“But did he really?” I asked. “I mean, I felt threatened. I was scared, but did he ever really say he was going to hurt me?”
“He implied it. From what you said, he did, and the words that came out of his mouth—yeah, I would say that he definitely intended to harm to you. That’s why you were scared. I’ve known you for a while. You are a tough chick. If you were scared, you had a damn good reason to be scared.”
I felt a bit better with what she was saying. I wanted to feel the same way, but I just didn’t. I would be better for a moment, and then I would all of a sudden experience a crushing wave of guilt that would just flatten me. I felt disgusting.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just keep wondering if there was something that I could have done, something that I could have said to him to help him. I tried to be his friend; maybe I sent him the wrong signals.”
Donna stared at me like I was on smoking crack. “Are you for real? Did you really just say that? You did not do anything to warrant the kind of treatment he gave you. The man was sick. That had nothing to do with you, and if you dug around in his past, I highly doubt you were the first woman he had accosted. Hell, for all we know he’s done way worse things to other women. You might have dodged something far greater, you never know.”
I nodded and walked to the fridge. I grabbed a cold soda and opened it but set it down without taking a sip. I felt helpless, like I wanted to do something, but there was nothing to do. There was no way for me to make this any better.
“You might be reaching, just a tad,” I said. “I’m not sure the guy was some serial murderer or something.”
“I’ve been watching those crime shows lately, and you have no idea how many creeps like that are walking around and doing crazy stuff. Sometimes, they go for years without getting caught or without anyone even knowing they are hurting people. They go from area to area where they can’t connect the dots of the same crimes, because different police jurisdictions just don’t communicate enough with each other.”
I laughed. “Wow, you are letting those shows warp your mind. You do this all the time. You’ve got to stop binge watching those. You can’t handle it.”
“We’ll see. They will find out who this guy was, and then you will see. By the way, how is Blake handling this? Does he have an opinion? I assume you told him after the last time, right?”
“Yeah, I told him, but I haven’t told him anything about this,” I said. “I haven’t spoken to him much today. He’s been pretty busy.”
“Everything still ok with you two?”
“Yeah…” I said. My mind was trailing off.
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Donna smirked. “Yeah, but the way you said ‘yeah…’ pretty much gave it away. What did he do? Don’t lie to me; you know you can’t.”
“Well, he’s started drinking again,” I said.
“Again? Like, he used to have a problem?” Donna asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know if it was a problem, but he used to drink a lot when we first started seeing each other. I didn’t like the way he acted, and I was getting worried, so he stopped. But recently he picked it up again. He came home wasted last night after his bachelor party.”
“Bachelor party? Well, give the man some slack. Who doesn’t get wasted during their bachelor party? You know you are getting shit faced during your bachelorette party.”
I gave her a sarcastic look. “Oh, no. What do you have planned?”
She gave me an evil grin and put her fingertips together. “You just never mind that now…”
“I’m serious. Do not go overboard. No strippers. No craziness. Just a few of our closest friends. Not a bunch of women I “kind of” know.”
“Would you relax? Ever since you got engaged, you’ve been running around like the biggest Nervous Nellie I’ve ever seen. What happened to super tough badass extraordinaire, Tina Daniels?”
I laughed. “Getting married is a lot of work. It’s exciting, but it is a lot of pressure.”
“I thought that Blake hired someone to do most of that for you?”
“No. He hired someone that I am working with to get some things ready. Apparently, this person likes to do everything by email, and I may or may not meet with them before a couple days until the wedding. So, that is stressing me out right there.”
“That would. You should tell them to piss off and do your own thing.”
“I wanted to, but Blake wants me to go crazy overboard with things and that is going to require a lot of work. I swear he wants an awesome wedding for me, more than I do.”
Donna laughed. “Well, I hope we can get your mind off this Norm business. Remember, it’s not your fault.”
“I know.”
I did, too. At least I was trying to.
When I left Donna’s, I felt much better, but I still wanted to get Blake’s take on things. But that would have to wait. Right now, I had a doctor’s appointment to get to. I’d been feeling a bit nauseous the past few weeks, mostly in the morning. I had a feeling of what might be the problem, but I had to be sure. I hadn’t told Donna, Blake, or even my own mother about it. I wanted to be one hundred percent certain before I said a word to anyone.
* * *
“Pregnant? Really? I’m pregnant?” I asked.
“Yep,” Dr. Ambrose said. He’d been my family’s doctor since I was eight years old. He knew everything about me and had squeezed me in for his last appointment of the day, on very short notice.
“Wow, how far along?” I asked.
“I’d say about six weeks.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“I’m very happy for you. And I hear you are getting married? That’s fantastic news also!”
“Right. I’m getting married most likely in the fall, but this may change things. I don’t know.”
“Well, congratulations to you both on everything. It sounds like you have a lot to celebrate.”
