“Soon.”
Before I could press him, his phone rang. It rang twice then stopped. Then a few seconds later it started up again.
“You should get that.”
Jonny sighed but reached into his pocket. I could see the screen, but by the way his body tensed, I knew he didn’t want to speak to whoever was calling.
Which meant I didn’t need to see the caller ID to know who it was. His mom or possibly his Uncle Bryan.
“It never ends,” he mumbled and lifted his phone to his ear. “Uncle?”
Okay, the better of the two. At least I thought that until Jonny started vibrating.
“She what?” he sneered.
Oh, boy.
“That’s not going to happen,” Jonny continued then there was another brief pause. “Right. This is the last time. I’m not joking, Uncle. This is it. I’ve been down this road so many times it’s pathetic. After this, you take her somewhere and get her help.”
Jonny lowered his phone, gave me a squeeze, then dipped his chin. Damn, those blue eyes had turned artic. “I have to go to my mom’s. She’s locked herself in the bathroom and refuses to come out until I’m there.”
Damn her.
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Bobby—”
“Oh, no, Jonny, don’t start. You know I’m not letting you do this alone. We can argue about it but you know I’ll get in my car and follow you. So please save me the gas and take me with you.”
Jonny didn’t move. I would swear he didn’t even breathe. He simply stood frozen staring at me. He did this for a long time. Long enough I was preparing for battle. But he finally exhaled and nodded.
“He didn’t say, but she’s likely drunk. Which means she’s gonna be nasty. Ignore her. Whatever she says to me, about me, don’t pay any attention to it. Most of the time she doesn’t remember what she says.”
Or she pretends like she doesn’t. I kept that thought to myself. Further, I kept my disdain for a sick woman locked away so Jonny couldn’t see it. He had his own emotions to keep in check without attempting to settle my contempt. Besides, it would’ve been in vain—there was nothing Jonny could say that would excuse a mother being nasty to her son.
Shit. Now I was going to have to forgive Jonny’s mother, too.
But that wouldn’t be happening today.
One epiphany at a time was all I could handle.
17
“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I tried everything I could think of to get her out,” Bryan greeted at the door.
Jonny took in his uncle’s perplexed expression and felt sorry for the man. It was hard to remember that Anita wasn’t only his mother, she was also Bryan’s little sister. Jonny didn’t have younger siblings but he had an older brother that he’d been responsible for. He also knew what it felt like to fail his brother. And the look on Bryan’s face said he, too, was tasting failure.
“No, Uncle Bryan, I’m sorry. I should’ve called you sooner. This is my fault.”
“That’s nonsense, but we’ll talk about that after you introduce me to this lovely young lady.”
Bryan stepped out of the way. And with a hand on Bobby’s back, Jonny followed her inside then quickly made the introductions.
“Nice to meet you, Bobby.”
“You as well.”
“Now, I’d offer you some refreshments but as I’m sure you’re aware there are none to be had. So unfortunately we’re going to have to have an unpleasant conversation and do so parched. However, we should sit down.”
Jonny didn’t want to sit down. He’d rather have broken down the bathroom door and been on his way but Bryan was already making himself comfortable. With no other choice but being an asshole to his uncle, Jonny moved to the sofa, taking Bobby with him.
“First, when did it start and why didn’t you call me sooner?” Bryan cut to the chase.
Thankfully, he started with the easy questions.
“It started right after my father brought his illegitimate child to live with us and expected my mom to raise his mistress's son.”
Jonny had to look away from his uncle as the pain tore through the older man’s features.
“I told her not to take that boy in,” Bryan announced. “We all begged her to kick his ass out. The whole family including your grandparents tried to get her to leave him, his whore, and his son. All she had to do was put you in the car and drive to New York, we would’ve done the rest. But she refused.”
Jonny was left reeling at the news that his mother’s side of the family knew and they never said anything. No one had said a damn word.
“Why wouldn’t she leave him?”
