The People then assembled in this Barn were no other than a Company of Egyptians, or as they are vulgarly called Gypsies,2 and they were now celebrating the Wedding of one of their Society.
It is impossible to conceive a happier Set of People than appeared here to be met together. The utmost Mirth indeed shewed itself in every Countenance; nor was their Ball totally void of all Order and Decorum. Perhaps it had more than a Country Assembly is sometimes conducted with: For these People are subject to a formal Government and Laws of their own, and all pay Obedience to one great Magistrate, whom they call their King.
Greater Plenty likewise was no where to be seen, than what flourished in this Barn. Here was indeed no Nicety nor Elegance, nor did the keen Appetite of the Guests require any. Here was good Store of Bacon, Fowls, and Mutton, to which every one present provided better Sauce himself, than the best and dearest French Cook can prepare.
Æ;neas is not described under more Consternation in the Temple of Juno,
Dum stupet obtutuque hÆ;ret defixus in uno,3
than was our Heroe at what he saw in this Barn. While he was looking every where round him with Astonishment, a venerable Person approach’d him with many friendly Salutations, rather of too hearty a Kind to be called courtly. This was no other than the King of the Gypsies himself. He was very little distinguished in Dress from his Subjects, nor had he any Regalia of Majesty to support his Dignity; and yet there seemed (as Mr. Jones said) to be somewhat in his Air which denoted Authority, and inspired the Beholders with an Idea of Awe and Respect; tho’ all this was perhaps imaginary in Jones; and the Truth may be, that such Ideas are incident to Power, and almost inseparable from it.
There was somewhat in the open Countenance and courteous Behaviour of Jones, which being accompanied with much Comeliness of Person, greatly recommended him at first Sight to every Beholder. These were perhaps a little heighten’d in the present Instance, by that profound Respect which he paid to the King of the Gypsies, the Moment he was acquainted with his Dignity, and which was the sweeter to his Gypseian Majesty, as he was not used to receive such Homage from any but his own Subjects.
The King ordered a Table to be spread with the choicest of their Provisions for his Accommodation; and having placed himself at his Right Hand, his Majesty began to discourse our Heroe in the following Manner:
‘Me doubt not, Sir, but you have often seen some of my People, who are what you call de Parties detache: For dey go about every where; but me fancy you imagine not we be so considrable Body as we be; and may be you will surprise more, when you hear de Gypsy be as orderly and well govern People as any upon Face of de Earth.
‘Me have Honour, as me say, to be deir King, and no Monarch can do boast of more dutiful Subject, ne no more affectionate. How far me deserve deir Good-will, me no say; but dis me can say, dat me never design any Ting but to do dem Good. Me sall no do boast of dat neider: For what can me do oderwise dan consider of de Good of dose poor People who go about all Day to give me always de best of what dey get. Dey love and honour me darefore, because me do love and take care of dem; dat is all, me know no oder Reason.
‘About a tousand or two tousand Year ago, me cannot tell to a Year or two, as can neider write nor read, dere was a great what you call,—a Volution among de Gypsy; for dere was de Lord Gypsy in dose Days; and dese Lord did quarrel vid one anoder about de Place; but de King of de Gypsy did demolish dem all, and made all his Subject equal vid each oder; and since dat time dey have agree very well: For dey no tink of being King, and may be it be better for dem as dey be; for me assure you it be ver troublesome ting to be King, and always to do Justice; me have often wish to be de private Gypsy when me have been forced to punish my dear Friend and Relation; for dough we never put to Death, our Punishments be ver severe. Dey make de Gypsy ashamed of demselves, and dat be ver terrible Punishment; me ave scarce ever known de Gypsy so punish do Harm any more.’
The King then proceeded to express some Wonder that there was no such Punishment as Shame in other Governments. Upon which Jones assured him to the contrary: For that there were many Crimes for which Shame was inflicted by the English Laws, and that it was indeed one Consequence of all Punishment. ‘Dat be ver strange,’ said the King: ‘For me know and hears good deal of your People, dough me no live among dem; and me ave often hear dat Sham is de Consequence and de Cause too of many of your Rewards. Are your Rewards and Punishments den de same Ting?’
