“How do you know?”
“Your dreams in the hospital, then I did some digging.”
“The brothers?”
“Might guess, but have no idea. I did this, I called in a marker.”
“You really think some new age recovery center can help me?”
“I think it’s worth a shot. I think it will help you get your woman and kid back.”
I swallow and chance a look at him. I breathe easier when he is looking down at me and I don’t see pity. I see… belief. I grab the paper again.
Hope Harbor. I sure could fucking use some hope.
“I want them all to die. I want to send them to hell. I doubt Hope Harbor can do that for me.”
“No, that’s where I come in.”
I look up at him and he has another sheet of paper. He slides it in the pocket of his jeans.
“You get better. If you want to help you’re welcome to, but I will make the fuckers pay. I made a promise.”
“A promise?” I ask trying to ignore the panic at the thought of the men on that paper.
“Red told me to make it hurt. I intend to.”
My eyes freeze on Dragon’s.
“She did?”
Dragon nods.
“I need help, Drag. I…I can’t do it on my own.”
“Then let’s get you help and get your woman home where she belongs.”
“She might not want to come home.”
“Then you’ll just have to convince her.”
“You think I can do that?” I ask, but I feel lighter than I have in forever.
“It’ll take a lot of work,” Dragon shrugs, but he is smiling too.
“A lot of work,” I echo.
“Anything good in life is.”
“Let’s get me healthy then,” I respond and when I stand in front of Dragon he cups my shoulder in support.
Chapter 37
Carrie
God, I miss him.
I thought with time it would get better, but it hasn’t. It’s been four weeks. A whole month now since I have seen Jacob and every day the need for him gets worse. What is wrong with me?
I’ve gotten settled. I have a routine, but that’s what it is. A routine. The highlight of my week is when Nicole calls me. She told me that Dancer has been attending therapy for the last two weeks. She feels like he’s trying to get better. I’m glad. I really am, but there’s a part of me wondering why he couldn’t do that when we were together. A bigger part of me is hurt because he hasn’t tried to contact me. Did I mean so little? Now that he’s trying to get better, am I no longer important to him? Did I finally convince him it was over? That thought chills me.
These questions have haunted me constantly for the last three days—ever since Nicole’s last call where she told me that Dancer had moved back into the house he and I had shared.
My hand goes down to my stomach and I rub it gently. I’m not showing yet, but I can feel changes. I will be having an ultrasound soon. I want Jacob to be there. I sigh. People in hell want ice water I guess.
The phone rings and my hand automatically grabs it on the first ring, not bothering to check the caller I.D—just praying I know who it is.
“Hello?”
“Carrie.”
The word is more breathed than said. I feel it and it warms me.
“Hello, Jacob.”
“Don’t hang up on me Care Bear, please don’t hang up on me.”
“I should.”
“I know sweetheart, but I’m begging you not to.”
I say nothing in return, but I don’t hang up.
“I’ve missed you, Care Bear. The house feels empty without you.”
“You’ll get used to it,” I say praying I’m wrong.
“How are you? How’s our angel?”
“Angel?” I ask looking down at my hand that is cupping my stomach.
“I’ve decided we’re having a girl.”
“We are?” I ask, not sure if him saying we’re having a baby, or the fact he says it’s a girl touches me more.
“Yeah, the world needs more beautiful women like her mommy.”
“Jacob…”
“Shhh… baby. I’ve not heard your voice in over ten days. I just want to lie here on the bed and hear you, please?”
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I ask, my eyes closing.
“Therapy today in Glasgow, so I didn’t feel like going in. You didn’t answer, how are you?”
“I’m okay, getting settled. I went to the cemetery and visited with my parents. It’s a nice plot they would like it. It’s peaceful.
“That’s good baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you.
“I would have liked that.”
Nicole said you were going to therapy. How is, I mean, you know, is that going okay?”
“It’s rough going, but I’ll make it.”
“Are you eating okay? The book says you shouldn’t eat fish Carrie, I know you like it but…”
“The book?”
“I bought some pregnancy books. I wanted to know what you are going through.”
“I…I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Say you won’t eat fish, Care Bear.”
I smile.
“I won’t, Jacob. What else did you buy?”
“I bought a book for the baby. This lady at the book store told me it’s good if the baby hears our voices. She suggested it.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, she said her sons read to all of her grandkids like that. She swears they came out of the stomach looking for their dad’s voices. I kind of like that idea.”
I listen to him talk, I like the way he sounds kind of sheepish. It’s a good sound.
“What book did you get?”
“Goodnight Moon.”
“You could read it to me now.”
“I’d like that. Do you have a speakerphone?”
“Yeah why?”
“Turn it on so the munchkin can hear it too.”
Munchkin? I can’t help but grin.
“Okay Jacob,” I say while I click the speaker button.
I listen to him read and notice the subtle differences in him. He seems at ease, he seems…tender.
As he finishes, I pick the phone back up and turn off the speaker.
“That was nice Jacob, thank you.”
