by Unknown
Shit, I’m not sure if I should mention the whole Marcus encounter. It would just piss him off and probably make him come back to Astoria to look after me. I can’t let him do that. He needs to find his son and I need to look out for myself. Well, technically I have Lucas and Leo to help me out. As long as they’re around, I’m fine.
I decide against telling him. When he gets home, I’ll spill every gory detail.
“Thank you for worrying about me, Aiden. Lucas and Leo said they would take care of me if anything were to happen,” I say.
“I know, baby. I talked to Leo today, actually. He was the one who gave me your phone number,” he says.
“How the fuck did he get it, though? Only Lucas and my mom have it…” I say perplexed as hell.
“Lucas gave it to him and then he gave it to me. It’s for an emergency, baby. I want him to be able to get ahold of you if needed. Make sure you save his number in your phone as soon as you can,” he says.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ve kind of been anti-technology for a while and I really should get back in the loop,” I sigh.
“I have to go and meet up with the P.I. soon. You can text me or call whenever you want. If I don’t answer, it’s because I just don’t hear it. I will always pick it up, no matter what, Emma. I’m here for you. Even though we’re far away from each other, my heart is right next to yours,” he says.
“Ugh, cheesy, Aiden. Cheesy but good,” I say.
“You make me that way. Blame yourself for that,” he chuckles. “I love you, baby. You don’t have to say it back, no pressure. Just know that,” he says deeply. “Bye, Emma.”
“Bye, Aiden,” I say before he hangs up.
“I love you too,” I whisper into to the now disconnected line.
I sigh, realizing how difficult the time away from him will be. Will we survive? Or will everything we’ve built together disintegrate right from under us? I guess only time will tell. I’m not one for waiting but I will. For him, I will.
Chapter 7: Three Weeks is All It Takes
Good morning, baby. Had the most wonderful dream about you :)
I yawn loudly, looking down at the new text Aiden just sent. I smile, loving that I got to wake up to that sweet message. I never get tired of being woken up by him.
It’s been three long, tortuous weeks since I last saw him. We text all throughout the day, our nightly phone calls my only savior. It’s the reason I push through my day. We never discuss anything serious because it’s just too painful.
He seems happier lately and I wonder if he’s finally found a lead on his son. I’m too scared to ask him about it, afraid I won’t like the response. Sometimes it feels like we will never see each other again. Other times, I get the feeling we will be together before I can even blink again.
I text him back, proud by my alarmingly alert reply.
Did it involve whipped cream and honey? I’ve always had a thing for those two food groups lol thought they would taste even better on you
I chuckle by the almost instantaneous response.
Fuck, Emma. You’re slowly killing me!
I reply back smartly.
That was the idea ;)
Nicely done, brat. The actual dream involved me zip-tying you to our bedframe and me licking and biting every inch of your body. You struggled to break free underneath me, begging me to fuck you. I made sure to take it nice and slow, just to irritate you
Yeah, that would piss me off.
Fucking asshole! Lol
You didn’t complain too much. I made sure to make the wait worth it. I paid close attention to your clit. I bit it and sucked it just like you like, baby. You came in my mouth and I swallowed all of you. When you were still convulsing, I shoved my cock so deep inside of you, you came again.
I groan, hating that he’s torturing me with his words. He needs to pay.
That does sound like a dream. You’ve never made me come twice in a row that fast ;)
Ouch! Well, the dream version of you liked what I did to your body so much, you broke through the restraints and practically clawed the skin off of my back. You pleaded to come again and I had to obey orders. I was in fear for my life and didn’t want you to kill me ;)
I laugh out loud, muffling my mouth with my hand. Don’t want Lucas to hear me in the room and think I’m a crazy person, laughing to myself alone in my room.
Now that sounds like the real me lol. Let me guess…the “dream you” came like fifty times?
Pretty much. You know me so well, brat
Before I can respond back to his text, I start to feel nauseous. A wave of unease snakes its way up from my stomach to my mouth. What the fuck?!
