by Raye Morgan
“What happened?”
“Let me start from the beginning.”
She filled him in quickly, telling him how they’d met, how they had both been working for military intelligence, both experts at undercover work. “As you used to say, we lived in a world of lies and spies. We had to work hard to keep our own reality apart from that.”
His gaze never left her face as she went through their time together, how they had lived and loved, how they had secretly married.
“We were so happy together,” she told him earnestly. “We really were so well-matched. It was like a miracle. We could hardly stay away from each other all day.”
“Now that I can believe,” he said with the hint of a grin.
“But there were a couple of clouds on our horizon. Things you didn’t even know about. And it was my fault.” Her voice broke.
Reaching out, he took her hand in his, but he didn’t say a word.
“Okay, now you know most of the background. But I haven’t told you about my brother, Rolo.”
“Your brother Rolo.” He said it slowly, as though running the name through his memory banks, trying to find the right folder.
“You knew him. He wasn’t military but he did some contract work for us and you worked with him a couple of times. He’s my baby brother. I basically raised him, as our parents weren’t around much.” She took a deep breath. How to explain this? “When he was young, I adored him. He was the cutest little boy. He didn’t turn out to be what I would have wanted, but I tried.” Her voice was shaking, but she couldn’t stop now. “And I kept hoping, always hoping, if I could give him just one more chance, maybe this time he would catch on and do well at something. He always needed a break, always had everyone working against him. At least in his mind. You get the picture?”
He nodded, and she noted he was beginning to look a bit distant. That chilled her. But what did she expect?
“We’d been married about two months when he came to me in distress. He was about to be fired once again. He needed evidence to prove he could do the work they were expecting him to do. He had to have something to show them, just one bit of good information. And he wanted me to get it for him.”
Mykal winced. “I don’t like where this is going,” he murmured, eyes hooded.
Her heart sank. He was ready to condemn her without even hearing the whole story. Oh, well. She knew she deserved it.
“I wanted to help him. I wanted to believe him. He’s all I have left of my family.” She steeled herself, but her words were coming too fast now. She just wanted to get it over with. “In trying to help him, I did something very bad and very stupid. I…I went into your papers and looked for something, anything, something innocuous and simple, something I could give him to use. Something that you wouldn’t even notice.”
He was no longer holding her hand. She clenched it into a fist.
“I found the study you had done on the Grieg harbor patterns. You’d said they were useless. So I picked that. I made a copy and I gave it to him.”
He was staring at her. “Wow.”
She nodded. She knew how bad this was. “I gave him what I’d found, but he called me and said he needed the second page. When I went in to make a copy of that, you walked in and saw me.”
“Janis…” His voice was strangled and his eyes were filled with horror and he seemed to be moving as far away from her as he could go.
She closed her eyes for a moment. She didn’t want to see that look on his face. She remembered what he had said at the time. “Janis. My God, what have you done? You were my one island of safety and sanity in this crummy world. And now that’s gone.”
That probably hurt her more than anything else. To think that she had let him down cut like a knife into her heart.
“I told you this was bad. And it is the reason we aren’t together anymore.” She took a shaky breath and as she went on, her voice began to sound mechanical. “You could hardly believe what you saw at first. And you told me in no uncertain terms that you could never forgive it. That you could never trust me again. I tried to explain, but of course, it was a stupid explanation anyway and you had every right not to listen to it.”
She shook her head, wincing as she remembered that scene. “You were so angry. You felt completely betrayed. You said…” Her voice broke. “You said you never wanted to see me again. I…I ran out of the apartment and I ran and ran. I ran for miles. I finally ended up at Rolo’s new apartment, a place you didn’t know about. And I stayed with him until the next day.” She swallowed hard and went on. “The next day when the secret police came and dragged me away.”
He was staring at her. “I don’t get it. Why did they do that?”
She shrugged. “Rolo said you’d called them and given information about me, and I…”
“Me?”
“Yes. And I figured he was right. Who else would have done it?”
He shook his head as though he couldn’t believe she’d thought that of him. “I thought you said I didn’t know where you were.”
She shook her head. “Someone must have told you.”
He stared at her for a long moment, obviously frustrated that he couldn’t remember the facts for himself, and then he said, “I don’t believe it.”
She shrugged. At this point, she really didn’t know what to believe. But she’d been arrested. That much was real. “At any rate, they came. And they took me to the Granvilli prison camp in Swanson, near the border.”
He shook his head as though his mind and his heart were too full to say anything.
“I spent two months in that camp. I just got out a few days ago. And I went hunting for you. I heard you’d gone over the border and were living in the city. Someone gave me your address. And I went to your house, still in my prison jumpsuit.”
He was staring at her. “Oh, my God, Janis…”
“And there you were, all shot up with shrapnel. And about to be named a prince. So you see, I didn’t want to add to your stress level at that moment in time. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he looked at her again. “So that wedding ring is ours?”
