“That’s how you change, kid, but you need to control it. You’re relying on your emotions. They’ll help, but they’ll overrun you too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Notice how the air smells different and everything looks different too? You shifted into a tiger. Look at your own tail.”
Darien whipped his head around and saw that Richard was telling the truth. He could see far beyond their cave entrance and everything looked more defined. He could smell odors he didn’t have words for. Looking behind him, he saw a striped tail flick back and forth in the dirt, almost of its own volition. If he thought about it, he could control it. It was a strange sensation, using muscles he never had before, but an instinct told him how to move.
“Now, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Relax. Once you calm down, you’ll shift back.”
Darien did as he was told, curling up in a more comfortable position and resting his head on his front arm. He closed his eyes and took long steady breaths, matching them to his heartbeat. He took one breath for every four beats, filling his chest and emptying it out each time. He tried to focus so hard on his breathing that it blocked out everything else. After several seconds, awareness cut through his stillness. He was cold, and the ground felt sharp and hard against his arm. He opened his eyes and saw that he was back in his human shape.
He used his hands to ease himself up off the ground. He could only stare at his arms. Only a few seconds ago they were paws, and covered in fur. He twisted to look at his backside, half expecting to still see a tail. But it was gone, along with the sensation of muscles to move it.
Susan broke the silence. “Holy crap, Darien. You were a tiger! One minute you were standing there, and I blinked, and there was this tiger. It’s... It was crazy.”
Darien looked at Richard. “How did I change? I didn’t even think of a tiger. Why did I become one?”
“You can’t control it yet. You only shifted because of how you’re feeling, and that emotion picked your shape. It’s dangerous. It means you might shift even when you don’t want to. But at least now you remember what happened, so you’re making progress.”
“Should I try again?”
“Not tonight. Until you know your limits, play it safe. You never want to be so exhausted you can’t shift if you need to. Try again tomorrow. You two’ll have the whole day to yourselves.”
“Where will you be?”
“I’m going back into the city. I need to meet with an old associate of mine. Someone I used to work with who might be able to get his hands on the explosives you need for your plan. I’ll also head to the warehouse district and see if I can find something that’ll work. You still want to go through with this?”
“Yeah. I think it’s our best chance.”
“You still need to contact Alyssa. Reach out to her in your dreams, and I’m sure she’ll find you. She’s probably looking for you every night as it is. It’ll be safer than calling her. Just remember, if you do, there’s no going back with her.”
The training for the day over, they feasted on the meager fare available and went to sleep. The next morning, after Richard left, Darien sat in the cave trying to clear his mind. Images kept floating into his mental solitude, and he was unable to burn them away. He tried for an hour before giving up. The dwindling flames seemed to taunt him as they danced. Darien kicked the rock circle, scattering the miniature boulders. He stomped out into the open air and climbed the rocks. He made his way to where Susan perched on a flat stone directly over the mine entrance.
“How’s it going?” she asked.
“Not well. I keep thinking about things, which kinda ruins the whole ‘clear your mind’ bit. Who would’ve guessed?” He sat down next to her and they were silent for a while, looking out over the trees and rolling countryside.
“I keep thinking about what we’re going to do. There’s no way to tell friends or family that we’re okay, otherwise we’ll be putting them right back in the middle of it. You know I’m not that close to my folks, but I keep thinking about Jay and Ellen.”
“I wonder if they know about Erik yet. I’m sure they’ve heard by now.”
“We’ll find a way to get in touch with them later.” He didn’t believe the words as he said them, but it still felt like the right thing to say.
“And in the meantime, we’ve got each other.”
Darien turned to look at Susan. Ever since he knew her, she’d been supportive. She was one of the strongest women he had ever met, and he couldn’t imagine someone he’d rather have by his side every day. He resisted the urge to drape his arm around her and pull her close.
“Thanks, Suz. I don’t know if I could handle it without you.”
Chapter 19
Richard returned from the city when the sun was close to the horizon and the sky was a fierce orange. Susan and Darien heard his truck long before they were able to see it. It was the only vehicle they had heard all day. He pulled the truck inside the cave and the other two dropped down in front of the entrance. They walked up to help him unload. Richard looked at Darien with an intensity that made him feel guilty.
“Were you successful?” Richard asked, his tone indicating he was confident he knew the answer.
Darien shook his head and tried to explain. “I had problems focusing.”
“And you decided that you’d quit and watch the sunset?”
Darien’s spine stiffened. “I’m not quitting.”
“Do you realize how little time we have, kid? Your entire plan depends on your ability to shift when you demand it. You don’t have the opportunity for leisure time right now.” He stepped forward, advancing to within a couple of inches of Darien.
Darien refused to back down and took a small step forward himself. “I tried, damn it!”
His shout echoed in the rock chamber several times before fading away. His body began to shimmer and he could feel the shift changing his body. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. His body solidified. When he opened his eyes, he relaxed and took a small half-step back.
Richard grunted. “At least you’re not out of control. That’s saying something. After we eat I’ll try to lead you through a change.”