While his Majesty was thus discoursing with Jones, a sudden Uproar arose in the Barn, and as it seems upon this Occasion: The Courtesy of these People had by degrees removed all the Apprehensions of Partridge, and he was prevailed upon not only to stuff himself with their Food, but to taste some of their Liquors, which by degrees entirely expelled all Fear from his Composition, and in its Stead introduced much more agreeable Sensations.
A young Female Gypsy, more remarkable for her Wit than her Beauty, had decoyed the honest Fellow aside, pretending to tell his Fortune. Now when they were alone together in a remote Part of the Barn, whether it proceeded from the strong Liquor, which is never so apt to inflame inordinate Desire as after moderate Fatigue; or whether the fair Gypsy herself threw aside the Delicacy and Decency of her Sex, and tempted the Youth Partridge with express Solicitations; but they were discovered in a very improper Manner by the Husband of the Gypsy, who from Jealousy, it seems, had kept a watchful Eye over his Wife, and had dogged her to the Place, where he found her in the Arms of her Gallant.
To the great Confusion of Jones, Partridge was now hurried before the King; who heard the Accusation, and likewise the Culprit’s Defence, which was indeed very trifling: For the poor Fellow was confounded by the plain Evidence which appeared against him, and had very little to say for himself. His Majesty then turning towards Jones, said, ‘Sir, you have hear what dey say; what Punishment do you tink your Man deserve?’
Jones answered, ‘He was sorry for what had happened, and that Partridge should make the Husband all the Amends in his Power:’ He said, ‘he had very little Money about him at that Time;’ and putting his Hand into his Pocket, offered the Fellow a Guinea. To which he immediately answered, ‘He hoped his Honour would not think of giving him less than five.’
This Sum, after some Altercation, was reduced to two; and Jones having stipulated for the full Forgiveness of both Partridge and the Wife, was going to pay the Money; when his Majesty restraining his Hand, turned to the Witness, and asked him, ‘At what Time he had discovered the Criminals?’ To which he answered, ‘That he had been desired by the Husband to watch the Motions of his Wife from her first speaking to the Stranger, and that he had never lost Sight of her afterwards till the Crime had been committed.’ The King then asked, ‘If the Husband was with him all that Time in his lurking Place?’ To which he answered in the Affirmative. His Egyptian Majesty then addressed himself to the Husband as follows, ‘Me be sorry to see any Gypsy dat have no more Honour dan to sell de Honour of his Wife for Money. If you had de Love for your Wife, you would have prevented dis Matter, and not endeavour to make her de Whore dat you might discover her. Me do order dat you have no Money given you; for you deserve Punishment, not Reward; me do order derefore, dat you be de infamous Gypsy, and do wear Pair of Horns upon your Forehead for one Month, and dat your Wife be called de Whore, and pointed at all dat Time: For you be de infamous Gypsy, but she be no less de infamous Whore.’
The Gypsies immediately proceeded to execute the Sentence, and left Jones and Partridge alone with his Majesty.
Jones greatly applauded the Justice of the Sentence; upon which the King turning to him said, ‘Me believe you be surprize: For me suppose you have ver bad Opinion of my People; me suppose you think us all de Tieves.’
‘I must confess, Sir,’ said Jones, ‘I have not heard so favourable an Account of them as they seem to deserve.’
‘Me vil tell you,’ said the King, ‘how the Difference is between you and us. My People rob your People, and your People rob one anoder.’
Jones afterwards proceeded very gravely to sing forth the Happiness of those Subjects who live under such a Magistrate.
Indeed their Happiness appears to have been so compleat, that we are aware lest some Advocate for arbitrary Power should hereafter quote the Case of those People, as an Instance of the great Advantages which attend that Government above all others.
And here we will make a Concession, which would not perhaps have been expected from us, That no limited Form of Government is capable of rising to the same Degree of Perfection, or of producing the same Benefits to Society with this. Mankind have never been so happy, as when the greatest Part of the then known World was under the Dominion of a single Master; and this State of their Felicity continued during the Reigns of five successive Princes.* This was the true Æ;ra of the Golden Age, and the only Golden Age, which ever had any Existence, unless in the warm Imaginations of the Poets, from the Expulsion from Eden down to this Day.
