“For what it’s worth,” she said quietly, her voice barely audible above the window air conditioner’s hum, “I’m sorry. Guess if Tom were alive, we’d have eventually found ourselves in a similar rocky paternity situation with you.”
Deacon groaned, but didn’t pull away. “Don’t remind me.”
“What’s next?” Her heart really did go out to him. “Planning another visit?”
“No.” He stood, and in the process, broke their fragile bond. “Too much water under the bridge. It’s all a mess.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” she offered. Staring out the window at the overgrown lot behind the hotel, he looked so alone. She wanted to do something, say anything to help him out of his funk. But how could she do that when, in the time they’d known each other, she’d only added to his problems? “Give Bowie a chance.”
“Honestly?” He turned to face her, blowing her away with the sadness in his eyes. “I just want to get the hell away from this place. Want to call the airline and see if they have an earlier flight?”
* * *
“YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!”
Finally off duty the Monday after his trip from hell, Deacon shared a driftwood log on the beach with Garrett, while waiting for Tristan to finish chatting up a hot redhead. He’d filled his friend in on the highlights, leaving out the part when Ellie had held his hands, and for the first time that weekend he’d felt as if everything would be okay.
“Your mom and this dude kept that huge a secret for that long?” Garrett shook his head. “And they say small-town gossip is a force to contend with. Sounds like your town’s rumor mill is busted.”
“True.” Stretching his legs in front of him, Deacon slipped his hands into the front pouch of his gray hoodie. The ocean was restless, like him. He breathed in the salt air, allowing it to calm him like nothing else ever had—except Ellie. A notion that only riled him all over again.
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but how did things go with Ell? You two kiss and make up?”
Deacon shot his supposed friend a glare. “You know how I feel about her, man, but I just can’t go there—especially considering my newfound rocky family history.”
“Okay, whoa.” Garrett held up his hands. “How is any of this worse than what you had going on with your original dad? And what does any of what’s going on in Texas have to do with you and Ell starting a family with Pia?”
“Just does.” Arms folded, staring out to sea, Deacon seriously wished he’d driven to the base himself that day instead of riding with Tristan. “When I was lost on that mission, I couldn’t get Tom off my mind. I kept seeing him in those last few seconds. The look in his eyes when he asked me to take care of Pia and Ell. He begged me to do right by them, but he never asked me to make them my own.”
Garrett whistled. “That’s heavy. But still…ever think Tom might’ve had a clue about Pia being yours?”
“No way.”
“Think about it.” Garrett paused a long time before speaking again. “If he had, then maybe what he really needed was for you to take over his job.”
* * *
VALENTINE’S DAY FELL ON one of Deacon’s usual Thursday-night outings with Pia, meaning the moment he was off duty, he would stock up on a mammoth teddy bear practically taller than her, and a chocolate heart.
His daughter was easy, but what should he do about Ellie? True, they’d gotten along better lately, but that didn’t mean he was any closer to considering her his girl. Garrett’s question on the beach still hung like a smoky cloud in his head, tainting his every thought. What if he was right, and Tom had meant for Deacon to watch over his girls in every conceivable way?
Deacon sighed.
He’d grab a simple box of chocolates for Ellie.
It wasn’t a declaration. Merely a gift.
So why did the whole issue leave him on edge?
“Where you off to in such a hurry?” Garrett asked, running to catch up with him on the way to his car.
“Big day,” Deacon said, already halfway across the lot. “Gotta grab sweet stuff for my girl.”
His friend grinned. “Ellie?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter. Pia.”
“Sure.” Pulling out his keys, Garrett added, “Makes sense. But we hoped you’d come out with us tonight.”
“I would, man, but me and Pia have big plans—Wacky Willie’s. Now that I’ve got the hang of navigating the crowd and finding booster seats and only ordering cheese pizza for the squirt, I get a kick out of watching her hurl skeet balls. You wouldn’t believe how freakin’ strong my kid is.”
