by Delisa Lynn
After the services, we all went back to Mr. and Mrs. Ellis’ house. I saw a picture above the mantle. As I look closer, it was Addie, Liam, Ashton, Eric and I, the day of graduation. It seemed just like yesterday.
Nikki approached me and hugged me as we stood and looked at the picture of two of the most important people I had lost in such a short time. It just didn’t seem fair. I never imagined this would happen to two of the people I loved the most.
I was headed back to New York the next day, so I wanted to have dinner with my parents and Eric to let them know about my engagement. We all went to what was mine and Addie’s favorite restaurant. That was the first time I had ever been there without her. I could feel her presence.
“I just wanted to bring you all together to announce that Evan and I are engaged.” My parents were thrilled. I could tell Eric wasn’t as happy as I would have liked him to be but under the circumstances, I knew it was okay. He liked Evan, but he missed Liam too. They were really close. My dad took the guys fishing while Nikki and I went shopping with my mom. I was just ready to head back to NYU and try to move forward.
Evan, Brody, and I flew back to New York and Nikki had gone back to Ohio. She texted me twenty times a day the first couple weeks. She was so worried about me. I was just numb. I would go to class, back to the dorm and just look at pictures. Evan knew I wasn’t feeling well, so he stayed with me. Christmas was in a week and I didn’t want to go home.
I told Evan I didn’t want to exchange gifts but of course he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “You’re my fiancée, Lila, I’m not going to let you sit here and be depressed all the damn time. Your birthday is next week also.” Yeah my birthday, it had been a year since they said Liam was missing. Now this birthday was going to hurt even worse.
I had decided that I should go home anyway. Evan went to Utah with Brody. He was upset that we wouldn’t be together at Christmas since we had spent the last two together. I love Evan but I just didn’t feel like being around him or his family right now. I really wanted to just sit in my dorm with a book and not speak to anyone.
I called my parents to let them know I would be home and they were so happy. Eric hadn’t gone back to school, so he was still home. My mother and I went shopping and had started making wedding plans. She was so happy. I just wasn’t in the shopping spirit. In the last year, I had lost two people I loved dearly.
“Lila, can we talk?” “Sure, little brother, what’s up?” “I wanted to let you know that The Ellis’ are going to declare Liam dead.” “What?” I yelled. “How? They have no body! No fucking way they are doing this!” I just lost Ads and her baby, I couldn’t admit that Liam was dead too. “Lila, it’s been over year, he isn’t coming back.” I just fell into his arms. “Ashton and Christabella are the ones who told me.” The next day I called Ashton.
“Lila, my parents said they are tired of waiting and it’s more heartache to go on like this. We need closure and we need to lay Liam to rest.” I just cried as I said, “Okay.” How could they do this to Liam?
Evan called me on Christmas saying how much he missed me and that he was lonely. I did miss him, but I just wanted to be alone. I helped my mom make dinner and we all exchanged gifts. Eric cried most of the day; he was going to ask Ads to marry him today. He and I went for a walk along the beach and talked about everything that had happened. “Lila, are you really in love with Evan? Or are you just marrying him because he is here?” I sighed. “Eric, I love him as much as I love Liam. I’m not sure how I fell in love with both of them, but I did. I do want to marry Evan, he’s a wonderful man.” “Lila, how do you move on? I mean it’s only been a month, but I can still feel Addie. I can still smell her and sometimes hear her. It hurts so fucking bad.
We were supposed to be together forever. Did she tell you we were going to move to New York next year?” I could see the pain in my little brother’s eyes, it broke my heart to see him like this. “No, she didn’t tell me.” “Yeah, we had decided that we wanted to be closer to you.” I just squeezed his hand. “We should get back, I’m sure mom needs help putting everything away,” I said.
It was the day after Christmas and I got a text from Mrs. Ellis asking me to come over.
I didn’t know what this was about but I went and as I walked in the door, I saw a man in uniform there. I knew they were going to declare Liam Ellis dead, but not this soon. “No! You aren’t doing this yet! You can’t!” I cried.
