“Molly.” My father’s low, baritone voice. “It’s time we did some explaining.”
I let her go and wondered if my heart would pound up and out of my throat. “Okay.”
My mother gestured for me to sit on the piano bench. She sat next to my father on the couch. “Sit.”
When important moments happen in your life, you never think about the small things that will affect you. Their hands together affected me for some reason, seeing them unified, holding together as they faced me.
My dad pulled his glasses off. “I met your mother right after she had graduated and I was here working for my Uncle Jack that summer. I was going to start school in Billings that fall.”
I thought of hearing them talk about how they had married so young before. I swallowed. “Okay.”
My mother cleared her throat. “Sweetie, before we tell you everything, I want you to know that you have been the best thing in our life. Okay?” Her eyes were watery.
I resisted the urge to let my eyes fill. I nodded, wanting it to be true.
My father let out a tired sigh. “I knew your mother was extraordinary. She was a lot like you, my Molly. But, she was a dancer.
When I met her, she had an offer to go to New York and dance with a professional company.”
My heart thumped fast. “I knew she’d been a dancer, but I didn’t know she’d been that good of a dancer.”
My father blinked. “She was a glorious dancer. She danced like nothing you’d ever seen—like the wind moving over the hills—fresh, easy, beautiful.” His eyes went to their hands. “I’m ashamed to say that I was no gentleman, I got her pregnant.”
Traitor tears filled my eyes.
My mother shook her head. “Don’t cry. Don’t you cry. You have been the greatest thing in my life.” My mother swiped at her own tears.
My father reached forward and took my hand. “I didn’t know what to do. I was young. Stupid. I didn’t react well. I felt like I was stealing your mother’s youth.” Tears filled his eyes. “That’s when I wrote that letter.”
I’d ruined her life. Stolen her dreams.
My mother pounded her fist into her knee. “It was my fault he felt that way, I didn’t react well, either. I was upset.”
My father put his hand over her fist. “Your condition…it made things complicated.”
Her condition. Understanding washed through me. “Your hip?”
My mother’s face went red, she glared at my father. “I told you not to do this.”
My father shook his head and turned to me. “Molly, your mother had been advised from an early age that having children would make her hip worse.”
“Don’t.” My mother yanked her hand back. She wagged her finger at me. “I have never regretted having you. I didn’t know what joy was…until you were born.”
My father nodded. “I was stupid to suggest an abortion. I was wrong. I knew that loving your mother was the only thing I wanted in my life…”
He hadn’t gone to school because he’d stayed to take care of his family. He’d taken over Uncle Jack’s ranch.
Once again I was part of a movie. The kind of dramatic, ridiculous movie that flipped the whole plot upside down. The events of what probably happened played out in my mind. A girl with a future. A handsome boy. An unwanted pregnancy. A condition that would make it so she couldn’t dance. A condition that would make it so my father would have to stay in Snow Valley.
Me.
I really had stolen both of their futures.
My father took my mother’s hand back. “Can you forgive me for that letter?”
Tears fell down my mother’s face and she closed her eyes. “I should have destroyed that letter a long time ago. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
Slowly, I focused on my mother. I had to know. “Did you want an abortion?”
“I wanted you.” She answered quickly. “When I went into that abortion clinic, I just knew it was the wrong thing.” She wiped at her eyes. “God’s plan is better than our plan. He knew what He was doing by giving me a precious, beautiful daughter.”
Abortion clinic. She’d gone to the clinic? I looked her up and down. My parents weren’t old. Early forties, not old enough for heart attacks and hip conditions. But would they even be together now? “Mom, you didn’t want me?”
“I always wanted you.”
I shook my head, trying to clear the jumbled thoughts. I thought of a documentary I’d watched on abortion clinics once. The people that put babies in trash cans. “Did you want me or not Mom?”
Anger darkened my father’s face. “Don’t you snap at your mother, young lady.”
I shot off the couch and up the stairs. “I don’t understand what God’s plan has to do with anything.” I shouted back.
I packed quickly, my hands shaking. I’d thought that my father wrote the letter, but I’d never doubted that my mother wanted me. Not once.
Until now. I’d ruined their lives.
I ran down the stairs, making a jaunt into the kitchen to get my keys.
“Molly, stop.”
My father stood next to the door. My mother wasn’t in sight.
“Move, please.” I slowed.
“You don’t understand.”
I maneuvered around him and flung the door open.
“Molly—your mother’s degenerative hip condition—she’s always had that.”
The deck was slick and I almost fell as I pulled my rolling bag after me. I got my balance and turned back.
His face was sad, dark shadows under his eyes. “The doctor told her by choosing to go through with the pregnancy, she would be choosing to give up ever being able to really dance again. Childbirth pushed her body hard.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “She gave up a lot. Her passion.” His eyes flipped open. “And she’s never complained about it. She’s never told anyone. Your grandparents and I were the only ones who ever had a clue about her physical trauma.”
Stunned, speechless, angry—that’s what I was. The anger smarted like a good, strong slap to the face.
