Bobby’s hand tightened around his, pulling his attention back to the room.
Macy and Alec were sitting on the smaller of Jonny’s sofas, Bobby and Jonny on the bigger of the two facing the couple with the coffee table between them. Alec’s arm was around his wife, Macy was leaning heavily into her husband. And that was what he’d always wanted for his sister-in-law—a good man to share her life with. A man who would help shoulder the burdens and not create them. A good father for her children, not one who would gamble away the family’s savings.
As much as it was a cop-out Jonny was glad he’d waited to tell Macy the truth until she had someone at her side who would see her through.
So now Macy knew.
There were no more secrets.
“I knew,” Macy hiccupped. “I’m so sorry, Jonny, I knew.”
“Come again?”
Macy buried her face into Alec’s chest and sobbed a muffled, “I’m so sorry.”
Jonny froze. A cold dread crystalized in his lungs making it impossible to breathe.
She knew?
What did Macy know? That Jonny had been withholding the truth about her children’s father? Had Alec told her? On that thought, Jonny looked at Alec. In return, Alec seemingly read his mind and jerked his head in the negative.
The sound of Macy crying twisted in Jonny’s gut. Suddenly it didn’t matter what she knew, when she knew it, or who told her. All he cared about was making the horrifying tears stop.
Fucking Doug.
“Macy, you got nothing to be sorry for.”
It took a moment but Macy gathered herself then she dried her tears and sat up straight. Steely determination replaced the sadness and that fucked with Jonny’s head. He’d seen it too many times over the years. Macy breaking down because of something Doug had said or done then Macy having no choice but to swallow the shit flung at her and move on. Be strong for Caleb and Aurora. Pretend everything was okay to protect her children. Jonny didn’t ever want to be the cause of Macy having to pull herself together. He’d taken great pains over the years to hide his anger from her, to keep all the fucked-up secrets locked away when really all he’d ever wanted to do was come clean. It might be stupid but some part of him wanted Caleb and Aurora to know they were his niece and nephew by blood. Which was selfish on his part and wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. Jonny long since understood that blood didn’t make a family, yet he still felt the self-serving desire.
“He…told me,” Macy stuttered. “Doug did. Remember when Rory was born and she had jaundice?”
Jonny remembered the weeks after Rory was born vividly. She was so tiny and yellow. God, she was yellow even after days under special lights in the NICU.
“I remember,” he confirmed.
“Well, when her bili levels weren’t going down the doctor suggested a blood transfusion. Doug freaked out. It was the only time I’d ever seen him cry. The truth is, I didn’t think he cared enough about any of us to get that upset, but he was beside himself and was carrying on about how he didn’t want Rory getting a stranger’s blood. Doug was insistent we call you and have you donate blood in case Rory needed it. He was adamant that she got your blood, no one else’s.”
Macy paused and looked down at her lap. “Jonny, he told me he wasn’t adopted, that your dad was his biological father, that the two of you were half-brothers. I think he was in such a panic after the doctor explained that if Rory’s bilirubin count got any higher it could cause permanent damage to her brain that he just lost it. He wasn’t thinking clearly. We were talking about a transfusion. My parents’ blood was incompatible, we didn’t have another blood relative to donate, and he was out of control and ranting about you being the only one who could save Aurora.”
Fucking hell.
Macy had known the truth a long damn time.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”
Macy didn’t lift her head but Jonny didn’t miss the way she pinched her eyes closed.
“Because he made me promise I wouldn’t say anything. He lied and told me you and Anita didn’t know and if I told you it would tear the family apart. He lied and lied and lied. He used it as his get out of jail free card. He drank too much, it was because his father was hiding who he really was from his wife and son. He gambled away a paycheck, it was because his father had cheated on his mother and married another woman. He screamed and yelled and got in my face because his father didn’t love him. It was twisted and ugly. Every day I felt like shit keeping the secret. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if I should. All I knew, Jonny, was it hurt so damn bad.
“Then he died and Calvin died and I wanted to tell you but I was afraid you’d hate me. I was scared you might not believe me. I couldn’t lose you. Rory and Caleb couldn’t lose you. I didn’t know what to do about any of it. Then Anita got arrested and you all were trying to hide her problems so I kept quiet that I knew she was an alcoholic. Doug didn’t tell me that, but she didn’t hide it as well as she thought she did. I was so worried and disgusted with myself that I’d waited so long but I knew I had to tell you. And maybe I was waiting until I knew you had someone that would help you get through all the pain.”
Christ.
They’d been thinking along the same lines, not wanting to pile the truckload of hurt and lies on the other until it was safe to do so.
“Now you have Bobby and I knew I could tell you.” Macy finally lifted her head and fixed her stare on Jonny. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Actually, neither of us do. Calvin and Doug put us here. This whole fucked-up mess is because of them. I’m not saying I didn’t play my part, I kept the lie going. I was complicit in their bullshit. That part’s on me. But the rest is on them. I think we’ve both had enough and it’s time we let it go.”
“I agree.” Macy nodded. “I have to tell you one more thing. No, two more things.”
