by Delisa Lynn
“Over you, Lila? I never got over you! I love you as much today as I did six fucking years ago! When I saw you at your father’s funeral, it took everything I had not to scoop you up in my arms and just take you away. Then when we went to the guest house and made love, it broke me. I couldn’t eat or sleep for days. My heart was broken in twenty fucking pieces. You were my everything, Lila. I had never loved and wanted anything as bad as I want you.” I could see that his eyes had filled with unshed tears.
“Oh Evan, sweetie I didn’t mean to… uh…I better go.” He grabbed my arm and when he touched me, I got chills all through my body. “Lila, you don’t have to go. We can catch up, my love for you will never change. I have tried to have relationships, but they just aren’t you. I even finally found Brynlea. She was back in Utah. Her parents did make her abort the baby, then they sent her to West Virginia to her grandparents. We talked for a few weeks. Hell, she couldn’t even make me happy. I’ll never be happy again.” I scooted closer and placed my hand on his arm. I wasn’t sure if I should or not, I was still attracted to him. Oh God, was I ever still attracted to him. I could feel his hurt and I just wanted to take it all away. Every word he spoke I could feel myself biting my lips.
“Evan, I’m so sorry.” He placed his hand on mine, and held it for a long time while we sat there and filled each other in on the last four years. He knew a lot about my life from Brody, of course, but they never told me anything about him.
“What are you doing for dinner, Evan?” “Whatever you want to do.” I smiled, that was my Evan. What was I thinking? I’m a married woman and I wanted to hang out with my old fling, wait he wasn’t a fling. I love him so much. I have never told Liam I still have these feelings for Evan.
“I’m staying at that hotel, by the café.” He gave me this look, it was a sad look. Oh God, he remembers that hotel, I bet. “What are you doing now, Lila?” “I was hoping to hang out with you. I have missed you and it is great to be with you.” He smiled and kind of choked back his words.
“Lila, you don’t even know how much this means to me. Would you like a beer?” “Sure, that sounds good.” What was I doing? I feel like a teenager that has a crush on an older guy and my parents forbid me to see him. How I would love to be in his arms, in his bed. “Here you go, darlin’.” Evan handed me my beer and the way he looked in my eyes, sent goose bumps up and down my arms. I got a chill. “You cold, Lila?” “Oh no, I’ll be okay. How about we go to the café and a walk around Central Park?” “That sounds great.” I had to get out of his place, I was having thoughts that a married woman shouldn’t have. We headed to the café. I wasn’t hungry considering I had just eaten. Well, I was hungry for Evan. God I just wanted to taste him one more time, it’d been four years. I’d been yearning for his touch.
“Lila, it feels great sitting here with you.” “Evan, it brings back so many memories. Do you remember that time we came here around two a.m. because I wanted a BLT only from here?” “I was just thinking about that.” I smiled at him. I reached across the table and touched his hand.
“Lila, how are you really? Are things good with you and Liam? I know he went through a lot when he was gone.” “Things are perfect with Liam and me. He has never changed! So what do you think, about Nikki and Brody getting married?”
“I think it’s great, I was a little shocked. But I know how much he loves her.” “She is absolutely in love with that man. I’ve never seen her this happy.”
“Thanks for bringing me here, Evan, I’m really enjoying myself.” “No problem. What are friends for?” I gave him a half smile, I could see that he was still hurting from all the pain I caused him. “How long are you staying?” “I will be here for a few more days, my mom and Eric’s girlfriend said they would help Liam with the twins.” “Eric started dating again.” “That’s great, he really loved Addison. I always wondered if he would move on.”
“It has taken him a while. He met Kaylyn at UC, she’s studying to become a Nurse Practitioner. She is a terrific woman; my mom adores her. They found the young guy who killed Ads, he was sentenced to life without any possibility of parole. I was so happy that justice was served but he not only took the life of Ads and her baby, he also hung himself a year after he was convicted.”
“Oh wow, I’m glad they found him. I wish I could have been there for you.” “I know, Evan, me too.” I squeezed his hand tighter.
We walked through the park holding hands. It was beautiful, I really missed this place. “Evan, you want to go back to the hotel with me? We can get a couple drinks.” “That would be great, Lila.”
