by Kaia Knight
Kailani shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, sorry. That, and I’m busy coming up with arguments in my head.”
Melody snorted. “Are you winning?”
“You bet.”
“Who got on your bad side?”
“It’s Alyssa again,” Kailani sighed. “And the other seniors. I was hoping we could put it all behind us, but today they were prank-texting my phone.”
“Seriously? How old are they?”
“I know, right? They were pretending to be Gabe, they even left a voicemail. I’m just so sick—”
“Wait. Do you know for sure it was them?”
“Well, it’s not like anyone besides someone at the meet would see my new number. I’ve had it for less than a day.”
Melody slowed as they reached the end of the driveway, putting her truck into park. “Kai, I gave Eli your number to pass it on to Gabe yesterday. Are you sure it wasn’t him?”
“I—uh, well it didn’t sound like him?” Panic fluttered in her chest at the possibility. “Oh my god, I texted back something mean hours ago. Then I blocked the number.”
Melody shook her head with a horrified expression. “You better go find out!”
Kailani gathered up her gear, biting her lip as she scrambled out of the car. “Thanks for coming to the meet, Mel!” She slammed the door behind her, jogging towards the inn, muttering shit, shit, shit, with each step. Pausing in the doorway, she did her usual scan to make sure Cristiano wasn’t home before breathing in relief and beelining for her bedroom. She chucked her bag and wet towels on the floor, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she paced the room.
She unblocked the number and clicked on it. One ring. Two rings. Three.
“Hi, you’ve reached Gabe McEwen, I can’t come to the phone right now…”
“No!” Kailani hung up, then called again. She bit her lip as tears blurred her vision, but only the rehearsed politeness of his voicemail message greeted her. She tossed her phone onto her pillow and sank onto her bed, burying her head in her hands. Squeezing her eyes shut, she was flooded with thoughts of all the ways that she had messed up since she arrived in Eugene. It was a long list.
She reached for her phone once again, her thumbs moving rapidly across the screen.
Kailani: I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to text you that! please call me back.
Tucking the phone into her jeans, she stood and continued to pace the room, jumping at every phantom buzz in her pocket. Finally, the unmistakable hum of a vibration rang out, and she reached for her phone like it was a quick draw.
“Hello?” Her voice came out high-pitched and breathless.
“Hey.”
“Thank god! Gabe, I am so sorry. I thought the girls on the team were playing a prank on me, pretending to be you.”
His tone was clipped and quiet. “What made you think that?”
“Well…first the ‘baby’. You’ve never called me that.”
“Ah. That was actually Eli, I didn’t know he wrote that.”
“Oh.” She swallowed with difficulty, her throat now dry. “So…you never meant to text me, then?”
“Well, no—I didn’t realize you had gotten a phone.”
Kailani nodded as if he could see her through the phone. “Gotcha…” She cleared her throat.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you...” An uncomfortable silence stretched between them, an invisible barrier twisting the conversation into something heavy and fragile.
“So who was the girl, then?”
“What girl?”
“In the voicemail? There was like…grunting, and a girl laughing.”
A beat of silence. “Oh!” Gabriel started to chuckle, “That was Eli. We were fighting over my phone, actually. So that was probably when I pinned him down.”
“Well, tell Eli he fights like a girl.”
“I bet he’ll love that.”
As his chuckle died out, the line grew silent again. The thought that consumed her over the past weeks fell out of her mouth. “Gabe, why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? You could have said something.”
“What? I did—I called the number at the inn. You didn’t get my voicemail?”
“No…”
“Cristiano,” they said in unison.
He sighed. “I should have known. I’m sorry you’ve gone this whole time not knowing. I was afraid to reach out again because…”
“Mr. Montgomery. I know. My meeting with him was...terrifying.”
“Sorry you had to do it alone. I wish he would’ve called us in together.”
Silence fell over them again, and Kailani bit her lip.
“So…I have the day off tomorrow. Can I see you?”
