He shook his head. “Take away? No! You’ve got it all wrong. I want to provide for the baby, and for you, for your entire lives.”
Laney pressed her lips together before speaking. Her tone was softer than he’d expected. “I told you before, Austin. I don’t need your money. I need your—”
Suddenly she turned her face away, and refused to look at him.
Austin quickly stepped in front of her, leaned his hand against the car and guided her cheek back to center. “What do you need, Laney?” He pressed his forehead lightly against hers. “What do you need?” he repeated. “I’d give you anything you want. Anything at all.”
Laney wouldn’t meet his eyes, and instead slipped under his arm, and his heart clenched when she backpedaled a few steps away.
“I need space, Austin.”
Her voice was firm, and although he didn’t want to believe that her words were true, it was against his nature to beg.
“Fine,” he muttered, dropping his hands to his sides. “But you need to know one thing. That baby means everything to me.”
They rode in silence the whole way back. No comedy, no country music, and with Laney thankfully dozing beside him, no arguing.
Upon arriving at her home, he gently nudged her elbow to wake her up. When she did, he was pleased to see a half smile on her face. Yet he feared it was the result of a nice dream, rather than meant for him, so he said nothing.
What was there to say? He was doing exactly what she claimed she wanted. He was giving her space. For now. Because he wasn’t sure how long he would last without being close to her in some way.
Before Laney stepped out of the car, she reached into her purse, pulled something out and shoved it toward him.
When he saw what it was, his heart dropped into his stomach.
“The doctor gave me two,” Laney muttered, thrusting her hand out.
“Thank you,” he managed, his voice catching in his throat as he accepted the grainy black-and-white sonogram image of their baby.
Laney shut the door and walked away without another word.
Austin stared after her a moment, still shocked. He knew she could have kept both copies for herself, but instead she chose to give one to him.
His eyes dropped to the image again, hoping that Laney’s gesture was a sign that she was starting to accept him as part of their child’s life. But at that moment, it didn’t matter because in his hands, he held a physical reminder of his future, and he knew his life would never be the same again.
Chapter 6
Laney took an old bandanna from the back of her jeans pocket, stuck her pitchfork in the packed dirt and wiped her brow. Trey had gone into town for some additional feed for the horses and she had just started to put some new hay in Stella Rose’s stall.
It had been several days since she’d seen Austin, and she missed him more than she was willing to admit. Although deep down, she was glad that he’d ignored her request for space.
Since taking her to the doctor, he’d stopped by with a bunch of flowers, groceries (always fresh fruit and vegetables) and the latest bestselling paperbacks. He always asked how she felt and if she needed anything else to make her life more comfortable.
At first, accepting his help would rile her inside just a little. She valued her independence so much that it almost seemed impossible to think of sharing her life with someone.
Laney smiled. She was beginning to think that her mother was right. Austin was a good man, and he was proving it more and more every day. She was beginning to realize that maybe she was the problem. That maybe she couldn’t handle him.
Due to her commitment to her equestrian career, her other relationships had been few and far between. She was never able to truly connect with any man. There was always something that felt “off.”
But with Austin, things felt different. It helped tremendously that the playing field was level. They both loved horses, had plenty of ambition and enough money that they would never have to work again, if they so chose. At an emotional level, she didn’t know how he felt about her, and he didn’t know how she felt about him.
She was still trying to figure things out, and where Austin fit in her life, other than being the father of her child. The man occupied much of her thoughts and was starting to wheedle his way into her heart, too.
Laney sighed and was just about to reach for the pitchfork and toss another fresh pile of hay into the stall when someone grabbed it away from behind her.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
She recognized the voice immediately. “Austin! Would you stop sneaking up on me?” she exclaimed, whirling around to face him. “I’m just taking care of my horse.”
She reached for the pitchfork, but Austin held it above his head and out of her reach.
“Didn’t you hear what Dr. McCreedy said?” Austin demanded. “Tai chi and yoga were his recommended forms of exercise. I’m pretty sure mucking out a horse stall doesn’t qualify.”
“I think you’re overreacting,” Laney fumed, reaching for the tool again. “I appreciate your concern, but I can handle this task. I’ve been doing it for years.”
She bit her lip, refusing to start an argument with him, as she inwardly tried to let go of her need to control everything. A part of her feared that the only reason he was probably concerned about her was for the welfare of his child. She knew it was an awful way to feel, but she wished that he cared about her as a woman, not simply as a vessel for his offspring.
The fact was that since he’d arrived in Granger, he’d never said a word about establishing a permanent relationship with her. All he talked about was his desire to work out a joint custody agreement. He was probably doing nice things for her to bait her into believing he cared, when he really didn’t.
What did she expect from a man who, as far as she knew, was more interested in making money than in building a full-time life with her and their child?
Laney lifted her chin slightly, deciding that she wouldn’t be his means to an end, because for her that meant a broken heart.
