“That would probably perk her up a bit,” I said.
We both enjoyed a laugh and then Donna pulled out her phone. She began writing some sort of a message.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m emailing this stripper and asking him how much he’d charge extra to nail our friend.”
“You are crazy,” I said.
“Yep,” Donna agreed. “But thanks for the compliment.”
As Donna finished writing her email, I found myself gazing out at the pool and our friend out there lying listlessly just waiting for something good to come into her life. She had to be feeling a bit left out since me and Donna were starting our careers, but Tori was going into her Master’s Degree in Engineering.
It was another two long years of higher education, and all of Tori’s friends were now gone. That was a frightening thing to look at and I didn’t envy her at all.
But she was strong, and I knew she’d get through it.
Towards the end of the evening my mind began to drift back to Blake and how we’d left things. We’d patched it all up about the argument and we’d even had mind blowing sex as a cherry on top, but I couldn’t stop wondering if there was something more to him, another part of his life he hadn’t shared with me.
So many people around me seemed to think that I was being delusional by ignoring the signs, or refusing to believe that they were signs, but I thought I was just being a good, supportive partner.
That was all I wanted to be.
But what if I was wrong? Was I being played as a fool? Surely, Blake would never do that to me. I didn’t want to believe it, but it was possible. I heard stories on the news all the time about people who had done horrible things and those closest to them swore they were innocent and never could have done anything like that.
Was I going to be one of those people?
Chapter Seven
Blake
“It’s good to see you again,” Dane said with that inflection in his tone that told me I was behaving like a ghost again.
Dane and I had not seen each other for a few weeks, despite being business partners. We were often overseeing different facets of the business and our paths didn’t really cross. That and the fact that we were both workaholics, translated to two best friends that rarely ever got to hang out anymore.
But we’d both found time in our schedules to have an evening drink or two today. It was good to see him again. Dane was one of the smartest people I’d ever met. He’d come out of his shell considerably since I’d met him in college and now, he was playing every bit the part of the wealthy playboy. He was tall, slender (some might have said frail), but handsome in a basic sort of way, with well cropped hair, excellent skin (he highly moisturized) and a winning smile that accentuated his bright, blue eyes that matched his pale, blonde hair. His hair used to lie lifelessly across his head; now he gelled it into a short spike that gave him just a touch of bad boy charisma. It was amazing how something that small could do that to someone.
“Yeah, I guess I needed a night out with my friend,” I said. “I am a busy man, you know.”
He laughed. “So, how are things? I can imagine that life after being engaged has made you busier still.”
I shrugged. “How do you figure?”
“It’s been my experience, that women change once they get that ring on their finger,” Dane said.
“Your experience? That relates to listening to wacked out podcasts on the treadmill and listening to old embittered guys at the country clubs married women twenty years younger than them, who clearly loved them for their wallets.”
He laughed and held up his drink. “Touché. You are right about that. I’m happy for you my old friend.”
“Thanks,” I said. “So, you will be my best man, right?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” he said. “I’ve already got some sweet ideas kicking around for the bachelor party.”
I held up my hand. “Be careful with that.”
“What? You don’t want one? Don’t tell me that…”
“No, I’m not saying that. It sounds good, as long as we all behave like gentleman. I don’t want to have to go back and lie about the crazy stories of my bachelor party to Tina for the rest of my life. I’m keeping enough secrets from her.”
He sighed. “You still haven’t told her about your father?”
I didn’t answer, just leaned forward and rubbed my eyes tightly.
“You want some friendly advice?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Ease up,” he said. “You are being too hard on yourself. It’s ok to make mistakes, but you do have to own up to it. I guarantee that Tina will respect you for it.”
“I know she will. She might not even be mad at all. I keep picturing myself telling her and her laughing it off. But then I see the exact opposite of that, where she throws the ring in my face and tells me to get lost.”
“Both of those are plausible,” Dane said. “Oh, did I tell you I got a hole in one playing golf the other day. The only one I’ve ever got. And I’ve played a lot of golf.”
“Nice. Did you film it?” I asked.
“No.”
“Then how do I know it really happened?”
“What? You calling me a liar? I’m trying to help you out with advice and plan your bachelor party and you have the nerve to insult me? How dare you.”
I laughed and looked out the window. The night looked peaceful as the last rays of the sun hovered over the horizon, sinking below the mountains in the distance.
“But about this party,” Dane said. “What are your concerns?”
“Well, I think we should keep it small. I say seven guys, at the most. We go somewhere low key, and play cards or do something else fun. Maybe watch a game or something.”
Dane seemed genuinely confused.
“Um… you know what a bachelor party is supposed to be like, right?”
“Yes,” I said. “And I don’t want that craziness.”
Dane leaned back and opened his arms. He rested them on the top of his booth seat and tapped his fingers gently and rhythmically. He then plastered a shit eating grin all over his face.