I throw my phone to the side of the bed, running into the bathroom. Before I reach the toilet, I upheave my stomach contents onto the tile floor. Oh, God! It feels like I’m burning from the inside out.
I open the toilet lid, making sure anything else I project lands where it’s supposed to. There are only two possible reasons for my illness. One being that I’m possessed by a demon and my body is trying to expel it and the other is that I have a mild case of the stomach flu. I’m guessing the latter is more plausible.
I throw up once more before my dry heaving echoes throughout the small bathroom. I wipe my mouth on my arm, sitting in an upright position against the bathtub. I look at my handiwork and grimace. Ugh, I better clean this up before Lucas sees it. I don’t know if he has a weak stomach and I don’t want to chance it. Two people projectile vomiting back and forth is not a scenario that I want to be a part of.
Before I can lift myself off of the ground, I see Lucas rush into the doorway.
“Em, what the hell happened? Did you play beer pong last night and couldn’t hold your liquor?” he says amused and slightly worried.
He walks over to me, making sure to side-step my disgusting mess. He kneels down in front of me, helping me up. I stumble slightly, my body feeling extremely heavy.
“Whoa. Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m just so tired and weak all of a sudden. It’s probably because I just lost any and all energy from that wonderful Exorcist reenactment. Jesus Christ, I will never envy another supermodel again. How they throw up on a regular basis is beyond me,” I mutter.
“Well, you seem to be doing fine. Your humor hasn’t been lost,” he chuckles. “Let me just help you back into bed just in case. I’ll come back in here and clean up.”
“No, don’t you dare touch that gross shit, Lucas. It’s my mess and I clean it up,” I moan, still feeling a little queasy.
“C’mon, Em. Puke doesn’t gross me out. Do you know how many parties I’ve been to where I’ve had to wipe it off girl’s faces? I think I can handle it,” he says chuckling.
“Ewwww! That’s just all kinds of wrong, Lucas,” I say.
“Yeah, well, I don’t volunteer for the job. It just seems to find me.”
He gently helps me onto the bed, my body dipping the mattress. I sigh, feeling so much better already. Being upright was just not doing it for me. Ugh, I have to get better and go into work later. I don’t want to call in and force someone to cover my shift.
I try to will myself well again. C’mon, Emma. Fight this bug or whatever it is you have!
“Do you know what it could be?” he asks, sitting on the bed next to me.
“Food poisoning? Stomach bug? I even considered a demon possession,” I sigh.
“Okay, no more horror movies for you,” he chuckles.
I nod in agreement. Yeah, that’s probably a good thing.
“Why don’t I do this? I’ll get my laptop and go on WebMD. We can type in your symptoms and maybe that can give us an idea,” he suggests.
“Do you know how broad the diagnoses are? It’s probably just the flu and it will say I have a tumor and will die in a few days or something,” I huff exasperated.
“Well, I’m getting my computer and we’re narrowing it down at least. I’ll be right back,” he says as if I haven’t said
a word.
I flip over on my stomach, wincing. Fuck, my breasts are sore! They’re pressed roughly against the mattress, irritating the hell out of me.
Lucas comes back into the room with his laptop, intently looking at the screen.
“Okay, I’ll be your nurse. You tell me what doesn’t feel right and where and I’ll type it in,” he says seriously.
“Should I call you Nurse Lucas? If you’re going to play the part, you might as well go all out. I can just picture you in one of those cute, old-fashioned nurses’ uniforms,” I chuckle.
“Funny, Em,” he smirks. “Now stop stalling and tell me what’s wrong.”
I sigh. Obviously Nurse Lucas means business. I guess I can be the model patient and give him what he wants. Bossy asshole.
“Well, I felt nauseous and threw up unexpectedly. I’m really tired and…it’s weird, my tits feel really sore. I’m probably just getting my period or something,” I say unashamed.