In reality, I know but of one solid Objection to absolute Monarchy. The only Defect in which excellent Constitution seems to be the Difficulty of finding any Man adequate to the Office of an absolute Monarch: For this indispensably requires three Qualities very difficult, as it appears from History, to be found in princely Natures: First, a sufficient Quantity of Moderation in the Prince, to be contented with all the Power which is possible for him to have. 2dly, Enough of Wisdom to know his own Happiness. And, 3dly, Goodness sufficient to support the Happiness of others, when not only compatible with, but instrumental to his own.
Now if an absolute Monarch, with all these great and rare Qualifications, should be allowed capable of conferring the greatest Good on Society; it must be surely granted, on the contrary, that absolute Power vested in the Hands of one who is deficient in them all, is likely to be attended with no less a Degree of Evil.
In short, our own Religion furnishes us with adequate Ideas of the Blessing, as well as Curse which may attend absolute Power. The Pictures of Heaven and of Hell will place a very lively Image of both before our Eyes: For though the Prince of the latter can have no Power, but what he originally derives from the omnipotent Sovereign in the former; yet it plainly appears from Scripture, that absolute Power in his infernal Dominions is granted to their Diabolical Ruler. This is indeed the only absolute Power which can by Scripture be derived from Heaven. If therefore the several Tyrannies upon Earth can prove any Title to a divine Authority, it must be derived from this original Grant to the Prince of Darkness, and these subordinate Deputations must consequently come immediately from him whose Stamp they so expresly bear.
To conclude, as the Examples of all Ages shew us that Mankind in general desire Power only to do Harm, and when they obtain it, use it for no other Purpose; it is not consonant with even the least Degree of Prudence to hazard an Alteration, where our Hopes are poorly kept in Countenance by only two or three Exceptions out of a thousand Instances to alarm our Fears. In this Case it will be much wiser to submit to a few Inconveniencies arising from the dispassionate Deafness of Laws, than to remedy them by applying to the passionate open Ears of a Tyrant.
Nor can the Example of the Gypsies, tho’ possibly they may have long been happy under this Form of Government, be here urged; since we must remember the very material Respect in which they differ from all other People, and to which perhaps this their Happiness is entirely owing, namely, that they have no false Honours among them; and that they look on Shame as the most grievous Punishment in the World.
CHAPTER XIII.
A Dialogue between Jones and Partridge.
The honest Lovers of Liberty will, we doubt not, pardon that long Digression into which we were led at the Close of the last Chapter, to prevent our History from being applied to the Use of the most pernicious Doctrine which Priestcraft had ever the Wickedness or the Impudence to preach.
We will now proceed with Mr. Jones, who, when the Storm was over, took Leave of his Egyptian Majesty, after many Thanks for his courteous Behaviour and kind Entertainment, and set out for Coventry; to which Place (for it was still dark) a Gypsy was ordered to conduct him.
Jones having, by reason of his Deviation, travelled eleven Miles instead of six, and most of those through very execrable Roads, where no Expedition could have been made in Quest of a Midwife, did not arrive at Coventry till near Twelve. Nor could he possibly get again into the Saddle till past Two; for Post-Horses were now not easy to get; nor were the Hostler or Post-Boy in half so great a Hurry as himself, but chose rather to imitate the tranquil Disposition of Partridge; who being denied the Nourishment of Sleep, took all Opportunities to supply its Place with every other Kind of Nourishment, and was never better pleased than when he arrived at an Inn, nor ever more dissatisfied than when he was again forced to leave it.
Jones now travelled Post; we will follow him therefore, according to our Custom, and to the Rules of Longinus,1 in the same Manner. From Coventry he arrived at Daventry, from Daventry at Stratford, and from Stratford at Dunstable, whither he came the next Day a little after Noon, and within a few Hours after Sophia had left it; and though he was obliged to stay here longer than he wished, while a Smith, with great Deliberation, shoed the Post-Horse he was to ride, he doubted not but to overtake his Sophia before she should set out from St. Albans; at which Place he concluded, and very reasonably, that his Lordship would stop and dine.
