by Sue Allerton
“You’re late” the familiar voice sounded in the corner of the room. She saw the outline of her face illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window.
“You’re not my warden” she snapped and rolled onto her belly.
“You forget who you’re talking to” she growled a low and rumbling noise.
“I know very well who I’m talking to, I think you forget who you’re dealing with” she murmurs and stands, circling around the room.
“Have you started yet?” she asked and she shook her head, she asked her why and she had to come up with a believable lie.
“It will be New Year soon, just think how glorious it would be if our plans took place with a bang?” she suggested and he was quiet, she left without another word. She had bought some time, but she didn’t know how much. She had to tell Axel before New Year.
The following day was Christmas Eve. She was going to see Axel and she was determined to tell him everything. As soon as she saw him she melted into his arms. She felt like all the problems just slipped away and no longer mattered when she was around him. In a way she kind of hated how soppy she was around him.
“I need to tell you something” she whispered to him and he looked at her confused but held a finger up to her, shushing her for a moment.
“Can I ask you something first?” he asked and she couldn’t say no to his big brown eyes.
“Will you come with me to see my mum?” he asked, she was shocked and flattered all at the same time. She wanted to meet his mum, but she didn’t want to do anything that may ruin things in the future. She nodded. He hugged her and then asked what it was she needed to tell him.
“I got you a Christmas present” she smiled, she had lied to him about she wanted to tell him, but seeing how touched he was that she had got him something made it worthwhile. She pulled a small wooden box out of her handbag and handed it to him. He opened it and stared wide eyed for a moment. It was a watch, not a fancy designer watch, she didn’t think he would like that. But an old vintage watch dating back a hundred years. The cogs were visible through the glass and the leather was old and brittle, but she had had it cleaned and it sparkled with a new lease of life. He looked amazed.
“This is…amazing, thank you” he whispered as he looked at her with wonder in his eyes. He hugged her tight and kissed her fiercely.
“Do you need me to take you home to get some clothes?” he asked and she shook her head.
“I’ll just buy some more when we get to your mums” she smiled and he rolled his eyes. He grabbed his bag from the floor and they headed downstairs. She noticed he was getting more confident driving the Mustang and she liked watching him drive. One hand on the wheel, the other changing gears. She watched his muscles flex as he shifted in and out of gears. Heat rose throughout her veins and she wanted to kiss him. She leant over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. He grinned but kept his eyes on the road. Sensible as ever. She watched the country side blur past as they sped down the road, within the speed limit of course.
They turned into a junction with a wrought iron gate in front. The gate opened and they followed the road through until the pulled onto the driveway of one of the houses. Axel went straight inside. Elise thought she knew this house. It seemed familiar to her.
“Mum!” Axel called as they walked into the living room. Two dogs bounded to greet them, a border collie and a German shepherd, she knelt down and stroked them. She loved dogs, but as soon as they smelt her, they ran away with their tails between their legs. Axel watched them confused and Elise smiled as if there was no problem at all.
She felt awkward. An older woman walked out from the kitchen and flung her arms around Axel. He had her eyes. She squeezed him tight and mithered over him. She kissed his face all over and cried into his shoulder. She had never seen such love and affection before. Especially from a parent.
“Mum, this is Elise” Axel said as he stepped aside out of their view. Elise had met his mum before, not that Helen would be able to remember. Elise’s stomach dropped and she felt awful. She looked to the shelves and the fireplace that had never been used. Pictures with a little boy in, not Axel. The family photo with four faces in them and the two brass urns on either side of the fireplace. She felt sick.
“She’s very pretty, come here” the woman said holding her arms out. She took Elise into her arms and hugged her tight. Elise felt as if she was holding all her broken pieces and trying to force them back together. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she wanted it to stop. Memories flooded her brain and she felt light headed. The rest of the night was Elise trying to smile through the wretched guilt she felt deep in her belly. She was quiet all night, only speaking when absolutely necessary.
She didn’t want to feel this way. She wanted to shut everything off. She could, she knew she could, but that would mean also shutting off what she felt for Axel. She knew what she had to do was going to be hard. She knew she would have to be completely emotionless. Once dinner was done and out of the way she went to sit outside, the dogs stayed away with their tails between their legs. She thought about how stupid she was being. She was letting herself feel things that ultimately could ruin all her plans and hard work. She sighed heavily and let her head fall into her hands. The door opened behind her and Axel sat down next to her. He rubbed her back; she wanted him to go away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, his voice full of concern. She wanted to hug him, to forget about everything else.
“I can’t do this” she muttered, raising her head to look him in the eye. His eyes widened slightly and his smile fell.
“What?” he whispered, it sounded like he wanted it to be louder, but his voice failed him.
“I can’t do this anymore, it’s too much, too soon. I thought it would be nice, but seeing your mum…no, I’m sorry, I think this needs to end” she told him firmly, more for herself than for him. She didn’t want to go back on it. She didn’t want to keep him hanging on when there was no future for them. He watched her for a moment. She didn’t fidget or look away. She stared him down until he knew she was serious. His face paled and his mouth twisted.