“We just buried Addison, I’m not ready to buryy Liam. No, please! Don’t do this! How the fuck can you guys do this? What if he isn’t dead? You are killing him! You are killing me! I lost Ads and now Liam is gone forever! You can’t make it real, please let’s continue to look for him!” Ashton came to me and pulled me down on his lap.
“Lila, calm down. This is Sgt. Smith. He has some news about Liam.”
“Mr. Ellis’ plane went down in Colorado eighteen months ago and we couldn’t find any bodies. We got a call last week. They found some survivors late that year and they were being held in a hospital there. No one had any identification on them. The medical staff didn’t know who to contact so they just started taking care of everyone. Some were fatalities and some were in comas.
One gentleman woke up months ago, he says his name is Liam. We aren’t sure if it is in fact Mr. Ellis or not but we would like to find out.” “We need someone to fly there to verify.” “I will go,” I said. “Lila!” Ashton says. “What if it isn’t him? Don’t get your hopes up. You need to stay here. Eric and I can go.” “No I’m going!”
I sat on the plane. I couldn’t think straight. All I could do is cry. I was nervous, excited and was praying this was my Liam.
My Liam. What about Evan, I thought. I loved Evan, but my heart was Liam’s. But I hadn’t seen him in almost two years. I’ve been living another life for two years.
We entered the hospital and the smell was awful, it was a dirty looking small place. There weren’t even rooms, just beds everywhere. I see this man lying in a bed in the hall. “Ashton, is that Liam?” “Lila, I’m not sure, it kind of looks like him but I haven’t seen him in so long.” A nurse asks us who we were looking for and Ashton told her. She took us to the bed in the hall. “Liam, these people are looking for you.” “My beautiful, Lila Rae.” I couldn’t talk for crying, I fell to the bed crying and hugging Liam. Breathe, breathe, I kept telling myself. I grabbed his face and kissed him so fucking hard, I never wanted to let him go again. “Oh Liam, you are here, you’re really here. I thought I would never see you again.” “Lila, you’re what kept me alive, thinking about your beautiful face and that sexy body of yours. You’re my reason for living and breathing.” I couldn’t stop kissing him.
“May I speak to you, ma’am?” Ashton asked the nurse. “What happened? They said he was in a coma?” “Yes sir, when they brought the men in, he was one of the lucky ones. He was unconscious. We did all different kinds of testing and he was fine. He was in a deep coma.
He is fine now, no brain injuries or memory loss. He has been in therapy to learn to walk again because he was out for so long. We wanted to get his muscles back to normal, so he has been exercising. He’s been doing great!”
He kept asking for a Lila or Addison. Is that young woman one of them?” “Yes, she is his girlfriend, Lila. Addison is my sister, his cousin. But ma’am she was killed last month. We should wait on telling him, shouldn’t we?” “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear that, Liam spoke very highly of her. I would suggest you wait until he gets home to explain it all to him.” “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Lila, I have missed you, my love. Where are Addie and Eric?”
“They’re back home,” Ashton said. I just looked at him. “They’re releasing me to go back home this week,” Liam said. “I’ll stay with you, Liam.” I got a look from Ashton. Liam had no idea I had a fiancé. What was I going to do about my wonderful Evan?
The next couple days Liam and I laughed and caught up. I never mentioned Addison. I would change t
he subject when he asked. Evan kept calling and texting. My mother told him that we had found Liam. I didn’t know what to do. Now I was in love with both of them. I couldn’t hurt Evan. God, what was I going to do? He knew once Liam came back, I would go back to him. I feel like I just borrowed and used Evan.
Right now I need Addison so bad. She hadn’t even been gone a month and we found Liam. I had some very adult choices to make and I had no clue what the fuck I was going to do. I never mentioned Evan to Liam, I was afraid he would ask. So far he hadn’t. I went to his doctor with him and like the nurse said, he was doing great. He was young and strong, he would be just fine.
As we land in San Francisco, I could see the joy in Liam’s face. “Lila Rae, you aren’t leaving me again,” he says. I just smiled. I went to the Ellis’ with Liam. Ashton and I thought it was time to tell him about Addison.