He’s trying to change.
She pushed her thoughts away and reached for the tool again, but he still wouldn’t let her have it. Instead, he turned and walked away, pitchfork in hand.
“Wait here,” he said.
She crossed her arms and watched as he disappeared into the stable office and brought out a folding chair.
Austin set it down in front of her and pointed. “You. Sit and watch me work,” he commanded, leaning the pitchfork against the stall.
She shook her head stubbornly and refused. That is, until he unbuttoned his denim shirt. At the sight of his muscular arms, she sank down into the chair. The metal felt cool, but the man standing before her was hot, hot, hot.
Once seated, she was glad she was there. She hadn’t realized how tired she was, and how amazing he looked without his shirt. She almost laughed with the realization of how little she’d seen of his body in the daytime.
“Hold this, will you?” he asked, tossing her his shirt. “I’d hang it up somewhere but I don’t want it to get dirty.”
Laney caught it easily, despite being distracted by the sight of his bronzed skin. Now she had to fight the urge to smell his shirt.
She fanned herself lightly, telling herself the reason why was because it was an unusually warm spring day.
As she gazed at him, the pull of desire coupled with the momentary release of her fears. It seemed so natural being there with Austin, watching as he effortlessly pitched hay into the stall.
Minutes later, he finished and hadn’t even broken a sweat.
“How’s that?” he asked, gesturing toward his work.
She crossed her legs and looked at the stall with a critical eye. “It’s okay. But Stella Rose likes her bedding a li
ttle thicker in the back corner.”
That wasn’t totally true but it gave her the chance to watch some more of Austin’s amazing muscles do a midday workout.
Austin nodded and turned around.
Laney put her elbow on her knee and hid a smile behind her hand as he stabbed some hay with the pitchfork.
He stepped farther into the stall. “Guess who stopped by my house the other day?” he said, his back to her.
“Who?” Laney asked distractedly, her eyes soaking him in like he was a rare sculpture.
“Your mother.”
Her stomach lurched and she dropped her hand away from her face. “Really? What did she want?”
“She told me about the ball that Samara is throwing for the town.” He turned and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “And in not so many words, she urged me to take you.”
Laney felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. Her matchmaking mom was at it again.
She leaned forward in her seat, waiting for the rest of the story, but he only hung the pitchfork on the wall near the stable doors. Then he went to a nearby sink, washed and dried his hands.
When he was done, she got up from her seat and did the same.
“And what did you say to her?” she asked.
Austin shrugged and folded up the chair. “I told her I already had a date,” he replied nonchalantly.
Once a player, always a player, Laney thought as she felt her heart drop into her stomach in disappointment.
“Whom, if I may ask, are you taking to the Granger Ball?” she asked. Her tone sounded a little too casual in her ears. She actually cared very deeply about his answer.
Austin leaned against a nearby wall and grinned. “Stella Rose. Do you think she’ll go with me now that I made her bed?” he asked, with a mischievous wink.
Laney’s exhale was a mixture of relief and minor annoyance. Austin seemed to love to get her riled up over nothing, and she fell for it every time.
Still, she had difficulty holding back a smile as she walked over and tossed Austin’s shirt in his face.
He caught it in midair. “What did you do that for?”
“Because you know well and good you can’t take a horse to an event like that. If you didn’t want to take me, just say so. Don’t make me look like a fool in front of my mother!”
Although Laney loved being in her stable, suddenly she needed fresh air. She marched swiftly outside and sat down on a bench underneath a pine tree next to her unplanted vegetable garden.
Austin trotted out after her. “I’m sorry. I was only trying to make you laugh.”
She gave him a half smile. “I know. I don’t know why I’ve been so sensitive lately.”
“I read in an article that pregnancy makes some women more emotional.” He touched her hand. “At least I’m not making you cry.”
Not yet, she thought, and then immediately pushed the negative thought away.
Give him a chance.
“At any rate, I would love to take you to the ball. And that is not a joke. I’m totally serious.”
“Too late,” Laney sniffed.
He plopped down beside her. “Why? I said I was sorry.”
“No. That’s not it at all. You’re too late. I decided not to go weeks ago.”
Laney was more certain than ever that attending the ball would be a mistake, for both of them.
“Besides, do you remember what happened the last time I attended a gala event and you were present?” she blurted.
As soon as she spoke the words, she regretted them. His eyes sought hers, and the hunger she saw in them could not be mistaken, nor could it be satisfied.
“I remember, Laney. Do you? Do you really remember?”
All the time, she thought. The night they’d spent together haunted her days, and turned her heart upside-down.
“Can I show you something?” he asked.
Austin brought out his wallet and took out the sonogram picture of their baby. He’d had it laminated, but it was already looking a little crinkly and worn.
“You gave me this picture, but I know that you didn’t have to. Why did you?”
