by J. E. Parker
Blinking, I looked down at the king-sized quilt I held in my arms. “Shit. Sorry, girl” I replied, furrowing my brows. “It’s been a long damn day.”
Clara nodded in understanding. “Speaking of… How are you doing?” Taking the quilt from my arms, she spread it out on the floor. “I know seeing your Mom was hard.” She pointed to another pile of blankets behind me. “Grab another one of those.”
I snorted. “Hard? Nah. Seeing her get busted for having a gram of Heroin in her car, along with enough OxyContin to kill a horse tickled me pink.” It was the truth. “Anthony said there’s no way in hell she’ll get less than five years in the big house.” Placing my hands on my hips, I smiled. “Bitch had it coming.”
Clara’s eyes twinkled. “I think we should change your name from blondie to Miss Vicious.” I shrugged and continued to smile. Clara pointed towards the blankets. “Come on chick, hand me another one. We don’t have all night, pretty lady.”
Sticking out my tongue, I followed her orders by grabbing another quilt for her and one for me. My thoughts immediately returned to Mama. “Honestly, Clara seeing her again…” I paused for a second to gather my wits. “It was hard but not for the reasons you think.”
“What do you mean?” Clara asked, spreading out the second quilt on the floor beside the first one.
“The last time I saw my Mama she’d just helped spring Damien from jail for the sole purpose of getting rid of Lucca and me.” Shaking my head back and forth, I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip and swallowed down the anger that was beginning to stir in my chest. “Even though we never had a decent relationship, what she did hurt. A lot.”
“That’s understandable.”
I swiped the back of my hand across my forehead. “When I saw her today, I expected to feel the same hurt as before, but I didn’t. All I felt was this god-awful, all-consuming anger.” Grabbing a couple of pillows from beside the remaining folded blankets, I tossed them in Clara’s direction. “It’s no secret that I have a temper and enough anger problems to rival the devil himself, but what I felt today was beyond that.” Closing my eyes, I dropped my head back. “The way I felt today, I could’ve killed her without blinking. Hell, I reckon I almost did.” I lifted my head and met Clara’s gaze. “Want to know what the kicker is?” She nodded, a curious expression plastered on her face. “Horrible as it may sound, I doubt I would’ve felt the slightest trace of remorse when it was over.” Guilt—hot and heavy—swirled in the pit of my gut. “What does that say about me as a person?”
Moments of silence ticked by before Clara spoke. Then, “It says you’re strong, Shelby.”
I blinked. “What?”
Did feeling like that make me strong? No.
Did it make me feel like a nutjob? Definitely.
Dropping the pillows that I’d tossed her way to her feet, she moved toward me, closing the gap between us. “You may not believe what I’m about to tell you, but I’m going to say it anyway.” Unsure of where this was heading, I remained silent and stared into Clara’s eyes. “Like you, I spent far too many years with a man who did nothing but abuse me. Verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically… you name it; he did it.”
Tightening my hands into fists, I dug my nails into my palms. The sharp bite of pain helped alleviate the instant anger that coursed through me at her words. I knew all about the horrible things that Clara had been through, and it chapped my ass to even think about it. She was such a good-hearted person, not to mention an amazing mother. She didn’t deserve the shit she’d been through.
“It wasn’t until my late husband turned on Liam and smacked him hard enough to split his cheek open that I fought back.” A sad smile crossed her face. “That was the day we met you.” Turning her back to me, she dropped her head forward and crossed her arms over her chest. “Anyway, I’ve spent a ton of time in therapy since that day. What I’ve learned is that as a mother my brain is programmed by nature to respond to anything that threatens my offspring in a lethal way.” I was officially confused. “Let me ask you this—that anger that you felt… Was it because of what she’d done to you? Or was it because of what she’d allowed to be done to Lucca?”
I froze as my mind raced.
“It was because of Lucca.”
It always had been. I mean, yeah, I hated her because of what she’d done to me as a kid and later as a teen, but none of those things made me angry enough to kill her. Thinking about the way she’d handed me and my unborn child over to Damien though?
That made me rage inside.
