“I’m pushing Azir in the street,” I mumbled to myself. Bullshit, he was in the streets in Jamaica. I wasn’t trying to be his friend. I’m his damn mama and I’m not—I repeat—I’m not going to let up until he got it together.
I was missing my bitch. It was days like these I wished she was closer. I definitely need to make a trip home. Get away from everything for a few days. I picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Hellurr,” she mimicked Madea’s voice.
“Hey chica, what’s going on?”
“Shit. Just getting up. Lamar from Chamberlain Avenue had his annual Black and White affair last night. My ass be forgetting I ain’t a little girl no more. I worked all day at the shop, and then partied all night.
“Damn, I’m jealous. My ass is tired of being in the damn house all the damn time. Work and home; I feel old as hell.”
“Bitch, ain’t nobody told yo’ ass to move to the country. Now you a country bitch. Why don’t you hang out with the bitches at the salon?”
“Hell nah, you know damn well I don’t do bitches and definitely not these country bitches.”
“Well, you one of them so might as well join them.” She busted out laughing.
“Whateva, you crazy bitch. Anyway, I’m just sitting here missing you and shit. Wish you were closer.”
“Oh, I miss you too. I was just telling the bitches at the shop how I wish you was here.”
“We definitely need to talk more. I wish all this hadn’t happened and I was still in Richmond. Atlanta is cool, but ain’t no place like Richmond.”
“Sierra, something bothering you. What’s going on? You alright?”
“Girl, it’s Azir. Mo’, I don’t know what to say or do anymore,” the tears escaped faster than I could wipe them away.
“What you mean, he alright?”
“He’s in these streets and I’m sick and tired of talking; it’s like it’s going in through one ear and out through the other. The other day I found a gun and a bag of powdered coke under his mattress. Then when I confront him, he has the nerve to tell me I was snooping.”
“Girl what? You lying. I thought he came back to go to school?”
“That’s what he was supposed to do. But I blame Alijah’s mother. After he turned eighteen, she gave him the account info, so he got all the money and instead of him trying to get an education, he keep talking ‘bout doing music.”
“Girl, that bitch wrong for that. She know damn well you ‘ont give no young boy all that damn money. I would’ve cussed her ass out.”
“Girl, I don’t even trip off that lady. He was down there giving her the same hard time, so she was happy to get rid of him, along with the money.”
“Azir will learn about these streets. You think he’d learn after what happened to y’all.”
“Girl, he walk ‘round here all angry and shit. Half the time I don’t know where the fuck he at. My damn heart be hurting every time the phone rings late at night, scared that I’ll get a call that he locked up or dead.” I cried louder.
“Sierra….I don’t even know what to say. I have brothers and you know they live in the damn streets and it’s the same way; my mother be begging them, but you can’t really do much, ‘cause he grown. You can only hope for the best. Just the other day, Azir was a little baby, now he all grown. Girl, I ‘ont know…”
“Mo’ God knows I took one loss; I can’t go on if anything happen to him. He don’t know it, but he’s hurting my heart.”
“Girl, wipe your tears. God goin’ protect my god-baby. I couldn’t bear if anything happen to him. He goin’ be alright. He still young. He’ll come around soon. Just put him in God’s hands.”
“Damn bitch, you went all spiritual and shit,” I busted out laughing. I could always count on Mo’s ass to lighten up a mood.
“Shit, I wasn’t tryna be funny. I’m for real. That’s what all the Christian folks say when shit fucked up. I was just saying the same thing, and hoping it works for us.”
“Well, I be praying hard for him. God brought me through two attempts on my life, so I know he can work this out for me.”
“You ain’t lying. You the only bitch I know that been shot twice and still was able to walk away from it.”
“Girl, I think about that shit all the time. The pain is still there, but I learned to cope. It could be worse.”
“You ain’t never heard anything about that stupid bitch?”
“Nope, her ass supposed to have a few years left.”
“Really? I still don’t understand why that hoe didn’t get life for what she did to you. I tell you when motherfuckers got money to get big-ass lawyers, they can beat anything.”
