by Cate Ashwood
He took a cleansing breath, willing his nerves to calm so he could get through the next hour without passing out.
“Everyone ready?” Ryan called out.
There was a collective murmur from the crew. Evan just nodded. He didn’t trust his voice not to shake as badly as his hands were.
“Alright then, action!”
Ryan moved slowly toward Evan, running his hands down his arms as he closed the space between them. He leaned in to kiss him, but Evan moved his head at the last second, causing Ryan to kiss along his jawbone and down his neck instead.
Evan took a deep breath in, hoping it would translate to arousal on camera rather than an attempt not to throw up as Ryan’s hands wandered over Evan’s body.
He was like a deer in headlights. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. He stared at Colt, eyes pleading. Please, please do something. He saw him turn and quietly leave the room.
No! No, don’t leave. Please, help me. I can’t do this. I can’t. Please…. But Colt was gone and Evan was mute.
He willed himself to move, to touch Ryan, to respond in any way that wouldn’t be construed as fear, but his body was no longer under his control. Evan stood there, tremors wracking his body as Ryan pulled his shirt over his head. He kissed down his body, Evan’s stomach muscles jumping with each brush of Ryan’s mouth against his skin. It was wrong. So wrong. He didn’t want to be touched like this. He wanted to say no, but he couldn’t. He was frozen, couldn’t speak.
Ryan had dropped to his knees now and was unbuckling Evan’s belt, nimble fingers working quickly. Much, much too quickly. Evan’s mind was screaming but he was paralyzed in place. His vision blurry, he was completely immobile and powerless to stop what was happening to him.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to imagine it was Bran in front of him rather than Ryan, but the touch was wrong. It wasn’t the same, couldn’t be the same. Bran made him feel special, wanted. With Ryan it felt like a betrayal.
Suddenly, Ryan’s mouth on his stomach was gone and he was being propelled back. The air whooshed out of his lungs as he was pushed hard against the wall behind him. He was pinned there, chest to chest, hip to hip, and thigh to thigh as his mouth was taken in a brutal kiss. With his eyes still squeezed shut his body finally reacted. He stiffened, tried to push away until his mind processed the familiarity of the abrasion of stubble against his cheek. He knew that smell, that touch, the taste of the man that held him securely behind a wall of muscle. Bran.
Evan snapped. Suddenly everything he had been holding back was rushing forward in a torrent of need and want. He clung to Bran, trying to get as close as he could. He would have climbed inside him if it were possible. Blood surged through him, filling his cock to painful hardness.
Bran kissed him with everything he had. Evan opened for him, thrusting his tongue into Bran’s mouth, pulling a moan from the larger man as he sucked his bottom lip in and teased it with gentle teeth. He ran his hands through his hair, along his shoulders, down his back and up again, assuring himself he wasn’t imagining this, that Bran really was here, arms around him, making him crazy with desire.
Bran was just as desperate for him, mouth exploring every inch of exposed flesh. He moved, angling his body so one knee was wedged between Evan’s parted legs. Bran thrust forward, making Evan whimper helplessly at the friction that was so fucking good, but just not enough. He needed to be closer, wanted Bran to possess him, claim him, make him forget Ryan, make him forget his own name.
“Bran….” he gasped as they parted out of necessity of breath alone. “Bran… I need… I need… please….”
Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Evan was aware that the room was filled with people, that they were being watched and likely being filmed as well, but he couldn’t care. All he could focus on was Bran, and the way Bran was massaging and caressing him.
He tore at Bran’s clothing with his fingertips, needing naked skin to rub against more than oxygen. He would do anything to get the relief he so desperately needed, and begging was nowhere close to being beneath him.
“Please… Bran… Now. I need you now. Please. Wanna feel you….”