Garrett shook his head and smiled.
“What?”
“Nothing. Have fun.”
When his friend turned toward his car, Deacon yanked him back by his sweatshirt sleeve. “What was the smile about?”
“Guess I think it’s funny how you’re in so deep you don’t even see you and Pia and Ell are already a family.” Garrett shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “The guys are talking. You’re suddenly driving Tom’s car with a kid seat in the back—a guy famous for being able to pick up gorgeous women anytime, anywhere. They’re assuming it’s only a matter of time before you seal the deal, but you—” he snorted “—you’re oblivious to the way she looks at you. I didn’t get it at the time, but even at that one-year anniversary dinner Tom’s folks hosted, you and Ell had a connection.”
“Mind your own business much?”
Garrett shrugged. “Just calling it like I see it. Have fun.” He waved on the way to his ride.
Only because the CO’s wife had pulled into the lot did Deacon refrain from flipping his friend the bird.
After this latest round of unsolicited advice from Garrett, Deacon was hardly in a festive mood. On a good day he hated shopping, but when he was itching to land a punch, crowded store aisles weren’t a good place to be.
In the end, he grabbed that extra box of candy for Ellie and got on with his night. Before learning he was a dad, it would never have occurred to him to put so much effort into the holiday. Deacon loved women, but he’d never been in a relationship long enough for Valentine’s Day to mean much. Come to think of it, aside from his mom, the months he’d spent with Pia and Ellie were the longest he’d been with any females. And no matter what his friends thought, he fully intended to respect Tom’s memory by not taking things further with his best friend’s wife.
The only problem was, the longer he was around Ellie, the tougher it became to not touch her, hold her, seek her out when he was blue.
Deacon pulled up to the library only to find the usually bustling lot empty, save for Ellie’s Subaru station wagon. Pulling alongside it, he rolled down his window, letting in the bitter cold. “What’s up?”
“Daddy!” Pia shrieked from her safety seat.
“Can you tell she’s excited to see you?” When Ellie laughed, aiming her smile right at him, Deacon grew all the more confused. The chilly evening grew warm. The dread he’d felt at the store turned to anticipation for what the night might bring. Hell, his pulse raced just hearing her voice.
“I’m pretty psyched to see her.” And you.
“Hope it’s okay,” Ellie said above Pia’s humming, “but since my group was apparently canceled, I’m looking for something to do. Mind if I tag along?”
“Depends…” He cracked a daring smile. “How brave are you feeling?”
Wincing, she admitted, “Valentine’s Day reminds me of Tom, so I’m up for anything except sitting home alone.”
“Then you picked the right pair to hang with.”
Parking so he could ride with Ellie and their daughter, Deacon willed his pulse to slow. He was just hanging out with his daughter and her mom, so why did his heart race as if he’d won the lottery?
As Deacon jo
gged around his car, cold burned his lungs.
He lifted the hatchback on her station wagon, tossing their gifts inside.
Entering Ellie’s vehicle was like stepping into another world. A warm, comfortable place where he actually belonged. Coldplay floated through speakers and Pia vroomed her favorite plastic car across her safety seat tray. In that moment, the mellow vibe—the sheer, simple peace and warmth—touched off a feeling of harmony in him he wasn’t sure he deserved.
For the first time in a long time, he felt happy. But instead of reveling in the moment, Deacon was a little frightened by just how easy it would be to slip into this role.
“Okay?” Ellie asked, looking his way.
“Yeah.” So why was his throat tight?
She stared an uncomfortably long time. “Where we headed?”
Though all day he’d planned to take Pia to Wacky Willie’s, noise and human chaos were the last things he craved. “Take a right on Pinshaw, then follow it down to the beach.”
“Are you crazy?” She shot him a sideways glare. “This afternoon’s front has it feeling like eighteen degrees, with a wind chill of forty below.”
