Forever & A Day

by Donalyn Maurer

  “I need to call your dad?” he mumbles.

  “Why? Is everything okay?” I release my arms, so I can walk around and face him.

  “Yeah, I just want to fence in the back of the property.”

  “Why?”

  “Beau, Millie, and Sugar,” he states.

  “What?” I ask stunned. I told Max that one day I hoped to have a goat, cow, and horse, and what I wanted to name them, but he never said yes or no on the subject.

  “Isn’t part of the dream you had for us?” he asks.

  “Yes, it is,” I reply softly.

  “Maybe we can start out with Beau. See how it goes. Maybe then, Millie. It sure will help with keeping the grass down,” he rambles, as he pulls me through the house. “I’ll talk to your dad about fencing, and to Nick about Beau.

  “Really?” I gush, falling more in love with him, if that’s even possible.

  “Really. I mean, it won’t happen right away, but it’ll happen. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll build a small stable for them all. Our kids will love it.” He grabs his keys from the counter, not having realized he’s rocked my world, one more time.

  I stop in my tracks, and Max turns around and questions. “Jayc?”

  I bring my eyes to his. “Kids?”

  13

  “Yeah, kids. Didn’t we plan on having a hundred?” He chuckles.

  “I believe you mentioned millions, Max,” I reply, grinning.

  “I think I did. We should definitely get busy.” He leans down and kisses me behind my ear. I shiver, and rest my hands on his chest, then dig my nails in a little, and I tilt my head to give him even better access. His warm mouth trails kisses from behind my ear to my cheek, chin, and then lips. It doesn’t take long for the kiss to turn heated.

  “If we don’t stop we’re never going on that ride.” Max groans, his breathing heavy, matching mine.

  With that, we reluctantly separate and head outside. Max sets the alarm and locks the house, then we walk to where the bike is parked. It’s then, something dawns on me. It’s been awhile since I got my Depo-Provera shot. I count in my head and conclude my last shot was almost three months ago, and I was due for the next one a couple of weeks ago, from what I remember. I set reminder alerts on my phone but now that I think of it, I don’t recall the last one going off. I pull Max to a stop, and look up at him seriously.

  “Max, are serious about starting our family? Now?” I keep his eyes, and watch them go soft. He pulls me into his arms, and I tilt my head up as he tilts his down.

  “Yes, love.”

  I give him a soft smile when I hear his response. “My shot?” He nods in understanding, knowing the only shot I get is for birth control. “I was due to get it a few days ago. I don’t remember the alarm going off. My thoughts have been so consumed with the wedding, maybe I missed it. It’s probably worn off, the shot. I’m not sure though. I could not go back for the next one if you want. I mean, do you want?” I ask, still nervous. His eyes search mine and he leans forward and kisses me hard.

  “If you don’t want to get it, don’t get it,” he moans softly against my lips. I smile, and I feel his returning smile against my lips.

  14

  For the next couple hours, Max and I ride. We drive up to Marble Falls and stop by the shoreline of my childhood summers, then both get off bike. I glance over at the rock pier; the one Grandpa collapsed on and take a deep breath, as my body takes on a deep chill. I stare for a few moments before turning back to Max.

  “There.” I point to a spot on the rock pier. “Grandpa collapsed right there. I’ll never forget that day,” I whimper.

  “Shit, Jayc.” He closes the distance between us with an expression of shock and guilt, as he takes my hips in his huge hands and grips them tightly. “I didn’t know. I thought we’d just take a look around since we’re getting married here. I only stopped because it’s the one beach I saw,” he swears.

  “Max, please don’t worry. It’s okay. We’re going to be up here next week anyway. It’s probably good that we came. I need to…” I shrug my shoulders. “See how I do now, before everyone gets here, you know?” I ask.

  “God, I fucked up,” he groans.

  “Sugar bear, no you didn’t. You couldn’t have known,” I assure him, hoping to ease his guilt. His hands that are on my hips squeeze even tighter, but it adds comfort. He brings his forehead down to rest against mine and he groans.

