by Julie Bailes
To the left sits two leather chairs, and mounted on the wall in front of the table is a flat screen TV. Shit’s gettin’ real and my nerves are flaring. All I can think about is Lacy, and how unfair it is to her that I might be pregnant. I promised myself after making the decision to hand her over that I wouldn’t have another child, not until I was absolutely ready. And by absolutely ready, I mean planned. I sure as hell didn’t plan on that moment being now, especially while I’m banged up and lying in a hospital bed. “Listen here, girlfriend,” Carson says, winking and grabbing handfuls of the sheet I’m lying on top of. “On the count of three, these ladies and I are going to lift you up and transfer you onto this exam table. You ready?” I nod to let him know that I’m ready when he is.
Carson counts aloud and before I know it, I’m in the air. “Ouch! Shit hell,” I cry in pain. Pain shoots down my spine and around to my ribs, taking my breath away. I can’t breathe. I try to suck in some air but double over in pain as my lungs protest to expand. I’m beginning to see white floating spots and I can feel my heart kicking in my chest.
“Allie! Carson, what happened to her?” Blake’s panicked voice meets my ears. He rushes across the room and takes my face between his hands. He brings his face to mine and rests his forehead against mine. “Allie, I need you to listen to me and do what I tell you to do, you hear me?” I nod twice to let him know I’ll do whatever he tells me to.
“That’s my girl,” he whispers against my lips. “I want you to suck in a breath through your nose,” he instructs, inhaling through his nose. I follow his lead but fall short as pain rips through my entire torso. I toss my head back, close my eyes, and grip my sides as my body feels as if it’s being pulled in opposite directions, ripping straight down the middle. Blake’s fingers meet the back of my head and he tilts my head up to meet his face again. “I know it hurts, babe, but you have to breathe, dammit. So do it, for me … Please,” he pleads. “I promise that once you get the first breath in, the rest will follow, effortlessly.” He begins to go through the motion again, and I mimic him. Breathing hurts like a motherfucker, but I suck in the air through my nostrils like my life depends on it, which it does. Finally, he begins to release the air he took in and I copy, letting out a sigh of relief as the pain begins to fade. It’s not gone, but it’s tolerable.
“I’m so sorry, Al—” Carson begins to apologize, but Blake cuts him off. “That’s all, Carson, you may go,” Blake says, waving Carson and the nurses with him to the door. “Excuse me, Dr. Andrews. Sheesh, talk about PMS,” Carson mumbles, making his way out the door. Before he exits, he turns around and looks to me. “We’ll catch up later, sweetie.” He rolls his eyes at Blake before disappearing down the hall.
Blake takes my hand in his, pulls it up to his lips, and places a tender kiss to the back of my hand. “I’m fucking nervous. Well, I’m more excited than nervous,” he states.
“Don’t get too excited, Dr. Andrews. We’re still not positive I’m pregnant,” I remind him.
“Oh, baby, you’re pregnant, no question about it. The only question is how far along you are.” There’s a tap on the door before a beautiful blonde enters the room.
“Dr. Andrews,” she greets.
“Chloe,” Blake acknowledges.
“You may leave now, Dr. Andrews. I have it under control. I’ll have the report to you by the end of this afternoon.” Her eyes remain on the screen in front of her as she signs in.
“I’m not leaving, Chloe. I’ll be here the entire time, but you can still send the report later on.”
Chloe looks at me and asks if I’m okay with Blake staying in here while she does the ultrasound, but Blake answers for me. “You don’t need her permission. It’s my baby she’s carrying and I’m not leaving her side.” Her focus snaps to Blake and her mouth falls open.
I’m not sure why, but there seems to be tension between the two of them. I look between him and Chloe, pondering what the hell’s happening. Why does she seem shocked that we’re having a baby? Most of all, why does she seem upset about it? In fact, she almost looks hurt by the information. I make a mental note to bring it up later when Blake and I are alone.
“Go ahead, Chloe. Fire that bad boy up and show me my baby,” he orders, adjusting the chair so he has a full view of the monitor. She rolls her eyes and averts her attention back to the screen. She punches a few buttons and begins asking questions.
She begins with the basics, my name and birthdate. “When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?” Her guess is as good as mine. I can’t remember the events that led me here, how the hell am I supposed to remember the last time Mother Nature showed up and played her monthly game of cramp war? “I don’t know,” I answer. She continues on with more questions, but now she’s digging deep into my past. “Is this your first pregnancy?” Nervously, I look to Blake before answering. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze to encourage me to answer the question. “Ahem,” Chloe clears her throat, impatiently awaiting my response.
I’m scared to answer in front of Blake, completely terrified of what he’ll think of me.
