as a checker in a grocery store was not Jenny's dream job, it did pay the bills. It also allowed her the opportunity to take classes at night and develop her jewelry business. Someday she would be her own boss and have a chance to express her creative nature full-time, something she could not do while scanning produce and dairy products.
Still, over the past seven years Jenny had made some good friends in the store. She was a social animal by nature, and McDougal's had become a second home to her. Unfortunately, with the retirement of T. W. McDougal six months earlier, and the takeover by his nephew Chuck, McDougal's was now taking on the personality of a supermarket instead of a neighborhood store.
As if on cue, Chuck stuck his head out of the manager's window. Jenny thought, not for the first time, that the man had bugged the counters and planted hidden videos under the bananas. He always seemed to pop up at the worst possible time. He waved for her to come to the office. She waved back but paused by Pru's counter.
"Hi ya, hon, how ya doin?" Pru asked as she finished a checkout and handed the lady her receipt.
"Hanging in there," Jenny said, her voice catching in the face of Pru's sympathetic smile. "This is harder than I thought."
Pru came around the counter and gave Jenny a hug, never minding the fact that a customer looked at both of them, sighed, and moved on to the next aisle.
Jenny smiled at her with watery eyes. "You're going to get in trouble."
"I am so sorry, Jenny."
"I know. Did Merrilee call you? I gave her a list of my friends the other day."
"She did. Your sister is very efficient."
"She is that."
"So, how is our boy?"
"Quie
t. Incredibly quiet. He doesn't move, Pru. He doesn't open his eyes, he doesn't talk. I can't stand seeing him like that."
"Oh, God, honey." Pru wiped the corner of her eye. "What do the doctors say?"
"As little as possible. We have to wait. I hate waiting."
"Jennifer," Chuck called her name as he stepped out of his office. "I'd like to see you."
"Give her a break. Her kid is in the hospital," Pru snapped.
"I just want to talk to her," Chuck said defensively. "And you've got a line to take care of."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She turned back to Jenny. "Do you want me to go with you?"
Jenny shook her head. "I think I can handle it. After Danny, everything else is a piece of cake."
Pru gave her the thumbs-up sign as Jenny headed toward the manager's office. She knew she had to deal with Chuck sooner or later. It might as well be now.
"I'm sorry about your kid," Chuck said, avoiding direct eye contact as he took a seat behind his desk.
"I appreciate the flowers the store sent," Jenny replied, knowing that Chuck probably had nothing to do with their delivery. She shifted her feet, wishing she could sit down, but Chuck had removed all other chairs from the office. He liked the fact that everyone had to stand in front of him like a child in the principal's office.
"You're one of us, the McDougal family," Chuck said smoothly.
"I'm glad you consider me family, because I know I've left you in the lurch."
"It's understandable." Chuck cleared his throat. "When do you think you'll be back?"
"I'm not sure. My son is in a coma. I don't know how long he'll be unconscious. I need to be with him, to talk to him, work his legs and arms, try to bring him back to life. He needs round-the-clock stimulation."
"I see." Chuck sat back in his chair and pressed his fingertips together in front of his face.
Jenny licked her lips. "I know I don't have any vacation time left, and probably no sick days either, but I will need time off, Mr. McClintock."
Chuck pulled at his tie. "Yes, well, you're entitled to twelve weeks of family leave, unpaid, of course, but we'll hold your job."
Unpaid. Jenny's heart sank at the thought. How could she take three months off without a paycheck? She wouldn't be able to pay her rent, much less buy food. And Danny might need extra treatment, more than her insurance would pay for. What would she do then?
Luke. He would probably be more than willing to help. But dammit, she didn't want his money.
"As a courtesy to you, my uncle would like to compensate you for this week," Chuck added reluctantly. "You can pick up a check on Friday. Your leave will officially start next Monday."
A week's pay. Not nearly enough. But she'd take it. "Thank you."
"I am sympathetic, Jennifer." Chuck shook his head, a regretful expression on his face. "But I have a business to run."
"I understand." Jenny walked out of the office and stopped by Pru's counter, relieved when Pru finished with a customer and had a moment to talk.
"What did Mr. M. say?" Pru asked.
"I can take up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave and they'll hold my job. And T.W. is apparently tossing in a week's pay just to help me out."
"That's good, but Jenny, what will you do for money? Can I lend you something?"
"As if you have anything."
"I could scrape something up."
"It's okay. I have some savings, and I'm sure Matt or Merrilee will help if I get desperate. I just hate to ask them, especially Merrilee. Her money usually comes with strings attached."
"Excuse me, are you open?" a woman demanded.
Pru shook her head. "No, I'm on a break."
"I don't see a sign."
"Trust me. He'll take you over there." Pru pointed to the next aisle.
"Last time I come to this store."
"I hope it is," Pru muttered under her breath. She looked at Jenny. "I almost forgot. My friend Karen wants to buy those darling seashell earrings you made, the ones that look like teardrops. I know it's only ten dollars, but it'll buy you a sandwich and a Coke."
Jenny smiled. "Believe me, I never turn down money, no matter how little it is. I still pick up pennies off the sidewalk. Danny laughs at me ..." Her voice caught, and she couldn't finish the thought.
