Erin started her truck and dried her tears. If Dana could go after the bad guys in northern New Mexico, she could take on one uppity caseworker who insisted on going by the book. The words caused her blood to boil again, but she refused to indulge in more crying. She needed to get home, finish her chores, and transfer funds to her checking account.
By the time she called Dana, she wanted to be able to say the nursery was all set up.
A sinking feeling churned in her stomach. How much money would it drain from her account to set up house for a baby? What if she had another emergency? Those were questions she couldn’t afford to ask though.
She had committed to this path. The future would have to take care of itself.
—
Fifteen minutes later she pulled up to the ARK and wondered if she could wish herself invisible. Maybe she could hide inside the vehicle until the two ladies on her front porch left.
There wasn’t even a miniscule chance of that happening. Evelyn had spotted her from the second gate and had stepped off the porch before Erin could put the truck into park. She might have been sixty, but the woman was slender and in great shape. A few inches taller than Erin, with straight, gray hair cut in a no-nonsense shag, she was every girl’s wish for a grandmother.
No chance of sneaking away. Evelyn was already at the front bumper of the truck. Evelyn’s sidekick for the afternoon, Shirley, was mere steps behind.
They both rounded Erin’s bumper and peered in the passenger seat, opening the door as quickly as possible.
“Oh my goodness. Erin Jacobs. I can’t believe you haven’t brought this little man over to let me see him.” Evelyn unbuckled Joshua faster than the barn cat ,Bitzy, could lap up a saucer of milk.
Erin slid out of the truck and walked over to them.
“How are you, Erin?” Shirley embraced her in a hug, pausing to look deep in her eyes and wait for an answer.
It had been four months since Erin had seen Shirley. The last time had been when her boxer had managed to wedge his head in between some boards underneath their porch. Embarrassment caused sweat to run in tiny rivulets down her back. She should have called Shirley to tell her about Dana’s marriage.
There was a time when Shirley Smith had been a regular at their house. She’d been the closest thing Dana had to a best friend.
Now Erin looked into those familiar hazel eyes and felt something close to yearning. Shirley would be there for her if she’d just let herself open up, but opening up was hard. And dangerous. Safer to be alone. Safer to handle life without help than to have someone ripped from her world again.
A smile tugged at Shirley’s lips. Her long red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her stomach protruded with the obvious signs of her third child.
Erin had wondered if she was pregnant when she’d rescued the boxer, but hadn’t stayed around to ask. She remembered now that Shirley had made her promise to stop back by and had even left a few messages on her cell, but she’d never returned the calls.
“Are you okay?” Shirley asked again.
“I’m fine.” Erin looked down at her boots and then glanced over at Evelyn before answering. “You look great. I didn’t know you were expecting again. I should have called.”
“You’ve been busy with the animals.” Shirley’s voice held no resentment, neither did she move away though Erin refused to meet her gaze. “Evelyn and Doc tell us about some of your rescues.”
“Half of them wind up in the paper,” Evelyn said, snorting.
“Not by my doing.” Erin shook her head, thinking of Chance and their recent encounter. “I’d just as soon The Livingston Daily kept my name out of it.”
“If those stories make people think twice about how they treat their animals, it’s worth you suffering the spotlight, Erin.” Evelyn had lectured her about this so many times, she didn’t bother putting any scolding behind her words.
Shirley turned her attention to the baby.
“He’s beautiful. Did you really find him on a porch?”
“She did, and thank the Lord she called Stanley, though I wish you had waited before going out there.” Evelyn was the only one who called Doc by his given name.
Erin always had to remind herself who she was talking about, even after all these years. He’d never been Stanley to her but simply Doc. When she didn’t answer, Evelyn managed to give her a disapproving look in the middle of cooing to Joshua.
Joshua stared up at all three women, blinking sleepily at the attention being showered on him. Small arms came up over his head in a stretch, then he plopped his right fist into his mouth and began to suck.
“He’s a fist sucker,” Evelyn observed in an approving tone. “That’s good. Colton was a fist sucker, and I thought it was much more convenient than having to find a pacifier in the middle of the night.”
She turned and carried Joshua back toward the porch, still fussing over the baby.
Following in Evelyn and Shirley’s wake, Erin finally noticed the condition of her front porch. She sucked in a deep breath and stopped in the middle of the gravel path.
Eleven
“Better go back and get her,” Evelyn said softly.
“Come on, Erin.” Shirley placed one hand in the crook of her arm and tugged her toward the porch. “It’s a few basic things. Folks wanted to help, and we knew you wouldn’t abide a shower. So we brought it to you.”
“A few things?” Erin’s voice squeaked. She licked her lips and tried again. “You all must have bought out the entire department store.”
Evelyn and Shirley’s laughter filled the late afternoon. Their kindness, their very presence, should have drained some of the tension from Erin’s shoulders. Instead, she felt her back stiffening and her shoulders bunching up. She didn’t want this, didn’t want to accept all the bags lined up across her front porch spilling over with the things Joshua needed.
The tears pushed at her eyes, but she fought them back. She didn’t want to accept their generosity, although she knew she would.
She would for Joshua’s sake.