“We do,” I said. “Thanks so much, doctor.”
I wasn’t sure how Blake would react to finding out I was expecting. I was pretty sure he’d be happy. He’d always talked about how he wanted kids, and a big family. I really hoped we could have as many children as we wanted. I’d always had my sights set on three and he had his sights on six. I suggested once that we compromise at five. It seemed to be a good, round number. I didn’t care if they were all boys, all girls, or a mixture in between somewhere—as long as they were all happy and healthy.
I’d suspected that I was pregnant for the past few weeks. The other day, I’d finally broken down and bought a home pregnancy test. It had come back positive. I knew that there was some margin of error with those things, so I decided to go see my family doctor. With the tragic news of the day, I’d almost cancelled it. I certainly didn’t feel like going to the doctor, but I had to know.
And now I had to tell Blake. I figured it would be best to ease into it.
* * *
“Wow, that’s too bad,” Blake said when I told him about Norm’s death.
He was totally emotionless. I watched his face for several seconds afterwards, to see if there was anything there. But he was sitting on the couch, relaxing in front of the television, channel surfing.
“What?” He asked after a second.
“That’s all you have to say?”
“What else is there? I never met the guy. All I know of him is he was some psycho who tried to attack my fiancée.”
“He did not attack me,” I said.
“Really? What do you call it? If that other guy hadn’t been there, who knows what might have happened.”
I bit my tongue. There was no use arguing about it. I knew Blake had every right to be angry at Norm, but I thought he would have shown just a bit more humanity than this.
It was a little off putting. I didn’t really want to be around Blake at the moment. Sometimes he could be so…cold.
But I had to tell him the good news.
; “So, I went to the doctor today,” I said.
“What?” Blake was alarmed. “You ok?”
“Well, I’m… I’m pregnant,” I said.
Blake’s eyes went wide. He looked at me and then down at my stomach. His hands reached out and he rubbed my belly softly.
“Pregnant? For real? We are going to have a baby?” He asked.
I smiled. “Yes.”
“I can’t believe it!” Blake yelled as he pulled me close to him. “Ah, baby. This makes me so happy. I…wow… I just can’t—“
Blake was speechless. I was glad that he was happy. I was too. Our lives were moving forward, everything coming along at the perfect time, even if we weren’t always ready for it.
At least I had this happy bit of news to erase the tragedy of the day. It was almost poetic in an odd sense. One life gone, and another on the way. I hoped I would be a good mother. I would try to be the very best.
As we laid down to bed that night, I could barely close my eyes. I was so ecstatic at the idea of being a mother and of marrying Blake. I hadn’t even told my mother yet, but I definitely would first thing tomorrow, or maybe right after the school day. Both of my parents had longed for grandchildren, and I was happy to report to them that they would soon have some.
Lying there in the dark thinking about what kind of a mother I was going to be, I had to admit to myself that I was pretty scared. It was a whole new world I was going to be venturing off to. I was going to have this little, helpless human being who was going to need me for everything for the first several years. Was I up for that challenge? I knew that Blake was. He was born ready to be a father, I was sure of it. On our third date he mentioned how much he loved kids and wanted to be a dad.
And I knew that he would be a good one. No matter what happened, Blake and I were going to be so happy.
Our family would be a lucky one.
Chapter Seventeen
Blake
“Eight ball in the corner pocket.”
I lined up the stick behind the cue ball, adjusted the angle, and let it slide through my fingers to strike, low and to the left, giving the ball the right spin to hit the eight ball and send it into the side pocket while bouncing safely off the rail and coasting to the middle of the table. Game over. I won.
“Ha, nephew. You always had the eye for this game,” Uncle Louis said.
“I learned from the best,” I replied.
Louis smiled. “You remember that. I was always curious as to why you never really got into this game and tried to make a go of it. I’m telling you, those eyes of yours could see these angles like an eagle.”
“I know, but I just had other plans,” I said. “Besides, I think I make way more money in my chosen career.”
“I can’t argue with you there, and maybe I’m missing something, but I can’t see the rush in the type of job you do now. I don’t see how you aren’t just bored out of your stinking mind all the time.”
“I get the same sort of rush that you do from this game,” I said. “Speaking of… have you heard about my dad getting any rushes lately?”
Louis laughed. “You still don’t have the lingo right, kid. Nobody says it like that. But no, I still haven’t heard anything, and I’ve had my ear to the ground. I’m not sure you saw what you think you did.”
“You telling me that my eyes were deceiving me? I know I saw my old man with Joey. He admitted it. There is no getting around it.”
Louis sighed and sat his cue stick down. He grabbed the rack and started to rack the balls again. “Kid, you are as stubborn as your old man. I’m not saying you can’t trust your eyes. I’m saying that there is no reason to read into something until you have all the facts in front of you.”