“Give me a few minutes’ prep time at the abandoned ice cream place and I promise, we’ll have a great night.”
* * *
TRUE TO HIS WORD, within twenty minutes after their arrival, Ellie sat on a log before a toasty campfire. Pia had curled up on the bear Deacon had given her, contentedly gnawing on a supersize chocolate heart for dinner.
“Daddy fun!” Pia declared between bites.
“Yes, he is.” The building was made of cinder block, with most windows long since blown out by Hurricane Floyd. Even so, the walls sheltered them from the biting wind, and the dancing firelight wasn’t spooky, but fun. Sweet wood smoke transported her in time to dozens of happy nights spent on this very beach. “Not that I want your head to get one ounce bigger, but you SEALs truly are amazing. It would’ve taken me a week to pull this together, and even then, I’d have needed lighter fluid and a grenade to start the fire.”
His handsome face sported a half smile as he stared into the flames. “So what you’re essentially telling me is that if I’m planning a trip to Antarctica, you should not be first picked on my team?”
“When you put it that way,” she teased, “you make me sad. Like I’d also be last picked for your dodgeball team.”
He laughed. “A true tragedy, considering how often I play.” Though he occupied the log alongside hers, she resisted the odd craving to tug him closer. On a night like this, cuddling was in order. It was Valentine’s Day, after all.
But Deacon wasn’t her Valentine.
“How have you been?” she asked. “Since Texas, I feel like I’ve seen you lots in passing, but we haven’t had a real chance to talk.”
“I’m all right.”
His dropped gaze told her he might not be telling the whole truth. It would be understandable if he preferred keeping his demons close, but she would’ve liked to help. For her, believing she’d lost him had been a game changer. She’d realized how inconsequential her worries over exposing her secret had been in comparison to Pia—and her—losing this amazing man who’d become part of their lives.
But even though she knew Deacon to be a wonderful father to Pia, Ellie found herself constantly wondering what he meant to her. On the physical side, her heart raced whenever he was near, and his lightest touch turned her insides to jelly.
“Mom’s called a few times. She and Bowie are planning a visit.”
“That’s good.” Ellie leaned forward, wishing they were emotionally bonded enough for her to give him a hug.
“Is it? I told them maybe another time.” Staring into the fire, he said, “Lately, I’ve been thinking I’d have been better off never even going to Texas. I had this pipe dream that somehow introducing Pia to my parents would make everything all right, but instead, it ripped our whole family apart.”
“But, Deacon, seriously? You’ve told me even as a kid you recognized your home life was hardly idyllic. Might not seem like it now, but in the long run, this could change everything.”
Meeting her gaze in a painfully direct manner, he asked, “Mind if we start that change by switching the subject?”
“Sure.” She forced a smile. “How was your day?”
He laughed. “Nice and ordinary.” Reaching into his jacket pocket, he withdrew an adorable miniature box of chocolates. It could only have held four, but they never ended up tasting as good as receiving them felt. “I almost forgot I grabbed a gift for you, too.”
“Thank you.” It was silly how her eyes welled. “I’ve been pretty bummed all day, so this means a lot.”
“I wasn’t sure if a gift would even be appropriate.” He met her gaze, then quickly looked back to the fire. “Last thing I want is for you to get the wrong idea.”
Like he might actually enjoy her company?
“Not that I’m saying you’re not worth a little candy, but…oh hell, I butchered this big-time.”
“Hell!” Pia blurted.
“Bad word,” Ellie corrected. “Daddy didn’t mean to say it, right?” A nudge in his direction prompted a nod.
“Sorry, peanut. Sometimes Daddy says grown-up words he forgets you’re not ready to hear. I’m very bad.”
“Time out?” she suggested, her chubby cheeks coated in chocolate.
“Probably,” he admitted with an exaggerated nod. “How much time should I get?”
“Twenty-one hundred million!” Her laughter dissolved the tense atmosphere.