“Girl, you know they needed her ass to testify against Chuck and Dre.”
“Oh shit, whatever happened to them?”
“They got life. They pled out to avoid the death penalty.”
“That’s fucked up. I tell you what; them niggas are two loyal muthafuckas.”
“You ain’t lying. Alijah knew it too. He loved them with everything in him. I used to write them, but as time went on, I kind of lost touch with them and I realized that I needed to work on me.”
“Yeah, girl it was terrible and I could never imagine what you went through, but you’re still here and fighting. You one strong bitch though. Anyway, how Jeanette doing?”
“She a’ight. I had to put her in her place the other day about Azir. She goin’ tell me I need to be easy on him. Like bitch really? How can you give me any advice on parenting?”
“Yeah, Jeanette knows she dead wrong, but you know they say addicts get clean and totally forget that they were a piece of shit before. Then they behave holier than thou.”
“Girl, you know I dug into her ass. Shit, don’t get me wrong; she been clean for a minute, but that don’t mean that I’ve forgotten the first twenty-something years that she smoked that shit. God knows I be trying to forgive her, ‘cause she be there and shit. I just don’t like when she put her two cent in about parenting.”
“I feel you on that. Well, just keep pushing and trust me, one day when we all old and shit, we goin’ sit back and laugh ‘bout most of this shit.”
“Mo, man, you right. Enough ‘bout me and my fucked-up ass life. What’s going on with you?”
“Girl nothing. Working as usual, shop doing pretty well. Troy supposed to be home next month. So, you know I got to get my shit in order. Get all these other niggas out the way. You know he ‘ont play no games. My ass will be on lock when he gets home.”
“Uh huh, I feel you,” I said.
We ended up talking for a little while longer, and then hung up. Mo’ always knew how to make me feel better at times.
CHAPTER NINE
Sierra Rogers
After a few dinner dates together, Dwayne and I became an item. I loved spending quiet moments with him. He was so attentive to me and my needs. It was like a breath of fresh air. I said I wasn’t going to date another street nigga, but Dwayne was different. I ain’t gonna lie, that nigga had me feeling like I was in my teenage years all over again. From the flowers delivered at work, to the late night fuck sessions, he made it easy for me to fall for him. The crazy part was, I knew I was falling head in, but I didn’t want to stop it. I never thought I could ever feel like this again, but he woke up something inside of me.
“Somebody around here is glowing,” Jeanette said, as I walked in the living room.
“Lady, what you talkin’ ‘bout now?” I gave her a strange look.
“Mmm hmmm. I think you’re in love,” she said and turned back to watching the TV.
“You could tell by just looking at me?”
“Shoot! Even Ray Charles’ blind ass could see that shit.” She laughed out loud.
“I ain’t goin’ front, I really like him,” I stooped down beside her on the couch.
“Hmmmm and who is this “him”? Whoever he is, he must be special. You been on cloud nine for ‘bout a month now.”
“Yo
u’ll meet him soon. Ma, I mean Jeanette, he’s so different. He makes my heart skip beats, but sometimes when I remember Alijah, I get so depressed.”
“Sierra, you deserve happiness. Alijah been gone and one thing I know, he’d want you to move on wit’ yo’ life. I watched you for years beat yourself up. Let it go. You was Alijah’s heartbeat, but he’s gone. Baby girl, allow yourself to start living again, not just existing.”
By the time she finished speaking, I was bawling my eyes out. I think this was what I needed. I needed to set my soul free of Alijah and my past. I could no longer hold on to a man that was never coming back. What Jeanette said had really touched my soul.
“Chile, wipe your tears and allow yourself to enjoy this man. I want to meet him, so I can thank him for bringing some sort of normalcy back to your life.”
“You better not embarrass me. You’ll meet him on Sunday. By the way, can you make some chicken alfredo casserole for us?”
“What you goin’ do about Azir?”
“What you mean?”
“You know he has never seen you ‘round any man before. You know how boys are with their mother.”
