“Cold,” she said.
“Try this….” He removed his jacket, settling it over her shoulders. It still held his heat and the faint citrus-and-leather scent of his aftershave. “Better?”
“Yes. Thanks.” Deeply inhaling, Ellie told herself it was only the festive occasion stirring up riotous feelings of attraction.
“I hate even asking this, but—”
Good Lord, was he wanting to kiss her?
“—does Pia seem to enjoy my company as much as I do hers?”
Ellie gave herself a mental slap. What’s wrong with you? Why would she for even one second assume Deacon wanted to kiss her? Struggling to regain her composure, she confessed, “The night you took her for pizza, during her bath she told me—and I quote, ‘Daddy fun!’”
“Seriously?” His expression brightened. “You’re not making that up?”
Ellie shook her head. “She’s crazy about you. Her whole personality is changing for the better.”
“Thank you for sharing that…” He took her drink and set it on the rail, then grasped her hands again and squeezed. “As much as I need Pia, you have no idea how much it means that she also needs me. Yes, I’m going to make mistakes with her, but if you’ll let me see even more of her, I really think it’d be a good thing.”
“Me, too.” She released him, not because touching Deacon was unpleasant, but rather because doing so produced the oddest cravings to draw him in for a proper hug. “When it fits your schedule, feel free to stop by in the afternoons. Saturdays are usually good, too.”
When he flashed his most irresistible, white-toothed smile, then stepped toward her for that hug she’d been craving, Ellie’s body quivered in anticipation. Until he abruptly drew back.
“Helen—” he took a sausage roll from the platter she held out “—thanks again for having me. This has been way more fun than the bar everyone else went to.”
Tom’s mother got Ellie’s hug. “You’re, ah, welcome.”
Once Helen left, Deacon asked, “She seem cool to you?”
“I suppose. Why?”
He shook his head. “Just a vibe.”
For Ellie, the rest of the night took on a bittersweet tone. Most everyone present save her and Deacon were paired up. Hugs and kisses and canoodling abounded. Ellie keenly missed her husband, and no amount of punch would mask that fact.
Worse, watching Pia interact with Deacon only further warmed Ellie’s heart.
“Boo!” he teased, helping her pretend to fly like a ghost. “You’re so scary!”
Each time he swung their daughter through the air, Pia squealed and giggled. “Daddy fun! Daddy fun!”
Ellie cringed, hearing her shout the words, but she needn’t have worried.
Helen slipped an arm around her and sighed. “I’ve read about this in grief books. Poor little Pia is substituting Deacon for Tom.”
* * *
THAT NIGHT it took Ellie a long time to fall asleep. When ten-thirty came and went with her eyes still refusing to shut, she wandered into the nursery to check on Pia, who slept soundly beneath the pink quilt Nana Helen had made her.
In the living room, Ellie lit the gas log fire and the lamp beside the sofa. Then she did something she knew she shouldn’t, taking her favorite photo scrapbooks from the entertainment-center shelves. Curled beneath an afghan on the sofa, she flipped through pages documenting happier times. Wedding photos. Her first Christmas with Tom and his family, the Hilliards’ house decorated with so many evergreen boughs and peppermint candles even the air had smelled festive. Moving into the house with boxes everywhere, and Deacon had taken a candid shot of her and Tom in an embrace. They’d been bone-deep tired, but happy. So very happy. Then came Pia, seven pounds, six ounces of sheer beauty. Up until then, Ellie had only thought she’d been happy. With her little family, she’d never felt more complete. Pia’s first birthday had been spent at Helen and John’s, on the beach. A cookout, complete with a Jupiter Jump for the bigger kids. Would Ellie ever again experience such a perfect day?
A knock on the door jolted her from her memories.
Heart racing, she peered around the front door curtains, relieved to see Deacon, yet concerned. No good news ever came this late at night.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, ushering him in from the cold.
“Nothing. Everything.” He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, so I was out riding around, noticed your lights on and thought I’d check if you were all right.”