Bran pulled away, the loss of Bran’s touch like Evan’s soul being ripped from his body, but the loss was temporary. Bran shucked his clothing and Evan’s until they both stood stripped and vulnerable before one another. The instant was fleeting before Evan was enfolded in Bran once again. Bran kissed him, a hard bruising kiss, and Evan gave as good as he got. Bran groaned against his mouth, swallowing his needy cries.
The most overwhelmingly reassuring feeling Evan had ever experienced was the naked desperation they showed for one another. Nothing else mattered to Evan but the slide of slick flesh against feverishly hot skin, the delicious friction that pacified and provoked in the same instant.
Bran kissed his hair, breathing words against his ear. He dug his fingers into Evan’s ass as they rocked against one another. “I’m sorry, Evan, so sorry….”
Evan tried to focus his lust-addled brain to figure out what Bran could possibly have to be sorry for. Everything was foggy and unclear. He couldn’t understand anything but his need for Bran. Nothing else mattered.
“No, Bran, no.”
“I couldn’t… just couldn’t let him have you. Couldn’t stand it. I’m sorry.”
“No… don’t want him. Only you. Only ever you. Want you, Bran. Want to be yours….”
“Want you too, Ev, so fucking much.”
Bran fell to his knees and swallowed Evan to the hilt, running his tongue along the sensitive length. Evan cried out, head falling back against the wall at the sensation. Bran devoured him, groaning around him as he took him in deeper and deeper with each pass. Evan was too close already.
“Bran… gotta stop… too close… I’m gonna—I’m gonna—”
He was too far gone to hear, or enjoying it too much to care. Bran held Evan’s hips firmly to the wall, taking control and redoubling his efforts. He hollowed his cheeks with suction, pulling tighter on Evan’s cock. Evan was so close, muscles trembling to hold on just a little bit longer, to draw this out a little bit more. He didn’t want it to end. Didn’t want it to be over too soon, but he couldn’t hold on.
Bran took him all the way in, swallowing around him. Evan was gasping for breath; the world grew foggy and dim as his orgasm erupted hot and bright down Bran’s throat. He slumped forward into a heap, supported by the corded strength of Bran’s arms that gathered him up and kept him safe.
He kissed him again, and Evan tasted himself on Bran’s tongue. He had come, and it wasn’t enough, wouldn’t be enough until he was taken, claimed. Evan kissed him harder, more hungrily. Snaking his hand down between them, he wrapped his fingers tightly around Bran’s cock and stroked firmly up and down. He loved the way Bran gasped against his mouth, forgetting to kiss back when Evan touched him.
“Need you, Bran. Please. Wanna feel you inside me….”
Evan stroked harder, running his thumb across the tip to catch the drop that had collected there. He massaged it around the sensitive head, making it slick.
Bran walked them to the couch, laying Evan down against the dark cushions. He reached above him to the table to grab a condom and lube. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion; the agony of having to wait to feel him thrust inside was making Evan crazy. He was hard again, or still, he wasn’t quite sure which, and his hips were pitching up against nothing, trying to find some relief.
It was taking far too long for Bran to sheath himself in the thin latex. Evan thought he may pass out with the anticipation. “Please hurry… can’t wait….”
“Need to get you ready, Sweets. Don’t wanna hurt you.”
“I’m ready, Bran. I did it before… just in case… you know… just please, now. I need you inside me now.”
Bran’s already dark eyes went midnight as the realization of why Evan had prepared himself broke over him. He growled above him, tilting his hips and burying himself
balls deep in one swift movement. They both cried out at the sudden invasion, and Bran stilled, giving Evan time to get accustomed to his size. Evan could feel his heartbeat and Bran’s in the place where they were joined, both beating out a steady thrum of want.
Evan fought for the breath that had been pushed from his lungs. He was so full, so wonderfully full. Nothing in the world felt better than this. He hooked his hand behind Bran’s head, pulling him down into a kiss, needing the intimate contact. He nipped at Bran’s lips. He was impatient; he needed Bran to move.