“I ain’t worried ‘bout that. Azir is grown just like I am. I don’t tell him which one of these little bitches to talk to, so ain’t no way in hell he goin’ tell me who to talk to.”
“You got a point there,” Jeanette said and rubbed my back again.
“So Jeanette, I haven’t seen you with a man since I was a child. You don’t get lonely?”
“Chile, I had my share of men when I was on crack. At my age right now, I can’t see me dealing with these men and their bullshit.”
“Jeanette, you got a point right there.”
“Yeah, I’ve been through hell and back. If it wasn’t for the grace of God, I would’ve been dead. I’ve been raped numerous times and back in the day, I would’ve sucked and screwed just for a lil’ piece of crack. These days I focus on my recovery and giving my life to God.”
“Wow! I never knew all that, I mean the rape. I have to give it to you; you’ve come a long way.” I looked at her.
“Yeah, it’s not easy, but you and Azir is part of that motivation. I hurt you enough when you were young. I can’t change the past, but I be damn if I won’t make our future better,” she said with tears in her eyes. I didn’t say anything; instead I got up and walked upstairs.
I ain’t gone front. She was one strong woman. I saw how much she had grown from the time I was young and she was cracked out. To be honest, she had definitely been my rock throughout the years. With Mo’ all the way in VA, I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Maybe it’s time that I started to show her how grateful I was to have her in my life.
I got into my bed thinking that I was definitely in a great place in my life right now. I was finally feeling happy again. I didn’t know where Dwayne and I were heading, but I wasn’t in any rush. I was willing to ride the wave out; I wanted to take my time.
***
Damn! I was running late again. This Atlanta traffic was crucial especially during rush hour. I had an eight a.m. sew-in to do. I have to do better than this, I thought. Leaving from Dwayne’s house, in Buckhead and heading to the east, was not good in the morning. I’ve been spending nights at his house on the regular. We talked ‘bout moving in together, but I had no idea how that was going to work. We both had our own homes and neither was trying to give it up. Well, we’ll see how it goes.
I pulled up in the parking lot, quickly parked, and pranced into the shop.
“Good morning chica,” I said to Tanya.
“Good morning, you late, ain’t you?” She laughed.
“Whew. That traffic on twenty east ain’t no joke.”
“Hmm. You live in the east, so I take it you was at my brother’s house.” She looked at me for confirmation.
“Hmm. My lips are sealed,” I said and walked off.
“Hello Ms. Rose. Sorry I’m late, I was stuck in traffic.”
“Good morning love. I know how it is. You made it safe, that’s all that matters.”
“C’mon, sit over here. Let me shampoo you.”
After my client left, Tanya walked over to me.
“Hmm. You know my lil’ brother must be feeling you. He never, and I mean never let no woman spend the night at his house. Hmm; I ‘ont know what you did to him, but he is changing.”
“Girl, it take a woman like me to change a player like him.” I smiled.
“Yeah, I hope you can convince him to leave these streets alone. Mama been begging him. She already lost one son to the streets, but Dwayne ain’t hearing her though.”
“Yeah, we talked ‘bout that the other night. I know you don’t know, but my son’s father got killed in the streets, so I have strong feelings about that.”
“Girl, I know, I lost my big brother; he was like a father figure to me. I still mourn him up to today. I can’t go down that road again.”
“Who you telling? Dwayne is my first serious relationship since I lost Alijah. He know how I feel ‘bout it, so we’ll see if he’s serious ‘bout me.”
“Girl, I know his baby mama Tyreeka is mad as hell that he has moved on. I swear I can’t stand that bitch—always starting drama in our family. She uses my nephew as a pawn, ‘cause she knows my brother love that little boy. It’s only because of my brother why I ain’t whup that bitch ass already.”
“Damn! She that bad? He told me there is bad blood between him and her, but I stay in my lane and don’t ask no questions, ‘cause I ain’t got time for no baby mama drama.”
“Girl, that bitch just can’t accept that he moved on and don’t want her stanking ass no more.”
