by J. R. Ryder
“I never said that.” I made the effort to choose my words very carefully and keep my voice calm. “I just knew that you’d never accept my decision. I knew you would worry yourself sick thinking about me on the battlefield. At least, if I made you hate me, you wouldn’t get hurt if something were to happen to me.”
She was silent for a moment before one of her fists came slamming down on my chest. “You selfish fucking idiot. Did you really think that if you died, I wouldn’t have cared? You might have disappeared from my life, but you never disappeared from my heart.” In a haste, she turned toward the door, about to book it out of the office.
Before she could get to the door, however, I grabbed her by the wrist and reeled her back. I pinned her against my body, staring into those bright green eyes I had missed so much. I was a fool for leaving her, for thinking that either one of us could forget what we had.
Without a moment of hesitation, I leaned down and kissed her. At first, we were still, like we had both forgotten the steps to this dance. once I pressed my hand into the small of her back and locked her hips into mine, it all came flooding back. My lips danced against hers, my head tilting to the left and hers to the right.
Slowly, my tongue trailed along her bottom lip, waiting for her to grant me entrance. I pushed her body against the wall, the carnal need to be with this woman taking over. I always knew she was the one for me and I’d be damned if I ever let her go again.
I kissed her harder, unable to hold back. A burning heat rose in my body.
just before I could slip my tongue into her mouth, she shoved me away. “I… can’t… do… this…” She said through gritted teeth, her chest heaving in the aftermath of the kiss.
I was stunned. In that moment, everything felt like it was falling back into place like I had finally righted my wrongs. Now, the look of hatred in her eyes broke the spell, leaving me standing there, knowing deep down, that I didn’t deserve this woman. That I had truly and utterly broken her heart and she should never have to take me back.
With these thoughts, I watched her walk out the door, thinking that I would never see her again.
***
A week later, her intoxicating scent still lingered in the room. I had done my best to just push her to the back of my mind and get on with my life, but now that I had been reminded of her sweet taste, I just had to win her back.
“Cassidy.” I paged my assistant.
“Yes, Mr. Moore?”
“Get me Griffith’s file.”
“ I thought we were no longer hiring her.”
“Just get it for me. Now.”
The firmness in my voice must have scared her because she clicked off the intercom system and a second later, she was running into my office, folder in hand.
“Thank you.”
Once I was alone, I took note of Hope’s current address. If she was going to avoid me by not accepting my job offer, then I would just have to pay her a little visit.
To be honest, I knew that the best course of action would probably be to let things go so she could move on with her life, but at this point, I was no longer thinking rationally. I had to see her, and nothing was going to get in my way.
***
Her apartment seemed to be in a nice little neighborhood. The front lawn was well-maintained. The porch was decorated with a few pieces of lawn furniture. There were even flower boxes in all the windows. Whoever the landlord was, he certainly knew how to take care of the place.
I parked my car and got out, the sickening feeling of nervousness bubbling up inside of me. I hadn’t yet decided what I would do if she asked me to leave her alone. I guess I would cross that bridge when I got to it. For now, I just had to see her again, to find out if a second chance was even remotely possible.
With my chest tight, I knocked on the door. Soft footsteps sounded from the other side. My heart quickened slightly, anticipating her wrath.
The door opened.
Hope was standing there in a cute pajama set. The shorts showed off her long, silky legs, while the tank top made it obvious that she wasn’t wearing a bra.
I pressed one of my nails into the palm of my hand to keep back my lust, an old trick I learned in the Navy when it was critical to control my emotions.
“Hope.”
“What the hell do you want?” She asked, her hand already on the door, ready to slam it in my face.
“I just want to apologize. For everything. I know that I can never quite make it up to you, but I just want you to know that I only left because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, that it was my only option.” While I still had her attention, I pulled out my wallet. Tucked in one of the flaps was a picture of her that I had taken while I was still a photography major. “I carried this picture with me everywhere I went. Sometimes, you were the only thing keeping me sane when I was cold, hungry or had gone days without sleep. In times like that, all I could think about was you.”
Hope listened to my words, her eyes softening ever so slightly, but her fingers were still wrapped around the door. She was starting to open up, but she wasn’t fully convinced just yet.
“I was happy, in a way, to know that if something did happen to me, you would be free to move on with your life. That you wouldn’t have to always live your life waiting for me to come back.”