Kailani picked at a fraying patch on her jeans. “Uh, what did you have in mind?”
“Let’s go to the place where you first fell for me.”
Her stomach twisted. In the past weeks, she had longed to hear his voice, to feel his assurances and a reminder that they could be together. But now, something felt off, like a chord struck slightly out of tune. She swallowed painfully again, willing herself to fall back into the easy comfort of him. Where did I start falling...? “Otter Rock?”
He paused, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “You fell for me at Otter Rock?”
“Uh, where were you thinking about?”
“The first day we met. The waterfall on Bonner’s Peak. When you literally fell.”
She put her hand on her hot cheek. “Oh. That’s embarrassing. I thought you meant…”
“Don’t be embarrassed. Do you wanna know when I fell for you?”
Her heart fluttered, and a small bead of warmth began to glow in her chest. “When?”
“That first day when we were laying on the bed on my porch, and you were talking about how much you loved the ocean. I feel like an idiot now, because you mentioned tropical beaches and I should’ve made the connection, but I was too busy getting lost in the way your eyes lit up.”
Kailani smiled so hard her cheeks hurt, sinking down onto her bed as the warmth of his words wrapped around her. She closed her eyes, and it was almost like he was there.
“So…do you want to go there tomorrow? A picnic at the waterfall?”
She imagined how it would unfold. They would fall into easy conversation, laughing together. They would give in to the overwhelming pull of their chemistry, the magnetization that made them throw all caution to the wind. They would kiss. Go home together. Then...what?
“Kai?”
A million thoughts warred within her mind. Shame tugged at her as she remembered how she felt the day Gabriel had left, how Steve had reacted, what her teammates thought about her. She bit her lip as she glanced at the pile of homework on her desk. “Gabe, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…Championships are next weekend, and I have a ton of homework, then finals to study for in the weeks after that. The team is finally starting to accept me and if we were seen together...It’s just not a good time…”
Her reasons were flimsy, shriveling up in the silence between them.
“It will never be a good time.” His voice grew rough with emotion as the words spilled out of him, as if he were thinking them all along. “Haven’t you noticed, Kailani? Time doesn’t ever make things easier. It does what it wants. What if, on that first day, you turned around a second earlier and didn’t fall? I would’ve just been another person passing you on the trail. What if the timing hadn’t felt right, and we didn’t kiss that day? What if I met you a few days later, on the pool deck?” His voice began to waver and crack. “What if, a year ago, when I egged Nate on to go cliff diving with me, he looked at the storm and said, ‘maybe another time?’” Gabriel’s breath hitched. “So. Whatever happens, even if it’s hard and it hurts…I think it all happens for a reason. Even if I don’t understand it. And I believe you and me—we found each other at exactly the right time.”
Kailani pressed a hand to her quivering lips, and the tears that had built up, the
pain of the last few weeks pounding on the inside of her skull, began to pour over. “I’m sorry, Gabe,” she whispered. “I just…I’ve messed up too many times. I can still make this right—I need to do what’s best for me.”
“And…that’s not me?”
Kailani bit back a sob, hot tracks of tears racing down her cheeks, not trusting her voice, not knowing what to say.
“It’s okay. I understand.” His voice was soothing, but there was an edge in his voice of defeat that pulled an anguished sob out of her.
“Good night, Kai.” The line clicked, and it felt like goodbye.
Chapter 34
Gabriel
Gabriel hesitated with the keys in the ignition, debating with himself for the hundredth time. He looked out through the steamy window where the rain fell in sheets, then at the watch on his wrist. 12:07PM. The swim team would be halfway through the championship meet at Oregon State. As the scores added up and the cheers grew louder, all the stakes would rest on the last few races of the day. Pain clenched his hand in place, and the text he had read so many times echoed in his mind. Just leave me alone and get a life. The words hadn’t been intended for him originally. But in the end, that was basically what she had asked for, right?