We sat at the bar for hours drinking and talking. “Evan, I’m having so much fun. I’ve really missed you.” “Lila, I’m having a good time also. I think you, my friend, have had too much to drink though.” I thought I had at least four screwdrivers and a martini. I thought if I drank, it would take all my feelings for Evan away. “Would you like to dance, darlin’?” “I thought you would never ask, Mr. Martin.” I smiled as he pulled me in close. The song was “Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts. He started singing on my ear. “Lila, I will always stand by you, no matter what.” I just leaned my head on his shoulder. Great another song to remind me of him, hell who was I kidding? Almost everything reminded me of him. He noticed my bracelet. “Lila, you still have that?” “Of course I do, Evan, it has broken a few times but I get it fixed each time. I even wore it on my wedding day.” He had huge tears in his eyes. “Li-Lila, that is great.” He held me tighter, the song was ending and he said, “I won’t ever let you go, you can always run back to me.” I had to choke back my own damn tears.
“Evan, I think I should go lay down, I have had a wonderful time.”
“I will take you to your room.” We walked to the elevator and I grabbed his hand. Oh fuck, why did I do that? “Evan, why don’t you come in with me?” “I don’t think that would be a good idea, you’ve had a lot to drink. Darlin’, I would have to say you are drunk.” “No, I’m fine. Evan please don’t leave me, I need you.” I placed my hands on his face, I looked deeply into his eyes and kissed him. He tried backing away, but I pushed harder. He finally grabbed me and pulled me into him. The passion in the kiss was everything that I had missed about Evan.
“Lila, as much as I want you, we can’t do this.” “Evan, I love you, I have always loved you. I have needed you for so long. Please give me this.” I noticed the tears in his eyes. “Lila, I will give you whatever you want.” He started kissing me harder and we started undressing each other. He started kissing my breast and biting my nipples. Holy hell, I had missed this man something fierce. He made his way down my stomach.
“Evan, please give me all of you. Show me how much you love and missed me.” “Lila, I want you so bad. Are you sure you want this? There is no turning back, my love.” “Evan, I want you. I want to feel you inside of me. I want you to love me. I grabbed him and guided him inside of my opening. “Oh my God, Evan!” “Lila, I have missed making sweet love to you.” Evan started pushing into me harder and faster, it felt so good. “Ev-Ev-Evan, har, har, harder,” I moaned into his mouth. “I can’t hold it anymore, Lila, I’m coming baby, I’m coming. He grabbed my hips and thrust into me as hard as he could, as he did I felt him come inside of me. “Oh fuck Lila, I’ve missed your body just as much as I have missed you.” As we lay in the bed together, neither one of us spoke for hours. We just held each other and for the first time in four years, I cried silently. I had just cheated on my husband. The love of my life, with a man that I fell madly in love with but knew we could never be together because I belonged to another man that stole my heart and I promised him I would be his forever. That promise has caused me so much pain and has made me hurt the only other man I have ever loved.
“Lila, are you okay?” “I’m fine, Evan. Will you just hold me all night?” As I said that, I felt the tears running down my face. “If that’s what you want, Lila, I will stay here all night, sweetheart.” “Thanks Evan, I really need to feel your
arms around me.” What had I done? How could I ever face my husband again? I fell asleep in Evan’s arms and woke up to his wonderful kisses.
“Good morning, pretty lady.” “Good morning to you too, handsome. I’ll order breakfast.” I ordered our breakfast and we made love again while waiting for it. My phone started ringing—oh God Liam.
“Hello. Hi love, how are you? No I’m fine, just woke up. What are my girls doing? Hi Mads, Mommy loves you too. Where’s your sister? Hi Ads. Mommy misses you both. I will talk to you soon. Liam? Okay love, I’ll call you later. I love you too.”
I tried not to let Evan see me crying. He came over, put his arms around me and I just sobbed into his chest. “Evan, I’m a horrible wife, mother, and friend. I broke your heart once and here I am again, doing the same thing.”
“Lila, you’re a wonderful mother, wife, and friend. I’m the one who fell for you! I knew you would go back to Liam. I know you’re going back to him now too. Please don’t blame yourself. I wanted you so fucking bad, Lila. Hell, I wanted to kiss you when I saw you at the café. I can’t help the feelings I have for you. Yes, you broke my heart. It’s still broken and will always be. I can never love anyone the way that I love you.”