  “Will you give me a moment?” I request softly. Max raises head, then looks down and studies me. Finally, he nods and releases me, all while remaining silent.

  I turn toward the rock pier and slowly walk down. The beacon from the lighthouse across the water is turning and the glint from the sun sparks of the glass each go around. I tilt my head, wondering how this can be. How can this lighthouse still be standing? Last time I saw it, my world fell apart. It should be broken–crumbled like I was. I stun myself with my angry thoughts. I reach the very edge of the rocks and stop. I try to tap down the resentment I feel over an innocent beautiful object, but I can’t. I peek back at Max and he’s leaned up against his bike, arms crossed against his chest and watching me. I can feel his intense stare all the way to my soul. He’s waiting for any sign that I may need him. And I do. I need him so much, but I still feel I should try to do this alone. I must face my past heartbreak. Some things he can’t do for me, even though I know he wants to.

  Before turning back to the lighthouse, my eyes scan the ground and halt on the very spot Grandpa dropped to his knees. I flinch as I flashback to his blood coating so many of the white boulders. The parking lot, not full of cars, but not empty like last time when Air Life landed to carry him away. My gaze travels to the dam. Soon the sun will begin to set, just the same as that day. I can still see the helicopter fly off in the distance. Finally, I return my attention to the offending lighthouse and glare. My angered stance is disrupted, and my attention diverted when I hear boat engines. Even with the weekend coming to an end, there’s still a couple of boats on the lake.

  I see a large pontoon boat anchored in the cove near the lighthouse, with people lounging on the upper and lower deck. In the main lake, a boat is pulling a skier. When he leans to the side, skirting the water, he sends up a high spray with the falling mist dropping onto the lake surface like raindrops. I hear cheers from the boat, and a frown forms on my face as my anger returns. That was us. The McGinty’s. Happy. Another boat is drifting, and I observe a little girl in a ski vest next to a man bobbing up and down in the water. I assume it’s her dad or maybe even her grandpa, I think wistfully and my animosity ceases, but it’s taken over by a heartbreak that consumes my soul as I watch them. He’s helping her kneel on a boogie board. Once settled, she nods, and the man begins to swim back for the boat. “Daddy,” she cries out, right as his hand reaches for the first rung of the ladder. Her daddy. I wipe away rouge tear. He turns just in time to see her fall back into the water. He quickly swims back over and helps her set up again. I give a sad smile and soft laugh when her dad gets her set up again, but then she immediately falls right back off. “Don’t give up,” I whisper, knowing the consequences and regret that could happen when you’re tricked into thinking there will be a next time or second chance. Suddenly two strong arms wrap around me and I let out a tiny gasp.

  “I couldn’t just stand over there,” Max groans, turns me and wipes my cheeks. Once I feel his support, I let go. My body jerks with a sob, then another and another. Max pulls me as close as he can, and holds me tight.

  “He was supposed to be here. For all of it,” I cry out in pain. So much pain that my body goes weak. I want to scream. I want to hit someone. I want to hide. I want to go back in time, if only for a moment, so I can hug him just one more time. “Why did he leave me? I need him. I want him back. Every day, I want him back. Bring him back, please,” I beg. I finally confess all my heartbreak as I beg God, the lighthouse, Max; the rocks that once were tainted with his blood to bring Grandpa back to me.

 
Max holds me through it all, gently apologizing for this cruel world. Even at his funeral, I didn’t break down like this. Millions of devastating moments caused by missing him, explode from inside of me. My body trembles, while Max continues to softly bring me back to him by whispering how much he loves me in my ear. When he reaches between us, one arm remaining tight around me, the other cupping the side of my face, he calls my name and I finally give him my eyes as tears rain down my face.