This was the first time in over eight years that he had not been at this swim meet, first as an athlete himself, then as a coach. The girls he had coached for four years would be pouring their hearts into their races today. Kailani would be making history without him there to see it. A pulse of adrenaline coursed through him. I should be there.
He turned the key and the truck thundered to life. Reversing out of the driveway, he clipped a bush in his haste and winced at the screech of branches before accelerating towards the freeway.
The hour-long drive slipped by quickly with Gabriel lost in thought. When he pulled into the athletic complex, he had to circle the packed lot to find a place to park. He killed the engine and hesitated again. He raked his hands through his hair, imagining the look on his dad’s face if he strolled onto the natatorium deck. He glanced at the passenger seat and grabbed his ball cap, tugging it low so it hid part of his face. Zipping his windbreaker up, he hopped down from the truck and jogged towards the aquatics entrance, blinking hard against the rain.
As soon as he opened the doors, the sweet sting of chlorine enveloped him in nostalgia. He took a deep breath, savoring the scent he had missed during the past weeks. He turned down the back hallway, bounding up the stairwell two steps at a time. The dissonant hum of the crowd erupting with a roar met him as he yanked the balcony door open and weaved his way through throngs of parents spilling out of the bleachers. He scanned the rows that overlooked the pool a story below and found an open seat towards the back corner of the tiered benches. There was a lull in the cacophony as Gabriel shuffled his way past the standing spectators, mumbling ‘pardon me’ like a broken record.
He craned his neck, looking for the green and gold flag of the team. There were hundreds of swimmers from all over the state, and it appeared that every one of them was in constant motion: cheering, swimming, walking up and down the deck in a dizzying parade of team colors. Finally, he spotted his dad standing along the far side of the pool with some of the senior girls. His heart leapt when he saw Kailani pulling on her cap, nodding as his dad spoke to her.
The enormous scoreboard mounted on the wall displayed the large LED numbers for the event number and heat. Gabriel sat on the bench and leaned towards the elderly couple on his right, who were leafing through one of the heat sheets. “Excuse me, do you know what event fifty-seven is? I forgot to pick up my program on the way in.”
The man with an impressive mustache adjusted his glasses and squinted down at the pamphlet in his hands, holding it close up, then far away. “Hmm. It looks like it’s the ‘forty ihm’.”
“Sorry, the what?”
“Oh, Hank! Just give the nice boy the paper. Maybe he can explain what it all means.” The white-haired woman leaned forward to smile at Gabriel. “It’s our first swim meet. Our granddaughter is only a freshman and is already swimming with the big fish.”
Gabriel returned her smile. “You should be proud. I’d be happy to decipher the heat sheet for you, if you’d like.”
Hank passed the stapled packet to him, muttering about his ‘damn old glasses’. Gabriel suppressed a smile and studied the event list, running his finger down the heats and glancing at the scoreboard once more. The couple continued to bicker like best friends, reminding him of the Flockharts.
Gabriel chuckled when he saw what Hank referred to as a ‘40 ihm’. “Ah. I see, so up next is the 400 I.M. That stands for ‘individual medley’, which means they swim every stroke in one race. Butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke, and freestyle, 100 yards of each.”
Hank nodded. “That’s what I said.”
Gabriel bit down on his smile and looked back at the paper. He skimmed down the list, knowing he would find Kailani’s name in the fastest heat at the end. “What’s your granddaughter’s name? I could let you know when her events are coming up.”
“Samantha Regis.”
Gabriel held his breath for a moment. Of course she is one of my swimmers. Or was.
He perked up when the race official announced the next heat. Kailani was standing in front of the diving block in the middle of the pool, shaking her arms out and bouncing on her toes. He stood and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Let’s go, Kailani!” He could have sworn her head snapped up when he called her name, but there was no way his voice carried through the weight of all the cheers in the cavernous room.