“Evan, I needed you so bad. I’ve been thinking about you for years. When I found out I would be here, I wanted to come, hoping to see you. I don’t understand myself, I have the perfect life. But it doesn’t feel complete. Being here with you makes me feel whole again. How can I love you and Liam so much?” I broke down and just cried as hard as I could. I cried for what I had done. I cried for my husband, I cried for hurting Evan and I cried for my best friend and my dad that I needed so bad. Evan just sat and held me while I cried.
The wedding was beautiful, Heather looked stunning. I was able to see a bunch of old friends. I called Evan so I could see him before I left. I met him at his place for dinner.
“Lila, it’s been wonderful spending this time with you. It’s meant so much to me.” “Me too, Evan, I’m really sorry that I’m leaving and bringing back old memories.” “Lila, I think about you every second of every day.”
Evan took me to the airport, I held him and cried. I knew that it could never happen again. We had an unforgettable night together. A night I would never regret. It was beautiful but I had to live knowing I cheated on my husband. My Liam was a great man and I loved him with everything I was but the one thing I needed he couldn’t give me. I had needed Evan so bad, for so many years.
As I sat on the plane and thought about everything that I had done, all the pain I caused Evan and all the pain Liam would feel knowing I broke our marriage vows. I couldn’t tell him, God how would I tell my wonderful husband this? I could never tell him. He would never have to know.
“Liam, I’m on my way home. I will see you all soon. I love you too. Kiss my girls for me. Holy hell, Liam something is—”
“Lila, baby. What’s happening? Can you hear me? Lila, I hear all the noise. What’s going on? Hello? Lila?”
Liam
Everyone brought flowers and pictures. We all sat around telling stories and crying for Lila together. Our beautiful girls missed their momma so much. It was so hard to explain to them. I know that Lila saw Evan when she went on her trip. He showed up here after the accident and it was written all over his face.
I had always known how much she loved him. She tried not to mention his name, but I knew my Lila better than anyone. She had the biggest heart and once she loved you, she loved you forever.
I never understood what he gave her that I couldn’t, we were so happy. But there were times, I could see the pain in her eyes when someone would mention New York, or when Brody would visit with Nikki.
The time I was gone, Evan took care of her. I really appreciated everything he had done for her. I never wanted her to be alone. The day I left her at the airport crying her heart out, I knew she would find someone to heal her heart while I was gone.
I knew she would never stop looking for me or loving me. Hell, I knew she would always love me. I knew she would never leave me for Evan once I came back but I also knew that he had a part of her that I didn’t. The two years I was gone, we couldn’t get them back. I never stopped thinking about my Lila while I was laying in that hospital bed. I have thought about her every day of my life since the day I met her. Sweet, beautiful, and full of spunk. My Lila Rae. I see her in our girls. Everything they do reminds me of her. I really wished we would have been able to have another child.
As I sat there staring out the window thinking about my beautiful L, wondering why all this had happened. I started to pray and thank God for what I did have, he had taken so much from me in my lifetime. I had lost so many people I loved but he also gave me all those people to begin with. I knew I needed to stay strong for my girls and it was hard as hell. I wanted to break so many times but then I would look into their beautiful little faces and I could see Lila in both of them. They made my heart smile looking at them. So I thanked God for my girls and prayed I would never lose them!
“Mr. Ellis, can you come with me for a second. I wanted to talk you about a few things, it has been and will be a long road. But Lila will be fine, she is awake now. There’s no memory loss, but she is still in a lot of pain. Her ribs are cracked and both arms are broken. She’s ready to see you now.”
I walked in that hospital room and could see Lila’s beautiful smile, that smile I hadn’t seen in two months. “Liam, are you okay?” “I am now, beautiful.” “Where are the babies?” “My mom has them. She and your mom will be here shortly.” “I hope I don’t look as bad as I feel.” “You look beautiful, L. I’m just glad you’re awake.” I kissed her beautiful face and told her how much I loved her.