Her eyes met his. “Because I knew you would treasure it.”
Austin placed his hands gently on her stomach, so gently she could barely breathe. She could feel the heat of his palms through her shirt.
“Laney, do you realize what a gift you’ve given me? You’ve given me a chance to live outside myself.”
She tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He looked down at his lap, and then back up at her. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my life lately. It’s nice to focus on something else.”
She felt tears burn behind her eyes and she stood up abruptly. If she ever needed to know how Austin felt about her, he’d just made it very clear with that one statement. All he cared about was the baby.
Laney fought back a sudden wave of jealousy, willing herself not to cry. So what if he cared about the baby more than her? At least her child would know its father.
I’m jealous of my own baby? My hormones must really be out of whack, she suddenly thought, railing herself with guilt internally.
She walked a few paces away, trying to ignore the tightening in her chest and the distinctly unmotherly feelings that assailed her mind.
Austin stood. “Your mother also asked if I was going to have a nursery at my house, too,” he said, a bit awkwardly. “Laney, I think that’s best, don’t you?”
“No, Austin. I don’t think so,” she responded irritably. “If I don’t want our baby traipsing around the world, I sure don’t want him or her sleeping in an unfamiliar crib.”
“It wouldn’t be unfamiliar,” he reasoned. “The baby needs to get used to my home, as well as yours.”
“Trust me, Austin. You don’t want a baby to wake you up at 3:00 a.m.”
She turned her back on him and walked away. Austin obviously had no idea what was entailed in being a parent. Neither did she, but at least she could be realistic. There would be lots of dirty diapers and not a lot of sleep.
But Laney didn’t care. She couldn’t wait to hold her baby in her arms, even if she had to spend every night alone.
Austin jogged up next to her. “I’m a breeder, remember? I’ve had horses wake me up and keep me up earlier than that.”
Laney stopped in her tracks and shook her head. “It wouldn’t work, Austin.”
He touched her shoulder briefly and she turned around.
“Sure it would,” Austin insisted. “He or she will get the best of both worlds. Two bedrooms, each decorated differently, with loads of toys—”
“And two parents living apart,” Laney cried out, raising her hands in hurt and frustration “What more could a kid want?”
She turned away, sick of trying to pretend that things could work out between them. The picture of joint custody he was trying to draw only made her stomach knot with anxiety, especially since it was clear that he didn’t want a real relationship with her.
“Hey.” Austin reached for her arm and she turned around reluctantly. “I didn’t ask for this,” he said harshly.
“I didn’t, either,” she cautioned, trying to keep her voice and her nerves steady. His fingers felt hot and insistent against her skin.
Austin looked deep into her eyes, and she saw that he wasn’t going to give in so easily.
“You gave me that picture for a reason. You know I deserve a chance to be a father to my child, don’t you?”
Laney opened her mouth, but no words came at first. Was it worth it to try to argue anymore?
“I only wish—” She paused and took a deep breath, debating whether to tell him one of the reasons she was initially upset about the pregnancy.
S
he pulled away from Austin’s grasp, hoping at the same time she could escape the hold he was starting to have on her heart.
Austin released her arm. “What do you wish, Laney? Please tell me.”
Whether he meant it or not, she didn’t know, but the urgent concern in his voice gave her the courage to go on.
“It’s silly, really, and very old-fashioned,” she started, her chin lowered as she kicked away some pebbles with her cowboy boots. “Although I’m excited about being a mom, I only wish I’d gone about it in the proper way, in the right order. Like my mom and dad did.” She stared up at him. “Is that so wrong?”
Austin shook his head. “We can’t change what we did. All we can do is deal with the outcome the best we can.” He paused and swallowed. “Tell me something, Laney. That time you thought you’d had a miscarriage. If you had lost the baby, would you ever have told me that you were pregnant? Or would you have let me live my whole life not knowing that I had lost a child?”
His question struck her at the center of her moral fiber, and she struggled to remain calm. “How could you even think such a thing?”
Austin crossed his arms. “Easy. I had to find out you were pregnant through a newspaper headline, rather than from your own lips.”
“I had every intention of telling you,” she replied, knowing that he had a right to be angry. “When the time was right.”
“The problem is that nobody knew when that would be but you,” he said, and there was no mistaking the veil of mistrust in his eyes.
Laney shook her head and walked away, both sad and hurt that he hadn’t forgiven her for keeping the baby a secret.
Austin caught up with her, reached out, stopping her again in her tracks.
He suddenly drew her into his arms, nearly knocking the breath out of her. He cupped her cheeks in his hands, forcing her to look up at him. “Did you ever have something that you didn’t know you needed, didn’t even know that you wanted, and have it taken away?”
She shook her head, her heart pounding inside her chest, and his palms felt tantalizingly rough against her skin. She felt something bead within her, strung low and hot. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Austin.”
Loving Laney Page 10