“Sure. No problem,” Dane said.
I knew right away that this was going to be a crazy party. But I had to at least try to dissuade the craziness from happening.
“So, a hole in one? That’s great. We need to play golf again,” I said.
“We do, but you need to practice. I’m not sure how you ever get any work done out there. Most of the deals we make, are made on a golf course.”
“True, but I think my awful game is what gets me the right outcome of those deals. People see my pitiful golf score and they feel bad for me.”
Dane laughed. “Yeah, maybe. That’s brilliant. I didn’t know you had that kind of deviousness in you.”
“You’d be surprised.”
We ordered another round of drinks and Dane’s eye began to wander to a couple of beautiful women who had just walked in and were now sitting at the bar.
“Oh, they want some action,” Dane said.
I looked at them and then back at him. “How do you know that?”
“Because of the way they walked in.”
“Enlighten me.” This was going to be hilarious.
“They didn’t make eye contact with a single person as they entered. And they were not even chatting with each other. They want to blend in.”
“Maybe they want to be left alone.”
Dane shrugged. “Maybe. Or Maybe they desperately want attention from some good looking, successful guys like ourselves.”
“Do you hear yourself when you speak? Or is it like some other voice in your head that you are not in control of?” I asked.
“It’s a little of both.”
“At least you admit it.”
“So, what do you think?” Dane asked.
“About what?” I knew where this was going, and I didn’t like it one bit.
&nb
sp; “Chatting up those ladies over there. Duh.”
I looked at the women and then back at him. I could feel the sarcasm echoing out from my eyes. “What is wrong with you man? I’m engaged.”
Dane sighed. “I know lug nut. I meant, you should be my wingman.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not. If you want to talk to those ladies, I suggest you go over and start a conversation. One of them will either be receptive, or not. That’s the roll of the dice, my friend.”
“What makes you think that I’d settle for just one of them?”
“What? You are not the king of the threesomes. I don’t buy it.”
Dane laughed and pulled out his phone. I had a feeling I was going to see something that I could never un-see, but the curiosity got the better of me. He pulled up something and showed the phone to me.
Yep, there it was. Several pictures of Dane with more than one woman in bed, and each picture was a different group of women.
“Wow, we don’t chat much anymore, do we?” I asked.
“You’ve missed a few updates on my life.”
“Whatever floats your boat, pal. But I can’t tell you how happy I am to be engaged and to not have to deal with that anymore.”
My mind drifted back to Darcy and her meltdown. I hadn’t told Dane about it, as I thought I would. There was something creepy and embarrassing about it, that I didn’t want anyone to know about.
“You are missing out,” Dane said. “But I’m happy for you. Maybe one day I’ll find an amazing woman that can fulfill all of my needs forever.”
“I hope so, too,” I said.
Dane laughed. “Nope. Not likely. But the idea is fun.”
I finished my drink.
“Well, pal it’s been real,” Dane said. “But I’m going to go talk to those lovely ladies over there. I’ll text you later to let you know how it went.”
“Don’t text me,” I laughed.
I gave my friend a quick hug and then I headed out. It was good to see him again. I missed him. We needed to get together more often, that was a definite.
As I drove home, I found myself thinking about Tina. It was good to talk about things with Dane, but so far, I was hearing the consensus that I had to stop lying to her and just be honest. I’ve always felt pretty confident that I can handle any situation, even ones that seem overwhelming. You just break things down and compartmentalize them into manageable chunks. Then you go from there.
But with this, I was paralyzed with fear. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I couldn’t help myself.
I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I was running out of time. I couldn’t keep her in the dark anymore without it hurting our relationship even more.
My mind was filled with thoughts of Tina and the situation I found myself getting buried deeper and deeper by the second in, when something strange caught the corner of my eye while I was stopped at a red light.
I saw a man shaking hands with another man who was getting into a limousine. Both men were smoking cigars, dressed in fancy suits, and had their hair slicked back with perfect sheen. I instantly recognized one of the men as my father.
It took a moment for me to recognize the other man. And then my brain shifted gears to focus on a whole other problem revealing itself before me.
The man my father was with was named Joey Kraft. He was a notorious crime figure in the area. He had strong ties to the mafia. My father and he used to be fairly tight. I hadn’t seen the man in years, but I recognized him easily. He was a little older, but otherwise he looked perfectly the same as the last time I saw him when I was still a teenager.
What was my father doing with him? Was he reverting back to his old ways? Did my mother know anything about it? I needed to find out and I had to find out soon.
Instead of going home, I shifted routes and ended up at my parents’ house. I told my mother what I’d seen and asked her what she knew.
My mother denied knowing anything.
“Honey, I think you are worried over nothing,” she said. “Your father still keeps in touch with some of his old friends. Actually, several of them, including Joey, have left the life behind. I believe he actually inspired several of them to do so.”