Richard prepared another fire as Darien and Susan rooted through the bags of food. They pulled out some brats and buns. Simple fare, but filling. After the meal, Richard went to the truck and picked up a small box out of the cabin. He carried it over to Susan.
“Low light scope,” he explained as she took it from his hand. “Picked it up from my associate today and thought you might want to try it out.”
Darien sat by the fire and waited until Richard joined him, once again sitting on the opposite side of the blaze. Darien took a deep breath and focused his attention in the center of the flames, trying to block out everything except for the dancing fire and the crackling of the wood.
“Okay, Darien, stare into the flames. Block out all the sound except the sound of my voice.”
Darien took a deep breath and did as he was told. He timed his breathing to Richard’s, taking long slow breaths.
“Good, now close your eyes, but remember the fire. Picture it in your mind. Now imagine the Shadows, push them into the fire. Let the fire consume them.”
Darien’s tried to imagine the fire consuming the Shadows, but he kept thinking about them. He tried to picture himself shoving them into the fire, and watching them burn, but that only made him think about them more. He felt pinpricks of cold on his face where he broke into a sweat.
“Relax, Darien. Let the fire do the work. Don’t try to force it. Focus only on the flames.”
Darien pictured the blaze, watching the tongues of fire dance back and forth as they reached to the sky. He looked closer, zooming in with his imagination, until the flames were all he could see. The Shadows came to him, but he brushed it away. Rather than retreating to the back of his mind, the Shadows fell into the fire and were burned away.
<
br /> “Push in Lieutenant Olson. Push in Alyssa, and the Arm. All of your dangers, all of your stress, let the flame consume them until all that’s left is darkness and flame. Nothing else exists. Then let the fire die out, shrinking until only small embers remain. Those get swept away on a cool breeze. You’re empty, completely dark.”
Richard counted for a while, telling Darien when to breathe in and out.
“Now imagine what shape you want to assume. Pick one animal and imagine it in detail. See every hair, smell its breath and hear it inhale along with you. Feel your muscles ripple when it moves.”
Darien pictured a large white wolf in his mind. The bleached hairs trembled in the gentle breeze. The yellow eyes glowed in the darkness and seemed to peer through his soul. Darien felt the wolf breathe out, blowing hot, humid air. The fur rippled as the wolf stomped its foot against the ground. Darien felt loose dirt beneath the paw. It felt rough even against his calluses. The wolf’s eyes changed when he blinked, becoming a fierce green. The fire felt warmer and Darien wanted to break into a sweat but couldn’t. He kept his breathing shallow, but it was difficult to keep his focus. He shook his head back and forth, trying to clear it.
“Open your eyes Darien.”
The large white wolf opened his eyes and looked across the fire. The world was different. It was sharper, more distinct, but less colorful. He could hear Susan in the mountains, walking on rocks overhead. It sounded like she was right next to his ear. He heard a car in the distance and he jumped. Every muscle in his back and legs rippled as he flew up into the air and landed four feet away from where he had been sitting. He lowered his front end down, crouching in preparation. He sensed Richard’s movement as he got up and walked in front of him.
“Keep your mind. Don’t become wild. You’re a shifter, not just a wolf.”
Darien snarled, baring his fangs. His claws dug into the dirt getting a better grip. Richard turned his hands forward so that his palms were up in a gesture of submission. Darien stood up straight, but continued to show his canines.
Richard got down on the ground in front of Darien and put his face to the ground. The gesture sent a thought piercing through Darien’s mind. This was Richard, not a threat. The realization brought other memories and thoughts rushing back. He walked over to Richard and nuzzled his face once. Richard pushed himself off the ground and sat down.
“Glad you didn’t lose it, kid.”
“How can you tell?”
“The eyes. Yours were gold before, meant the wolf was in control. They’re back to your color now.”
Darien snorted and caught the scent of rabbit drifting into their cave. He sprang into action, running out of the mine tunnel and straight into the trees. Susan yelped in surprise as a white blur streaked past her.
Darien knew where the rabbit had been and where it was going. He could see the trail in his mind. He stopped in a small clearing and looked downhill. The prey moved between the tree trunks, bounding through the tall grass. Darien could see it under the dim light of the moon and heavy shadows as clearly as if he was watching in the middle of the day.
His legs tensed in anticipation as the prey stopped for a moment. It looked around and nibbled on some grass. Darien lifted his nose to the air and sniffed. He was downwind and couldn’t smell any other predators. Jumping into motion, the ground rushed under his feet. His pads made no noise in the grasses as he closed the distance. The rabbit looked up and back, seeing the sharp fangs of the wolf right before they closed on its throat. Darien shook his head back and forth, snapping the neck in his teeth. He put his paws on the rabbit and ripped off shreds of meat.
The wolf lay down in the grass, licking his lips and savoring the taste. The crickets in the woods echoed inside his head as he closed his eyes. Now that he was done eating, it was time for a quick nap.
When he woke he raised his head and gave a large yawn combined with a soft whine. He raised his nose to the wind and sniffed. The scent of motor oil was strong and he wanted to gag. He ran in the direction of the smell, sprinting around tree trunks close enough to make his fur rustle.