“Of course. Fine. But you’re shivering. Come sit by the hearth and I’ll make you some cocoa.”
“Sounds good.”
“What’s the matter with you?” she scolded, removing his cold leather jacket to replace it with the afghan she’d just used. Once he was adequately wrapped, she headed for the kitchen. “It’s too chilly to be riding your bike.”
“You’re right, but it’s the only ride I have. In the summer, she’s a sexy beast, but this time of year…” He shook his head.
Turning on the fire beneath her kettle, she mused, “You could grow up and get a nice, safe SUV. What it lacks in sex appeal and speed it’ll make up for in heated seats and a great stereo.”
He laughed. “Gotta admit a heated seat would be heaven about now.”
“You know—” she opened packets of gourmet cocoa, dumping the contents into mugs “—I’m not sure why I didn’t think of this sooner, but why don’t you drive Tom’s Jeep?”
“No way,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “Wouldn’t seem right.”
“Why not? It’s just sitting in the garage. I keep meaning to put an ad in the paper, but can’t quite bring myself to do it.”
Holding the blanket around his shoulders, he joined her in the kitchen. “What if I bought it? That way, I could have a safety seat already installed for the munchkin. Would make for easier transfer times.”
“Sounds good,” she said over the kettle’s whistle. “Make me an offer.”
By the time they’d added mini marshmallows to their drinks, they’d worked out a mutually beneficial deal, with Ellie agreeing to house Deacon’s bike in the garage.
Seated on the opposite end of the sofa from him, steaming mug in hand, Ellie said, “When Pia called you daddy in front of Helen at the party, I thought for sure she’d guess our secret. You don’t know how sad it makes me that it never even occurred to her that you could be Pia’s dad. This only shows how much more devastated she’ll be when the time comes to let her and John know.”
“You need to give Tom’s folks more credit. They might be stronger than you think.” He shrugged off the blanket.
“Maybe…” Ellie folded the blanket into a neat square, setting it on the sofa back. “Maybe I’m the one needing more time.”
“Which I’m giving.” His tone changed, softened. “I’ve turned my life upside down for you girls—not that I’m complaining, but I can’t wait to shout from the rooftops Pia is mine.”
“I told you you’re welcome to spend as much time with her as you’d like.” Ellie hadn’t meant her tone to be short, but this wasn’t an issue on which she could be pressured. “By Christmas, who knows? Maybe everything will be different. But please, for now, let’s take things slow. Ease Pia—and Helen and John—into our new routine.”
“Christmas. We’ll tell them then. Shake on it?” He held out his hand like a challenge. Did she dare accept?
Pressing her palm against his, she felt a jolt of awareness. Achy tension lodged in her throat. Heat pooled in her limbs. Why wouldn’t her attraction for him end? Why did she hold him longer than she rightfully should?
* * *
“YOU’RE FOLDING FAST again.” Though the store was loaded with customers whose designer purses proclaimed they had money to spend, Ada stopped on her way to the register to harass her employee. “Have a
nother fun night with Deacon?”
“Long story.” Ellie stopped tidying sweaters to help a customer waving from the dressing room find more sizes. “Ring up Mrs. Viera and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Thirty minutes later, the shop was empty—a luxury with Christmas fast approaching. Warm sun streamed through the plate glass windows and Coldplay provided a mellow vibe through hidden speakers.
“Okay, girl.” Ada sat at the counter, sorting mail. “Let’s hear it. What’d that fine man of yours do this time?”
“He’s not mine,” Ellie protested, placing a returned dress back on the rack. “Far from it. Can you believe he wants a deadline for telling John and Helen? Christmas. Is he soulless? We can’t deliver that kind of news over the holidays. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that when he brought it up.”
“Hmm…” Chewing the cap of her ballpoint, Ada murmured, “No doubt you were distracted by his eyes. Any chance of holding him off until the January doldrums?”
“I can try. I was stupid to agree, but I really was caught in his stare and I—”
“Back up the truck.” Ada abandoned her latest invoice. “You were caught in his stare? What does that mean?”