This is a part of my past very few people know about, and it’s not something I want him to
know about me. He’s perfect and I’m the furthest thing from it, but I want to be perfect in his eyes. If he finds out what a terrible person I truly am, he’ll walk away from me, too. “Allie, is this your first pregnancy?” Chloe repeats. My eyes remain attached to Blake’s as I answer the question. “No,” I reply, happy to see that Blake didn’t respond negatively to my response. In fact, he didn’t respond at all. There’s no sign of judgment appearing. He continues gazing deep into my eyes, holding my hand and tracing my knuckles with his thumb.
Chloe continues with the rest of her investigation, and I’ve never been more ashamed of myself than I am right now. “Any complications with your last pregnancy?” Damn, she sure doesn’t ask for much.
On top of being frustrated and tired of being in pain, I’m embarrassed and tired of all the fucking questions! “Are all these questions necessary? I mean, you’re the technician not the physician. Can’t we just save all this for him?” I ask, my voice a bit more harsh than intended.
“Yes, I’m only the sonographer, but these questions are protocol. Each of them has to be answered in order to move forward. We’re almost finished, promise.” She flashes me a look of understanding and I go on to tell her how I delivered Lacy by C-section at thirty-three weeks of gestation.
Then, just when I think we’re finally finished, she saves the best question for last; a question I don’t believe is pertinent in the least. “Where’s the child now?” I drop my head as tears fill my eyes. I feel my heart squeeze tightly as I think back to the day I handed my baby girl over, the day I gave my heart wrapped up in a pink blanket to complete strangers. “I’m sorry, Allie, but I need an answer so we can move along.” I hold my index finger up, asking her to give me a moment. Blake’s fingers slip under my chin and he lifts my face. “You can do this, baby. We’re so close to seeing our little one, front and center. You got this,” he encourages.
“Blake?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I’m sorry,” I choke.
“Sorry for what?”
“For what you’re about to hear. For you finding out that I’m not the girl you think you’re in love with. That I’m a monster who had a baby, only to give her away to complete strangers,” I sob.
Blake stands to his feet and brings his mouth to mine. “Baby, you’re not a monster. And let’s get this shit straight right now. I don’t ‘think’ I love you; I am head over heels in love with you. I already know what happened with your last pregnancy, and with the baby. I’m not him, Al. I’ll never turn my back on you,” he promises, placing a tender, loving kiss onto my lips. He uses his hands to dry the tears from my face and speaks aloud to Chloe, his eyes never leaving mine. “Chloe, that’s clear enough for you, yeah? No need for her to elaborate on the matter any longer.” He place
s one last kiss on the tip of my nose before he sits back down into his chair.
“That’s enough for me,” she says, smiling a smile of pity. “But before we get started, let’s get you cleaned up. Dr. Andrews, there are some clean gowns and sheets in the restroom behind you. And since you’re here as the father of the child, and not the physician, I’ll step out and let you assist her.” She points Blake to the restroom and exits the room. Blake walks through a small door behind him and comes back with a gown and two sheets. He lays the clean linens on the chair beside him and smiles his goofy lop-sided smile.
“What? Why are you staring at me like that?” I ask, my cheeks filling with warmth.
“Your feistiness, it knows no bounds,” he laughs. “And your beauty, it never ceases to mesmerize me. And even though you’re covered in all those bruises, you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
If I wasn’t terrified of getting that feeling where my skeleton threatens to rip through my body, I’d jump into his arms and squeeze his neck until he turned blue in the face. The fact that he can come in here, look through all these bandages and bruises, my terrible past, soiled linens, and still claim that I’m beautiful—that’s true love.
Five
~Allie~
“Y’all ready?” Chloe asks as she re-enters the room. I smile politely let her know we’re ready to get this show goin’. She returns to her monitors and prepares her equipment. She puts on her gloves; flips open the top to the lube, and then reaches out and grabs the bottom of my gown. “I’m going to lift up your gown and squeeze some of this lube onto your stomach. I tried to warm it up, but it still might be somewhat cool,” she explains.
“I know. I’ve been through this a time or two,” I remind her. She lifts my gown up, squirts the lube, and finally places the sensor to my lower abdomen. As soon as the sensor hits my stomach, she looks over to her monitor and gasps. Not knowing if her gasp is good or bad, I look to Blake for an answer, but his expression mimics Chloe’s, hazel eyes wide and jaw to the floor. He releases my hand and brings his up to the sides of his face. His eyes bounce around the monitor, and based off his expression, he’s completely stunned.
My eyes follow his, searching the screen for something, anything that would give me an answer as to why these two are staring at the screen with mouths agape and doe eyes. But all I see is black and a little bit of grey, that’s it. “Okay, I give up. What the hell is so damn shocking, huh?” I ask, irritated. Blake rubs his face and blinks his eyes several times before he turns his attention to me. He licks his lips and clears his throat. He reopens his mouth as if he’s going to speak, yet nothing comes out. His eyes dart back and forth between me and the monitor, making me even more confused and frustrated. “Blake? Tell me what’s going on. I’m beginning to freak out.” Oh, maybe I’m not really pregnant. I bet that’s why the both of them seem amazed by the emptiness on the monitor.
