Leigh held still. “Should I go? I understand needing space sometimes.”
“Don’t you dare,” he said with something close to a laugh.
It’s hard to laugh when you’re sucking in breaths at the same time.
“Okay,” Niles said. “I’ll fess up. I sent them all away because I just want to be with you. Is that a sin?”
She pulled his shirt up and kissed him between his shoulder blades. “Why don’t you take this off,” she murmured. “So much easier.”
He did as he was told at once and gave her a speculative look over his shoulder. “I thought it was time we had some serious discussion that affects our lives.”
His tone, the slight frown, made her stomach flip, but she kept a smile on her face and sidled over to lock the door. “A door that locks,” she said, raising one brow. “In a room that isn’t even finished and won’t be for a while.”
Looking smug, he leaned on it. “Finished the lock after the others left. Never say I don’t plan ahead.”
“I wouldn’t,” but she didn’t entirely buy his playful words or approach. She was too in tune with him not to sense a darker undercurrent. “You do a lot of planning.” Some of which made her suspicious of his motives.
“Maybe we should go home,” Leigh said. That would buy her some preparation time and he might soften whatever was coming by dropping unintentional hints.
Niles faced her with his hands on his hips. She was confronted with his naked torso and powerful arms and she didn’t need to know any more about anatomy to see that every muscle and sinew was tensed. The muscles in his jaw flicked and she could almost hear his teeth grinding.
“What is it?” she said. And her own temper thinned. “You look as if you’d like to have me for dinner.”
His face relaxed a fraction. “I’d like you for every dinner. That’s not the point.”
“Niles, just spit it out. I can’t stand seeing you upset—and don’t argue, because you are upset.”
He held out his arms and she flung herself at him. They held on to one another with the kind of ferocious desperation that excited Leigh while it frightened her. Something was very wrong.
She almost pulled away. This maelstrom of confusion and sexual tension that hung on the edge of something unknown was the last thing she could face when she was already so anxious.
Niles buried his face in her shoulder. “I love you more than I can explain,” he told her indistinctly. “Without you I’d have nothing.”
“The same goes for me. But we have each other. Are you afraid of something?” Leigh knew at least part of the answer and wished it weren’t true. She had hoped he would relax the longer they were together. The reverse continued to happen.
He looked into her face and for an instant she thought he would let her into his deepest thoughts and allow her to share his fears. But then he crushed her against him again, found her mouth with his, and kissed her until she pushed on his shoulders and gasped for breath.
As quickly as she separated her mouth from his, Niles continued kissing her.
Leigh drove her fingers into his hair and squeezed her eyes shut. Cool air hit the overheated skin around her ribs. Niles pulled her sweater over her head and dropped it. His hands were all over her and with such desperate concentration that she could scarcely hold on to any part of him.
“There’s nowhere,” she managed to pant. “Can we go home?”
“Too late. I want you now. Any way I can have you.”
Her legs turned to water and she almost sagged. Everything female in her burned until she longed to lie down and take him with her.
Niles’s feverish, shocking blue eyes lost focus. He moved like a man obsessed, obsessed and separated from reason.
He didn’t need her help to strip off the rest of her clothes, and his own. “Can’t slow down,” he panted, lifting her by the waist and kissing her breasts, the sides of her neck, her mouth, and returning to suck in a nipple.
Leigh gritted her teeth. All she could do was let him make love to her. She was no match for his strength or his mental and physical concentration on pleasuring her body.
Niles lifted her again, just enough to join them. Down onto him he guided her and she was lost to the searing, scalding penetration that was always their lovemaking. She held his slick shoulders through an explosive climax. Her cheeks were wet with her own tears.
Still embracing her as if he wanted to fuse their bodies, Niles slid down the wall, still inside her, until he could clamp her with his thighs and hold her where he could stare at her, his face still dark with passion but the tension drained away now.
The gently intense smile he gave expanded her with joy. She shook her hair back and laughed. “How did I get so lucky?” she said. “I can’t help it, I just wonder why someone else hadn’t snapped you up long before we had a chance to meet.”
“We were meant to be,” he said, and he was serious again. He leaned forward and kissed her face, kiss after kiss, drawing back from time to time to look at her.
Niles laced his hands loosely around her neck, stroked her shoulders, her arms, her breasts. Inclining his head, he looked at her breasts and spanned her ribs at the same time.
A very big man, every ounce of flesh was muscular. The solid leanness of his belly and hips fascinated her. She started her own touching, testing trail.
Niles softly rubbed her hips, fanned his fingers forward and over her stomach. He framed her breasts again, supported them.
Leigh saw a subtle, gradual change in his expression and his gaze flew to meet hers. She tried to smile but bit her lip instead. Niles shook his head slowly. His mouth made a soundless “No.”
The instant before he took her in his arms again, the instant before he shut his eyes, a sheen was there. A hard swallow jerked his throat.
“Are you?” he whispered.
She nodded on his shoulder, “Yes.”
“But you’re taking—” He broke off, running his fingers through her hair over and over again, his cheek pressed to hers.
“I was already pregnant. I think it happened the night we were sealed.”