Pru bit down on her lip as if she were about to cry. "Ah, jeez. I wish there was something I could do. I've been feeling so bad for you, hon."
"Me, too." Jenny looked her friend in the eye. "By the way, Danny's father has come back."
Pru opened her eyes wide. She was the only person besides Alan who knew about Danny's obsessive longing to find his father.
"How did that happen?" Pru asked. "Did Danny talk to him?"
"No. He tried, but didn't get in to see him. Danny was on his way home when he got hit by the car."
"Oh, Lordy. So what does this guy have to say about things?" Pru stuck a closed sign on the end of her counter, sending yet another customer away.
"Pru, you can't do that."
She waved her hand. "Sure I can. It's time for my break anyway." Pru pulled Jenny over to a quiet corner by the magazine rack. "So, tell me everything."
Jenny shrugged. "Luke says I should have told him about Danny, that he wants to know his son."
"You did tell him, remember?"
"Yeah, but he thinks I should have said something after I had Danny. Maybe he's right. I don't know anymore." She dropped her voice so she wouldn't be overheard. "Seeing him has brought back all the old feelings. I loved him so much, and he hurt me so bad. Part of me wants to keep him away from us, but Luke is Danny's father, and Danny wanted desperately to know him. How can I shut him out? If there's a chance that Luke can get through to Danny, I have to take it."
Pru's eyes narrowed. "What about Alan?"
"He's not happy," Jenny replied, knowing that was an understatement. Alan's attitude toward Luke bordered on homicidal, a mix of jealousy and impatience. At the moment she had neither the time nor the energy to deal with either emotion.
"Alan's probably afraid you have feelings for Luke. It sounds like you do."
"Not feelings -- memories. I keep seeing him in my mind, Pru, the way we were. I know we can't go back. He's married. And there is still Alan."
"Alan's not the right guy for you," Pru said. "Now, I don't know this Luke, and he's probably a total jerk because I know he left you and Danny alone, but you have to stop pretending that Alan is ever going to be the love of your life. It ain't going to happen. Wake up and smell the coffee."
"Look who's talking," Jenny said, referring to Pru's endless parade of no-good love affairs.
"So, I give advice better than I take it. Sue me." Pru popped a bubble of gum in front of Jenny's face.
"I'll think about what you said. Say one of your prayers for me, okay?"
"You know I will. And Jenny -- oh, forget it."
"What?"
"I believe things happen for a reason."
"What reason could there be?"
"Danny's father was meant to come back into your life."
"I don't want Luke in my life, I want Danny."
"Maybe you can have both."
* * *
Later that morning, Luke entered Sheri-Tech with barely a glance at the receptionist or the other employees who wanted to score points by saying hello to the boss. The only thing he had on his mind was Danny. He wanted answers, and he wanted them fast. Danny had been in a coma for five days. It was not a good sign. The longer it took for him to come out of it, the worse his prognosis would be.
As he walked down the hall to his office, Luke felt a rush of frustration. He had spent his entire life pursuing a career in medicine. He'd be damned if he would sit by and let his son die without the fight of his life.
He had resources and money, the best medical minds in the country. Danny would live. He would see to it.
Luke brushed by his secretary, Lorraine Parker, without a word, ignoring her muttered hello and the stack of pink slips in
her hand. He had been in the office no more than two hours the day before and not at all on Monday. Such absenteeism was akin to the Pope missing Mass. His father had set a precedence of working hard every day. Luke had always followed that ethic, until now, until his mind refused to let go of Danny and focus on anything else.
"Dr. Sheridan?" His secretary hesitated in the doorway. "Shall I put these on your desk?"
"Fine. Fine."
"Your father called three times. Shall I dial him for you?"
"Not right now, thanks."
Lorraine looked at him in horror. She had worked for his father for ten years and whatever Charles wanted, Charles got.
"It's no trouble. He seemed impatient," she persisted.
Luke frowned at her. "My father is retired, Mrs. Parker. It's about time he learned some patience."
She left the room with an irritated, "Hmph."
Luke set his briefcase down on the floor, picked up the phone and punched out the extension for Keith Avery, Sheri-Tech's top scientist. Keith was smart, thorough, and had a background in neurology. If anyone could help him find a way to bring Danny out of a coma, it would be Keith.
"Avery," the man said.
"Keith, Luke. Have you found anything?"
"No. I'll need more information on the exact injury."
Luke nodded, flipping through his Rolodex as he spoke. "Call Lowenstein. That's Danny's doctor. Tell him you work for me. He'll be happy to cooperate."
"I'm on it."
Luke set down the phone and looked up, not surprised to see Malcolm walking through the door.
"I heard you were back." Malcolm settled into the chair in front of Luke's desk. "Want to tell me why I've had three calls from the press this morning, claiming you're someone's father?"
Luke sat down in his chair. "You heard."
"Along with the rest of San Mateo County. Don't you know better than to make announcements in a hospital? The news got out the door faster than you did."
"I'd forgotten about the workings of the hospital grapevine."
"So, it is true?"
Luke nodded. "Yes, it's true. Years ago, before Denise, I was involved with someone. She got pregnant. I thought she had an abortion."
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