That explains why they’re so tender. I haven’t had my monthly in a while, which is actually normal for me. Aunt Flow conveniently sneaks up on me every month without notice, weeks early or late. She kind of plays by her own rules and does her own thing.
I see him looking intently at his computer as he types in my symptoms. Ugh, I have a major headache and need some caffeine ASAP.
“Lucas, I’m sorry to make you go to so much trouble but could you make me a cup of coffee? My head is splitting,” I say groaning.
“I already did. It’s fresh and I’ll go and bring you a cup. Just keep lying down and I’ll be right back,” he says.
“Thanks, Nurse Lucas,” I murmur as he leaves.
He comes back and I sit up in bed. The rich, smoky aroma that usually makes my mouth water, suddenly is making me want to puke. Oh my God, that smell is sickening.
“Lucas, please get that away from me. I think I’m going to be sick again,” I say holding my hand over my mouth.
He pulls it away frowning. It was obviously burnt or just a bad batch of beans because I have never reacted that vehemently to coffee. Not ever!
“Hmmm…” Lucas says, setting the cup down on my nightstand.
He picks up his computer again, finding something that blatantly catches his eye. He looks at the screen, then at me, then back at the screen. Is he watching a tennis tournament or what?
“What? What the fuck is it?” I ask confused.
“It’s just…I really don’t know how to ask this, Em,” he says embarrassed.
“Ask what?”
“Is there…is there any way, any way at all that you could be pregnant?” he says lowering his voice.
The blood drains from my face, my heart rate picking up rapidly. I haven’t even thought about that possibility for weeks. Could I be? Could my symptoms simply be related to pregnancy?
No, it’s not possible. I doubt I could even conceive. I tried frequently with Jeremiah and nothing happened. I fucked Aiden once, one time without a condom and I’m pregnant? No way.
“Em, you still there? You okay?” Lucas asks concerned.
“I can’t be. Those symptoms, they’re so universal. It has to be something else,” I murmur.
“So it’s impossible then? You were protected or on the pill when you…?” he questions.
“Well, no. Um, I just know I’m not,” I say, moving my hand to my flat stomach.
“Em, you need to be sure. Why don’t I call Leslie and she can pick up a pregnancy test at the store,” he suggests.
My hands start shaking, my lips quivering from nerves. I nod my head in agreement, not sure what else to do or say.
A part of me wants a child growing inside of me and the other hopes that there isn’t. This is the worst timing ever for this! I don’t even know when Aiden’s coming home and if we’re going to be able to work things out. A baby would just complicate things right now. Thinking about having Aiden’s baby and actually having Aiden’s baby are two separate things. I’m fully freaking the fuck out now!
I bury my face in my hands, willing this all to be over. Can’t I just go back to when I just worried about me? I can barely take care of myself, let alone a defenseless baby.
About thirty minutes later, my knees are bent up to my chest and I’m practically rocking back and forth on my bed like a mental patient. Add a white straightjacket and you’ve the perfect picture of my current state.
I see Lucas walk back into my room, Leslie trailing in behind him. She has a plastic bag which I assume contains a pregnancy test. She looks at me, probably feeling sorry for my situation.
“So, do you know what to do?” she asks motioning to the bag.
“It’s been a while but yeah,” I choke out.
I release my death-like grip on my knees and sit up on the bed. She walks over to me, handing me the package that might change the rest of my life.
I take the test out of the bag and read the directions carefully. Okay, so I’m supposed to pee on one of the plastic test thingies and wait three minutes. If the test has one line, I’m clear. If it has two, well, I’ll have to deal with that outcome when it arises.
I look over at them, inwardly cringing in fear and anticipation. Well, I guess I better get my ass in the bathroom and piss on that stick. Okay, Emma, you’ve got this.
I drag my pathetic body from the bed, my knees practically touching when I walk, the nerves rattling my body.
I sit down on the toilet, do my thing, and silently pray that whatever happens, everything will be okay. I breathe in through my nose and exhale out through my mouth. I practice steadying my breath, careful to not provoke another panic attack. Wouldn’t that be just precious, Emma? You having a little panic attack while waiting for your results. If you can’t even handle the wait, how will you handle the results?