She half smiled, liking the way he put that, despite everything. “Yes. We only wore them when we were home. We weren’t supposed to be married. It was against the military rules.” She frowned. “So I don’t understand why you were wearing it when your bike hit that IED. Do you?”
He shrugged. “Obviously not.”
“And you don’t remember what date that was?”
“No.”
She glanced at the end of the bed where his chart and other papers were usually posted. There was nothing there.
She looked at him. He looked tired, confused. She reached out and touched his hand, but he made no move to reciprocate. Her throat threatened to swell closed if she didn’t get out of here.
“Listen, I’ve given you a lot to think about,” she said, holding back tears. “I’m going to go for now. I’ll be back around noon. Okay?”
She looked at him again, wondering if he would tell her not to bother. But he didn’t answer. He just stared at her as though he’d never seen her before. She turned and quickly left the room. And once she was in the hall, the tears began to flow. Their marriage was so over.
She walked through the halls, trying to calm herself. There was more to be done. She had to remain competent or things would get even worse. Slowly, bit by bit, she got control again.
A few minutes later she realized she hadn’t said anything to him about Kylos showing the house. But that was just as well. She would leave it to Kylos to tell him. He didn’t need to hear all the bad news at once.
She hated to leave Mykal all alone like this. She felt as though she was leaving him i
n the middle of a pack of wolves and expecting him to fend them off all by himself. But she couldn’t let herself use that as an excuse to stay longer. She had to leave before it became impossible to go.
And then, as she was passing a group of offices, she saw someone she’d known years before and it occurred to her he might be useful.
“Mr. Dreyfer,” she said, approaching the distinguished looking older man. “I don’t know if you remember me?”
He smiled and held out his hand. “Of course. You’re the Gorgonio girl, aren’t you?”
She smiled at him as well, remembering years before when her uncle had tried to engage Mr. Dreyfer as his defense attorney when he’d first been charged with organized crime activities. Mr. Dreyfer had come to the house for extended meetings, but in the end, he’d recommended another attorney.
“Everyone has a right to decent representation,” he’d said at the time. “But I can’t justify taking a case that won’t let me sleep at night. I have a family to consider.”
His words had stuck with her and helped her to make her decision, years later, to try to cut her ties to the Gorgonios.
“Actually, I go by my mother’s maiden name, Davos,” she told him now.
“Ah. Perhaps that’s just as well.”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath and launched into an explanation of why she was at the castle and what had happened to Mykal. “It’s wonderful that he is being given this opportunity,” she told him. “But I was thinking he really ought to have representation. It’s all so new and unexpected. Would you be interested in talking to him?”
“Yes, of course. It all sounds very exciting and sometimes people get swept away by that. They can often use a bit of wise counsel, which is just what I pride myself in supplying.”
“Yes. I trust the people here at the castle and all they’re doing, but I think it would be best if he had someone looking after his interests, just to be sure. And since I won’t be with him after today…”
“I have some things to wrap up, but I’m at your service. Will tomorrow morning do?”
“I would so appreciate that.” She explained where Mykal was and then left the attorney, feeling satisfied.
She knew what she was doing. She was tying up loose ends after all, just not the ones she’d come seeking to tie up. She’d wanted Mykal to sign their divorce papers. He would probably do that on his own. And she’d wanted him to sign away parental rights. He would never do that. She would have to go and hide where he couldn’t find her. But since she wasn’t going to be here to help him through all this, she was glad she’d found someone who could do a lot of it for her. One more item off her list.
She still had one of the hardest ones to go. Before she left, he had to know about her family. That might make all this easier for him. Once he wove all that into the background of their relationship tapestry, he would know why she had to go. He would understand.
After all, he was starting on a journey, going somewhere that was beyond her reach. How could she even contemplate going with him when she knew the sort of people she came from? Her uncle—her father’s brother—was Max Gorgonio, Ambria’s most notorious mobster and the man who had almost ruined Mykal’s parents all those years ago. A man who was right now sitting in the royal prison, sentenced to life. His was a name known, feared and despised, all through the country. It was a name she’d been born with. And that was something she could avoid for short periods of time, but ultimately she couldn’t run away from.
She stopped into the coffee shop to get an iced mocha drink, and there was Rolo, sitting with her cousin Jasper, both looking glum.
“Janis!” Rolo cried when he saw her. “Thank God. I heard you were here. I’ve been looking all over for you. We need help.”
Her shoulders sagged. Rolo always needed help. This was the first time she’d seen him since the secret police had marched her out of his apartment, and all he could do was ask for help.