His eyebrows furrowed. “She loves you, Molly. We both do.” He sighed. “Come back when you can.” Quietly, he shut the door.
Tears sprang to my eyes. I tugged on my roller bag and then hefted it into the rental car. I didn’t have to leave for a couple of hours, but I couldn’t go back inside.
Without thinking, I knew who I needed to talk to. He would help me sort this out.
I put my bag in the back of the car and trudged up the driveway to his house. Before I got to the front porch the front door flew open and Kevin stumbled out, his hair wild, anger on his face. His feet were bare.
Then something happened that turned this ridiculous, dramatic movie into the worst movie I’d ever seen.
A tall woman moved out of the door, wearing a white, puffy coat with brown, long hair. She grabbed him by the collar. “Merry Christmas, Kevin.”
Chapter Nineteen
OKAY, I’LL ADMIT, I DIDN’T get that great of a look at her eyes, but they definitely looked ‘too close together.’
Her lips pressed to his.
Nausea filled me. I thought of how he’d been engaged. This was her.
The kiss didn’t last for more then maybe three seconds. When Kevin pulled away, he scrubbed his mouth. “Carrie!”
Carrie. That was her name. The Stephen King book. I’d never read it, but I could imagine the horrors this girl could put any man through. I turned for my car, going into sprint mode.
“Molly!”
I slipped into my car and turned the key. I could not do this with him.
As I pulled out of the snow bank, Kevin was there. Boots on, his messy black hair halfway in his eyes. “Molly!” He shouted and the side of the car thudded as he smacked it. “Stop!”
I didn’t know if it was my parents. I didn’t know if it was Kevin.
All I knew was that I couldn’t get out of Snow Valley fast enough.
***
The store bustled with Christmas Eve shop
pers. I slumped next to the computer, putting in the latest sales figures. It was only noon and sales were up by double compared to other days. I tried not to think of the disappointment Pastor John would have in all of us—me and the customers. He would want us doing something to prepare for Christ’s birth.
I carefully ignored the angst that had resided in my heart since yesterday. I’d allowed myself a good cry on the way to Billings and as I’d sat in the airport and waited for my flight. I’d even cried as I’d told Christina the sordid details of the past few days. I’d allowed myself to grieve.
For my mom. For what giving me life had done to her.
For Kevin. The fact I’d allowed myself to fall for that stupid fairytale again. I wasn’t the love lost. I was the rebound girl. I picked at the last bit of nail polish left on my pinky finger next to my ring and immediately took the star ring off. If this star had guided me back to Snow Valley then I didn’t want it anymore.
The store phone rang and I picked it up, retail voice in place. “Hollingsworth Jewelry, how can I help you?
“You’re back.” Stan Hollingsworth’s voice sounded happy and relieved.
“Hey, Stan. I told you I would be back.”
“Oh, good. And the inventory problem.”
“All fixed.”
“Good, you don’t know how much it comforts my dad and me to know you are there. I honestly didn’t know if my dad had spoken out of turn to take off ten thousand with the buyout, but I’m glad to see you pulled through for us. I’ll be happy next year to have you take my place as franchise owner.”
Unexpectedly, the thought of owning my own store gave me no happiness at all. “Thanks, Stan, I look forward to working with you.” I said the words robotically.
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll get back to my family, now that you’re back I can enjoy being with them.”
“Sounds good.”
“Merry Christmas, Molly.”
The words stuck in my brain. There was nothing Merry about Christmas. “Have a safe trip.” I hung up.
I took a long lunch, but just sat in the back parking lot in my car. Not hungry. Not going anywhere to eat. Completely alone.
On Christmas Eve.
My mind wandered to how Pastor John would be ordering the Christmas Pageant volunteers around. How my parents would be preparing their ham and fixings for dinner. How I wouldn’t be there to put the star on top of the tree before we read out of the Bible.
I hadn’t been there for the past two years.
A tear fell down my cheek. It didn’t matter. Snow Valley would never be my home.
My phone buzzed. It was Christina.
I sniffed and tried to put on a happy voice. “Hey.”
“Chica, where are you?”
“Why?” I wiped beneath my eyes and pushed open the car door.
“I’m in the store,” she said.
“I was just at lunch, I’m coming.”
She snorted. “Right, like you ate lunch.”
“Whatever.”
“I hope you’re not mad at me.”
I jogged around the building to the store and flung open the door. “For what?”
“For bringing him here.”
Chapter Twenty
KEVIN.
He stood next to Christina, his black hair all modely. He wore a black pinstriped shirt and dark jeans. His facial hair was perfect.
A stir of attraction and anger filled me.
Christina surrendered, her hands going up next to her big silver, hoop earrings. “Your mother called and asked if I would pick him up at the airport and bring him here.”
I didn’t respond, my eyes on Kevin’s. The air had thickened with an electric force that would kill anybody that tried to touch it.
Christina fake laughed. “Well, I have to get back to the salon, but call me.” She waved and rushed out.
Kevin broke the connection, turning and picking up a large, wrapped present next him. He glanced at Sally and Joe, who had taken up residence next to me. “Can we talk?”