“Liam.” I started to cry so Ashton took over. “Addie was killed last month. She was in a gas station and it was being robbed. They shot her. She lost too much blood. They couldn’t save her or her baby. They tried everything they could.”
Liam was quiet and just cried. He pulled me down on his lap and just held me as we cried together. “Her baby? I can’t believe she’s gone. It’s not fair!” Liam shouted. “She was a couple months pregnant. She just found out on Thanksgiving. No one knew except me. She hadn’t had a chance to tell Eric.” It felt like that day all over again. “We will find the bastard that did this.” “Yes Liam, we will find him. I promise you we will.”
“I know it hurts, Liam, but we just have to move on,” Ashton said. My phone started ringing and it was Evan. I just sent him to voice mail. I would call him back when I figured out what to say Right now, Liam needed me more than he has ever needed anyone.
I know I needed to talk to Evan, I just couldn’t right now. Liam had another appointment that afternoon so I took him. He asked me to move back home. “Lila, we have that huge house. You can finish school here.” I didn’t give him an answer. After his appointment, we stopped by the cemetery to leave flowers for Addie. We also left some on his parents’ graves. They were all buried in the same cemetery.
Liam got back in the car and I sat there talking to my friend. What do I do, Addie? I need you now more than ever! As I wiped my tears, I looked up to see that same star along with several huge yellow butterflies.
Addison loved yellow butterflies. That was our first tattoo. Oh my God, that’s Addie telling me! I know exactly what to do. She was here with me.
“Thanks, Addie,” I whispered as I blew a kiss to my angel in heaven. I knew she would always be with me. God! How I missed her smile, her laugh, and her advice. I would give anything to have one of our shopping trips or even to get one of her big ol’ hugs again.
“Liam, I need to go back to school alone and finish this semester and then I will move back.” “L, why alone? Don’t you want to be with me?” “Oh Liam, of course I do! I just have some things to take care of.”
He never once asked if I had a boyfriend. Liam was going to stay in my parents’ guesthouse that way Eric and I could keep an eye on him. Liam asked me to spend the night with him that night, so I did.
We lay in bed together kissing and hugging. I wanted to make love to him so bad, I knew I shouldn’t but I needed and wanted him more than ever.
“Lila, are you ashamed of me?” “Hell no, Liam! Why in the world, would you think that?” “Because I look like a damn cave man.” We hadn’t had his hair cut yet and he needed a trim and a shave.
“I love everything about you, including your long ass hair.” He chuckled. “You better get used to it, you will be seeing it every day.” “Oh no, we will get it cut soon.”
I started kissing him and as I made my way down his body I could feel him getting more aroused. “Lila, it has been a long time since we have done this.”
“I know. Lay back and enjoy it, my love.” I started kissing his inner thigh and made my way up to his stomach. “I want you now, Lila!” he screamed. I climbed on top of him and I started moving and realized he wasn’t wearing a condom. Oh fuck, why do I keep forgetting about those damn things? I’m on the pill and Evan and I had been using protection, so it should be okay. Evan, I thought, just as I felt Liam come inside of me. “Sorry, I couldn’t hold it. I’ll be ready for round two in a minute.” I just laughed and kissed his chest.
I lay next to my sweet man. We made love again that night, this time Liam was in charge. He undressed me and teased the fuck out of me. He started kissing my neck and made his way all the way down my body, then he started rubbing my clit. I could feel how aroused he was, I started rubbing him. “Lila, I can either come all over your hand or inside of you, baby.”
“Oh Liam, I want you inside of me now, please just enter me.” He slid just the tip of his arousal in me, God I wanted it all. “Liam, all of it please.” Just as I pushed my hips, toward him he pushed into me and I exploded. That had to be the best orgasm ever. It was better than our very first time.
He finally showed me his surprise. It was a tattoo he had gotten before the crash. It was a big globe of the world on his chest, it said Lila under it. I had seen it several times in the last couple days but I never noticed what it meant. He also had gotten With Every Breathacross his back. It was beautiful. I just cried as we continued to make love.