“I can’t answer that. I wish I had a reason to give you that would justify her choices but I don’t have one. And really I don’t think any reason would be good enough to excuse the pain she’s caused you.” Bryan paused and looked around the living room in disgust. “He’s gone, they both are, yet she still chooses to remain locked in the prison he put her in—or rather, the prison she chose to be in. Your mother had options, Jonathan. If nothing else, I want you to understand we didn’t know how bad it was or we would’ve come and taken you. She hid her drinking. She lied and told us she was happy. Right up until the bloody end, she lied to us. And until you called I didn’t know she was drinking at all.”
The all too familiar guilt invaded Jonny’s thoughts but it quickly turned into anger when he saw his mother stumble into the room.
“Jesus,” Jonny growled.
Bobby slid closer and grabbed his hand.
“Anita, you should sit down.” Bryan stood to help his sister.
Jonny did not. He was frozen in place at his mother’s disheveled appearance.
“You ruin my life,” Anita slurred. “Never good ’nough any you.”
Great, she wasn’t drunk, she was smashed—complete with incoherent garbled sentences that lacked enough words to make sense. This was familiar, too; it would deteriorate quickly. When she got to this stage if Jonny didn’t get her into bed so she could pass out, she’d unleash decades of unhappiness on Jonny.
“You killed him hate you murderer ruin life ruin me wish you dead want Cal hate you…” Anita rumbled more nonsensical words Jonny had heard so many times he could easily tune them out.
Bobby, however, could not. She surged to her feet. Bryan moved in front of his sister which was probably a smart move considering Bobby’s face was beet-red and she was on the prowl. Jonny caught her around the waist and hauled her back a few feet.
“Jonny’s not coming back here,” Bobby announced. “Not ever. You hear me, Anita?”
“Go hell murderer,” Jonny’s mother incoherently sputtered.
“Bryan, I’m sorry but we’re leaving. And if you care about your nephew as much as I hope you do, you will take your sister and not ask another thing of Jonny. This is over for him in a way that I’m gonna make sure that woman never hurts him again. I hope you get her help. But she will have to go through me to get to him.”
“I’m sorry, Bobby. I shouldn’t have called him. I had no idea she’d behave this way. I thought she wanted to say goodbye to her son. We’re leaving for New York.”
“Not New York never my house ruin.”
“I also was unaware she had any sort of alcohol hidden in her room. I’m afraid I’m naïve when it comes to alcohol abuse and I promise she wasn’t speaking like this when I called Jonathan.”
Jonny stood immobile in the room where he’d nearly died, a room in the house he’d been wheeled out of on a gurney. And for the first time since that day he actually looked around.
Really took stock of his surroundings.
The room appeared different but it was the same. Jonny had paid for the bloodstained carpet to be torn out and replaced. He’d bought his mother new furniture, swapping out the old sofas that had bullet holes in them. The coffee table where Jonny had sat as a child and colored was gone. The walls had been repainted. But it would never matter; the pain would always fill the room
, it would always steal his breath, it would always be a reminder of his father’s weakness.
The sadness he’d felt his whole damn life would always permeate that house.
Everything would always be the same.
Unless he changed it.
Changed himself.
It was high time to stop being bitter, stop grieving the childhood he didn’t have, and accept this was his life. And it was a good life.
“Babe,” Jonny whispered. “Cool it.”
“I will not,” she returned and Jonny smiled.
The pitch and tone of his beautiful, strong, loyal woman’s voice had risen to nuclear and she was bubbling to blow.
“Bobby, listen to me. Right now you are in my arms, standing between me and a situation you’ve deemed a threat. I love that. And, baby, I mean that from the bottom of my soul. No one has ever tried to protect me from anything except you. But you have to understand, she cannot hurt me, not anymore. I’ve taken that power away from her. You’re fighting for nothing, she will not remember this.”
Bobby’s movements were fast when she yanked herself free and turned to face Jonny.
