by Tia Lewis
I parked my car at the end of the driveway and took a deep breath. He still wants me, he still loves me, this will all be okay, I kept repeating to myself over and over. The minute I set my foot down on the hard cement, I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I opened the door to my backseat and grabbed the bag full of tapes. I grasped them tightly in both hands as I started to walk up the steps toward John's front door. I eyed each window carefully, wanting to know if he had already seen that I was there.
I noticed there was only one light on upstairs. I suddenly became afraid that he might have company with him. If there was already a woman inside of his house, I might have an ugly, embarrassing breakdown. I wouldn't even be able to be mad at him for having another woman over, I was just on a date right before coming over to his house anyway. I tried to shake away my fears.
I remembered one of the first things John said to me when we started talking online. "You're supposed to do all of the things you're afraid of, right?" Even if this conversation was about to be the most painful and uncomfortable conversation I would ever have, it would still be worth it. I had to let John know how I feel and that I couldn't bear to be apart from him any longer. Even if he does not feel the same way, I can at least sleep knowing that I was honest about how I felt; that I didn't let fear get in the way of love.
I knocked on the door hard three times in a row. I held my breath, listening for any rustling from inside the house. I didn't hear a peep. I waited for sixty seconds, switching my weight from foot to foot. I looked down at the bag in my hand then back out to the driveway. I saw his favorite car parked in the driveway, he had to be home. I knocked on the door three times in a row once again. This time, I heard someone walking through the house.
The intercom to the right of the doorbell beeped so loud that I almost dropped the plastic bag in my hands. A red light started to glow as I heard John's deep voice.
"State your name," he said unamused. It sounded like he had just woken up.
"Umm," I let out a small sound, trying to gain my confidence. "It's Anna."
"Anna?" He said softly.
I took a step toward the intercom. "Yes, it's Anna."
"You shouldn't be here, Anna."
"I really need to talk to you. It won't take long, can I come in?" I kept watching the glowing red light. As long as that red light was on, I knew I still had a chance.
"I don't think that's a good idea," he said sternly. I felt my heart drop. Did he not want to see me? I figured if he had gone through the trouble of punching Lucas that he still cared. Maybe he really did have someone else inside with him. I could feel as the pain started to twist my stomach into a knot, but for some reason, I couldn't move my feet. I couldn't walk away.
"Please, please let me talk to you," I whispered into the intercom. As I kept my eyes fixed on the red light, I saw it turn off. I waited for a second for it to turn back on. Was that it? Had John made up his mind once and for all?
I turned around to look out into John's yard. I stared at a palm tree by his driveway, feeling my eyes starting to fill up with tears. I blinked once, sending two tears streaming down my face. I guess that really was it. John and I were over. He didn't even want to come to the door to talk to me for a few minutes. How could he care so little?
I heard the door swing open behind me. I turned around, seeing John standing there in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. His hair was brushed back, but he had a sad expression on his face. John left the front door open as he took three steps toward me. I kept my hands on the plastic bag as I stared into his dark eyes, feeling the emptiness inside of them. He reached one hand up and brushed the tears off of my cheeks one by one.
"Anna," he whispered, "what are you doing here? Why are you crying?"
"I…" I heard my voice crack. I felt more tears pouring down my cheeks, I looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see my face contort. "Can I come in for a second?"
"Yeah, come in," John said, he put his hand around my waist and led me inside, closing the front door behind him.
I walked into his living room and set the plastic bag down on the center coffee table. I sat down on the couch, wiping my tears away with my sleeves. I tried to collect myself, not wanting to let my emotions get in the way of picking the right words. John sat down in the chair across from me. It was strange being in the same room but not touching each other. I realized this was the first time we were in a room together without kissing or touching each other at all. It was strange feeling the distance between us, emotionally and physically. I could tell John was concerned about what had happened by the look on his face, but there was still a part of him that seemed far away.
"I'm sorry that I showed up uninvited. I knew I had to see you. I didn't know what to do," I started. I could feel the tears coming back up, but I pushed them down. I cleared my throat. "John, I still love you. I never stopped loving you."
"Anna…"
"Wait, let me say this. I grew awfully attached to the idea of you never leaving and always being there for me. I started to get used to our lives being so intertwined. You started to consume me in every way. I let you have every piece of me, good and bad. I thought that we knew something that everyone didn't; maybe we had figured out the secret to love, how to achieve unbreakable happiness. I thought you felt the same way. But then you became something you promised you would never be to me: a stranger. You became someone I didn't even know. The type of person that could walk away from me as if I was never significant to you. That hurt more than anything I could ever imagine. I felt like I was completely broken. But after some time passed, I knew that I couldn't hate you. You know you really love someone when you can't hate them for breaking your heart. I wished I had the power to ignore you the way that you ignored me, but it wasn't possible. I've stayed away as long as I can, but I had to come here to tell you this. Even if you don't feel the same way, I had to let you know. I just wish—"
"Stop," John interrupted me, holding his hand out. He had a serious expression on his face. "I can't let you say anymore. You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear this. You have no idea how hard it was for me to stay away from you. Even though we were apart, you have been a part of every single moment of my life since we met. You're constantly in my head and in my heart, and I could never ignore you. That is not a possibility."