He shuddered. “My fault. All my fault.”
Leigh held him tight. “This was how it all started, Niles. You wanted the hounds to start having children again and for the children to bring you closer to being human. You wanted this and now you have it. And I want it.”
“I made assumptions,” Niles said. “I chose to believe what seemed logical, that with human women we could not only reproduce again, but both woman and child would live and we could have what we’ve truly wanted—to become closer and closer to being the humans we were born to be.”
Leigh made him look at her. She held his head with both of her hands. “I’m not surprised you’re behaving like this. I don’t know what’s changed but you completely stopped talking about us having children. I was afraid to tell you. This should be the happiest moment in our lives but I’m afraid of your anger.” She was close to tears but blinked them away.
“You will never be afraid of me,” Niles said, at the same time struggling to keep his voice from rising. “Never, do you understand me?”
Leigh didn’t answer.
“What changed for me is that all I care about is having you with me. If all the calculations were wrong and you can’t carry this baby safely…and I lose you…” He turned her until he could hold her against him. “It’s you I want. I don’t care about anything else.”
Gently taking hold of one of his hands, she pressed it to her belly. “Don’t say you don’t care about this little one. The baby needs your love, too, and your care and guidance when the time comes.”
Stroking the little thickening at her middle, he rested his head against the wall. Leigh watched his expression go from confusion, to pain, to desperation.
“I want to hold our child, love it, care for it, but only with you beside me.”
“I will be beside you.”
“Leigh.” He stared into her
eyes. “If the child begins to sap you as the female werehounds were sapped. If I can tell you are fading, I—I will do whatever I have to do. If there is a choice to be made, I won’t wait. I’ll choose you.”
chapter TEN
Get your helmet on,” Sean said to Elin. She stood beside the Ducati with her back to him and her arms crossed. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head, no.
“What is it?” He had been a fool to hope she hadn’t really noticed what Saul said about Aldo.
“You’re keeping things from me. I expect you to have your secrets—you must for your own safety. But Saul talked about this Aldo as if he expected me to know about him.”
Sean went around the bike and took Elin by the arms. He sat on the seat of the bike and held her in front of him. “I should have told you by now. I’ve tried to put the whole thing behind me. Maybe I thought it would go away if I did that.”
“But it didn’t,” she said. Her mouth was stiff. “Tell me, please.”
He didn’t want to. Stroking her upper arms, he looked away.
“We’ve talked about trusting each other, Sean. But you don’t trust me with whatever this is. Okay.” She shrugged. “Let it go.”
“I can’t,” he said, facing her again. This feeling that he was joined to her was so good, but he was afraid of hurting her somehow. “Not anymore. I’m going to lay it out. If you know me at all, you’ll believe in me—that’s not fair. We all need time to take things in.”
Elin never took her eyes from his.
“For five years the San Francisco police have believed I murdered a woman in a club there. There’s no reason for me to think they’ve stopped looking for me.”
Her features had frozen. He heard her shallow breathing.
“Aldo was the werehound who first turned me and he never stopped wanting to own me. He got me to that club and used me to kill a helpless woman.”
Her lips parted. Sean waited for her to pull away, to run away from him, but she didn’t move. “Used you to kill?” she said, very low. “How could that be?”
He didn’t want to think about it, or remember the details. Explaining aloud would be hell.
Elin had started to tremble.
“Oh, my God,” he muttered. “You’ve never been in a place like that and you’ll never go. Drunkenness, drugs used in plain sight, debauchery—I can’t describe it all. Madness all around me. That freak grabbed me and slammed my head into the woman’s face.” He felt sick. “Twice. It killed her and in all the chaos no one questioned that I was her murderer. Now Saul is saying Aldo has shown up—not here on Whidbey, but Saul has seen him.”
He had the sensation that Elin could easily collapse but he was afraid to pull her closer in case she fought him.
“When Saul asked me to see him outside Gabriel’s Place, that’s what he wanted to tell me. I may not be crazy about that vamp but he was worried about you. He wanted to warn me not to do anything to hurt you.”
“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me,” Elin said. She was very pale and she looked away repeatedly. “How do you have a lasting relationship with someone you don’t trust?”
He shook his head, miserable, furious with his own stupidity. “I’ve always trusted you. But I was afraid you could be frightened of me. Who would find it easy to talk about something like that?”
“Look at me,” Elin said. “Really look at me. Am I so scary? Didn’t anyone ever tell you things just get worse when you lie about them?”
“I didn’t lie.”
He heard her swallow and her lashes got very shiny. She blinked rapidly. “In a way you did. When you kept it from me, you were lying. How many other things have you kept from me because you think I can’t handle them?”
How could he blame her? “There may be things I haven’t mentioned because they were no big deal,” he said. “Elin, I’ve never felt close to anyone the way I do to you. You’re my everything. If you won’t stay with me…No, I’m not laying any threats on you.”
“Finish what you started, Sean.”
He let out breath on a whistle. “Hell, this is hard. I wouldn’t ever have hurt you deliberately. If you won’t stay with me, I don’t know what I’ll do, but the rest of my life will be about regretting what a fool I’ve been.”