  “I would do anything to bring him back to you,” he vows softly. “Love, please know I could if I would. I can give you anything, but that.” I nod in understanding and bury my face in his chest. “Jaycee,” he pulls my face back to his again, “He is here. You can’t see him, I know, but just close your eyes and feel him,” he instructs, and my brow furrows, but still I do as he says. He turns me in his arms so that I face the lake again, only now my eyes are closed tight. His strong arms are wrapped around me, encasing me, making me feel safe. I place my hands on his forearms and squeeze. “Feel him. Just feel him. He’s here,” he whispers against my neck. I take a deep breath and do as he instructs, and the memories flood in.

  Grandpa’s under the tin roof of the dock in his one of the foldout chairs, feet kicked out and crossed at the ankles with a huge smile on his face, as he listens to my uncles and dad joke around. His deep laughs are as beautiful as rainbows, I remember thinking as a little girl watching him. I flashback to Abigail as a baby, and Grandpa helping her walk through the field of bluebonnets next to the cabin, and me walking beside them, picking flowers. Abigail’s tiny little fingers are wrapped around his big strong ones. I’d forgotten all about that. I had to be, maybe, four years old. I drift back to dancing with him to Patsy Cline in his workshop, and listening to him sing Johnny Cash. His deep strong voice was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard, until I heard Max’s.

  For a brief moment, I think I smell him–his aftershave. A gentle warm wind is blowing when, out of nowhere, I hear my beautiful Grandpa’s voice, I’m here, always. No more tears, my sweet girl. An unexpected peace settles in my heart. The sun is still shining, and Max’s arms are wrapped around me even tighter, but my sorrow is a little lighter. He is still with me, just like Max said. I wipe the few remaining tears from my face, then tilt my head to the sun and whisper back, “I love you, Grandpa.”

  I turn in Max’s arms, and rise up on my tiptoes to kiss him. “Thank you.” When whoops and cheers fill the air, I quickly turn around and my eyes scan the lake. I see the little girl, and she’s up on the boogie board. Even as far away as she is, I can see her smile, or maybe I just feel her glee. Something bobbing in the water catches my eye, and I look over and see her dad cheering louder than anyone else, as he throws his arms in the air in praise. I smile and glance up at Max, and see he’s smiling too. “Good for her,” I murmur.

  “Yeah,” Max adds.

  We stand for a few more moments, then finally turn and make our way back to Max’s bike. We say nothing as we pull on our helmets and straddle the bike. We make our way to the highway and when Max picks up speed, I wrap my arms around him tight. We stop at a local Cafe not far from our home to have dinner, and by the time we pull up at home, the sun has set. Max pulls into the barn garage, and after he puts the cover on his bike, we close the door and walk back to the house. He pulls open the back screen and unlocks the door, but I don’t follow. I go stand at the edge of the back porch and lean against the baluster, while staring up at the stars. With no city light to drown out their brightness, the stars twinkle brilliantly. When I hear the beeping of the alarm panel being disabled, I glance back and see Max is leaning against the door only he’s not stargazing. Instead, his eyes are on me.

  “What are you thinking?” I turn and close the distance between us.

  He pushes off the door and stands tall. “I was dreaming of the day you’ll be standing just like that, only watching our children play in the yard. Calling them in for dinner.”

  “All million of them?” I tease, and he smiles.

  “Or more.” He pulls my shirt off, and tosses it on our patio set.

  “Are we starting now?” I ask, and he nods as he pulls off his shirt. I unbutton my jeans and begin to pull down the zipper, when I remember the laundry. “Hang on and don’t lose your train of thought.” He arches an eyebrow at me in question. I kiss him quickly, then run inside to the laundry room and put his uniforms in the dryer, before I run upstairs and grab another load, then rush back down and toss it in the washer.

  Right as I close the lid, two strong hands grip my hips and I feel a solid chest up against my back. His warm skin and scent take over all my senses, and my bones turn to mush. One hand leaves to unclasp my bra.

  “Get rid of it,” he growls.