“Really?” I asked. I studied my mother’s face carefully. She’d never been able to lie to me. I would have seen the guilt in her eyes. I saw nothing right now. So, either she’d learned to lie to me, or she really thought she was telling the truth. Was my father snowballing her?
“Yes, dear,” my mother replied with a chuckle. Her characteristic laughter. I’d loved it since childhood. It had the most calming effect on me. I was glad I’d come to see her. I didn’t have enough one on one time with her anymore. We used to be so close. Then I’d gotten so wrapped up in my business and Tina. I guess that was the sort of thing that happened, but I wanted to restore our relationship. I needed to slow down a bit and focus on what was important in my life.
“I haven’t told Tina,” I said. “About Dad. You know, his past.”
My mother’s face got serious. I’d never really talked to her much about it. I thought she figured as much, since I’d never really mentioned it to her. We just didn’t bring that up as a topic of conversation.
“Why not?” She asked.
“I’m afraid,” I said. “That is really all there is to it. I’m scared to death that she will judge me, judge you and dad…what if she just calls the whole thing off and tells me to get out of her life? I couldn’t handle that.”
My mother rose from her seat on the couch and poured herself a glass of wine from the decanter on the mini bar. Then she sat back down and stared at me for a moment. I wasn’t sure what else she expected me to say. I was at a loss. I couldn’t break my feelings down any farther than I already had.
“So, are you actually afraid of her telling you to leave, or are you more afraid that she might be ok with it and accept you as you are?”
I paused a moment and enjoyed the silence as her heavy words hung in the air. They echoed in my head like some kind of mantra.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “Why would I be afraid of her being ok with it? That doesn’t make sense, does it?”
“Sure, it does,” she said. Leaning a little bit closer and touching my hand warmly, my mother smiled as she explained a bit deeper what she meant. “You see, deep down inside, you are afraid of the future. And that terrifies you because you have never really been afraid of anything. But this is a permanent change. Things won’t be the same anymore. And this is the one thing that might threaten to destroy it all, to erase the chance of this change happening. That is why you’ve held onto it for so long.”
I thought about what she was saying, and it was like something else opened up inside of me. I realized there was a bit of truth to what my mother was telling me. I had never consciously thought anything like this before, but what if she was right? My mother was a smart woman, especially when it came to emotional intelligence. With that, I was more like my father. I often failed to read people—their thoughts, feelings, intentions, and how that related to me. I was typically too wrapped up in worrying about how I was coming across to think about it, or I was too focused on my next task. I’d always been addicted to order and routine, to structure. And that often came at the expense of the social world around me.
As a married man, that was something I’d have to work on. What would happen when we had kids? I was going to have to be there for them and my wife emotionally.
But what if…? What if I couldn’t do it?
My mother had touched on something I was going to have to give some deep thought to.
“I don’t know.” That was all I could think of to say. I could barely even talk about this with my own mother. What was wrong with me?
“You will,” she said. “You just need time to think about it. And trust me, if Tina really loves you, and you are able to open your heart to her about how you are feeling, then everything will be ok. She won’t leave your side. A goo
d woman wouldn’t. I have a feeling she is one of the good ones.”
I smiled. “I agree.”
As I drove home, I thought about what my mother said. She was right about so many things, but with this, I was still going to have to do some deep soul searching and find out where I stood with it all.
But as I pulled into my driveway, all I could think about was my father shaking hands with Joey. Despite what my mother said, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else there. Before I stepped out of my car, I decided I was going to have to find out what it was.
Chapter Eight
Tina
I let go of my suitcase and listened as it hit the floor with a giant thud. My hand felt like it might have been sprained and the shooting pains ratcheting up my forearm felt like the worst muscle spasm I’d ever had. The bellboy (who was useless since he insisted on only carrying the lightest bags due to his low back problem) stood there with a goofy grin on his face and his eyes blatantly plastered to my ass, even after I turned around and stood there looking right at him.
“Yes?” I asked, hoping to snap him out of it.
He blushed slightly and smiled as he held out his hand, rubbing his thumb and index finger together. A tip? Really?
I knew he didn’t deserve one, but I didn’t feel like making it awkward, so I pulled a twenty out of my pocket and handed it to him. The bellboy thanked me and walked out the room whistling some annoying tune, which he’d also whistled in the elevator on the way up.
A couple minutes later, Blake came in the room with the other bags. He had stopped in the lobby to do something and told me that he would meet me in the room. I didn’t mention how weird my exchange was with the whistler, because it would only start a weird fight. Blake could be very protective when it came to me. If someone so much as mildly insulted me or didn’t give me the right respect, I’d seen Blake scare them into an apology.
I didn’t think he ever would have hurt anyone over something so stupid, but Blake was very suspicious of people not being respectful, especially when it came to me.
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