“No, we didn’t buy out the store,” Shirley assured her. “First of all, we didn’t do it all. Lots of people pitched in.”
“Church folk and town folk.” Evelyn had stopped on the porch steps. Her gentle voice carried out to them.
“Even old schoolmates,” Shirley added.
When Erin turned on Shirley in surprise, she raised her hands up in defense. “They’d already heard about Joshua. He’s the talk of Livingston.”
“Secondly, it’s not all new,” Evelyn continued. “Like most babies, Mr. Joshua will have to make do with some gently used items.”
“Used is fine.” Erin continued to the steps and sat down on the bottom one. She once again felt the need to put her head between her knees. Motherhood apparently held more surprises than being an animal rescuer.
She realized that she needed to toughen up emotionally.
“Give me your keys,” Evelyn said. “We’ll take Joshua inside while you tend to the animals.”
“Have you decided which room you want to make the nursery?” Shirley sat beside her on the step and wound her arm lightly through Erin’s.
“The empty one,” she mumbled. Fumbling in her purse, she handed the keys over to Evelyn.
It seemed to Erin that only yesterday she’d been walking down the road with Shirley and Dana. Wearing shorts and flip-flops, wandering to Doc’s to watch him work with the animals. It was all she’d ever wanted to do. Dana had always teased her about it, but more afternoons than not they’d wind their way to his place, sit on the fence, and watch the horses.
It had made other things in her life simpler, cleaner somehow. The animals she could understand.
Her own feelings she didn’t understand at all. Sitting on the step beside Shirley, she fought the urge to pull her arm away, jump off the step, and run to the barn.
She fought the urge to bury her head on her friend’s shoulder.
Instead, she
quietly confessed, “I didn’t plan on being a mother.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“Now that I’ve held him, fed him, looked into his blue eyes, it’s as if I’ve promised him.”
“Feeling like you owe someone isn’t strong enough to last eighteen years, Erin. And motherhood doesn’t stop when kids trot off to college.” Shirley rubbed her belly with her other hand. “No one would blame you if you decided you weren’t ready for this. Joshua is a wonderful baby. I’m sure a good family in Livingston would come forward.”
A shiver ran down Erin’s spine as the colors before her laced with Shirley’s words. Though they were facing south, the setting sun splayed color across the entire southern sky, painting a dazzling display of reds, purples, even yellows, against the backdrop of wide open Texas blue.
She’d been that blue before Joshua.
She had thought her life was good, but it had been empty.
How could she explain that to Shirley, who she barely knew anymore?
“I want to be that good family. From the minute I picked him up from the washtub, I fell in love with the little guy.”
“I can see why.”
“What I’m afraid of though is that I’ll let him down. It’s one thing to take care of a bunch of animals. It’s another to raise a child. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Shirley put her arm around Erin’s shoulder, pulling her into a hug.
And though Erin couldn’t allow herself to relax, a part of her reveled in the warmth of her friend’s devotion.
“None of us have any idea what we’re doing. Welcome to parenthood.” Shirley rubbed her arm, then tousled her hair. “Joshua is lucky to have you because you care about him so much. The rest you’ll learn.”
Erin nodded, though she could feel the doubts surging, threatening to overpower her as they’d done in Travis’s office.
“And you can call me,” Shirley added.
“Keep your cell phone charged.” Erin pulled in a deep breath. “I better see to my animals.”
They both stood and walked up the steps.
Erin was still overwhelmed by the bounty of goods on her porch, but she’d deal with that after the chores. At least she knew she had two friends to help her—three if you counted Doc, which she did. The problem was she had forgotten how to be a friend. She didn’t know any more about it than she did about being a mother.
It was a good thing Travis Williams wouldn’t be probing into that part of her life.
Resolutely, she stiffened her shoulders and turned toward the barn. She needed to get to work, then she had a nursery to put together.
—
Erin was torn between lingering in the barn to avoid going back to the house, and going back to the house so Evelyn and Shirley would leave.
In the end, she did what she had to do. She cared for the two cows, four cats, three dogs, one goat, a llama, ducks, an iguana, several rabbits, and two horses that made up her ARK at the moment. Once done, she marched resolutely in the darkness back toward her house. Maybe she could thank them and they’d go.
Erin really did like Evelyn and Shirley, but somehow in the last year—in the year since Jules and Nina were killed—she’d grown used to being alone. Trudging up the steps of her porch, she removed her boots. On one level, she knew she’d need to change her degree of isolation now that she had Joshua. But it was something she’d have to think about later when he was older. Certainly not tonight.
Walking inside, the tantalizing smell of chicken nearly knocked her over, causing her stomach to growl. Evelyn stood at the stove, and Shirley emerged from what she’d come to think of as Joshua’s room.
“I heated up a little of my chicken casserole for you.” Evelyn turned to look her up and down. “I know you like it.”
“Thank you. I’ll have some later.”
“All right. I need to get home and feed Stanley anyway. The man can perform surgery on any of a hundred different animals, but he can’t heat a casserole.” Evelyn shook her head but smiled as she said it.