I showed him my new tattoo, he loved it. “So Ads and Nikki got one too?” I had unshed tears in my eyes. “Yes,” I whispered. “Lila, I know she was like a sister to you. She loved you so much, L.” “I loved her too. I thought once I had you back, my life would be complete but it isn’t with her gone.” He kissed my tattoo. “I know, my love, I know.”
“Liam, Vinnie brought me the letters and pictures. So um…you were really a virgin when we made love for the first time?” He had a smirk on his face. “Yes, my love, I was. I had messed around with a few girls, got my fingers wet a couple times but that was my first time. I’m so glad it was with you.” I gave him a look and gently slapped his arm. “I’m glad I was your first but I really wish I didn’t know about the wet fingers part.” He laughed. “Oh L, you will always be my one and only.” Oh fuck! I slept with Evan and he doesn’t know yet.
I awoke to breakfast in bed, Liam had Eric help him get it all together. I had twenty texts from Evan, wanting to know what the fuck was going on.
I told Liam I had to get back but as I was packing to go, I heard Evan. “Lila, what is going on?” Evan yells. Eric just looked like oh shit, sis, your busted. “Evan, I can explain.” “Who is this fucking dude?” Liam asks. “Liam, this is Evan.” “Remember I told you about Evan when I first started school?” “We’re engaged. She has been with me since you’ve been gone,” Evan told him. “Evan! Let me explain this to Liam, please go now!” “I get it, Lila, this was the emergency? They found your long lost boyfriend that left you?” Fuck, Evan is not making this easy on me and the looks I’m getting from Liam. Eric is just standing there with his arms crossed, probably getting a damn kick out of all of this.
“You’re her fiancé? Okay, what the hell is exactly going on here, Lila?” asked Liam. “Evan and I have been seeing each other since you’ve been missing. He proposed after Thanksgiving.”
“You said yes? Not knowing where I was or if I was dead. So you’ve been shacking up with this hulk looking mother fucker.” “Who the hell you talking to like that?” Evan said. “Guys, let’s calm down and I will explain to you both. But I can’t if you guys are going to argue.”
“Lila, let’s go home. You are my fiancée and we are leaving,” Evan said. “She isn’t going anywhere with you, dude,” said Liam.
“Liam, I will be right back.” I walked outside with Evan. “What are you doing, Lila? Are you just going to throw away what we have to run to him?” “I need time to think, Evan!” “Fine I’m going back to New York!” Then he grabbed my arm. “So are you?” “Let me go, Evan, now!”
“No, you are my fiancée and you are leaving with me. I love you, Lila,
you said you loved me. You said you wanted to marry me. I was there for you when he wasn’t!”
“Stop, you are hurting me, Evan. You knew that there was a chance that I would go back to Liam.” Oh dear God, what have I done? I’m hurting him so bad, I can see the pain in his eyes. “A chance. It has been two fucking years that you’ve been sleeping with me. Now he comes back and you want to leave me. How could you throw away everything we have, Lila?”
“Let her go,” Eric yelled. Liam came running out the door and punched Evan in the face. Evan started to swing back but just as he does, Liam punched him again and said, “No one will hurt my Lila.” Evan wiped the blood away and drew his fist back and said, “What are you going to do, Army boy?” Then he punched Liam. “I suggest you go if you don’t want me to knock you the fuck out.” Liam yelled as he wiped his face. “All right guys, that’s enough. You both need to stop, can’t you see my sister is hurting. She didn’t mean to do this to you guys,” said Eric. “Evan, please just go,” I cried. Fuck, Evan was bleeding and Liam was bleeding and my arm was sore. I dropped to my knees and began to pray. Dear god, please help me fix this mess I created. I never meant to hurt either one of them. I love them both. Just as they heard me say that, they both looked like they had seen a ghost. “Lila, you are in love with him too?” “Yes Liam, I love Evan with all my heart. But I love you more. Liam, you mean so much to me. You are my everything.” Evan heard it all and dropped his head.