“Liam, what happened? I remember being on the plane and talking to you and something happened…” “Lila, the plane crashed into another plane. You’ve been asleep for two months, they weren’t sure if and when you would wake up. We have all sat by your side and prayed for you to come back to us.”
“So I’m okay? Well, other than my arms.” “Yes, you’ll be fine. You’re also pregnant. Did you know that before you left, Lila?” “No Liam, I didn’t know. How far along am I?” “They said you are about eight weeks.” I could see the look in her eyes. I knew there was something she was thinking about. “Did you say eight weeks, Liam? I must’ve gotten pregnant before I left to see Heather.” “Yes L, remember you stopped your pill about a month before you left.” She had a huge lump in her throat, I could hear her trying to swallow it. “Has Nikki and Brody been here?” “Yes Lila, they have and Heather, Brandon, and Evan.” “Ev-Evan was here? At the hospital? What did he say—I mean, how did he know?” “Nikki thought he should know, so she called him. He was here for a few hours. I let him sit with you for a few hours. I know how much he loved you. Hell, who wouldn’t love you?” “I love you, Liam, I’m so glad I’m okay. We’re having a baby?” “Yes love, we are. Hopefully a boy but as long as it’s healthy, I’ll be happy.”
I could see the look in my beautiful wife’s eyes. The look of concern about the pregnancy. I would never let her know that I knew she slept with Evan and that the baby may be his. I will let her tell me when she’s ready. If she never tells me, I will still love that baby no matter what. In my eyes, it will be my baby. Our life is about embracing love.
~THIS ISN'T THE END~
First I would like to thank my awesome hubby Jay, without you pushing me to pursue my dreams this wouldn’t be possible. You have always had the faith in me that I didn’t have in my self. Because of you, that faith has come alive. The last couple months you have listened to me go on and on about my writing. Thank you for everything, I love you with everything that I am!
My beautiful mother, for all your support and everything you do for me. My wonderful Aunt Cathy Toops who has always been more like a mom than an aunt. My fabulous cousins Nikki Sparks and Amanda S. Thank you for all of your help and pointing me in the right direction.
My number one
bitch Michelle Toops and my BCF Frances Clendenin y’all probably wanted to tell me to shut up plenty of times, but you didn’t. Thank you for just listening to me go on about my book and giving me you’re feedback. My Aunt Denece Smith for being the first person to read my novel and giving me you’re honest opinion and just for being you. Amber Nation, thank you for all of your help. You have helped me so much these last couple months. Any questions I asked you answered or found an answer for me.
My best friend Nikki Trent, although you aren’t here. I know you have watched over me every step of the way. I miss you so much and know you would be very proud of me, because I finally did it!! My bff Heather Parsons thank you for always having my back no matter what. We may not see each other as often as we like but you have always been here for me. Megan Paige,Tracy Toops and Brandy Higgins thank you for all of your support. Andrea Herman-Zuellig, Shirley Daniels and Aunt Bird, thanks for being my biggest fans! Sorry if I left anyone out but I Love you all!
All of my Facebook family who have been here for me through this process and supported me and listened to me go on and on about my book you all are amazing!! All of my new Indie author friends, thanks for all of your support. My awesome cover designer Robin Harper at Wicked By Design, you rock and I love working with you. My editor Tanya Keetch at The Word Maid you are an amazing editor, thanks for putting up with all my questions and last minute changes and all of your feedback. My formatter Karen at White Hot Ebook Formatting, thank you for everything you have been wonderful to work with. Also Once upon a time cover for all of your wonderful work on my letter and chapter headings.
Delisa Lynn grew up in Columbus Ohio and loves Buckeye football. After working in retail photography for sixteen years, she wanted to take a different path and attended college where she received a diploma in Medical Assisting. She married her high school sweetheart, and moved to the Midwest, missing the east coast they decided to move back and are now residing in Western New York with their fur daughter Sophie. Delisa has always had a passion for reading, and has wanted to write her own novel. Delisa loves the outdoors, traveling, shopping and family time. When not writing you can find her snuggling up with her fur daughter and reading a good book, or watching a good movie. Delisa is currently writing, Borrowed a Novella from Evan Martin’s POV. Also look for Embracing Us and Embracing Hearts, all releasing early 2014.