Macy paused and looked over at Alec, and when Bobby hummed Jonny knew she saw the same thing he did—everything about Alec Hall’s demeanor changed. The gruffness left his features and his eyes softened when he smiled at his wife.
It might make Jonny a son of a bitch, asshole brother but he was happy Doug was gone and Macy’s years of misery were over. He was happy that she’d moved on and found a man who deserved her kindness. But he rejoiced every day his niece and nephew had a good man in their lives—a good father to teach and guide them.
“A few weeks ago,” Macy started. “I broke down and told Alec. I wasn’t trying to talk behind your back, Jonny, but I had to get it off my chest. I’d held it in for so long it was eating me up inside.”
Jonny’s gaze snapped to Alec’s.
Fucking, fuck, fuck.
Alec had been in an impossible situation. Smack dab between Jonny and Macy. His friend and his wife. Both sharing a secret that wasn’t even a secret seeing as they both knew. And Alec had kept quiet, the only person who knew the truth, the real truth.
A truth Alec—his friend—did not share, not even with his wife.
Brotherhood.
Jesus.
Once Jonny was able to shove the lump in his throat down where it belonged, he spoke.
“You shouldn’t have had to keep that secret.”
That statement was for both Macy and Alec but it was Jonny’s sister-in-law who answered, “But you’re private and—”
“No, Macy, I’m not private. I was a coward who kept important stuff about my life from the people I cared about, who cared about me. No more.”
Bobby snuggled closer and Jonny adjusted to make room for his woman. She hadn’t said a single word after Jonny started his sordid story. She’d sat quietly offering her support. She’d held his hand and squeezed when he needed encouragement.
“The second thing?” Jonny prompted.
“We haven’t told anyone yet. I wanted to tell you first. Alec and I are going to have a baby.”
Jonny sat stunned. Speechless. Overcome with joy.
“Oh my God! That’s so great. How far along are you? When are you due? We’re so excited.”
Macy said something, likely answering one of the questions Bobby had asked but Jonny didn’t hear a word. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Alec. His friend. His real brother. Real in every sense of the word. Alec was the standard by which a man should be judged. He’d taken in two children who were not his blood but loved them the same as the daughter who was. Alec had blended two families into one and he’d done it seamlessly. And this new child would be welcomed like the blessing he or she was.
“Happy for you,” Jonny interrupted.
Macy snapped her mouth closed and new tears formed.
“Thank you,” Jonny went on.
“I don’t know what you’re thanking me for,” Macy said.
“There’s a lot I could thank you for, Macy, but I was talking to Alec.”
“You don’t—”
“I do,” Jonny cut Alec off. “If nothing else, I’m grateful for the way you love them, but you know it's more than that, brother.”
Alec lifted his chin and cleared his throat. “I hate to cut this short but I’d like to get home and spend some time with my kids before we drop them off at Ron and June’s.”
Ron and June Hartley were Macy’s parents. The only grandparents Rory and Caleb had. Unlike Jonny’s parents, they were good people and loved having their grandchildren around. Seeing as Jonny’s father hadn’t had time for sons, Calvin hadn’t had any for his Caleb and Rory when he was alive. And Anita was at best indifferent about them.
Everyone stood and while the women were saying goodbye, chattering on about the trip to Nashville, Alec jerked his head toward the door.
As soon as the two men were out of earshot Jonny launched in.
“That was fucked-up, you being in a position to have to keep my secret. I shouldn’t have asked—”
“Shut it,” Alec interrupted. “I don’t make a habit of keeping shit from my wife, but there are times when it’s not my place to say anything, and that goes both ways, to you and to her. I knew you were working up the nerve to talk to her and she needed some time to pluck up the courage. It’s all good. But I do need to talk to you about Candy Bull.”
Jonny went from a family situation that made his heart sore to a straight-up evil situation that made his gut roil.
“What about Candy?”
“I’m getting a gut feeling all of us leaving and her staying in Kent County unprotected is a bad idea.”
“She won’t be unprotected. I talked to Vaughn and he’s all-in.”
Vaughn wasn’t big on socializing. As in he didn’t do it, period. The guy needed to be alone like some people needed coffee to function in the morning. It was a damn miracle he was able to hold down a job his need ran so deep. But then so did his need to protect people.
“And while he’s at work?”
“Sheriff Baker.”
“Seriously? He agreed to that?”
No, he hadn’t agreed. Jonny had guilted him into it. Reminding him that Anderson’s life had been ruined because of them. Neither Jonny nor Baker had planted those drugs in Anderson’s car, but they’d been with the department at the time and they both had known something wasn’t right. Every single man and woman in uniform at the time of Anderson’s bogus arrest was at fault and now there was a strong possibility he was dead. At the very least they owed his wife their protection.
“Can’t say he’s thrilled Candy hired Gemini Group but after we spoke he saw the wisdom in taking Dillinger’s warning seriously.”
“In other words, you reminded him he’d taken over a dirty sheriff’s job.”
Alec was sharp.
“Well, there was that, too.”
“Right. Good. Vaughn and Baker can handle her until we get back. It’s only two days.”
Jonny’s lips twitched at Alec’s nervousness.
It had nothing to do with Candy. Not that he didn’t want her safe but he had something else on his mind.
