by Cate Ashwood
That afternoon had been amazing. He hadn’t had that much fun in forever. Not since before Matt moved away. He realized it had been that long since he had had a real friend. He supposed it was a little early to be considering Bran his friend, but given how comfortable he felt with the man, despite the very uncomfortable nature of the errands they were running, he thought that if Bran would be willing, they could definitely build some sort of a relationship.
Evan didn’t want to define what kind of relationship. He didn’t want to be the naïve little boy mooning over his co-star, but it was only natural to feel that way about the person you were going to indulge in such intimate acts with, right? He was sure everyone felt that way a little bit. As long as his crush wasn’t obvious to everyone.
Evan wondered if the feelings would last past the month, or if the odd sense of connection would fade once he was there. Would he feel the same way about all the guys he would be working with? Somehow he doubted it, and if not, then that made Bran special, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
It may have been that he was delirious from hunger, but when Bran had come to his door, he’d felt a heavy longing to feel Bran’s broad hands roaming the planes of his body again. It had felt so good to be touched by someone else, and since that day, he had craved it more than he had craved food, which was saying a lot because if he never saw another package of instant noodles, it would be too soon.
Evan lifted himself off the bed and walked across his tiny room to sit at the window. It had been raining for days, the drizzle coating everything and making the air heavy and cool.
The sky was painted a translucent indigo as the moon began to rise above the low clouds. He was nervous about the shooting that was supposed to start on Sunday, although his scenes wouldn’t begin until Monday if Bran remembered his promise. The nervousness ebbed as he remembered how Bran had taken care of him at the interview and the easy way they had been together while shopping. Of course there had been some shocking moments, like the first time Evan had seen the prostate massager.
He had commented to Bran that it looked more like a magic wand than a sex toy, to which Bran had replied, “Oh, it’s definitely magic. You just wait.”
Evan wasn’t sure how to take that, but in the short time he had known Bran, he had become comfortable with the other man. The fact that Bran had confided in him with his real name spoke to a mutual sharing of trust. Evan knew Bran would never intentionally hurt him and would never push him into anything he wasn’t ready for.
After a lifetime of being on edge, of constantly being alert for signs of danger even in his own home, a lifetime of people trying to use and abuse him, it was a peculiar feeling to spend time with someone who didn’t seem to want more than his company. The fact that someone genuinely seemed to like him was not a feeling Evan was used to.
Evan walked back across the room, dropped to his knees, and bent down to see under the bed. All his belongings were packed, ready to go. He had already checked and double-checked the room to make sure he wasn’t leaving anything, but it wouldn’t hurt to look one last time.
Feeling confident that everything was ready for the trip out in the morning, Evan slumped into the bed, exhausted from the nervous anticipation that had flowed through him for the past week.
He couldn’t tamp down the excitement over tomorrow, but he had hit that point at which the body just can’t keep up any longer. The last ounce of energy Evan possessed was used to triple check that his alarm was set properly. Nothing could go wrong now.
AROUND noon the next day, Evan took the bus over to Les’s place. When he arrived, there were three guys milling around the lawn, loading equipment into a van that took up most of the driveway. It was the first time Evan had set eyes on any of the other men he would be spending the next few weeks with. It wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be.
As he walked up the driveway, a car pulled up to the curb and a blond guy climbed out. He looked pretty young, but friendly.
“You one of the Newport boys?” he asked Evan with a relaxed drawl.
Evan nodded and held out his hand in greeting. “Yep, I’m E—” he started to introduce himself before remembering the name Bran and Les had given him during his casting. “Jackson. I’m Jackson. Nice to meet you.”
“Colt,” the other man said, grasping Evan’s hand in a firm shake. Evan assumed Colt was his pseudonym, but it suited the man. He was a bit taller than Evan, with an open friendly face. “Likewise.”
Les appeared from the opened front door and walked down the steps toward Evan and Colt. “I see you two have met. We’re almost done with gathering up the equipment. There’s been a change of plans, and as soon as Noah gets here I’ll fill you all in on the details.”
Quick introductions were made between Evan, Colt, and the two cameramen: Jake and Ian. Younger than Les, but older than the other guys, the cameramen seemed open and friendly.
A few minutes later, a small Toyota pickup pulled into the driveway. Bran emerged from the driver’s side looking confident and relaxed in a pair of dark-gray shorts and a blue T-shirt. His eyes were shielded behind a pair of aviator sunglasses, but his smile was broad and welcoming.
“Hey, kid,” Bran said, pulling his sunglasses off and giving Evan a little wink meant only for him. It did nothing to slow Evan’s racing heart or quell the rise of heat that flooded his face.
“Noah, you’re here just in time,” Les bellowed. “Jackson and Colt just got here and now that everyone’s arrived you can get this show on the road. The others should be waiting for you at the house when you get there. You’re going to be on your own for this project though, sugar. Wish I could be there, but I just got a call a few minutes ago. My daughter’s in labor and I’m headed out to Colorado to be with her. I’ll have my cell with me, so keep me updated on all the goings-on.”
Despite his words of regret for not being able to go to Newport, Les was positively beaming. He was clearly about to be the proudest grandpa on earth.