She shook her head. “Rolo, I just can’t deal with it right now. I need a rest.” She saw the shocked expression on his face. He wasn’t used to big sister not being there for him. She relented, feeling like a fool. “Oh, why don’t you come to my room around three this afternoon. I’ll see what I can do.” She told him where she was staying and hurried away with her drink. She was going to lie down and think about Mykal. She wouldn’t waste one thought on her brother until she had to.
But that only worked for a short time. Eventually she had to think about what Mykal had said about Rolo, and how adamant he’d been that he wouldn’t have called out the secret police. She wanted to believe him.
She met Pellea coming out of Mykal’s room as she was going in.
“How is he?”
Pellea was beaming. “Tired, but great.”
That startled Janis. “Tired? How tired? You don’t mean groggy, do you?”
“No, not at all.” The queen shrugged. “I assume it’s still from the operation.”
“Oh. Of course.”
Pellea seemed concerned, but she was in a hurry. “I’ve got a meeting with the ball committee,” she said. “You do know there’s a royal ball next week?”
“Oh.” Too bad she was going to have to miss it.
“Yes. We need to work on a ball gown for you.” Pellea laughed. “Originally we thought we were going to be parading a lot of young beauties for Mykal to pick from for his bride. But now I understand that is not an issue.”
“Oh.” That surprised her. “What did Mykal tell you?”
“Nothing, darling,” she said, giving her a hug. “But I can tell by the look on his face when your name is mentioned. We’re going to have to have a long talk before we start doing any matchmaking.”
Janis pretended she didn’t know what the queen was talking about. “As long as he’s healthy,” she said vaguely, not sure what that meant, but it filled an awkward pause and that was what she used it for. Young beauties? It made her gag to think of it. Still, it was probably good that he begin to think of other women. She was sure the handpicked ladies the crown would bring in for the ball would be perfect in every way. Unlike her.
Pellea went off and Janis went in to see Mykal, steeling herself for the visit. This time, she was going to tell him about her family.
The nurse waved her on through and she went into the room he’d been assigned to.
“Hi,” she said, smiling at him lovingly, but not sure what her reception would be.
“Hey.” He turned to look at her. For a moment, he didn’t smile, as though he was compiling all the new things he knew about her and deciding how to respond. Finally, he smiled back but he seemed sleepy. “You look prettier every time I see you,” he said. “I would think just the sight of you should jog my memory back. How could I forget loving you?”
“Amnesia is a tricky thing.”
He took her hand in his. “There are so many things I don’t know. Where did we live? How long were we married? Did we have a cat?”
She laughed. “No cat. But we did have a lizard that we named Ferdinand. He lived in the courtyard.”
He pulled her onto the bed beside him. “Did we live by the ocean? Did we go for long walks in the sand? Did we make love on rainy afternoons?”
“All those things,” she said with a sigh, curling into his embrace. “We were so very happy.”
“Until…”
“Yes. Until that awful day.”
He held her close, his face buried in her hair. “Forget that day,” he murmured. “Leave it behind. Let’s go on without it.”
She turned and kissed him. “We can’t forget it. You heard what I did. You know you’ll never feel the same way about me.”
He looked pained. “How can I know if I don’t feel the same about you when I don’t remember how I felt in the fir
st place?”
“When you get your memory back, I think you’ll realize…” She took another breath. This was hard to get out. “I think you’ll realize that you hate me.”
“I hate you?” He shook his head in derision. “Janis, I’ve felt a lot of things about you since you showed up on my doorstep, but hatred is not one of them.”
She sat up, frowning at him. “I don’t think you fully understand what I did.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I betrayed you. It was unforgiveable.”
“Yes. And I can’t forgive it. But I can understand it. You weren’t thinking about me. You were trying desperately to help your younger brother. I’ll bet you’d been trying desperately to help him most of your life. You followed a known pattern. It’s a pattern you’re going to have to work on breaking. But I can understand it.”
“Mykal…”
“Enough.” He put a finger to her lips to stop her. “Let’s put it behind us and go forward.”
“We can’t. Don’t be happy yet. There’s more.” She steeled herself, ready to begin the tell him about the Gorgonios.
“I don’t care,” he said. “Come here.”
His blue-eyed gaze was mesmerizing. It always had been. She was in his arms and kissing him again, and she knew she wasn’t going to tell him about her family. Not yet. This was just too wonderful to forfeit at the moment.
By the time Rolo arrived at her door, she was angry.
“Okay, Rolo. I want the truth,” she said as she let him in. “Why did the secret police come for me? Mykal has told me he didn’t call them and I believe him.”
Rolo looked pained. She could almost see the thoughts going through his head as he tried to decide what part of the truth he should give her.
“Yeah, you’re right. See, it was a trap. When I turned over those papers you gave me, they wanted to know where I’d gotten them. I wouldn’t tell them.”
“And?” she asked coldly.
He threw out his hands as though beseeching pity. “They tortured me, Janis. What could I do?”