“That long?” Deacon whistled. “That’s an awful lot of time. Is there something else I could do for punishment that wouldn’t take my whole life?”
“Kiss Mommy! Say sorry!” Pia’s suggestion had her excited enough to clap.
Ellie cleared her throat and said, “I think Daddy learned his lesson. He won’t use a bad word again.”
“Kiss Mommy! Kiss Mommy!”
“All right, peanut.” Deacon finally relented when Pia’s chanting got out of control.
Ellie’s heart raced. He wasn’t really going to kiss her, was he?
While he inched closer and closer, she felt the oddest panic. She couldn’t breathe and her mouth felt as if it were filled with sand.
“Sorry,” he said, barely loud enough for her to hear above their daughter and the crashing surf and, loudest of all, her heart pounding in her ears. “I promise not to say any more bad words.”
He aimed for Ellie’s cheek, but then the fire popped, sending him off course and directly against her mouth. For the briefest of moments, their lips touched, igniting a spark she’d prayed had been long since been put out.
Hanging back, his breath warm against her face, Deacon said, “Damn…”
“Bad word!” Pia clapped. “Kiss Mommy! Say sorry!”
Ellie cleared her throat. “We, um, should probably leave.”
Chapter Fifteen
I kissed Ellie.
If he lived to be a hundred, Deacon would never understand his lack of judgment in kissing her. He’d been trained to have split-second reflexes, so why hadn’t he simply avoided her lips? Moreover, why had he succumbed to the taunting of a two-year-old? Landing his mouth square against Ellie’s had been an accident, one he felt terrible about. Not because the kiss had been bad, but rather oh-so-good.
Before he’d even had a chance to take off his boots and grab a beer, the door opened and in sloshed his roomies.
“You’re home early,” he said to Garrett and Tristan. “And you stink.”
Garrett laughed. “Cabbie said the same thing.”
“Lucky for us the girls don’t care.” Tristan shoved his coat behind the nearest recliner. “Make yourself scarc
e, bro. Two plus two plus you make five, if you get my drift.”
“Yeah, not so much.” But reading between the lines, Deacon assumed ladies were soon to arrive.
Garrett held a pack of Oreos and had just swallowed a stack of three. “You shoulda’ been there, bro. Action hotter than that time we used napalm to—”
A knock sounded on the door, followed by muted giggles.
“Save that story,” Tristan said on his way to greet their guests. “Love that freakin’ story. Ladies…” With a Vanna White flourish, he gestured the women in.
Deacon groaned.
A few months earlier, he’d have been smack in the middle of this action, but the party scene was no longer for him. He’d gotten more excitement out of watching Pia make a mess of her chocolate heart than he ever had hitting bars.
He made a few perfunctory greetings, then took a couple beers from the fridge before escaping to his room. The sound level wasn’t much quieter, but at least he had the privacy needed to try making sense of the night. Of why he still tasted Ellie’s favorite peppermint lip balm. Of how he was even alive when his pulse had taken flight. Of how more than he wanted sleep or beer or silence, he craved one more forbidden kiss.
All of which pretty much made him the biggest jackhole on the planet. Ellie might’ve been his a long time ago, but he’d given her to Tom, and with Tom she would stay.
But only till death do them part…
However tragic it might be, Tom was out of the picture, making her technically fair game.
Deacon had cut back on his drinking the past few months, but that thought led him straight to his old friend Patrón.
* * *
“YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON I should be sharing this with,” Ellie said to Pia while running a washcloth over her in the warm, sudsy water. “But how awkward was that kiss? Couldn’t you have just died when Daddy’s lips touched Mommy’s?”
“Duck!” Trapped in her bath seat, Pia pointed to her favorite purple bath toy.
Ellie handed it to her. “The whole mess is your fault and you don’t even care. In fact, seems like you laughed your way through pretty much every second of this disaster of a night.”
A SEAL's Secret Baby Page 15