“See?” Clara replied, smiling. “Feeling guiltless over possibly eradicating something that was threatening your baby doesn’t make you a bad person, blondie. It makes you one hell of a kick-ass mother.”
“I’ve got popcorn!” Maddie hollered, suddenly appearing in the room and interrupting my conversation with Clara.
Following behind her was Hendrix, Anthony, and all three little boys. Liam and Declan both ran straight to me and threw their arms around my thighs. Lucca, however, was too busy with his ‘Toe’ AKA Anthony to pay me any attention.
What a little butthead.
“Hey, babies,” I squealed as I squatted down and wrapped my arms around Liam and Declan. “I’ve missed you little monsters so much.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Declan chanted, pulling on my shirt. “Is you gonna spend the night with us?”
I nodded enthusiastically before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Of course, I am! There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” It was the truth. “But if you steal my popcorn like you did last time we watched a movie together I may just have to tickle you to death.” I wiggled my fingers in the air, and Declan giggled.
“Ya have to catch me first!”
He took a step back, and I knew he was about to take off running.
“Oooh, shorty I can catch you. Don’t you worry about—”
He took off like a rocket before I could get the last word out. Jumping to my feet, I chased after him. I’d just rounded the sectional when a strong arm reached out and wrapped around my belly. My feet left the ground, and I may have—okay, I did—squeaked in surprise.
“What are you doing, sunshine?” Anthony whispered into my ear as my back slammed into his hard chest. His warmth heated my skin, and his breath tickled my neck causing shivers to race down my spine.
I leaned my head back against him and pretended to be annoyed. “I was chasing Declan, but because of you, he got away!” Anthony chuckled. “Don’t you laugh at me, Mr. Fancy Po-lice Detective.” Scoffing, I gently elbowed him in the ribs. “You just let the infamous popcorn thief get away!”
Anthony raised a brow and looked at a wide-eyed Declan. “Popcorn thief, huh?” Unwrapping his arm from my torso, he placed both of his hands on his hips and plastered on his interrogation face. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to burst into a fit of rabid laughter. “Do I need to take you down to the station, Declan? Maybe question you about a recent string of popcorn robberies that have taken place all over town?”
Surprisingly, Declan didn’t run away and hide. Between him and Liam, he was the least confrontational. Instead, the little turkey jutted his chin out and stared Anthony down. “I did nothing.”
Anthony bit back a smile. “Yeah? Then tell me who is responsible for all the missing popcorn.”
Declan’s eyes scanned the room before landing on his older brother. Tipping his lips up in a smile, he pointed at Liam, and hollered, “Him!”
Liam’s face blanched. Then, “I’m gonna kick your butt, Dec!” With that, he took off chasing his brother. Declan ran away, laughing, and Lucca—lord, bless his heart—took off after both of them, squealing at the top of his lungs as they climbed the stairs following a smiling Clara.
Across the room, Maddie plopped down on a bean bag and placed a huge bowl of popcorn on her lap. “If y’all want any of this you better get over here. God knows I’m practically gonna inhale it.” She scrunched up her nose. “Did you know I’ve gai
ned almost fifty dang pounds? For my wedding, you might as well just wrap a king-sized sheet around me, stick a few flowers in my hair, and be done with it.” Looking at Hendrix, she shoveled a handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Just call me Shamu the whale.” Snorting, she laughed at herself. “Shamuuuuu.”
Rolling my eyes, I turned to face Anthony. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I rested my chin on his chest. “You’re a shit stirrer; you know that? You just had to goad poor Declan into throwing Liam under the bus. Knowing those two they are probably beating the crap out of each other right now.” Shifting my weight between my feet, I couldn’t help but continue to smile. Despite what had happened earlier in the day I was so damn happy, it was almost nauseating. “And knowing my troublemaking son, he’s probably egging them on.”
Anthony looked at me like I was nuts. “Did you just call me a shit stirrer?” I nodded. “If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what the hell is.”
Snorting, I pinched his side. “Wanna know something, stud muffin?”
He dipped his head and the tip of his nose brushed against mine. “Always, baby.”
Squeezing him tightly, I leaned my head against his chest. “You’re going to be an amazing daddy someday.”