“Do you think the baby liked it? I’ve tried to find a book about motorcycles. There’s not that many. I’m going to make one up for our girl.”
“You’re a confusing man, Jacob Blake.”
“You should try being me. I’m trying to get better, Carrie. I promise. I’m trying, Care Bear.”
“And therapy?” I ask, needing to know more.
“I hate it. I hate every minute of it, but I’m trying.”
“Jacob…”
“Can I call you tomorrow night?”
This is it. The moment of truth.
“I’d like that, but kind of early? I get tired easily these days, so I crash with the chickens.”
“Eight?”
“Okay. Talk to you then.”
“Sweet dreams, Care Bear.”
“Sweet dreams, Jacob.”
Chapter 38
Dancer
I’ve been talking to Carrie on the phone every evening now for two weeks. Two weeks and I’m going insane. I’m doing my best not to rush her, but damn it all to Hell, something has to give. Listening to her sweet voice is driving me insane. I need to touch her, I need to hold her. I need to be with her. I haven’t held her, been inside of her or kissed her in over a month and a half. I can’t keep going like this.
So today starts operation, ‘Win Back My Woman’.
I decide to start small. I send her George. A giant teddy bear I bought the day of my first therapy meeting.
I have been online checking the tracking numbers all day. She got the present an hour ago. She hasn’t called. I’m disappointed, but there’s not much more I can do. It takes all I got, but
I don’t call her that night.
Day two, I send her flowers. Daisies. The type that were on her dress the last time I saw her. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt when she doesn’t call.
Day three, I text her saying I miss her and attach a picture. It is of the crib I purchased and spent all night putting together. No word.
Day four, I’m about to give up hope. One small word from her, that’s all I need. Well okay, that’s not all. It would be a damn good start though. Today I send her a picture of the hummingbird feeder she hung up outside. There are two hummingbirds around it and I thought she’d like to see it. I also send her another text.
I miss you. Please call me.
I stare at my phone for an hour, for nothing.
Day five, I send her chocolate covered strawberries. They are her favorites.
I hear nothing. I’ve hurt her too bad. I’ve lost her.
Day six, I’m not even bothering to get out of bed. I’m depressed, I’m horny as hell and I just don’t see the point anymore. I’d rather stay in bed, stroke my cock and think about Carrie, than get up and miss her.
Life is just too empty without her. I’m missing everything from her smile, her laugh, to the way she lights up my world. I miss her voice, how she says my name. I miss her body—especially her body.
Fuck, if I close my eyes, I can picture her straddling me. Her creamy, milk white skin with a faint dusting of freckles. Her breasts filling my hands, her nipples large and glistening because I’ve sucked on them. I moan out loud picturing her.
My hand moves down to stroke my cock. I squeeze it tight, as I imagine slipping inside my woman’s wet, tight pussy. Her body rocks up and down on my cock. Her nails dig into my abdomen. Her head is thrown back in pleasure, all the while riding me harder and harder.
I can almost hear her voice, begging me to make her come. I stroke myself faster, pre-cum bathes the head of my cock and drizzles slowly downward. My balls tighten, and just as I get ready to blow I can hear her voice.
I love you, Jacob. I love you.
I explode. My cum shoots on my chest, my stomach and my hand, as I call out her name. After the initial rush, I look at myself disgusted. It doesn’t satisfy me. If anything I feel emptier and even more alone.
I drag my ass up, towel off, grab a beer and lay back down. I might be doing better with some things, but right now I hate myself for running off the one great thing I’ve ever had in my life.
I haven’t been drunk lately—not since Dragon kicked my ass. I’m thinking today might be a good day to get shitfaced. It’s going to take something a hell of a lot more powerful than beer though. There’s nothing in the house and I don’t have the energy to go out.
I’m probably just a bigger fucking fool at this point, but after my third fucking beer I give up and text her.
I need you, Care Bear. Give me another chance.
Another beer later, I close my phone. I’m almost back to sleep. I used to dread going to sleep because of dreams. Now, I willingly surrender, hoping to dream of being with Carrie. I need to see her so bad, even if sleep just brings one glance at my woman, it is worth it. I’m almost asleep, when the phone rings.
“Yeah.”
“Hi, Jacob.”
“Care Bear. God sweetheart, I’ve missed you.”
“I…I miss you too.”
“Are you doing okay? Did you get the stuff I sent you? Are you getting plenty of rest?”
“Yeah…”
We’re both silent. Shit. It feels like she’s so far away from me and I’m not talking just physically. Is this what I’ve done?
“Are you still going to therapy?” She asks, and I close my eyes.
“Yeah, twice a week.”
“That’s good, Jacob. I’m proud of you.”
“How’s the baby?”
“You do realize I’m barely past two months pregnant right?” She questions, but I hear laughter.
“Your point? I ask.
She doesn’t answer, but she laughs harder. It is a beautiful sound.
“How is our little angel, Care Bear?”
“It’s a boy.”