“Erin, do you want to check Joshua’s room? We only did the minimum.” Shirley raked her fingers through her hair and retied it with her hair band as she spoke. “I figured some things you’d want to do yourself.”
Erin peeked into the living room and realized all the bags had disappeared. She followed Shirley into the bedroom, reminding herself she needed to be gracious, she needed to accept help, she needed to keep her head about her.
Why was this so hard? For what seemed like the hundredth time since waking, tears stung her eyes.
Turning the corner into the room, her hand flew to her mouth, and she reached out to the doorframe for support.
“What you don’t like, we could redo tomorrow.” Shirley pushed stray red hair back behind her ear.
“I think Erin’s overwhelmed.” Evelyn’s gentle voice behind her was like rain on the dry ground.
Erin closed her eyes and nodded, then forced herself to open them again and look around.
A crib stood in the middle of one wall, and Joshua was sound asleep in it. A mobile with horses hung over it. Next to the crib a changing table had been set up with a clean, white changing pad on it. A giraffe hung on a peg on the wall next to it. Partially unzipped, she could see it was filled with diapers. The shelf underneath was stocked with wipes and other things she couldn’t even name.
An old dresser she had kept in the room had been topped with a puppy lamp and a blue lamp shade. Around the puppy’s neck was a collar and a dog tag that read, “All God’s Creatures.”
“Jess came over and put up the crib while you were in the barns. He said you better stop by before this baby is born.” Shirley beamed, her hand resting on her stomach for a moment, then moving to the dresser, indicating each drawer as she spoke. “I put the clothes in the drawers. Sizes he can wear now are in the top three drawers. Bigger sizes in the bottom two.”
Erin pulled in a shaky breath, but didn’t trust herself to speak.
“In the closet are a few more bags with things I thought you’d want to set out yourself. I also put the extra bags of diapers in there.”
“Formula and bottles are in the cabinet to the left of the fridge.” Evelyn walked over to check on Joshua. She reached down and adjusted the blanket covering him. “It’s not like you were keeping a lot of food in this house, Erin Jacobs.”
Shirley patted her on the arm as she walked out to the living room.
Erin thought Evelyn would follow, but instead she turned to her and handed her a book wrapped in brown paper and an envelope.
“The book is from me and Stanley. Read the inscription inside the cover when you have a quiet moment. The money in the envelope is what folks donated. Please don’t ask me to return it. I wouldn’t know who to give it back to.”
Erin shook her head—left, right, left, right, left, right. She couldn’t seem to stop. Her life had spun off on some cosmic orbit since she’d answered that 4:00 a.m. call. When would it resemble something she understood?
Evelyn’s cool hands on her face quieted her thoughts. “Erin, look at me.”
Erin swallowed and forced her eyes to meet the one woman she allowed to occasionally breech the walls she’d built around her life. “We’re going to be here for you. Any time—doesn’t matter when. You call.”
Erin felt herself nod, even as she clutched the book and the envelope.
Behind her Joshua began to stir. She closed her eyes, grateful for the interruption.
“Take care of the baby. We’ll let ourselves out.”
Before Evelyn reached the hall, Erin managed a quiet, “Thank you.”
She barely recognized the voice as her own.
Twelve
Travis pulled into the driveway of his parents’ home—a typical 1950s brick that had been added on to several times—and wondered if he should have called and cancelled. He couldn’t recall when the habit had started, but for several years now he’d stopped by on Wednesday evenings,
always bringing dessert to compliment his mother’s cooking.
Barbara Williams could cook as good a pie as any Travis could pick up in his wanderings, but she steadfastly refused to since George’s diabetes diagnosis. Travis served as mediator by supplying his dad with sugar-free alternatives once a week.
“Dinner smells like my favorite—chicken.”
His mom kissed his cheek, accepting the boxed pie. “I don’t know why you spoil your father this way.”
Travis shut the back door and set his keys on the counter.
“Because he appreciates his old man. That’s why. One day I’ll have a grandson who will in turn do the same for him.” George Williams strode into the kitchen and held out his hand to his oldest son. After they’d shook, he pulled him into a bear hug. “Any chance you brought the real stuff this once?”
“Sorry, Pop. I’m with Mom on this one—sugar-free key lime.”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying. Still sounds wonderful.”
“You’re looking great. Lose more weight?”
His dad patted his waist line and grinned. “Joined the walking club at church. We go at it an hour every morning—sunshine or rain.”
“Between walking and golfing, Dr. Lane says in six months there’s a good chance he’ll be off the insulin.”
“Excellent.” Travis pilfered a warm wheat roll from the stovetop and sat down at the table. The day’s stress melted more quickly than the butter he spread on the top as he fell into the familiar routine of the home he’d grown up in. “What does he attribute the drastic change to?”
“Retirement. Seems I should have done it a long time ago.” His dad grinned and headed toward the computer room. “Need to check on some day trades I made. Call me when dinner’s ready.”
His mom rolled her eyes and placed a glass of iced tea in front of Travis. “Phooey. He’s been retired a year and had gained ten pounds. Truth is I was tired of him following me around all day like a puppy. I told him if he didn’t get out of this house at least four hours a day, I was going back to work.”
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