Getting up the courage to release her, he held his arms out, inviting her to let him hold her.
She hesitated, and came to him, rested her face on his shoulder.
“Are we okay?” He heard his own voice shake.
Elin nodded. “We will be. We have to be. Do you think I could let you go?”
“I hope not.” The lump in his throat tightened. “I know you can’t, any more than I can. Let me look at you, then we have to get out of here.”
She pulled away a little, not smiling, but with love in her eyes.
“I’ve got you,” he told her. “That’s amazing. I never expected someone as wonderful as you to happen to me.”
Elin looked at his mouth, traced his lips with a forefinger. “I feel too much to put into words.” She put on her helmet. “Where are we going?” she asked and sounded as shaken as Sean figured she had to be.
He decided not to give her any choices. “Langley for something to eat. I don’t want to run into anyone we know if I can help it.” And since Saul’s announcements had just rocked the world for all the people he cared about, he had to come up with a plan.
“That was a shock in there,” Elin said. She glanced repeatedly at Saul’s house. “Did you realize what happened when I touched the Q on Rose’s neck?”
“Best not say that aloud,” Sean told her, looking in all directions. Since Saul was probably right about this beast walking among them, it was incredibly important that he not know his cover was in the process of being blown.
She looked at him from beneath thick, shadowy eyelashes. “Right. Just think how bored you’d be if you didn’t have to correct me constantly.”
Women were so difficult to understand. “What happened when you touched the mark?” he said, deciding not to rise to the bait of her last remark.
“For a long time I couldn’t take my hand away. It felt like the mark and my fingers were magnets—really strong magnets. I couldn’t let go and I felt awful, like I would faint. I heard wailing.”
He was stumped. “Yes, I noticed you were reacting but I don’t know why. How do you feel now?”
“Scared. But okay.”
“Mm,” Sean said. “You’re a tough cookie. I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up with you.”
The sharp look she gave him suggested she didn’t realize he was joking. With his right hand beneath her jaw, he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You aren’t a wimp, kiddo, and I like that. In fact, I might as well admit I’d rather be with you than anyone else.”
She smiled at him.
The guinea pig that popped out of her jacket and ran around her neck until she could glance between them with her darting black eyes did seem to be smiling.
“Pokey!” Elin said.
“Nosey little pig. Put her wherever you keep her and let’s go.”
Promptly, the critter darted into Elin’s jacket again.
Sean kissed her, long and lingeringly, before she moved her head slightly and whacked the bridge of his nose with her helmet.
“Ow.”
“I’m sorry.” She giggled. “That was awful. Completely spoiled the moment.”
Smiling ruefully, Sean said, “Elin, we communicated in there.” He indicated Saul’s house. “Mindspeak. Do you know what that means?”
She shook her head, no. “Not really. It never happened to me before. Not like that. When I shift, I can carry and convey messages to certain sensitives, but I’ve never had conversations. Sally always tells me stuff aloud when I’m Skillywidden. I don’t think about it. That’s how it goes.”
“But you can hear me like this?” He probed her mind again.
The expression in her violet eyes was almost funny. “Yes, but I
’d rather talk to you if we can.”
He hauled her off her feet and swung her around. “So would I, cat woman.”
She rained blows on his shoulders, frowning furiously. “Put me down, dog man.”
He grimaced and continued to hold her feet off the ground. “I get your point. I always thought cat woman sounded cool, is all. Dog man—”
“Not so much?” she asked, and tapped his mouth. “I like it that our minds can touch.” Her gaze slid away. “What are we thinking about? We’ve got to talk to Niles and the others about what Saul told us. Now.”
Slowly, Sean let her slide to stand on the road. “I know,” he said. “That’s why Langley seemed a good idea. A chance to think through what Saul told us.” And to prepare for whatever Niles’s reaction was to Elin having heard everything.
“Niles will want to know about it quickly,” she pointed out.
He nodded, yes, and narrowed his eyes to study her. “You’re shivering. This isn’t the first time you’ve looked so cold. I didn’t think that happened to fae like you.”
Elin shrugged. “It’s probably because there’s been a lot of tension. I don’t know. It isn’t important.” He didn’t miss the distance that came into her eyes. She might say it wasn’t important that her body temperature had changed, but she wasn’t sure about it.
He wrapped her close. Whatever was causing this chill in her, he would make sure she got warmer clothes. Darkness had begun to close in and the wind picked up. The uncertainty he felt himself was deep inside and sickening. He had stopped thinking the way he was expected to think—always with the good of the Team first.
The first thing he should have done when he left Saul’s, without any question, was contact Niles.
“Can we go?” Elin said quietly.
Her leather jacket seemed useless. The wind had an icy edge and before long at least Elin would be at the mercy of whatever light came from a puny moon. “I want to put out a call for Niles,” he said. “Bear with me.”
He signaled his alpha and instantly flinched when waves of confusion came back. Sean’s breath shortened. “What the hell’s the matter with you, Niles? This is Sean. I need to talk to you. I just left Doc Saul’s. He scared the hell out of me—or he will have if we don’t figure out a plan.”
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