John stood up and slowly walked over to the couch, sitting down next to me. "Anna, I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry that I broke your heart and ever made you think that I was capable of doing anything but loving you. The only reason that I have been able to keep my distance from you for so long is that I genuinely think you need to find someone who is better for you than me. You need to find someone who is not capable of hurting you in the way that I did. The worst mistake you can make is to walk away from the person who actually stood there and waited for you. But I made that mistake, and I will never forgive myself for it. You were right, I'm afraid of commitment. I don't deserve you. Maybe I'm just not the relationship type. You need someone who is. You need someone that will never walk away from you or hurt you. I don't know that I can be that person because of the damage that is already done. Anna, I love you, I care about you, you have been and will always be my entire world. I don't think I'm able to give you the happiness and love that someone else can be capable of giving you."
"I don't want someone else, I want you. You hurt me, but I'm willing to work past that. That's what happens in relationships. You get hurt, you get angry, you fuck up, you get defensive, but you try to make it work. You try to work past the bad parts and focus on the good. Everyone in your life is going to disappoint you at some point. It's not realistic to be in a relationship where it's all highs and no lows. I'm willing to work through the lows with you if you are. There is no one on this earth that I would rather do that with. Don't let such a good thing go, John. Don't push me away because you're afraid of hurting me. I'm the ruler of my own destiny, so I decide what I deserve. I deserve to be in love with y
ou, and you deserve to be in love with me if that is what you choose to do. I'm willing to fight for us, are you?"
"You really feel that way? You really think that you could be happy with me, after everything that has happened, after everything that I have done?"
"Yes, I have already forgiven you. I want to move past that if it means that we can finally be happy together. Do you want me back?" I took a deep breath, feeling the dried tears on my face.
John's serious expression faded and turned into a gentle smile. "Anna, I want you in every way there is to want a person."
I closed my eyes tight once I heard the words leave his mouth. Once again, tears started to pour from my eyes; however, this time, they were tears of relief. I felt the stress fall off of my shoulders. I felt the release of all of the sadness I had been holding in since John and I had separated; it was all fading away. I hadn't felt that light in a long time. Before I could even open my eyes again, I felt John's lips press against mine. I took a deep inhale as I felt his soft lips as if I was inhaling his entire essence. I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and pulled him closer to me before wrapping my arms around him. I grasped my fingers into his back, dropping them down toward his waist and then feeling his arms. I felt like I couldn't get enough of him.
John started to feel from my thighs, up my waist and then held my cheeks between both of his hands. He pulled back, looking into my teary blue eyes. He wiped away the tears with both of his thumbs. "I love you so much. I want to show you that I can be the man you deserve. I promise I will never walk away from you unless you want me to and maybe not even then."
"I love you, I love us. I feel like I can finally breathe again for the first time in weeks. I'm so happy you feel the same way, John. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't," I kissed him passionately, feeling one of his hands grab the back of my head, pulling me in closely. I rested both of my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating quickly. "Your heart is beating fast."
"Because I'm with you. I never expected to have you back. Now that you're mine again, I'm never going to let go. You have made me the happiness man in the world, Anna."
We started kissing again. With each kiss, our touch became deeper and more passionate. Before I could even think about it, I was pushing John down onto the couch while climbing on top of him. I laid on top of him, feeling his tongue slip into my mouth. Our tongues danced as I spread my legs apart, straddling his waist. John began to kiss my neck, holding me tightly against him. I unzipped my dress from the back but struggled to get it off. I stood up from the couch to pull my dress over my head. I set it on the coffee table, I kicked my heels off, standing there in my lace lingerie. John sat up, eyeing my body up and down.
"God, you're so breathtakingly beautiful, Anna. I have missed you so much. Your body has always been flawless," John said with wide eyes. I took a step closer to him, but he grabbed my hand to stop me. "Wait a second. I just want to take in this moment. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life. I want to remember how you look, how you smell, the touch of your skin, how it feels to look at all of you again; I never want to forget this. I want it engrained in my memory."
He took a few seconds to look me over. I took in every bit of it. I could feel myself getting wet feeling his eyes trace over each inch of my body. I forgot how easy it was for him to make me feel flustered. I saw his cock getting hard in his sweat pants, pulsing beneath the fabric as his eyes dropped from my navel to the lining of my panties. I couldn't wait any longer. I leaned down, placing a hand on each shoulder. I slowly moved forward, stopping centimeters in front of his lips.
"It'll be hard to forget if I'm always there to remind you," I smiled before kissing him.
In one motion, he grabbed me, threw me down onto the couch, and got on top of me. He started quickly kissing my neck and my collarbone as he unhooked my bra, throwing it on the ground. He grabbed my breasts with each hand, pinching each nipple gently before tugging at them while looking into my eyes. I released a soft moan as I felt him lower his head to nibble at my ear.
"Then I'll have to make sure that you won't forget either," John said, I felt his warm breath against my neck, sending chills down my spine.