And then Bran did. He started a brutal pace, fingertips bruising as he held Evan down, fucking him into the sofa, claiming him, owning him. Evan knew he would feel this in the morning. Hell, he would feel this for a week, but he loved it. He loved knowing that he would have a memento of Bran like this.
Bran’s eyes were wild and dark with hunger. He moved, kissing at the sensitive skin along the curve of Evan’s shoulder. He pressed his mouth there, sucking hard, marking him, and still fucked him harder, faster, and with more intensity than ever.
Evan’s orgasm built deep inside him, bubbling up from the base of his spine. He was so close, and knew Bran was too. The steady rhythm that had been building had faltered. He was going to explode again. All he needed was a little push, and then Bran spoke, just one word that pushed him over into oblivion.
“Mine.”
Evan let out a strangled gasp as he erupted, hot and sticky between them, come smearing as Bran thrust into him once, twice more before he stiffened above, then pumped his release into him.
They collapsed into one another, breaths ragged and reciprocal. They lay there for a moment, coming back to themselves and back to the real world. Evan lowered his head into the hollow of Bran’s shoulder, awareness breaking over him that they were not alone. He wanted to stave off the inevitable for a few minutes more.
Reality pressed down upon them though, and as Evan looked around, he knew that stunned was the common feeling among the men in the room. No one seemed to have moved since Bran had entered the room. They were all standing there, staring in silence at what had unfolded before them.
“Holy shit,” said Ryan, effectively breaking what was left of the spell.
Bran pulled out as gently as he could, cringing when Evan winced at the tenderness. He angled his body next to Evan, shielding him from the rest of the crew. He pulled Evan’s head against his chest and pressed a gentle kiss against the damp hair plastered to his temple. “Uh, could you guys give us a few minutes?”
He continued to hold Evan close until the room had emptied.
They kissed a little more, lazy kisses. They were still coming down. Despite being naked, sweat cooling his skin, Evan felt warm and content. If living out the rest of his days, just like this, were a possibility, he would have gladly jumped at the chance, but like all good things, it came to an end far too soon for his liking.
“I should probably go talk to the guys,” Bran murmured.
“Mmm-hmm,” Evan replied sleepily.
Bran rose, retrieving their clothes from across the room. He handed Evan’s shorts to him. “Go crawl into my bed. Sleep a while. I’ll be up in a bit. We should probably talk.”
Evan’s stomach knotted. He tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Was this the beginning of the end already? Had Bran guessed how completely gone on him Evan was? He didn’t know if he could handle hearing Bran warn him off, but the postsex lethargy was beginning to sink in, and the pull of wrapping himself in sheets that smelled like Bran for a few hours was much too attractive to resist.
He made his way up the stairs, then stripped back down before falling into the softness of the clean white bedding. He swaddled himself in and fell asleep.
Chapter 18
BRAN waited for Evan to leave the room before he collapsed onto the sofa, raking his hands down his face. What the fuck had he just done? He had fucked everything up and now he was going to have to deal with the aftermath. He couldn’t decide if the day was one of the worst or the best of his life. He had never been so weak as to give into his emotions like that before. The carefully bolstered wall of detachment Bran had been building his whole life was crumbling around him and he was powerless to pick up the pieces.
Once the events had been set in motion, he had been helpless for any other outcome. When he had seen Evan, how frightened and defenseless he had been, the cobweb-thin veil of control had snapped and he hadn’t been conscious of anything past getting as deeply inside Evan as he could. He hated himself for taking advantage of the kid in such a vulnerable state, but his body had just taken over. Somehow, in his backward brain, fucking him nearly to pieces was about the only way to make sure he was alright, the only way to show him how deeply he wanted to protect him, to keep him from being scared ever again. A large part of it was a desire to show everyone else who Evan belonged to. Evan belonged to him, but he had no right to make that sort of claim on him.
God, the worry and anger that had stirred in him when Colt had run into the room, out of breath from taking the stairs two at a time, had been overwhelming.