“ don’t you get it?” She whispered, her voice soft. “That’s exactly what happened. I never stopped waiting for you…”
“Hope! Who’s at the door?” A voice I didn’t recognize boomed through the apartment. A minute later, an average-looking brunette stomped up to the door. Her eyes narrowed the second she saw me. “You? What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you think you’ve caused enough harm already?” She snatched the door from Hope, about to slam it in my face, but Hope stopped her.
“Darla, don’t be rude…”
“You’re telling me not to be rude when this guy up and ditched you without a word. Now, that’s what I call rude. Besides, can’t you see he’s just trying to sweet talk you into taking him back so he can hurt you all over again?” She turned in my direction. “Sorry, asshole, but she’s not interested.”
Just before the door could slam shut, I noticed Hope pound her fist into her outstretched palm. She then held up two fingers before she disappeared from sight, but it was all I needed to get the message.
***
It felt strange waiting by our old hangout, especially at two in the morning. I leaned against one of the bridge’s support beams, keeping my eyes peeled for any movement, a habit I had developed during my years of service. If I was ever still, then I was always on the lookout, no matter where I was.
Even back in college, this place used to be a breeding ground for crooks, drug dealers, and of course, druggies. Now that I think about it, I have no idea why Hope and I loved to come out here so much. Maybe it was the unhampered view of the stars, or just how soothing it was to listen to the water lapping against the shore. Whatever it was, I missed those days. I missed them badly.
Suddenly, one of the bushes rustled. I tensed, my hand already reaching for the weapon I didn’t have.
To my relief, however, Hope emerged from the foliage, having changed into a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. She had also put on a bra.
“Never thought I’d be back here again…” She said with a nostalgic tone.
“Neither did I. I’m surprised you even asked me here. I thought you’d want nothing to do with me.”
“That probably would have been the smart thing to do, but I’ve never been able to stay away from you, have I?” She said before she stuffed her hands into her back pockets, walking past me and onto the bridge.
It was still mostly intact, but every now and then, a few of the wood planks went missing. Back in the day, Hope and I used to be able to navigate this thing with our eyes closed. Now, seeing Hope walk along the rickety surface filled me with a sense of dread. I didn’t even want to think about what would happen if she fell through on
e of the many gaping holes. The water underneath us definitely didn’t look inviting. Plus, at this altitude, it would feel like concrete if either one of us slammed into it.
“I’m surprised you came to my house.” She said, balancing on the bridge’s leftmost truss, her arms outstretched like she was a trapeze walker. I swear, she was just trying to make me nervous.
“What did you expect? Did you really think I could stay away from you?”
“You managed for ten years. It’s not like anything has changed.”
“Of course it has. I saw you. Came face-to-face with the biggest mistake of my life. Walking away from you.” I said, catching up to her. “You don’t know how hard it was to keep away from you. I was scared that if I came back, I’d be ruining your life. And, to be honest, I didn’t want to know if you had moved on. At least, if I didn’t keep in touch, I could always maintain the fantasy that you were still mine.”
She turned around suddenly. “And I would’ve remained yours if you had only talked to me if you had told me you wanted to go to the Navy. Yes, I probably would’ve tried to convince you out of it, but that’s only because I love you.” Her words felt so genuine, that they possessed me with the need to take her into my arms and never let her go.
And, that’s exactly what I did.
Chapter 5 (Hope)
Before I knew what was happening, Andre grabbed me by the hips and pulled me into his body. Seconds later, his lips pressed into mine, taking my breath away. I shivered, a part of me telling me to push him away and run far, far away before he could hurt me again, but at the same time, I needed this. Needed it oh-so-bad.
Giving in, I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling on it slightly as I did everything I could to get even closer to him, almost like I couldn’t get enough.
His hands slid down to my ass, squeezing it gently.
I moved onto my tippy-toes, tottering on the edge of the beam I was standing on, knowing that no matter what happened, Andre would be there to protect me. Now that his arms were wrapped around me, I never wanted him to let go.
His tongue pressed against my bottom lip. With my heart beating fast and my brain screaming for me to stop, I parted my lips.
Slowly, his tongue slid into my mouth, tangling with mine, starting their erotic dance that only added to the breathlessness of the movement. Even I didn’t dare to pull away. Addicted to the taste I hadn’t had in so long, I kissed him even harder, both our lips burning with pent-up passion.
His fingers tightened around my ass, hoisting me off my feet and into his arms. Before I could slip out of his grasp, his hands shifted to my thighs, adjusting my legs so they were firmly wrapped around his waist. My ankles locked around him. I certainly wasn’t going anywhere now.
Even though he couldn’t see, he navigated himself over the bridge until we were standing on the edge of the draw bridge, where we always came when we wanted to be together.