“The kids will be fine with the Hartleys.”
“I know.” Alec stopped and blew out a breath. “That obvious, huh?”
“Yeah, brother, it’s written all over your face you don’t want to leave them.”
“Shit. I don’t want to hurt Evie’s feelings.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to hurt anyone’s feelings when the reason you don’t want to go is because you love your kids.”
Alec nodded and looked over Jonny's shoulder before his gaze came back to Jonny.
“I do, you know. I love all three of them. Not one more than the other, but each one differently. I love my girls, Jonny, I love them in a way that if I think about it too hard it’ll bring me to my knees. All the shit that’s out there in the world that can hurt them drives me around the bend I think on it. But my boy, Caleb, so fucking strong stepping up the way he did before he had me. Every day I bust my ass to be the man he deserves me to be. And now this new one coming. I pray it’s a girl. It won’t suck having another princess around the house but at the same time it will because that’ll be one more to worry about.”
Alec rubbed the back of his neck. “But I’d take on more worry so Caleb didn’t have to. Don’t ever want that boy to look at me and question if he’s my son, my firstborn son, my number one. Because to me, that’s what he is. I know his father was your brother, your blood, and right now the wounds have been ripped back open. But now that they have they can start to heal and one day this hate you feel for him will fade, but the truth will always remain. I’m Caleb’s father. That boy was meant to be mine from the first breath he took on this earth. He belonged to me; just none of us knew it then.”
Jonny's eyes went to the ceiling and he blinked. Then he blinked more while clearing his throat trying to hold back the emotions threatening to unman him.
“Never doubted they weren’t yours, Alec. But you don’t need to worry. Caleb has never doubted it either. Girl, boy, the way you love, it won’t matter.”
Jonny didn’t bother to correct Alec—the wounds his brother and father had inflicted had never closed, they were always ripped open and oozing.
Alec gave it a beat then he asked, “Before I go, how’s your mom?”
Without hesitation, Jonny answered, “My uncle called the day before last, says she’s doing the work. He can’t speak to her directly yet but her counselor calls him daily. Now that she’s not drinking to keep herself numb she’s angry and is having outbursts. The therapist says that’s what they want to see. She has over twenty years of suppressed emotions to deal with and her being pissed the hell off at her dead husband is apparently the first step in the process.”
“She’ll get there, Jonny. Then it will be your turn.”
“My turn? Not sure how you could’ve missed it but I have a firm grip on my anger.”
“Yeah, brother, you have a death grip on it, and one day you’re gonna have to let it go. Not talk about it, not vent, not share. Straight up, you’re gonna have to let it go. I don’t know how you forgive two dead men who did you wrong or a mother that failed you. All I know is forgiveness is for you not for them. Do you love Bobby?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“You say that, but you’re fooling yourself. You cannot love her the way she needs to be loved with hate taking up room in your heart. Think on that, Jonny. Think about the time you spend dwelling on what they did to you and how that time can be better spent. Think about the hate that dots your soul and realize all those lesions are taking up space that should belong to your woman. Whole heart. Whole soul. That’s what you both deserve.”
Shit, fuck, and damn. Jonny wanted to rage and tell Alec he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, that he did love Bobby enough. She was everything to him. But he couldn’t. Everything wasn’t good enough, not when Alec was right. Jonny couldn’t give Bobby everything because too much of it was taken up by a past he refused to let go of.
But Bobby had. She’d stepped out from the darkness that shadowed her future. Jonny had even spouted off flowery sentiments about forgiveness, probably lied when he said one day he’d forgive his family, too. At the time he hadn’t meant to prevaricate but there they were weeks later and he’d made no effort to move on.
Jonny’s jaw clenched until it ached and he welcomed the twinge of discomfort.
“Didn’t say that to piss you off or fuck with your head,” Alec said softly. “I guess it’s true; a man who has it all wants the same for his brothers. I hope I don’t need to tell you this, but we’re all here for you, we’ll help you dig it out. But the person you need to turn to is Bobby, and lucky for you that woman is in it for the long haul.”
Jonny didn’t trust his voice or what words would come out so he clamped his mouth shut and jerked his chin. Message received, loud and fucking clear.
Jonny saw the bathroom light go off, then he watched Bobby walk across the bedroom to her side of the bed. Her side. Again, he needed to make that official.
“Lots to talk about,” Bobby whispered as soon as she was settled.
Settled for Bobby meant tucked to Jonny’s side, head on his chest, and hand resting on his heart. Snuggled in as close as she could get. And she was correct—they did have a lot to talk about and it was on the tip of his tongue to put her off. In their current position, he could easily distract her. Roll her to her back and get lost in her body. He could touch and lick and fuck her until the only thing she was thinking about was the pleasure. But that wasn’t what Jonny was going to do, not this time.
“I don’t know how to forgive them,” he blurted out.
Bobby tensed but just as quickly she relaxed. What she didn’t do was offer advice or push him to say more.
“I’m never going to get what I need from them.”
“You don’t know that. Your mom’s in treatment and it sounds like she wants to get better.”
Jonny's Redemption (Gemini Group Book 7) Page 19