“Something’s wrong… Evan…” was all he had time to pant out before Bran had rushed past him and down to the living room. The look in Evan’s eyes had slain him. The caveman in him had burst free. The last coherent thought he had was to get him away from Ryan, to shield and protect him. He wanted to drag him back to his cave and never let anyone else near him again.
It took every ounce of control he had left to limit his actions to pulling Ryan away and not strangling the life out of the blond man. He had hurt his beautiful boy. Evan had been terrified, body trembling, eyes wide like a little animal caught in a trap. Bran had acted on pure instinct then, rage at Ryan, and desire for Evan.
His head was still muddled from the anger and the blissed-out feelings that sex with Evan churned in him. He took a few deep, cleansing breaths before venturing toward the kitchen where he knew the boys would be gathered.
He wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he walked in, but Ryan throwing his arm around his shoulders and congratulating him hadn’t been it.
“I’ve never seen anything so goddamn beautiful in all my life,” Ryan marveled.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he grumbled. He was still pissed off at Ryan for touching what should have been Bran’s all along.
“You and Jacks. Or Evan, should I say. It’s obvious you love the kid.”
Well, so much for anonymity. Between their first time together and the little display they had just put on, everyone in the house was likely to know their real names, and for the life of him, Bran couldn’t find it in himself to care. Somehow the persona, the brand that he had been building with Les for the past decade, didn’t seem all that important any longer.
Nothing seemed to matter much, other than making sure Evan was safe and happy. He knew that likely meant that after the shoot was finished, he wouldn’t be in the picture any longer. This life was soul-breaking and his had been broken for a long time. There was nothing he could give Evan. He had nothing to offer.
He looked up as Colt cleared his throat. “Uh, can you guys give us just a minute?”
He didn’t wait for an answer before he grabbed Bran by the wrist and led him into the dimly lit den.
“Do you?” he demanded.
Bran looked at him, confused. “Do I what?”
“Love Evan,” he said plainly.
Bran took a deep breath in, preparing himself to lie, but when he opened his mouth, all that came out was a feebly whispered “yes.”
“Good. Don’t you dare fuck this up.”
Bran stared at him. Yesterday he was warning him from getting involved with Evan and now he thought they should give it a shot?
“What? Not what you were expectin’ me to say?”
Bran shook his head but kept quiet.
“Look, when we talked yesterday, I suppose I hadn’t seen the whole picture. I saw things from Evan’s side, but today w
as pretty eye openin’ for me in a lot ’a ways. Don’t get me wrong, you need to talk to one another. You can’t go into this thing eyes closed and hope for the best. It’s gonna get real messy real fast if you do, but you love the boy, and he obviously loves you too. Rest ’a the equation’s pretty simple to figure out.”
Bran felt like he had been hit in the head with the broad side of a barn. There was an uneasiness that stirred in the pit of his belly. He knew he loved Evan. No question about that at all. The question was whether or not to tell him. If he told the kid and Evan felt the same, he might have his chance at happiness with him. Could he be that selfish, though?
Bran cycled through multiple lines of reasoning in his head. Evan had so much of his life still ahead of him, and a relationship with Bran wasn’t going to get him anything but trouble. Life would be difficult enough for him as a gay man. Adding his relationship with a well-known porn star to the equation equaled a great deal of unnecessary stress. And speaking of his job, Bran still hadn’t made any decisions about what his next move was career-wise. If he chose to keep doing porn, Evan would be entrenched in that lifestyle, and Bran couldn’t let him do that. He knew what a life in front of the camera had done to him, and he didn’t want the same for Evan.
He still hadn’t come to any conclusions about what he was going to say to the kid, but he knew they needed to talk. He glanced at the clock and wondered if Evan would be asleep already. Quarter after nine. Shit. With everything that had happened, he had completely forgotten he was supposed to have started filming his scene with Colt fifteen minutes earlier.
“Colt, about tonight… I can’t—”
“Just go. I’ll work it out with Ryan.”