Gently, he put me back down on my feet.
The moonlight was bright, illuminating every feature of his face from his high cheekbones to those dark, mysterious eyes I loved so much.
“God, I’ve missed you…” He whispered, his hands on my hips like he couldn’t go a moment without touching me.
“I’ve missed you too.” I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
As we lingered in this moment, it all felt like a dream. A part of me expected to wake up any second now, but I never did. This was real. Andre had finally come back to me.
His hands moved up and down my back in a soothing motion, our bodies rocking back and forth almost like we were slow dancing to an unheard tune. He held me closer, resting his head on mine, breathing deep like he was trying to remember my scent, the same way I remembered his.
Eventually, he pulled away, taking my hand in his as he sat down, letting his legs dangle over the edge. I sat down beside him, but soon enough, he pulled me into his lap, holding me tightly, like he was scared I would fall into the river.
“You know, you don’t have to hold me so tight. I’m not going anywhere.” I placed my hands in his, our fingers tangling together. “Just as long as you promise you won’t either.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He whispered, his hot breath caressing the side of my neck. His lips danced against my skin as he teased me. “I was young back then, thinking that being a soldier was the only way I could prove my worth as a man. But now, I’ve grown past that.”
“ what does being a man mean to you now?”
“It means keeping your promises.” He said, without missing a beat. “It means always being there for the people that need you the most. I didn’t know that then, but I know it now.” As he said these words, he squeezed my hand.
I smiled slightly, still in disbelief that I was actually in Andre’s arms again, after all these years. It felt so surreal.
“Do you see the Big Dipper?” He whispered, pointing up at the sky.
“Where?”
“Right there.”
I followed the direction of his finger, but I still couldn’t quite make it out.
“No?”
I shook my head.
“Maybe you’ll be able to see it better if you lay back.” He suggested, easing me off his lap so I could lay down by his side.
The wood was uncomfortable on my back, but being next to Andre felt so right that I didn’t even care.
I wanted this moment to last forever. Even if it was only a dream…
“Do you see it now?” He asked, still pointing at the sky.
I turned my attention upwards, mesmerized by the sea of twinkling stars. Without thinking about it, I reached for Andre’s hand, locking our fingers together as we stargazed.
We were both quiet, enjoying each other’s company. That was always one thing I really loved about Andre. He wasn’t someone who was afraid of the silence. We could go hours without talking to each other and still feel like we had a deep and meaningful conversation.
It was nice.
We laid there for what felt like forever before he turned in my direction, looking at me like I was the only girl in the world. Carefully, he pinned a strand of hair behind my ear, making me shiver with an innocent joy.
He leaned in until our foreheads touched, just looking into each other’s eyes, passing the time away. Our noses touched. The distance between our lips slowly became smaller and smaller until we were kissing once more.
My heart exploded with the feeling as I shimmied closer to him, our lips moving in perfect sync like they were made for each other.
He pulled me closer until I was practically laying on top of him. I sat up slightly, resting my hands on his chest as I looked down at his face. I had no idea how it was possible, but somehow, he had managed to get even more handsome over the years.
As his hands ran up and down my body, it was like he had me in a trance. My body refused to move, even when his hands slipped under my shirt, running along my bare skin. Goosebumps covered me head to toe.
Carefully, he eased my shirt off, laying it to the side. The way he looked at me made me feel so beautiful. His eyes ran along my every curve, drinking me in until he leaned forward, kissing my collarbone ever so slowly. Even after so many years apart, he knew exactly where my sweet spot was. He sucked on it slowly, letting his teeth nip against the delicate flesh until I was arching my back, silently begging for more. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, that I had forgiven him enough to allow this to happen, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t keep myself away.
We both needed this.
His fingers tightened around my hips as his lips traveled down to my bra. He covered my cleavage in kisses before he reached behind me, popping off my bra. He was about to set it on top of my shirt, but miscalculated, dropping it into a nearby hole. It fell into the dark water beneath us.
“Andre!” I exclaimed as I sat up and watched the river consume my bra.
“Oh… sorry…” He smirked, flashing a set of pearly whi
te teeth. “Did I do that?”
My eyes widened before I hit him playfully. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” He said smugly. “Either way, you’re going to have to go home without a bra. I wonder how you’re going to explain that to that guard dog of a woman you live with.”
My cheeks instantly grew hot with the realization. “You’re the worst…”
“Am I? Is that way your nipples are all nice and hard right now?” He asked before he reached up, taking one of my nipples between his fingers, flicking it back and forth until it hardened even further.