“You know? You had one of those sonograms done?” I ask, disappointed because Dragon and Nicole have and I wanted to be there for our baby’s.
“No, I just know it is.”
“We’ll see, I’m still saying it’s a beautiful girl who looks like her mom.”
“I was hoping you’d like to read…to the baby.”
I close my eyes and breathe easy for the first time in days.
“Always,” I whisper, because my throat is clogged with emotion. “You got it on speaker?” I hear the button click and then her voice comes back to me.
“I do now.”
“Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a Princess named Carolina, with long, flowing locks the color of a fall sky at sunset.”
“That doesn’t sound like a story about the moon.”
“I’ve decided to expand my horizons. Now hush, our munchkin wants to hear this story.”
“Okay.”
“Princess Carolina grew to be kind and strong, with a heart so full that she gave off a golden light full of love…”
“Golden light? Where’s my badass biker?”
“He was stupid and lost his woman,” I answer honestly.
“Jacob…”
“People would come from all across the world to gaze upon Princess Carolina’s beauty. They would bring her gifts and flowers, but most of all they would bring people to her that needed help. One day a friend of Princess Carolina’s told her of a dark and evil creature named Troll.”
“Troll?” She asks, but I hear the smile.
“Troll. Now, Troll had done some bad things and was doomed into the dark forest for years. He was all on his own, with no one to care about him.”
“Jacob…”
“Troll was mad and angry at the world, however he took one look at the Princess and wanted to be her friend…”
“Her friend?”
“It’s a children’s story Care Bear, some things munchkin will never discover until she’s a hundred and I’m dead and gone.”
That’s when I hear her laugh fully and I let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I breathe. Oh god, I breathe.
“I don’t think it works that way Jacob, but please continue.”
“Now where was I? Oh yeah, so Troll took one look at the beautiful Princess Carolina and wanted to be her friend. Still, to do so would mean bringing her deep into the forest with him and he couldn’t do that to her. If he let her into the forest, then her beauty and light would disappear and the people needed her light. She made the world better. So, he turned her away and hurt her heart.
Troll was very sad and his world just got darker and darker. One day it became so dark that Troll went to sleep. It was a deep, deep sleep and none of the Troll’s friends could wake him. When Princess Carolina heard of the news, she decided to come to the Troll one more time—in hopes of saving him.”
“Jacob….”
I hear the tears in her voice. I hope this means she understands what I’m trying to say.
“When she gets there Troll’s friends he had pushed away, are gathered around him crying. They all have given up hope. Princess Carolina looks down where the Troll is sleeping. She sees through his ugly hideous form, to the man underneath. She bends down and places a kiss on his lips. Slowly the Troll begins to warm, as Princess Carolina’s light shines through him and releases him from the darkness.
The Troll wakes, so thankful that the Princess has saved him. He vows to love her forever and ever. Then she takes him away from the dark forest, to a beautiful castle full of love and laughter. They become a family and have a little baby Princess named Jasmine.”
“Jasmine?” She’s crying now, but I can hear happiness. It’s a sound in Carrie’s voice you can’t mistake.
“Shhh…sweetheart, I’m at the most important part,” I say and this
time there are tears in my eyes.
“What’s that?” She asks.
“They lived happily ever after.”
I hear her breathing hard and I lie there hoping.
“Jacob?”
“Yeah Care Bear?”
“Come get us.”
Thank fuck.
“I’ll be there in a few hours.”
*
I break every traffic law coming and going, but I make it to Carrie’s parents’ home in record time. I’ve barely turned the car off before I jump out and run up to the front door. Carrie opens it before I knock and I just drink her in. She’s lost weight. Her face is pale, but she has never been more beautiful.
“Hey Care Bear.”
“My Biker Troll.”
I smile, “I’ve missed you, sweetheart.”
I open my arms and she walks into them. I wrap them around her.
“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers against my neck. I pull away slightly, looking at her. She’s so beautiful. There are tears shining in her eyes and they slowly leak to the surface, but it is okay. I know these are happy tears and I kiss them away. I bend down to graze my lips against hers, I mean it to be just a touch, but after all this time away from her? I can’t help but make it deeper.
My tongue pushes into her mouth, teasing, dancing with hers and I drink down her taste like a dying man savoring his last meal. I kiss her until neither of us have the air to continue. Then I just hold her close and place a kiss on her forehead.
“I’m sorry Care Bear, I know that’s not enough, but I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Just take me and munchkin home Jacob.”
With those words? I feel alive again.
Chapter 39
Carrie
It’s late, but I’m not sleepy. I’m lying in Jacob’s arms in our bed. He brought me home immediately. We made love, had a very late dinner and now I’m lying in his arms. I should be exhausted, but I can’t shut my brain down. It is impossible. When you’ve lived your whole life for one dream and that dream is in your arms? When you get that dream after thinking it was gone forever? You can’t sleep. You’re afraid to sleep.
Jacob pulls my hand up, looking at it. His thumb presses into my palm, his fingers brush against mine.
Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC Page 39