I locked eyes with him. Louis was right. I’d inherited my father’s stubbornness. It was one of the things that helped me succeed in business. But I had also inherited my father’s suspiciousness. It was an odd combination.
“Ok,” I said. “You’re right; for right now I’ll just put it out of my mind. I have too many other things to think about.”
“Exactly, like that dynamite fiancée of yours,” Louis said.
“How do you know that?”
Louis paused for a moment, and then he shrugged. He stood up and grabbed his stick. The balls he’d racked were nice and tight, ready for a good break.
“Well, the way you talk about her. She has to be awesome,” he said.
I laughed. “Yeah, and I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
“Soon, right? But only after you get up the balls, to not be embarrassed by your family.”
His words hit me in the chest, like a sharp sword. I knew he was right. I’d said the same thing to myself repeatedly for weeks. But so far, nothing had changed. I was still in the same head space. I’d resigned myself to the fact that I would never feel comfortable with it.
“Right,” I said. “You’re right. That’s all I can say. I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
“You remind me of myself when I was your age,” Louis said with a nostalgic grin on his face.
“How so?” I asked.
“Well, there was a time when I was in love. And I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, Joanie Bower. She was the prettiest girl you ever laid eyes on. And she was tough, too. That woman had put me in my place, and never fell for a lick of my bullshit. It was perfect.”
“So, what happened?”
“Well, she and I got in a fight late one night at a party. I was drinking and being stupid, and I can’t even remember what the fight was about. It was probably my fault. Anyway, she stormed out and got a ride home with some friends. She never made it home. They were hit broadside by a pickup truck who missed a stop sign. All of them died. And just like that, the love of my life was gone.”
I gulped and closed my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. My uncle had never told me this story before. No one had. I guess my dad didn’t think it was his story to tell.
“The point I’m making,” Louis said. “You never know how much time you waste worrying about such silly things, until you run out of time unexpectedly. Nothing in this world is forever, including love. Because people are not forever. That woman you’ve got, she can be gone in an instant through some cosmic coincidence, some tragedy. So could you, or me. Hell… anybody. So, if you have a woman like that then you don’t hold back anything from her. You put all of yourself out there.”
I strode to the table, pulled the cue stick back, and broke the balls, mostly to hide the tears that threatened to stream down my face. The story Louis had told me really broke my heart. It was horrible. I couldn’t ever think of something that tragic happening to Tina, or me for that matter.
After the pool balls settled (I was too distraught to even know which ones had sank), I looked up at Louis. “Tina’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father.”
Louis smiled widely and slapped me on the back. “Congratulations, dad. Now, it looks like you have another reason to put silly crap where it belongs in your life and focus on what matters.”
He was right. I had to tell Tina, no matter what. I owed it to her, and I owed it to our baby.
My child needed to know exactly who its father was.
Chapter Eighteen
Tina
Blake was passed out on the couch. A bottle of vodka was on the coffee table, mostly empty. He’d gone to hang out at his uncle’s house last night and he’d gotten home late, after I had already gone to bed. I’d never met Blake’s uncle, even though he talked so highly of him and he hung out at his house quite often. I’d suggested taking me along a time or two, but he always had an excuse. “My uncle’s going through a tough time… his girlfriend just left him… he just lost his job… it’s just a night of male bonding; you would be bored…”
It was becoming clearer that Blake had something about his family he was trying to hide from me. Now with the wedding date looming closer and closer, and the fact we had a child now on t
he way, I was getting pushed to my breaking point on this nonsense. I needed to know who the father of my child really was, and that started with finding out all I could about his family.
“Blake?” I asked reaching down and shaking him gently. He didn’t respond and I shook him harder.
After a minute of this he finally started to stir. It was a little bit after six in the morning, and Blake was usually up well before that.
“Hey, baby,” Blake grumbled.
“Hey, it’s late,” I said. “You ok?”
“Yeah,” Blake mumbled as he put his feet on the floor. He yawned and his breath smelled of booze.
“So, you tied one on again last night?” I asked. I was trying to keep the sarcasm and the accusatory tone out of my voice, but it was hard. I was getting furious at finding him this way.
“Yeah, I guess. Louis had something he was working through and we had a few drinks to relax.”
“And this continued here at home? You didn’t drive, did you?”
“Of course not,” Blake said. “I called a driving service. I have them on retainer.”
I was a bit shocked. I had no idea he did that, but I didn’t feel like getting into it with him.
“You need to stop this,” I said. “It’s getting out of control again.”
Blake laughed. “Babe, I’m fine. I don’t have a problem. It’s just a lot of things happening at once that tend to involve alcohol.”
“Sitting by yourself late at night with a bottle of vodka does not fall under that type of heading.”
Blake stared at me, his logic hitting home. But he was still in denial. “Baby, I’m ok. Don’t worry. Here.”
He got up and grabbed the bottle of vodka. Then he poured it down the drain.
His Secrets Page 18