  I quickly pull it down my arms and it falls to the ground. Next, Max’s hands are yanking down my jeans and panties. He taps my leg, and I raise one foot then the other, and he pulls them from me. He whips me around, and I’m on the washer. I squeal when the cold of the metal hits my bare skin, but I lose my breath completely when Max pushes my legs apart and leans forward to run hot wet kisses up both my inner thighs. I moan and balance my hands on the top of the washer, while I let my head fall back. When his mouth reaches its destination and I feel the warmth of his tongue, I close my eyes and whimper his name and my breaths become shallow as he works his magic. I raise my head and look down at him, and see he’s watching me and when he pushes two fingers inside me, I fall to pieces. Max kisses me softly, letting me ride out my orgasm before removing his fingers from me. After I calm down, we make our way upstairs where we make love almost all night. Maybe he’s saying sorry for something he shouldn’t be sorry for. Maybe I’m saying thank you for him healing my heart and soul even more than he already has. Either way, we succumb to the urgency to be as connected to one another as possible.

  When I wake, it’s to the alarm going off, and it’s playing Got Your Six, but the song is almost over so I reach over and turn it off. Max’s warm body is leaning against me, and he’s breathing soundly. Wow, I guess between the ride up to the lake and the emotion it brought forward, along with the night with Max, it knocked me out for the count, because normally I wake up before the alarm goes off. I’m tired, but it was worth it to stay up and be with Max. I remember his uniforms need to be pulled from the dryer and hung or they’ll wrinkle, and I panic.

  I slide from under him to hurry downstairs to the laundry room, but when I get free and walk to Max’s chest to pull out one of his shirts I see a stack of clothes folded neatly on the chase. I walk into the closet and see his uniforms hanging orderly. God, this man could not be any more perfect. I go into the kitchen, turn on the kitchen radio to George Strait singing Cowboys Like Us, and start the coffee before I throw some bread in the toaster. I want to thank Max by taking it to him in bed but before I can, he walks in wearing a pair of sweats that are hanging just right on his hips. My eyes travel across his broad chest and defined abs, but when I reach his V I bite my lip. Just like that, it’s like we didn’t just spend all night making love and my need for him returns. Knowing we have to eat and get ready for work though, I push the urge down as best I can.

  “Thank you for doing the laundry,” I offer, and walk over and pull him into a hug. I rest my body against his, loving the feel of his smooth warm skin.

  “You’re welcome,” he replies, and kisses me gently on the lips. When we release each other, I go back to the counter and make his coffee. We both sit at the table, and I pull up the morning news on my laptop to research the week’s weather, when Max speaks.

  “Last night, I hope I knocked you up.” I gasp, and he grins which makes me blush.

  “Me too,” I admit, and his smiles widens. “Any further and I would have conceived in the laundry room.” I giggle, and he chuckles.

  “You’re going to be conceiving in every room in this house, the garage, on my bike, in the cars, and the porch,” his deep voice asserts.

  “Really?”

  “Rea
lly,” he assures me.

  Sounds good,” I admit.

  We finish our coffee and toast, and then get ready work. On the way into town, I turn on the radio. The artist I know, but the song is one I’ve never heard and it’s beautiful. Each word being sung travels to my soul and heart. This song is us. We both remain quiet as we listen, with me only reaching over to take Max’s hand and hold tight. It’s perfect.

  “What do you think about this for our wedding song?” I ask, and he smiles.

  “It perfect.” he agrees. I let out a breath and nod.

  And it is. So very perfect.

  “Our parents?” I eventually ask. “Um…” and I divulge my choice, a little nervous as I wonder what he’ll think.

  “It’s perfect,” he affirms with a smile, and I smile back.

  “Your mom?” I ask.

  “Umm.” He side glances at me, then shares his pick, and I see he’s just as nervous as I was. “It reminds me of all the things she taught me,” he tells me.

  “Max, I love it.” I reply, excited and touched.

  We have our wedding songs. I can’t wait.

  15

  The next week goes by so fast it’s, almost like it doesn’t happen. Tonight, we’re going to Ana and Acer’s for dinner, so I can meet Max’s family that has come in for the wedding. Johnny and Macie were supposed to join us, but Johnny’s SWAT team got called out for a “situation”, and Macie was called to an emergency with one of her patients.