When the whistle blew, she stepped up onto the block and crouched with catlike grace. The natatorium settled into quiet at the official’s order, and Gabriel’s muscles tensed as if he were the one about to race. At the starting buzzer, she sprang outwards in a fluid movement, sailing over the water.
He was momentarily bound in place as he watched her, mesmerized by what appeared to be effortless speed. Though he had watched her swim for countless hours every day at practice, there was something raw and wild that revealed itself when she raced. It was like leaning in to observe the docile pacing of a lioness in a zoo enclosure, only to stumble back when she suddenly flew towards the window in blinding speed, teeth bared.
Just fifty yards into the race and she was already pulling ahead by several body lengths. A swell of pride ballooned in his chest, and Gabriel clapped and yelled with abandon as the rest of the crowd rose to their feet once more. It seemed that every person in the natatorium was fixated on Kailani—it did not matter that she was on an opposing team and they did not know her. Their heads all turned, and they knew they were witnessing something extraordinary.
An inexplicable urge to cry overcame Gabriel as he watched her sprint down her final lap. The churning wake of her kick already dissipated by the time her opponents began their last length. She slammed her hand into the wall as the crowd roared. Gabriel cheered until his throat was raw and wiped at the dampness under his eyes with his sleeve.
Kailani climbed out of the water and teetered in place. Gabriel’s hand twitched involuntarily, but his dad was already there at her elbow, ready to grab her. His beaming smile was evident even from the back of the stands; he repeatedly hugged Kailani around the shoulders as he half-carried her to her seat.
From his bird’s eye view in the stands, he saw the team in a different light than he did on deck. As Kailani collapsed into her seat beside Samantha and Latisha, the senior girls around her shifted subtly, offering their shoulders instead of congratulations. The more praise his dad showered on Kailani, the more restless they grew; a team, divided. Alyssa leaned towards her with her arms crossed, and Kailani turned away, folding into herself.
Gabriel grit his teeth, battling the insecurities that rose within him. He wanted to comfort her, but he had put his heart on the line, and she rejected it. Glancing up at Kailani’s dejected posture again, his resolve strengthened, and he dug into his pocket and shot off a
text in a flurry of thumbs.
Gabriel forget about them. you did incredible.
He could not help the grin that spread across his face when Kailani checked her phone and bolted upright like she had been electrocuted. Her head whipped around as she perched in the chair, looking for him on the deck. She stood up and began to scan the bleachers, starting on the opposite end.
Gabriel: getting warmer…
She glanced down at her phone and her cheeks lifted. Her head continued to scan, landing on his corner of the bleachers. He waved his hands over his head and he felt the jolt of recognition as her gaze locked on him. She looked back down at her phone.
Kai: what are you doing here?
Gabriel: just watching my team. i had a feeling today would be a meet to remember.
She beamed when she looked back up from her phone, and warmth spread in his chest. Her head bent over the phone again and Gabriel watched the three dots that indicated she was typing. They disappeared. Then three dots again.
He glanced down at the pool deck and his brows furrowed. Kailani was chatting with a group of swimmers who were headed towards the starting blocks. He squinted, trying to distinguish them from one another in identical bathing suits and caps.
Leaning towards the couple next to him, he pointed towards the deck. “Looks like Samantha’s heading to the start. Let me see…” His eyes darted down the heat sheet to the next event. “Yeah, she’s the first heat of the 50 freestyle. Three of our girls are in this event and they should all be pretty close to one another.”
“Our girls?” Samantha’s grandmother said, her lips pursing as she leaned forward to meet his eyes.
Gabriel blinked. No point in hiding anything. “Yeah, I actually used to coach the team.” Luckily, the heat was about to start, and they shifted their attention to the starting blocks below.
Chapter 35
Kailani
Kailani crouched at the starting block, her fingers trembling as they hovered near her feet. She took deep breaths, zoning in on the only thing that mattered: launching off the block and getting ahead. This was the 50 freestyle, so only two laps of all-out sprinting.