Anthony’s fingers wrapped around my chin. He lifted my chin, and our gazes crashed into one another. “Someday?” I nodded. “Far as I’m concerned, I’m already a father.” His eyes trailed to where Lucca had chased the boys up the stairs. “I don’t care what any damn DNA test says, Lucca is mine, Shelby. He has been since the moment I first saw him, and he always will be.”
Don’t cry.
“Yeah?” I blinked. “Don’t I get a say in this? I mean, I am the one who gave birth to him.”
I was trying to be sassy but was failing miserably. Too much emotion was clogging my throat making it hard for me to speak much less toss a handful of snark his way.
Anthony’s fingertips massaged small circular patterns on the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip to keep from moaning at the delicious sensation. If he kept touching me with those talented fingers of his, I wouldn’t even know or care what anybody’s name was.
“Do you want him to be mine, baby?” More massaging. “Do you want him to have my last name?”
My head spun at his questions.
Did I want Anthony to be Lucca’s father?
Did I want them to share the same last name?
The answers that popped into my head were quick. Resolute.
“Tony,” whispering his name, I pressed my hands to the sides of his jaw. “You have no idea how much I want both of those things.” Pulling his face down to mine, I kissed him on the cheek. Light. Soft. Sweet. “I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve fallen irrevocably in love with you, Detective Moretti.”
It was a lie. I did know how it happened.
Anthony came barreling into my life when I needed him the most. Drowning in darkness, I was teetering on the edge of losing my sanity. The constant panic attacks, the unrelenting nightmares… it had all become too much to bear. But then he came along, and everything suddenly got better. Each time his lips touched mine the darkness faded, the panic receded, and the nightmares that once haunted me became a little more elusive.
Like Lucca, he’d become my anchor.
And like Maddie, he was my angel.
He’s my saving grace.
“I love you, Anthony.” Unafraid any longer, I kept talking, letting the feelings that I’d kept guarded for so long flow. “You wanted my heart, stud muffin. Well, this is me handing it to you on a silver platter.” Another kiss, this time on the base of his throat. “Take me.” Leaning back, I stared up into his eyes. “Take Lucca.” Sliding my arms around his neck, I smiled and tilted my head to the side. “Take us both. Forever.”
Anthony’s fingers dug into my hips and his eyes glazed over. “Baby, you’re fucking killing me.” He looked like he was a heartbeat away from tossing me over his shoulder, finding Lucca, and running for the nearest exit. “Soon as I—”
Anthony’s words were interrupted when the lights suddenly went out.
“What the fuck?” Hendrix barked from behind me.
Leave it to my big brother to smash a romantic moment to pieces.
“Don’t panic!” Grandmama hollered from the top of the steps that lead into the basement. “It’s just the breakers. I swear the electrical in this daggum house is older than me”—she paused—“and that’s saying something considering I’ve met dirt younger than I am.”
I tossed my head back and laughed. Hard.
Dropping my arms from around Anthony’s neck, I spun around and stared into the blackness. “Shelby,” Clara’s yelled from upstairs. “Are the boys down there with you?”
“No,” I yelled back. “Are they not up there?”
“No, but they’re probably hiding.” Clara’s voice held a slight undercurrent of fear. “Don’t worry, I’ll find them.”
Feeling my heart begin to thunder in my chest, I strained my ears to listen for the familiar sound of the boys arguing or Lucca’s babbling. When I didn’t hear anything, I took a step forward and called out each of their names. “Lucca!” Nothing. “Liam!” Again, nothing. “Declan!”
Pure fricken silence.
I reached behind me and grabbed ahold of Anthony’s arm. “Tony…”
Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.
Anthony didn’t wait for me to say another word before he took off running for the stairs. Calling out Lucca’s name, he bolted up the steps, leaving me in his dust. I ran as hard as I could, trying to keep up but he was too fast.
My fear skyrocketed when I heard Clara’s panicked voice screaming her son's names over and over from what sounded like the second floor. It is evident that she hadn’t found them yet and with each passing second that I didn’t know where they were, my terror increased ten-fold.