“Okay, if that’s what you want” he sighed and looked down at his feet. Was that it? Was he not going to beg her to stay? No, of course he wouldn’t. Elise was glad he didn’t make a fuss, it made it easier for her. But at the same time, if he could accept it so easily; did he really care for her like she thought?
“I think I should go” she muttered and got to her feet. He handed her the key to the Mustang. He stood outside as she pulled away. She didn’t watch him through the mirror as she left. Her vision was too clouded as tears flooded her eyes and slid down her cheeks.
***
Chapter 8
She was gone. He couldn’t believe it. Not long after she had told him she was falling for him. He felt more angry than upset. Maybe that was because of how emotionless she seemed. He thought if she could seem so neutral about it, he could too. It seemed to annoy her. He didn’t know whether they would speak again. A part of him wanted to know why. Why would she tell him she was falling for him and then break up with him? He couldn’t understand it and the more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He decided to leave it alone. To leave her alone. He wanted to erase her from his life but he couldn’t bring himself to delete her number. He groaned in frustration and went back inside.
“Where’s Elise?” his mum asked, he felt his heart twinge in his chest. He wasn’t angry with her. He was upset he had lost her. He wasn’t going to beg her to come back, no matter how much he wanted to.
“We kind of broke up” he said and he was surprised how hard it was to say aloud. He sunk into the sofa and his mum said nothing, she just hugged him. He didn’t cry; he felt like he wanted to but he didn’t. Maybe with her out of his life he could get everything else back on track. Maybe make up with Connor? Start going to class again and do things that took her off his mind? He thought it was a good idea.
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nbsp; He had his mum to take care of. She hated this time of year and she would cry herself to sleep most nights. That night, it snowed. He drew the curtains to keep the sight away from her. But it was almost as if she could sense it. She lay on the sofa, curled up in a ball and cried and cried and cried. He sat with her. The dogs lay around them, Lady kept her head on Helen’s lap at all times and refused to leave her side.
“I’m so glad I still have you” she mumbled through sobs, her whole body shook as she cried. It broke his heart to see her like this. He felt numb. He didn’t know what to do, there was nothing he could do or say that would make her feel better.
“I’m not going anywhere” he whispered, he looked at the pictures around the room. He sighed and held his mum tighter, it made her cry even more.
It had been years since the death of his older brother and father. Michael, who was only seven at the time, fell through a thin patch of ice on a lake. He had been with his friend; they were only supposed to be in the street but had wondered off. They wanted to go skating on the ice. The families didn’t know until Michael’s friend was found lying by the lake in the snow crying that he couldn’t save his friend. At the time Axel was only a few months old. Helen blamed herself because she was so wrapped up in her new baby that she didn’t notice her oldest missing. Jason, Axel’s father; had sunk into a deep depression. He became detached and worked more and more hours. He was a fire fighter and he would often sleep at the fire station. Helen had begged him to go home to them, to be a family. Eventually he came home, they were getting back on track. The family was happy again but there would always be a void. There would always be tension and a rift between them. That’s when they got the dogs, something to keep the deafening silence away. It gave them something else to look after. When Axel was old enough to walk, they moved house. They moved to the estate with the gate out front and a wall all the way around. At least that way there would be no chance of Axel wondering off. For a few years they were happy. Michael’s urn sat on top of the fireplace and they would pray on Sundays that he was happy and their remaining son would stay safe.
A few months later; Jason died in a building fire. A little boy was trapped on a balcony, he dropped the boy from the balcony into the awaiting safety net below. He was about to jump himself, when gas cylinders exploded in the basement. The whole building was destroyed. He was a hero. He saved a little boy’s life. Axel remembers that night his mum crying, she was cursing him and asking why she could save that little boy but not their boy? She was devastated, they both were. She didn’t shut Axel out like he had expected. She wanted him near her at all times. She always spoke about how much he looked like his father and brother and for that, she was thankful. She felt as if she still had them all around her when Axel was near. His kind eyes were both of his parents. His baby face was his brothers and his personality was all of them together. She was so proud of how he turned out. He knew she loved him and he knew that it caused her pain and joy whenever she looked at him. At that moment, he knew he was where he needed to be. He knew his mum needed him and he was happy to be there with her. After a while, he began to cry. He had completely forgotten about Elise and he was sad because he never got to know his brother, he would never be given big brother advice or fight with him or tease each other. He was disappointed he would never get ‘the talk’ from his father. He wished his dad had been more of a dad when he was alive. But the pain over the loss of his first born crippled him emotionally, Axel thought his dad saw too much of his brother in him and found it too painful to do normal father -son things with him. He didn’t blame his dad, how could he?