“You know…” Heat crept up Ellie’s cheeks. “He was gazing at me so intensely and I couldn’t look away. It was awful.”
“Oh. Being stared down by a GQ-handsome man. Truly horrifying.” Ellie’s supposed friend burst out laughing.
“I shouldn’t have even told you.” Returning to the sweaters, Ellie said, “I know this all must seem crazy to you, but I was once with this guy, you know? I remember all too well what he’s capable of, and have no wish to revisit that place.”
“If that’s true, then how come your only thoughts these days seem centered around him? Have you even called that alcoholic outreach program I signed you up to help at? They could really use you over the holidays.”
“Yes, Mom. I’ve been working with the nicest woman, Pandora, for over a month. She’s making great strides toward getting her life in order.”
“Good.” After depositing the mail on her office desk, Ada joined Ellie at the sweater table. “I know this whole Deacon thing may be moving too fast for your liking, but stop being afraid of what you feel for him, Ell. He seems like a sweetheart, and Pia clearly adores him.”
“He is a sweetheart, but Deacon was also Tom’s best friend. I can’t stop thinking that by even appreciating Deacon’s smile, I’m cheating on my husband.”
“Girl…” Ada shook her head. “You’ve got issues.”
* * *
WHEN DEACON PULLED INTO the only empty space in front of the dress shop where Ellie worked, he saw through the windows that though it was past closing time, there were at least five customers still wandering among the racks. Ellie stood at the register, smiling and chatting and in general shredding his insides. “Mommy looks pretty, doesn’t she, Pia?”
She clapped in her car seat. “Mommy play!”
“No, sweetie, she’s doing her job, but we can play.”
“Daddy fun fun!”
Deacon chuckled. “That’s what all the girls say.”
He turned off the Jeep, then climbed out from behind the wheel to grab Pia from her safety seat.
It’d been a gorgeous day, and though it was already dark at a little past six, the air remained balmy. “What do you want to do?”
“Play!”
In hopes of playing catch, Deacon grabbed the pink Nerf football he’d bought her a few days earlier. Pia pointed at the store. “Mommy!”
“Yep, there she is, but sweetie, Mommy’s super busy.”
“Mommy play with Pia!” She kicked and added a whiny edge to her tone. Never a good thing. Deacon could now comfortably tackle any diaper emergency, but tantrums were still a bit out of his league.
“Okay. First, great big-girl sentence. Second, Mommy’s helping those ladies buy dresses.” He pointed into the shop. “See?”
Far from his pep talk motivating his daughter to play football, she tossed her head back for a full-on wail.
“Swell…” When a jiggle-hug combo failed to calm her, Deacon knew he was in over his head. “How about we go inside Mommy’s store, but just watch her help the ladies?”
“Yes.” Already at the entrance, Pia thankfully reduced her volume to huffing whimpers.
“Hey, you two.” Ellie’s expression brightened when they approached the counter. Deacon knew better than to believe her smile was meant for him, but that didn’t stop him from hoping.
“Aw, she’s adorable,” a leggy blonde said from her spot in the four-deep checkout line.
“Thanks,” Deacon and Ellie said at the same time.
Ellie’s smile? Gone.
“How old is she?” a stacked brunette asked, squeezing Pia’s sneakered foot.
“A little past two,” Deacon said.
“Mommy play!” The ladies all laughed when Pia held out her arms toward her mom.
“We’ll play in a little bit, pumpkin. First I need to help these nice people buy dresses.”
“Oh.” She pouted, only to turn a faint, teary-eyed smile toward Deacon. “Daddy play?”
He gave her a hug and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’d love to.”
Setting Pia on her feet, he guided her toward the store’s seating area. Finally, he’d get to play catch.
Minutes later, with Deacon sitting on the floor and Pia chasing the ball when she missed, a good time was had by all without Mommy being interrupted.