Darien found the dirt road that Richard had been driving on. He smelled the dirt and was overpowered by the intensity of the scent. He stumbled back to the cave entrance, sneezing to try and get the odor out of his nostrils. It bordered on being painful. He saw Richard and Susan sitting by the fire looking out into the night. Their eyes passed right over him without stopping. He walked into the circle of light inside the cave and they both twitched.
“Okay, Richard, I’ve done it.”
Richard nodded. “Now you need to shift back to being human. You need to clear your mind again.”
“You can understand the wolf?” Susan asked, her eyebrow raised as she looked between the two.
“Yes. It’s Darien. We can understand each other even after shifting.”
She tilted her head to the side. “What happened to his clothes?”
“They changed with him. It’s part of how it works. Anything we wear or carry in a pocket changes with us. I don’t know how or why, I just know that’s how it works.”
“What if he was carrying a suit case, or the rifle, or something?”
Richard shook his head. “Doesn’t work. It would drop to the ground unless he could keep a handle on it.”
“It’s kind of hard to focus on blocking things out with the two of you going back and forth about shifting.” Darien barked but kept his eyes closed.
“Screams and shouting are a lot harder to block out than conversation. Deal with it.”
Richard’s tone had a low growl to it that Darien could pick up only with his heightened senses. Richard had a point. He squirmed, trying to get more comfortable as he rested his head on his paws. He licked his lips with his long tongue as he got comfortable.
Darien tried to block out everything, to clear his mind like before. His companions were silent despite Richard’s admonishment. But Darien still had difficulty focusing. He heard a mouse screech as it got caught in an owl’s talons. The leaves rustled as other mice tried to bury themselves to prevent being the next meal. The smell of sweat and gunpowder was strong inside of the cave. He could even catch the odor of the brats they cooked for dinner. Darien stood up and looked at Richard.
“There’s too much here. I can’t clear my mind.”
“You’ve got the senses of a wolf, not a person. Work harder.”
“Great,” Darien groaned. It came out as a whine.
The wolf lay down again and covered up his ears with his paws. It did little to block out the noise. He got up and paced around the fire, the hackles on his back rising. After a few minutes, he lay down and tried again. It took an hour before he was able to calm down and block out his senses. When he did, his body shimmered and he became his human self again. He pushed himself up off the ground and stretched.
“My muscles are sore.”
“Your muscles are sore because you’re not used to shifting. It’ll take a long time before you get used to it. You’ll also get exhausted and hungry. It takes a lot of energy when you first start.”
“Does it get easier?”
“Yes, as long as you don’t exceed your limits.”
Richard started cooking more brats over the fire. The smell made Darien’s stomach rumble. Susan came over and rested her hand on Darien’s leg, giving it a comforting squeeze. When he looked at her, she was smiling. He put his hand on top of hers and returned the gesture.
Darien devoured the last of the brats before they were cooked all the way through, his hunger overpowering his patience. Afterwards, they curled up near the fire and drifted off to sleep.
When Darien woke up, Richard was gone with the truck and Susan stood near the entrance. He rose and helped himself to a quick breakfast of protein bars. Susan heard him rustling around and came back to join him.
“Nice job last night. Looks like you’re starting to get the hang of it.”
Darien grabbed a water bottle and used it to
wash down the chalky food. “’Starting to’ is the key phrase. I still got a long way to go.”
“You’ll get it. After all, what’s the alternative?”
“Die in a big explosion?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll shoot you before I let that happen.”
“Gee, thanks. I feel better already.”
Susan laughed and stood up with a stretch. “Get to practicing. I’m going to hike around outside some more.”
Darien sat by the embers cross-legged and closed his eyes in meditation. This time, the sense of emptiness came easier. It still required a significant effort and he had to take it one step at a time, but it no longer felt like beating his head against a brick wall. After a few hours, he felt a sense of calm and stillness. He opened his eyes and rushed to the cave entrance.
“Susan! Come here. I think I can do it and I want you to see.”
Susan clambered down the rock wall and walked into the cave. Her footsteps were slow as she approached the fire pit. She leaned against the wall, watching but saying nothing. Darien stood near the fire and closed his eyes.
The first thing he pushed into the fire was his nervousness. All the rest of his concerns followed suit until he had reached the state of stillness once again. He breathed deeply and tried to step through it as Richard had taught him. He imagined a hawk, picturing every feather and muscle, drawing more details into his mind as he focused on it.
His body became transparent and an image of a hawk soon overlapped that of a human. As the seconds ticked by, the hawk became more solid. When the human completely disappeared, Darien opened its eyes and looked around. He looked at his arms, holding out one wing and then the other, amazed at how the feathers tugged at his skin as he unfurled his wings.
With a screech of delight, he jumped into the air and flapped his wings several times. His flight was short lived as he struck the ceiling and then plummeted to the ground. Susan burst into laughter as he tried to right himself.
The Shadow Chaser (The Sheynan Trilogy Book 1) Page 16