Bran’s air of self-assuredness seemed to slip momentarily. It only took a moment for him to have it firmly back in place though, and he was pulling Les into a hug.
“Congratulations, old man!”
Les chuckled heartily. “Thanks. I’m pretty excited. I should get going, though. I wanted to wait until everyone was here, but I should get a move on if I want to be there in time for the first cry.”
“You bet. Don’t worry about a thing; we’ll be fine. Make sure you send along some photos once you’ve got ’em.”
“Will do!” And with that Les fled back into the house to get ready to go.
Bran turned to Colt. “You got your own ride out?”
“Yeah, got it covered. I’ll be headin’ out to Cali after the shoot, so I thought it best to bring my own transportation.”
“Great. Jackson, you get a choice then, you can ride with Colt, the crew, or me.”
Evan tried not to blush. Of course he wanted to go with Bran. “Uh, I’ll come with you if that’s okay.”
“You got it. Let’s get a move on. It’s a bit of a drive and I wanna get there before sundown, so we should hit the road.”
Evan climbed into the truck. Bran slid in behind the wheel, settling his big body next to him. Evan could smell his cologne, could feel the heat emanating from his body, seeping through the thin material of the T-shirt Bran had picked out for him a few days earlier. It felt close and intimate. He imagined being able to feel Bran’s pulse, thrumming against his skin, connecting him, grounding him, keeping him safe and protected.
He knew he was being ridiculous. It was obvious Bran liked him, but at most as a little brother. The way he called him kid confirmed that was all there was to it. Bran steered the truck away from the curb, and Evan could hear the heavy thump of Jake and Ian’s music in the van in front of them. The cameramen seemed excited to be on the road, traveling out of town for almost a full month of fun at the beach. Evan felt the bubbles of excitement stir in his belly too. This
was his first trip. His first time at the beach. He thought he might be looking forward to seeing the ocean more than anything else.
They travelled west, following closely behind the crew in the van.
“So I know you just moved to Portland. Where were you living before that?” Bran asked.
“Uh, I grew up in Fairfax, pretty close to the Idaho border. Small town, one high school.”
“Sad to leave?”
Evan snorted derisively. “Not even a little bit.”
“Not a fan of Fairfax?”
“The town itself wasn’t so bad, I guess. Good a place as any to grow up. Everyone knew everyone else, which is good on the one hand, but makes it difficult in other ways.”
“Because you were gay, you mean?”
“No. No one knew. I wasn’t even totally sure until that afternoon with you. I kept pretty much to myself, but in a town as small as that, the rumor mill is the only industry that thrives despite the recession. Couldn’t take a shit in my own bathroom without some nosy Nancy six blocks away knowing about it. I did my best to go unnoticed, but even as unnoticeable as I am, it wasn’t always possible to fly under the radar.”
“I’d say you’d be tough not to notice,” Bran remarked with one eyebrow quirked.
“Ha,” Evan scoffed. “I am the embodiment of mediocrity. Average height, or just below it anyway, average looks, average intelligence, average, average, average.”
“How can you possibly believe that? I’ve only known you for a few days and it’s already evident to me that you are one of the smartest people I know.”
Evan chuckled playfully. “I don’t know what kind of statement that makes about the company you keep.”
Bran shook his head. “I’m serious. Microbiology and ecology? That alone proves my point.”
“It proves I’m willing to work hard, not that I am smart. I knew enough to understand that an education was my ticket out of Fairfax. Scholarships would be even better. I spent more time than I care to admit holed up in the library writing pages upon pages of notes. It was the only way I could guarantee my escape.”
“That bad, huh?”
Evan shrugged. The conversation was taking a road Evan didn’t particularly want to travel. “Sometimes. Doesn’t matter now, though—that part of me is dead. Time to start new, fresh.” He changed the subject. “How about you? Is this what you always wanted to do?”
Bran laughed. “Well, I didn’t exactly sit around the playground in third grade telling all the other kids how excited I was to fuck professionally one day.”
Evan smiled as his face heated. “No, I suppose not. What did you want to be in third grade?”
“A fireman. But what eight-year-old boy doesn’t want to? I guess I just wanted to be somebody’s hero.”
“Do your parents know what you do?”
“Maybe. Haven’t told them. Haven’t told them anything in a few years actually. Once they found out about my… preferences… I was given money for a bus ticket and two hours to pack my things and remove myself from my father’s house.”
Evan nodded in understanding. He didn’t know what would have happened if Phil had ever found out he was gay. There were a lot of “fucking fag” and “goddamn faggot” comments that flew around their house, but Evan thought that with absolute proof, Phil may have actually taken the opportunity to use his fists.
“Religious?” Evan asked.
“Worse. Politicians. Dad was a city councilman for a while, but was ultimately gunning for mayor and after that, the sky was the limit. How would it look for the mayor to have a son who likes to suck cock?”
Evan blushed at the way the graphic profanity fell easily out of Bran’s mouth. He would have to get used to it, and fast.
“How old were you when they kicked you out?”