John kissed down my body, grabbing my skin as if he needed me to breathe. I lifted my hips up toward John, wanting to close to small space between us. Even though John hadn't even parted my legs yet, I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed from the tension. I wanted him to touch me, all of me. I wanted to feel him inside of me. I wanted him to make me cum as hard as he used to. I hadn't felt pleasure in such a long time that every flick of John's tongue made me feel like I was going to explode.
John kissed down my body until he had reached my lace panties. He kissed the top of the fabric and licked my inner thighs. John gently pulled my panties, releasing a low groan when he saw my wet pussy.
"Baby, oh my God…" John said softly, staring at my wetness.
I lifted my hips, arching my back, expecting him to pull my panties off but he didn't move. He kept staring at my body and my pussy. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I couldn't wait any longer. He was taking his sweet time, but I was growing impatient.
"Baby I want you so bad, I can't wait. Please," I begged. John didn't waste any time and quickly removed my panties.
John looked up into my eyes as he slowly let his tongue fall out of his mouth, licking my clit once. I gasped loudly, feeling the sensation instantly making my nipples hard. John flashed half of a smile before he licked me once again. This time, I immediately pulled away from him. It felt so good that it was almost too good. I didn't know if I could take it. I tried to sit up, but John pushed me back down by placing one hand in the center of my chest. He kept holding me down as he started to slowly lick my clit up and down lightly. We held eye contact as he moved his hand from the center of my chest over to one of my breasts. He massaged it in a circular motion as he flicked his tongue back and forth faster. When I tried to pull away again, he quickly slapped the side of my breast. I couldn't help but smile.
"Baby it feels too good, I can't help it," I told him.
"I think you've forgotten who's in charge. I'll tell you when you've had enough," John told me before sending his mouth between my legs again.
He started to lick my clit back and forth, causing me to arch my back and grasp the couch for support. I started panting loudly, trying to slide my hips away from the overwhelming amount of pleasure but he held both of my legs close to him. John started shaking his head from side to side while relentlessly sucking my clit. Within seconds, I could feel my body giving in to him. I erupted into an orgasm, my legs shaking against his grasp. I was able to pull away from him, but he followed me, licking even faster than before, sending two fingers into my pussy as I continued to cum. As soon as my legs stopped shaking, John lightly slapped my pussy and got onto his knees. Within one motion, he took off his belt, dropping his pants and boxers to his knees. John didn't even kick them onto the floor. He left them wrapped around his legs as he pushed my legs back into the air, climbing between them.
"I've wanted this for so long," John said, staring into my eyes as he gently slid his thick cock into me.
I didn't realize how tight I had gotten since the last time we had sex weeks ago. I clenched my pussy against him, feeling the thickness of his head inside of my wetness. He thrust his head in and out of me, making room for the rest of him. John pushed a little harder, getting the first half of his cock inside of me. As he slid into me, more and more of his cock was slowly able to fit. He started to moan as I grabbed his arms, pulling his body on top of mine.
I felt the heat of his breath against my neck as he buried his face. I started to moan even more as he bit my neck, finally thrusting the full length of his cock inside of me. John started to moan as I wrapped my legs around his back, lacing my ankles together. I could feel my cum rushing out of my pussy, dripping down onto my ass, his balls, and the couch cushion. John continued to stroke in and out of m
e as he moved his mouth from my neck to my lips. He kissed me passionately, fucking me harder and harder.
I let go of John's arms and reached behind me to grab the arm of the couch. I felt my breasts bouncing up and down as I took his huge cock inside of me. John sat up straight, watching my breasts bounce with each motion. He grabbed my legs and pushed them against my chest. I gasped as I felt him go even deeper than before. John must have seen the surprised look on my face because he started to slow his pace. We stared into each other's eyes as he glided into me. My mouth fell open as I looked down between my legs, seeing his huge thickness fitting in me. I clenched my pussy again when I felt him go really deep again.
"Do you like that?"
"Yes, I love it! I love your cock" I yelled.
"Tell me whose pussy it is."
"Ahh, you own my pussy baby, it's all yours. No one could fuck me like you, baby," I told him, before crying out in pleasure again.
"Say it again," he demanded, sinking himself deep into me.
"It's yours! I'm all yours!"
John held onto my legs as he fell forward, laying down on my body as he thrust into me in a steady rhythm. "And I'm yours, Anna. I love you."
He kissed me, sending chills across my arms and legs. I wrinkled my nose, gasping for air as our lips parted.
"Now I'm going to make you cum so hard you forget your name."
John reached around my leg and started to flick my clit back and forth. I pressed my face against his chest, biting down from the amazing sensations between my legs. John massaged my clit faster and faster as he sank his big cock into me. I could feel my pussy getting wet and could even hear the sloppy sounds of my pussy sliding on his cock.
"Cum for me baby. Cum all over my cock," John said, grabbing a fistful of my hair with the other hand.
I couldn't hold it in anymore, I felt my body slip into another orgasm, my legs shaking against his hips. He kept flicking my clit as he started to fuck me even deeper. I could feel that all of him was finally inside of me, pushing deeper than ever. I wrapped my arms around John's back, digging my nails into his skin until I was done cumming. John placed a soft kiss on the top of my head.