In between throws, Deacon stole looks at Ellie, admiring her polished navy suit and the way she’d twisted her hair into a fancy pile on her head. This business side of her was seriously hot. Knowing it was not an issue he should be dwelling on, he focused on their daughter until the last customer was finally helped and Ada had locked the door.
“Whew.” Ellie’s best friend fanned her hand in front of her face. “That was intense, but fun.” She winked at Ellie. “Christmas bonus time is going to be great. Thanks for all your help.”
“Thank you for that bonus.” Ellie returned the wink before scooping her daughter into her arms. “I missed you.”
“No, Mommy! Me play Daddy!” Pia bucked and wriggled, until Ellie eventually set her down. The toddler chased after her ball, then pitched it to Deacon.
“Nice one,” he said, before tossing it back. To Ellie he said, “If you’d told me you were going to need more time, you should’ve called. I could’ve kept her out of your hair.”
“Thanks, but this doesn’t happen all that often.” Expression pinched, she looked from their daughter to him, then back to Pia, who was again on the chase.
“Just saying, the offer stands if you need me.”
“I appreciate it.” The ball had vanished beneath a rack of long, sequined gowns. Their daughter dropped to her belly to squirm after it. “Pia, hon, let’s go.”
“No!”
Ada emerged from her office, purse in one hand, cell phone in the other. “I don’t know about you two, but I could use a martini. Ready?”
“We soon will be.” On his feet, Deacon went fishing for Pia beneath the dress rack.
“No! My ball! My ball!” the toddler kicked and wailed.
“You stay with Mommy and I’ll get it,” Deacon assured her.
Ada checked her nails. “This is why I opt out of children or pets. They’re cute, but only from a distance.”
Deacon soon had the ball, and handed it to Pia, who was still crying in Ellie’s arms.
“Sorry,” he said, once Ada had locked up and he and Ellie stood by her car. “I like playing catch, but I didn’t know Pia would be such a huge fan.”
“It’s okay.” Having fastened Pia’s car seat latch, Ellie looked anything but okay.
“Anything else you need me to do?” He couldn’t have said why, but intuition told him he was in the doghouse for something. “Grab milk? Bread?”
“Deacon, thank you, but everything’s fine. I’m just tired after a long day. You must be, too.”
He should be, but wasn’t. More than anything, he wanted to follow Ellie and his daughter to their house. Cook dinner together, then veg on the couch. Nights spent playing video games or bar hopping with Garrett and Tristan held little appeal.
“Well, I need to get going.” She shocked him with an ambush hug. “Thanks again for helping out.”
* * *
THE WHOLE DRIVE HOME, Pia fitfully cried for her father.
Ellie tried soothing her by jiggling her feet at red lights, but her daughter wasn’t having it. Could her mood be feeding off Ellie’s own tension?
Why did it bother her so much that Pia seemed to have more and more fun with her dad? When Deacon walked into the store with Pia in his strong arms, Ellie had found it hard to breathe. His rough, tough masculinity combined with her baby girl’s soft sweetness had been one heck of a powerful combination. For a split second, Ellie had felt inordinately blessed, as if life had delivered the ultimate do-over in placing Deacon in her life. Only he wasn’t hers, but Pia’s. Which Ellie truly believed was a wonderful gift for her little girl. So why was Ellie resentful of the fun they shared? Maybe because no matter how hard she tried ignoring her attraction for him, she couldn’t. Because every time she did, that old longing for him that had resulted in the conception of their child returned to haunt her.
She remembered the feel of his skin against hers. The way she’d felt safe when he’d held her. Safe to do things—wild things—she’d ordinarily never consider. His kisses had been all-consuming, flooding her with dangerous heat….
The car behind her honked.
Just thinking about that night with Deacon had her missing green lights. What else was reuniting with him liable to do? But then, silly her, Deacon had shown no signs he’d like a friendship, and he hadn’t crossed any lines indicating he craved a repeat performance of the wild night they’d once shared. Even if he had, that was the last thing she wanted. He’d been Tom’s best friend, for heaven’s sake.
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