“Fifteen. Blessing in disguise as people say. Didn’t lead a charmed life or anything, but I have to believe that living anywhere else was better for me than staying in that place. Overall, had a pretty good life. Tree forts and playing guns with the neighbors. Normal. Up until my parents found out that Jason Kellerman wasn’t my study buddy, they were decent parents.”
“So then what happened?”
Bran visibly flinched, his hands gripping the steering wheel just a bit more firmly.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Really. Just tell me to shut up whenever,” Evan added.
“No, it’s okay. Just not something I think about a lot. Not the brightest spot in my history. I took the bus ticket and hopped on, heading for the farthest city I could with what I had. Found myself in Portland hours later with a suitcase of clothes and fifty bucks. I met a guy at the bus station in Portland who said he could help me.”
Evan cringed. He didn’t like where the story was going. He knew there were people who had been through much more horrific things than an angry stepfather, but he hated to think that the man sitting next to him was one of them. Bran looked over at him, his eyes softening as he gave Evan a little smile.
“I was actually really lucky. The guy was nice. He gave me a place to sleep and helped me find a job. I started working the graveyard shift at a gas station. I worked there for almost two years before I met Damon. My ex. He’s the one that got me into porn. Said we’d make a fortune and hooked me up with a studio in Portland that was… let’s just say shady. I was only seventeen and the producer was a dirtbag. Eventually, Les found me and got me out of there. Helped shut down the studio that was abusing their boys. So as much bad luck as I’ve had in my life, the good luck has been there too.”
Bran changed the subject. “You close to your mom and dad?”
Evan tensed. This was the exact territory he had been hoping to avoid, but given what Bran had just told him, he felt compelled to share his story too. “No. Don’t know my dad, and Mom died a few years ago.”
“I’m sorry, Ev.”
He shrugged absentmindedly. “It is what it is. I’ve accepted it and I try not to let it affect me too much. I never really missed my dad, never knew him in the first place. It’s hard to feel a loss over something you don’t know you’re missing. My mom’s death was sudden, and I still grieve for her sometimes, but I had been taking care of myself long before it happened. One day she was there and the next she wasn’t, but my life didn’t change much after.”
Bran’s gaze landed on Evan. His eyes were full of emotion, maybe a mixture of pity and pride.
Chapter 8
THE mood in the car was much more somber than Bran would have liked. He was curious to know about Evan, but the more he dug, the sadder Bran became. He could feel his own thick walls begin to fracture and crack at the seams. It would be difficult to keep Evan at a distance, to stay detached. It wasn’t fair that someone as good and decent as Evan had had to deal with tragedy and pain so early on.
He changed the subject, steering the topics toward something more innocuous. The next couple of hours passed quickly, the air filled with conversation about favorite movies, music, and foods, until the landscape began to change.
The farmland that rolled past was becoming lusher, greener. Soft sloped hills decorated the landscape with quaint run-down barns and houses at their crests. Less than an hour from the ocean and it was as if they had crossed into another country entirely.
The forest closed around them as they neared the coast. The trees dripped with moss that reached almost to the ferns that carpeted the soil. Bran looked over at Evan. He hadn’t said much in the last little while, face glued to the passenger window, taking everything in.
“We’re almost there. ’Bout half an hour till we see ocean.”
Bran clicked the button to roll the windows down. Evan breathed in deep, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the seat when the air, heavy with salt, thrashed through the cabin of the truck.
“God, I love that smell,” breathed Bran.
“It’s amazing. I can’t wait to see the real thing. I’ve waited a long time for this. I f
eel like a little kid at the gates of Disneyland, or so I assume….”
Bran laughed. “Yeah, seems about right. Been to Disneyland twice, but there’s nothing quite like the beach. You’ve never seen the ocean?”
“Nope. I’m pretty much a virgin when it comes to everything I guess.”
“We’re making pretty good time. You wanna stop and have a closer look before we head—”
“Yes!”
They drove forward, Evan practically vibrating with excitement in the seat next to Bran. The water became visible and Bran navigated the truck into the first pullout he could find.
He steered the truck off the highway and parked in a lot swept with sand. Before he could get the truck out of gear, Evan had thrown his door open and taken off running down the path toward the water.
Bran hurried after him, the path widening into an open space of sand and sea. He tried to catch up, but running was difficult as his feet sunk into the dry sand.
“Evan! Wait,” he yelled, but his voice was swallowed up by the roar of the turbulent waves. It was summer, but evening was creeping in, and the water would be freezing.
He could see Evan, running full out ahead of him, mindless of the warnings lost on the wind. Evan tore across the sand tugging at his socks and shoes as he went, littering the sand with them, and Bran thought he might just dive right into the salty water, but at the last moment he stopped short. He planted himself in the wet sand and gazed out at the horizon.
He just stood there, staring, taking it all in for the longest time. His feet sank deeper with each ebb and flow of the mild waves. Bran thought his toes must be arctic-level cold by now, but he still hadn’t turned around. He was obviously hesitant to leave, but Bran had been hoping to make it to the house before the sun set completely. Many of the properties along the coast were tucked away along the cliffs and finding the address in the dark might be a bit tricky.