“You’re not nothing, Jonny Spencer, and I won’t hear you saying that again.”
It was perverse the elation Jonny felt seeing Bobby so upset. But there it was, a certain kind of euphoria enveloped his whole being. The woman was red-hot pissed and on a tear and Jonny had never been happier in his whole miserable life.
“All right. You do what you need to do, Bobby. But just to say, I think you’ve made your point.”
And just as quickly as she’d faced Jonny, Bobby whirled around and looked back to Bryan.
“I’m sorry. I can imagine this is hard for you. She’s your sister and obviously, she needs help. But I don’t think any of us can imagine what your nephew’s been through. It’s well past time that Jonny gets to come first and I’m gonna see that happens. I’m asking you to help me with that.”
“I don’t think you’re asking, sweetheart,” Bryan noted in a soft tone Jonny had heard the man use on his daughters. “But you’re right and I’m sincerely sorry we, as a family, failed to see what was going on. I cannot fix the damage that’s been done, but I can fix this. I’m taking her home. If she refuses inpatient treatment, she’ll find herself recovering in a room in my basement.”
A look of remorse so stark infused Bryan’s body Jonny flinched at his uncle’s anguish.
“Never in my nightmares did I ever think it was this bad. I’ve failed—”
“No, Bryan, you didn’t fail,” Bobby cut in. “And now I see where your nephew gets it from. So strong, taking on the weight of the entire family. Born to be protectors. But you cannot fail at something you had no idea you were up against.”
“Smart and beautiful. Crawford men have excellent taste in women; it’s good to know that particular gene ran true.” Bryan paused and looked at his sister. “Too bad it didn’t pass to the women in our family. Now, you two go on. I’m sorry to have bothered you. And, Bobby, next time I see you it will be under better conditions.”
“It will, Bryan,” she returned.
Jonny’s gaze sliced to his mother. She was so intoxicated they’d had an entire conversation in her presence and she was completely clueless. The woman was looking straight at Jonny but he doubted she was seeing him.
It was time to go.
“Good luck, Ma.”
Anita blinked, seemingly coming back into the room from wherever her alcohol-clogged mind had taken her. She snapped straight and suddenly appeared almost sober.
“You killed him.”
Christ, back to her refrain.
“Yeah, Ma, I did. I killed my brother. I didn’t like the guy much but I still have to live with that. I didn’t like my father either but that didn’t mean I wanted to watch the man die.”
“You killed your father.”
Jonny reared back and wondered if she’d actually convinced herself of that. Was she so fucked-up she’d blocked out what really happened?
“Doug killed his father then he shot me. You were there, Ma. You saw the whole thing so I’m unclear why you think I killed Dad.”
“You. Your fault. Killed him. Happy.”
For fuck’s sake, back to broken babble.
“I know you won’t remember this when you’re sober,” Jonny started. “But there was a time when I loved you. When you were a good mom. When I knew that you loved me. For decades I thought I failed you, failed our family, but now I understand. I was the child. You were the mother. So, it is you who failed me. One day I’ll forgive you but for now, I just want to forget you exist and move on with my life. A life that you are not welcome in. Goodbye, Ma.”
If Anita Spencer heard her son she didn’t respond. If she heard the pain and grief in his tone she didn’t react. Anita stood expressionless and without remorse as her child walked out the door.
18
It was hours later, after Jonny and I went back to his house. The drive home had been silent but Jonny didn’t look like he was stewing, he looked reflective, so I didn’t push for conversation.
When we got back to his house, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me silly. The make-out session in his living room I didn’t mind, the thought of him using the make-out session to avoid talking was what worried me. However, he eased those fears when he admitted the whole fucked-up scene with his mother had gutted him and he needed time to process what had happened. He also told me he needed to get back to work but promised we’d talk later. That also meant I was back at his house tonight. I ignored how happy I was that he wanted me to spend the night and concentrated on making sure Jonny was okay to go back to work.