My three minutes seems like it’s up, as I try to figure out how to approach this. Should I read it alone or give it to Leslie and Lucas to break the news to me?
Oh, stop being a pussy, Emma, and read the damn thing on your own!
I look down at the stick seeing two lines. The two lines that I was not ready to see. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Chapter 8: With or Without You
No, no, no! How could this happen? I mean, I know exactly how it happened, but c’mon! I slept with Aiden one time, one time without protection. I knew being knocked up was a possibility but I honestly didn’t think the test would actually have a positive result.
My hands start shaking as I drop the test to the floor. Bad fucking timing, that’s what this is. I’m too scared to text or call him right now. I don’t want to add more to his plate. It’s pretty much filled to the brink as it is right now.
Okay, Emma. You need to stop freaking out and figure out what your next move is. You can’t work in a bar while being pregnant. Too much stress and overwork is not a good thing. I don’t know much about babies or pregnancy but I do know that the first few months are critical to development. I will not put this baby in any danger. If I were to put myself in a bad situation and miscarry, I would never forgive myself.
I can’t count on Aiden to be there for me right now. It’s not right to ask him to forget everything he’s dealing with and focus on me. I know the second I’m pregnant, he’ll drop everything and be there for my pregnancy.
I’m not even sure when he’ll be coming home. All I know is that I need to get out of town as soon as possible. The whole Marcus thing still gives makes me uneasy and I don’t trust him to leave me alone. I need to fully figure things out today and once I make that decision, I will tell Aiden everything.
Maybe I should move back to Arizona to live with my mom and step-dad. It’s not the ideal situation, considering the reason I left there in the first place, but I know they’ll support me and help me with my pregnancy. I need a good support system and Leslie and Lucas can’t be there for me every step of the way. They have work and their own lives to worry about. I won’t burden them anymore if I can help it.
I finally decide to emerge f
rom the bathroom and tell them my good news. Good being the ambiguous term.
I go back into the bedroom and see them holding hands, lost in each other. I clear my throat to get their attention. They glance over at me, anticipation blatantly visible in their eyes.
“So, as both of you may have discovered, I make the worst decisions ever. I keep fucking up my life, over and over again, never learning my lesson. Well, I can now proudly say that I will be in charge of another person’s life now,” I say, my voice breaking at the end.
My eyes start to water, tears falling uncontrollably. I close them, willing myself to not break down in front of them.
“Em, sweetheart, everything will be okay,” Lucas says enveloping me in hug.
I wrap my arms around him, crying into his chest. I feel Leslie come up behind me, rubbing small circles on my back.
“We’ll do whatever you need, Emma. Try not to worry too much. I love babies…well, except for the crapping themselves part and having to clean it up,” he says trying to lighten the mood.
I chuckle into his chest, still crying, but feeling slightly less sad and alone.
“I just…I don’t know what to do. The timing is awful!” I breathe out.
“That’s life, Em. If everything happened when we wanted it to, there would be no stress or drama. Are you sure it’s just the timing or do you not want…” he says not finishing his sentence.
“Honestly, I never even considered having children until Jeremiah and Aiden brought it up. Would I love to have a real family? Yes, I would love to with Aiden but…I just don’t know if I’m capable of it. I didn’t grow up with one, so I have nothing to measure it by. I didn’t get a step-dad until I was in my late teens. What if the baby hates me or Aiden does? Maybe he thinks he wants a child with me and ends up just feeling trapped. What if I’m not cut out to be a mom?” I sigh.
“What if you are, Em? What if you’re just overthinking things and wanting them to go wrong. You sell yourself short. Everyone makes mistakes, some bigger than others. That’s not a good reason to doubt yourself though. If anything, it should give you motivation to change the past. You’re in a position that you’ve never been in before. Maybe this is your wake-up call,” he says.