A blood-curdling scream ripped through the house as my foot landed on the top step. Anthony stopped five feet in front of me, frozen to the spot as the air surrounding us fell eerily silent. A second later, footsteps pounded up the stairs behind me; I didn’t have to turn around and look to know it was Hendrix.
“Shelby!” Hendrix screamed my name from behind me.
I didn’t bother to answer him. I couldn’t. Functioning on pure adrenaline, my mind was focused on one thing and one thing only: find the boys.
“Stay down there, Maddie!” Hendrix commanded as he closed in on me, getting closer with each step he took.
“Mommy!” Liam’s frightened voice suddenly broke the silence. “Mommy!” A sharp cry that sounded like it belonged to Declan followed his shouts. Again, Liam shouted for his mother. “Mommy, help!”
Turning to the right, Anthony cut through the darkness, following the sounds of Liam’s voice. Hendrix grabbed my arm and tried to pull me to a stop, but I yanked away from him and kept going. The house was so dark that I couldn’t see a single thing in front of me, but somehow my feet knew exactly which path to take.
“Shelby!” Hendrix grabbed my shoulders from behind and spun me around. Slamming my back into the wall, he pointed a barely visible finger in my face, and said, “Stay here.”
No way in hell.
I shook my head and pushed against his hands. “Damn it, sunshine,” Anthony barked from the end of the hall. “For once, fucking listen!”
Remaining still, I waited for Hendrix to barrel down the hallway away from me. Following Anthony’s path, they both turned the corner at the end of the hall and turned into what I assumed was the living room. I couldn’t see them so I wasn’t sure exactly where they’d gone, but I knew they weren’t close any longer.
Taking a deep breath, I turned and ran the opposite direction.
Screw listening.
When I ran into the large kitchen, I found it empty. I had no idea where Grandmama or Clara had gone, and I didn’t have time to worry about either of them. Horrible as it may sound, I was only con
cerned about the boys. Spinning around in a circle, I tried to think of where they could be. I opened my mouth to yell for Lucca when a warm breeze swept across the right side of my body.
My mouth immediately snapped shut.
I turned my head and looked at the sliding glass doors that lead to the patio on the right side of the house. It was partially opened, the mauve colored vertical blinds dancing in the summer breeze.
Shit.
Deep in my gut, I somehow knew that Lucca was outside. I also knew that he wouldn’t be alone. I prayed that I was wrong, but this stunt had Damien’s signature all over it.
Gathering all the courage that I possessed, I jogged around the kitchen island and grabbed a knife out of the knife block next to the sink. Holding it steady in my hand, I steeled my spine and moved toward the open door. Once there, I looked over my shoulder toward the hall Anthony and Hendrix had disappeared down. I briefly wondered if I should call their names or shout for help. If Damien was outside with Lucca and he heard me yell their names he could take off before I ever had a chance to find him. If that happened, I might never see my son again.
And that wasn’t an option.
Decision made, I slipped out the door.
Moving as quietly as I could, I crossed the patio and walked into the grass.
I didn’t see or hear any sign of Lucca anywhere but something inside of me—call it maternal instinct if you want—told me that he was close. Standing still next to the patio, I called out his name. “Lucca.” No response. “Baby, where are you?”
“Ma-ma,” Lucca’s soft whimper cut through the silence. I spun around searching for him. About thirty or so feet away, at the end of the backyard, a flash of red caught my eye. “Ma-ma.”
Lucca.
Relief washed over me at the sight of my son. “Hold on, little man. Mama’s coming.” Without stopping to think about what kind of trap I was likely running into, I sprinted toward him.
It was one of the stupidest things I’d ever done.
When I was only ten feet away from him, a shadow stepped out from a large oak tree to my right. I didn’t have time to stop, didn’t have to react before my legs were knocked out from under me. Falling backward, my back and shoulders slammed onto the hard ground, knocking the air right out of my lungs. My head bounced off the ground like a basketball. The knife that I’d held in my hand slipped from my grip before flying through the air and landing on the ground somewhere to my left. Vision completely white, I turned to my side and clawed at the grass beneath me as I tried to suck in enough oxygen to satisfy my starving lungs.