And had he been right in this Conjecture, he most probably would have overtaken his Angel at the aforesaid Place; but unluckily my Lord had appointed a Dinner to be prepared for him at his own House in London, and in order to enable him to reach that Place in proper Time, he had ordered a Relay of Horses to meet him at St. Albans. When Jones therefore arrived there, he was informed that the Coach and Six had set out two Hours before.
If fresh Post-Horses had been now ready, as they were not, it seemed so apparently impossible to overtake the Coach before it reached London, that Partridge thought he had now a proper Opportunity to remind his Friend of a Matter which he seemed entirely to have forgotten; what this was the Reader will guess, when we inform him that Jones had eat nothing more than one poached Egg since he had left the Alehouse where he had first met the Guide returning from Sophia; for with the Gypsies, he had feasted only his Understanding.
The Landlord so entirely agreed with the Opinion of Mr. Partridge, that he no sooner heard the latter desire his Friend to stay and dine, than he very readily put in his Word, and retracting his Promise before given of furnishing the Horses immediately, he assured Mr. Jones he would lose no Time in bespeaking a Dinner, which, he said, could be got ready sooner than it was possible to get the Horses up from Grass, and to prepare them for their Journey by a Feed of Corn.
Jones was at length prevailed on, chiefly by the latter Argument of the Landlord; and now a Joint of Mutton was put down to the Fire. While this was preparing, Partridge being admitted into the same Apartment with his Friend or Master, began to harangue in the following Manner.
‘Certainly, Sir, if ever Man deserved a young Lady, you deserve young Madam Western; for what a vast Quantity of Love must a Man have, to be able to live upon it without any other Food, as you do? I am positive I have eat thirty times as much within these last twenty four Hours as your Honour, and yet I am almost famished; for nothing makes a Man so hungry as travelling, especially in this cold raw Weather. And yet I can’t tell how it is, but your Honour is seemingly in perfect good Health, and you never looked better nor fresher in your Life. It must be certainly Love that you live upon.’
‘And a very rich Diet too, Partridge,’ answered Jones. ‘But did not Fortune send me an excellent Dainty Yesterday? Dost thou imagine I cannot live more than twenty-four Hours on this dear Pocket-Book?’
‘Undoubtedly,’ cries Partridge, ‘there is enough in that Pocket-Book to purchase many a good Meal. Fortune sent it to your Honour very opportunely for present Use, as your Honour’s Money must be almost out by this Time.’
‘What do you mean?’ answered Jones; ‘I hope you don’t i
magine that I should be dishonest enough, even if it belonged to any other Person, besides Miss Western——’
‘Dishonest!’ replied Partridge, ‘Heaven forbid I should wrong your Honour so much; but where’s the Dishonesty in borrowing a little for present spending, since you will be so well able to pay the Lady hereafter? No, indeed, I would have your Honour pay it again, as soon as it is convenient, by all Means; but where can be the Harm in making Use of it now you want it. Indeed if it belonged to a poor Body, it would be another thing; but so great a Lady to be sure can never want it, especially now as she is along with a Lord, who it can’t be doubted will let her have whatever she hath Need of. Besides, if she should want a little, she can’t want the whole, therefore I would give her a little; but I would be hanged before I mentioned the having found it at first, and before I got some Money of my own; for London, I have heard, is the very worst of Places to be in without Money. Indeed, if I had not known to whom it belonged, I might have thought it was the Devil’s Money, and have been afraid to use it; but as you know otherwise, and came honestly by it, it would be an Affront to Fortune to part with it all again, at the very Time when you want it most; you can hardly expect she should ever do you such another good Turn; for Fortuna nunquam perpetuo est bona. You will do as you please, notwithstanding all I say; but for my Part, I would be hanged before I mentioned a Word of the Matter.’
The History of Tom Jones (Penguin Classics) Page 76