I didn’t respond.
Sally nudged me. “Why don’t you take an extra, extra long lunch?”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. I don’t need any more time for lunch, we have nothing to discuss.”
Kevin squeezed his eyes shut and then moved next to me, holding the present between us. “At least open your present.”
I didn’t look at the present. “I don’t like it when people have presents for me and I don’t have one for them, so I can’t accept it.”
His eyes narrowed. He slowly tore the wrapping paper off.
It was me. A younger version of me. Happier. Free. On the swing. With Kevin standing behind me. The look on his face told how much he adored me.
All the vulnerability from the past few days hit me with the force of a tsunami. Tears flooded my eyes and down my face. My heart hammered inside my chest.
“Mol.” Kevin reached out to me.
Ferociously, I blinked and turned for the door. “Not here.”
Kevin followed behind me. “Molly,” he called out.
I pulled my coat tighter around me. “Keep walking.” I went across the parking lot and into the mall. I had to be far away from customers for this.
He moved next to me. “Please, stop and talk to me.”
I didn’t stop. “Sorry if I interrupted you and the ex the other day.”
He took my forearm to stop me. “It wasn’t like that.”
I yanked my arm back. “Wasn’t it? Were you just embarrassed I caught you kissing on your porch?
Maybe you’re just relieved you didn’t have to tell me you needed ‘time’ again.” I air quoted.
He let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead. “She just kissed me.”
I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them. “Kevin, I don’t know why you’re here, but I realized that you didn’t come for me a long time ago because you went off to college and you found someone else.”
“Pshhh.” He shook his head. “That’s what you think?”
“That’s what I saw.”
His hands clenched into fists. “Do you want to know the real story, Molly?”
I hesitated. “I…” I thought of the ‘real’ story with my parents. Everything felt like it was crashing down on me. My eyes fluttered. “I don’t know.”
He took a step toward me, closing the gap between us. “You know how Lacey talks about God’s plan?”
“Ohmygosh, if I have to hear about some ‘plan’ again—” I tried to move around him.
He put both hands on my shoulders. “Don’t. Don’t do this, Molly O’Hare.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks. Partly because I wanted him to let go and partly because I never wanted him to let go. “Kevin…” I couldn’t take it if he didn’t want me. If the one person I needed to want me didn’t want me.
He released me and stared into my eyes. “I couldn’t marry Carrie because I’d known you were the one since we were six and we sat up in that awful tree house Janet helped us build and made mud pies. Do you remember?”
My mind flashed to the gritty mess of the hauled up mud that we’d conveniently used his mother’s baking pans for. “I remember.”
“And all the years of pushing each other on that swing, do you remember?”
“Just stop.” More tears flooded my cheeks.
His eyes glistened. “Of course, it wasn’t like I really understood love or marriage.” He touched my hand and put it over his heart. “But I understood that I wanted to be with you.”
Goosebumps appeared on my arms.
“It wasn’t big, life altering…it was just an abiding love. Maybe it started as friendship.” He squeezed my hand. “But it turned into love. Yeah, even that twitterpated love in high school when I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Even though I didn’t want to, I smiled.
“And I haven’t been able to stop. All the time you were away, I tried to tell myself that you weren’t staying away bec
ause it was a sign that we weren’t supposed to be together. I tried to tell myself that childhood loves…first loves…weren’t forever, that I had made it up. But, guess what Lacey told me that night at the fireworks.”
I hesitated. “Wh-what?”
“That seeing us together made her think that the plan might work out.”
Thinking of Lacey made me soften.
“And you can call it fate or a fairytale or God’s plan, but I believe we are meant for each other.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to shut out the emotion that his words echoed within me.
“Do you want to know why I couldn’t marry her?”
I sucked in a breath. “Yes.”
“I went to college and realized that the woman I loved…was here. And I’d let her go. Because I was stupid and scared. ” His eyes misted.
I could barely breathe. My heart pounded into my ears. I thought of us together when we were young on the swing. Doing chores together. Swimming in the ditch in the summer.
He touched my hand and fire burned into my heart. “I love you, Molly O’Hare. I couldn’t let you leave again and not come after you.”
Chills washed through me, the truth of it all surrounded me. Warm, peaceful. I stared into his eyes. “I love you, too.”
He pulled me into his chest. “I had no idea Carrie was coming yesterday, she just showed up and told me that Christmas was for miracles. She asked if I would take her back.”
I pulled away and sniffed. “Oh, yeah?” I hated hearing this.
Kevin gently touched my face. “But I told her I had my own Christmas miracle that I was trying to work out.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “It sure didn’t look like you’d told her that when she kissed you.”
A slow grin played on his face. ”Noo…you see I heard…or read, maybe on Christina’s Facebook posts, that she dreamed her best friend would kiss her true love on Christmas Eve.” He winked at me. “I knew I had to make that happen.”
I laughed, surprise winding through me. “Of course, you are friends with Christina on Facebook.”
The side of his lip lifted. “Of course.” He pointed up. “And it looks like the well-placed mistletoe is in our favor.”
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