The next morning was Christmas day. He woke up to the smell of bacon wafting through the house. He heard his mum singing on the kitchen, not very well. He smiled to himself and joined her downstairs. She smiled a small smile and hugged him. She handed him a small parcel wrapped in silver paper with white Christmas trees. He unwrapped it to find a photo in a worn wood frame. It was them, all four of them. Not long after Axel was born. Helen was sweaty with her hair a mess, but she had the biggest smile. Jason was bent over them as she held Axel in her arms, he looked like the happiest man in the world. Michael was sat on the edge of the bed watching his little brother with worry, as if Helen was about to drop him. Not one of them was looking at the camera. It was a true, happy moment. He smiled and hugged her tight. He didn’t even know they had that picture of them all.
“The nurse who helped deliver you had this habit of carrying a camera with her for every birth and getting shots like this. You would have liked her” she explained as they sat down to eat their bacon and eggs. He gave his mum a necklace, a silver locket with a picture of her and father on one side and Axel and Michael on the other. He found it strange how they both had similar ideas. She cried again when she saw it, tears of joy this time.
The two of them didn’t say much the whole day. They didn’t feel the need to. They ate a traditional Christmas lunch and watched old Christmas movies like Home Alone. They had seen it a million times but his mum still laughed in the same places every time. A few of Helen’s neighbours popped over later on in the afternoon and they drank cherry and doted on Axel. They loved him, they always said how good looking he was and how much he looked like this person or that person. He didn’t mind.
When Christmas was over and it was time for him to leave, his mum drove him to the train station. She had asked him to stay for New Years’ but he was adamant he had studying to crack on with before his exams in the next month or so. He didn’t let her know how behind he was, but he thought she already knew when she didn’t argue.
He watched the people on the train. Everyone was miserable. Gazing out the window watching the world rush by. He felt as if that’s all some people ever do, just watch life pass by. He felt as if that was what he was doing. Until Elise entered his life all he did was go to class, study, work and sleep.
He shoved his nose into his book when he got back to his apartment. He was surprised by how much information he had missed when he read through it the last time he picked it up. He was reading the section on Eris and he was amazed how much more information there was on her. He could have sworn there wasn’t that many pages on her story before. He highlights sections he thought important. He felt like a lot of it was very self-loathing; as if it were written by Eris herself. The story went on about how she was cast out of her family, set aside and so she turned to the one person who understood her, Nyx. She was a dark character, the Goddess of night. It seemed her and Eris had been working together, in some stories it even shows as Nyx being Eris’ mother. He began to write his Essay on the character.
Later that night he went to work. Bill had smiled when he saw him but he wasn’t his usual cheery self. Axel wanted to ask him what was wrong but he was thrown into the full busyness of the restaurant. He wondered if Eris would go there that night. He wondered if she would order a whiskey she wouldn’t drink and leave. He sighed as it came up to closing time and she still hadn’t turned up. He scolded himself for thinking about her. He stayed behind an extra hour cleaning the restaurant and counting the money in the till, making sure they weren’t short.
He couldn’t help himself, he wondered what she was doing and he felt himself getting angrier about how things were left. He tried to call her, no answer. He left a voicemail and waited.
When he left the restaurant he half expected her to be waiting outside, he felt his heart drop when she was nowhere to be seen. He tried to call Connor, it rang a couple times before going to voicemail. He left a voicemail and started walking home. Tomorrow was going to be New years’ eve. He didn’t want to spend it alone and he thought about going back home to his mum’s, but she already had plans with her friends. He sighed heavily as he walked home.
Down one of the side streets was a small group of four men walking up, they were drinking and being generally loud and obnoxious. Axel glanced at them before continuing down the street with his head down. One of them shouted and he heard the so
und of footsteps thundering along the concrete. They ran out onto the street and began chasing him; he ran as fast as he could. He was not athletic, he got tired quickly and slowed. The men behind him were howling and whooping as they chased him relentlessly. They didn’t seem to be tiring, they seemed possessed and he didn’t know how long he could keep up this pace. He was scared. He turned down an alley and carried on running, his lungs burned for air and his legs ached.
One of them groaned, he heard a loud thud and the sound of shouting, followed by screams. He turned around. They were all on the ground. He stepped closer, panting hard. He got close enough to see the blood shining in the street light. They were mangled, the bodies twisted into unsightly shapes, their faces contorted with agony. He threw up on the side of the wall next to him and tried to steady himself. What had happened? How did they all die like that? He struggled to pull his phone from his pocket, he dropped it and scrambled to pick it up before calling the emergency services.
A few moments later, sirens screamed down the road. An ambulance arrived with a police car. They paramedics looked horrified at the bodies, one of them threw up too. They began pronouncing times of death. They were told not to move the bodies as it was crime scene and detectives were called out.
One of the uniformed officers let Axel lean against the hood of the car and the other one walked across the street to get some coffee for them.
“I know it’s awful, but can you tell me what happened?” the short fat one asked holding his notebook in his hand with his pen poised.
“They were chasing me, I ran down here and I heard them scream. I walked back up to see what happened and found them like this” he explained, he felt as if all the blood had drained from his body.
“If they were chasing you, why did you come back?” he asked, looking at him through beady narrow eyes.