Once I’d remembered the heartbreaking truth, that drunken, horrible scene wasn’t the first time Jonny had been put through that nightmare and I did have to give him time to get his thoughts in order, we went our separate ways. Jonny back to Gemini Group and I went back to the farm. But instead of going straight to the studio, I went to Evie and Chasin’s house.
Now I was sitting in one corner of Evie’s couch, Evie was in the other corner, and we both had our feet tucked under our rear ends facing each other. And my very best friend in the entire world was crying.
The tears that were stroking her cheeks were for me. I’d told her everything. Or almost everything. I didn’t think she needed to hear about all the times Elmer had beaten on me. But then she was my best friend in the whole world so I didn’t need to tell her, she knew.
“I wanna be so mad at you for not telling me.” Evie sniffed. “But I can’t. I understand why you didn’t want to relive that. I’m choosing to ignore the part about how you were too embarrassed to tell me because that actually, truly, deeply, enormously pisses me off that you’d be embarrassed about anything with me. You have seen me at my worst, Bobby. You stood by me when my parents sued me. You held me up when I crumbled under the pressure of an industry I’d worked my ass off to break into. But more importantly, you were there at my side when I let one dream die and started a new one. I’d have nothing if it weren’t for you.”
“That’s not true—”
“Yes, it is,” Evie proclaimed and leaned in my direction. Which was to say, she didn’t get very far because of her big baby belly but she tried. “All I ever wanted to do was make music. I didn’t have the first clue about the business nor was I smart enough to learn. But you were. You learned all of that, you got my music in the hands of the right people, you made the right contacts, you got me into bars and festivals. You, Bobby, all I have is because of you. Then you gave me more, the peace I’d craved my whole life. You put yourself between me and the world and let me make music. Everything I’ve been blessed to accomplish is yours. That studio is yours. The platinum records, the statues, the awards—all of it yours.”
Evie paused long enough to swipe the last of her tears off her cheeks and pierce me with an irate stare. “I want you to listen up, sis. The next time you think to be embarrassed, to feel asham
ed, to run, you think about this. The girl who came from nothing, the girl from the holler, the girl that went to bed hungry, cold, and sometimes in pain—made it. She succeeded. She earned her place in the world and she did spectacularly. That girl is a success story and should be celebrated. That story should be told because you should be goddamn proud of it. All of it, Roberta. You did not beat yourself. You didn’t lie and cheat. You didn’t leave your children. You didn’t fuck your sister over. That was them. You, my sister, are something special.”
One could say there were a million reasons why I loved Evie. Why I’d stuck by her. Why I’d followed her all over the world. It wasn’t because I cared about her fame and money. It wasn’t because I’d had some burning desire to see Italy or Greece or even California. I didn’t ever aspire to live in a mansion. Something worth pointing out that Evie hated, and the moment she could free herself of the monstrosity and gates, she did. I hadn’t put up with record execs and creepy promoters for my own benefit.
I’d done it because I couldn’t survive without my friend. She hadn’t known a thing about my past and at the time I hadn’t fully understood but now I did. Day by day, Evie had unconsciously given me what I needed to heal. She’d trusted me when I hadn’t trusted myself. She’d believed in me when I had no confidence in myself. She’d loved me when I hated everything about myself.
From the moment we met, Evie had given me the gift of friendship. Then she gave me more, the opportunity to prove to myself I could be good at something. Not only good at it but I was smart, I had good instincts, I could be trusted, I had value, I was worth something even though I’d been told my whole life I was worthless.
“I should’ve told you.” I put my hand up to quell her argument. “I appreciate you letting me off the hook but I should’ve. I wasn’t being a good friend to you by not opening up. Now, since you know how much I love admitting when I’m wrong and you probably won’t hear it again for a long time, I’ll repeat: I was wrong. I’m sorry. And I promise I won’t hold back again.”
Jonny's Redemption (Gemini Group Book 7) Page 14