“Damn! You hate her ass.”
“Nah, the bitch is scandalous. I’m surprised she don’t pop up when you are there. Just watch that bitch.”
“Hmm…that bitch better stay away. I would hate to show her ass that I ain’t nothing to be fucked with. Plus, I’m too old for all this drama. I already went through hell with one hoe. I be damn if I’ma put up wit’ another psychotic bitch.”
“Girl, here go my eleven o’clock appointment,” she said and walked off.
I walked to my chair, and sat down as I wondered what her motive was for telling me all that. See, her ass just didn’t know that I didn’t trust no bitch; and I definitely didn’t fuck with the in-laws. I bet you any amount of money her ass was cool with the baby mama and look how she dogging her out. I knew I definitely had to watch her ass…
***
The weekend came around pretty quickly. I was off and decided to do a little shopping. It’s been months since I bought anything new. I left Jeanette at the house cooking dinner; Dwayne was coming over for dinner and to finally meet her. I just hoped she didn’t say much or try to embarrass me in front of him.
“Hmmm, it smell good up in here,” I said as I walked in the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m almost done. I made some chicken alfredo, oxtails, rice, macaroni and cheese, and cabbage.”
“Damn! You went all the way out huh?”
“Yes ma’am. My future son-in-law is coming to dinner. So I have to make sure he’s well fed.”
“You is a trip.” I laughed and walked out the kitchen.
I took a shower and decided to put on a dress, nothing fancy, just comfortable. I put my weave into a bun, put a pair of my diamond studs in my ears and put on a little face powder. It was simple but beautiful.
I heard the doorbell ringing so I went downstairs to get it. I looked out the peephole and saw it was Dwayne.
“Hello love,” he said and gave me that smile that made a bitch instantly wet. He better stop playing, I thought.
“Come on in,” I grabbed his hand and led him toward the kitchen.
“Hmmm,” I cleared my throat. “Jeanette, this is the mystery man Dwayne—and Dwayne, this is my mother Jeanette.”
“Wow! Nice to meet you Ms. Jeanette,” he said and shook her hand.
“It’s ‘bout ti
me and please do me a favor and leave the “Ms” off my name.” We all laughed.
“Okay babe. C’mon let’s go in the living room until dinner is ready.”
“Sierra, where’s your manners? Did you ask him if he need something to drink?”
“No, but since you brought it up, I’ll ask. Babe, you want something to drink? I got Gin, Grey Goose and wine.”
“Yeah, lemme get Grey Goose on the rocks.”
I got up, rolled my eyes at Jeanette and went into the kitchen to fix my man a drink and fix me one too. I needed something strong to steady my nerves.
‘Bout twenty minutes later, Jeanette hollered that dinner was ready. We sat in the dining room and was ready to devour our food.
“Man, yo’ mama threw down.”
“Yeah, she knows her way ‘round the kitchen.”
“Damn, do you know your way ‘round the kitchen too?”
“I know a little sump’n sump’n,” I laughed.
I made his plate and then made mine. Jeanette decided to give us some privacy, which was cool; we ate, drank and laughed the entire time.
“The oxtails is bangin’ boo.”
“Yes it is. I’ma need her to teach me how to cook it.”
“Yes, cause I’ma need this kind of cooking on the regular.”
“Mmm hmm, you better stick with what you know.” I busted out laughing.
My laughter was cut short when I heard the front door open. I looked to my right and saw Jeanette in the kitchen, so I knew it was Azir. Before I could say anything, he walked into the dining room.
“Hey baby,” I said.
“Whaddup Ma; who is this?”
“No, you ‘ont do that. You walk in here and say hello first then maybe you can ask me who he is.”
“Whaddup homie. I’m Dwayne,” Dwayne said and stood up and tried to shake Azir’s hand.
“Yo, boss, don’t I know you from somewhere? I never forget a face.”
“I doubt it. And I would’ve remembered if I met you.”
“Word. So you messing with my moms?”
Bottom Bitch 3: The Revenge Kill Page 9