Chloe begins to move her sensor to the left and then back to the right. She repeats the motion for several minutes before she takes a dry towel and wipes away the lube. “See, I told you I didn’t think I was pregnant, B. I would’ve remembered something that important.” I knew it! I’m not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s called ‘practice’ of medicine for a reason; patients are misdiagnosed all the time.
Chloe bursts out into a fit of laughter. “Oh, honey, you are most definitely pregnant,” she snorts. “Uh, no. There wasn’t anything on those screens, either of them,” I point between the monitor in front of her and the television in front of me. “There was nothing but black,” I add. My response seems to amuse her, and she laughs even harder. She bends at the waist and uses one of her arms to hold her stomach. “Ba— Blake, te—tell her,” she stutters, laughing uncontrollably.
“Yeah, Blake, tell me,” I demand, listening to Miss Laughs-a-Lot as she struggles to breathe.
Blake gets up and walks around the exam table to the sonogram machine. He opens the tube Chloe set aside and re-lubricates my stomach. Using his right hand, he places the sensor to my lower left side, just above my pelvis. With his left hand, he uses his index finger to point at the monitor. “Like Chloe said, you’re definitely pregnant, babe.” He pushes some keys on the keyboard and moves the sensor around some more. “There you are,” he whispers.
There who is? Oh … oh! Shit. “Is that it?” I ask, admiring Blake as he smiles at our tiny jumping bean putting on an acrobatic show. “That’s one of them,” he nods.
What the fuck does he mean? One of them? There should only be one, no them— just one. “Them?”
He moves the sensor to the right of my stomach and lands on another grey jumping bean. “Yeah, them. Here’s the other one,” he shows me, smiling from ear-to-ear. Well played, Mother Nature. Well played. Now, it’s my turn to stare at the screen, completely fucking speechless.
“Exciting, yeah? Okay, now we need to verify they both have a heartbeat. Being as you’re in the early stage of your pregnancy, I need to do a vaginal ultrasound in order to hear your babies’ hearts.” Chloe says. She removes the sensor from Blake’s hand and uses her thin body to nudge him away from her area. “Go on back over there and let me do my job, Dr.
Andrews.”
Chloe opens a condom and rolls it over her giant dildo probe. She adds some lube to its tip, and then uses her fingers to spread the lube all around the condom. She lifts the sheet that’s draped over my waist and brings the probe to my entrance. “This may be a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be painful. You might feel some pressure, but that’s it.” Before I have a second to breathe, she’s in, and I clench everything from the waist down. “Just relax,” she urges. Relax? It’s kind of hard to let loose when you have an unbearable urge to pee; I’m only saving her here.
Thankfully, after a few moments, the pressure begins to fade and I watch Chloe as she gets measurements, takes some pictures, and confirms that each baby has a healthy heartbeat. I look in front of me to the television on the wall and see two tadpole-like figures with human heads. They’re beside each other, bouncing from side to side with their little arms out flapping like bird wings.
“You see this black portion? That’s your amniotic sac and fluid. There are two separate bags, so I don’t believe they’re identical. And by their measurements you seem to be around ten weeks and three days pregnant, making your due date April eighth. However, I doubt you’ll make it that far. Women carrying multiples hardly ever do. All done,” she says, retracting her magical baby-finding wand. “Congrats, Mommy! You’re having a baby, well, two,” she winks.
“This is … It’s incredible, babe! You’re carrying two of me,” Blake boasts. He’s incredibly happy, and all I’m doing is crying. I’m bawling my damn eyes out. First of all, I can’t believe I’ve gone almost three months not knowing I was pregnant, and secondly, there are TWO! He takes his hands and wipes away as many tears as his hands can catch. “Babe, why are you crying? This is a blessing, Al,” he assures.
Am I ungrateful? Not at all. Overwhelmed? Maybe just a bit. Finding out I was pregnant was a shocker, but finding out there are two humans inside of me; well, I’m more stunned than a hooker that’s been tasered in her lady bits. I understand that some couples try hard to have a baby and never succeed, and my heart goes out to them. However, I didn’t try to get pregnant, and I can’t say I’m proud to be a mother of three children before the age of twenty-three. I’m a whore in society’s eyes. And good God, think of the damage my vagina’s going to experience after pushing two babies out. It’ll never be the same. I’ll be doing kegels all day every day for the rest of my life!
“Blake, it’s easy for you to say because you aren’t the one pushing them out. I am,” I sniff. Blake laughs at my absurd outburst.
“Al, you don’t have to push them out, so that’s the last thing you should be worried about.” Really? Then what should be on my mind right now? That I’m twenty-two, jobless, no home of my own, not ma
rried, and I’m having two, not one, but two babies? “Why are you so happy, Blake? You have at least another year left of residency. One baby is a challenge, but two? How does something like this even happen?” His brows furrow and he gives me that look, you know, the look that says you know how in the hell this happened; ‘my hose watered your plant and shit sprouted’ look. “Don’t look at me like that. I know how it happened, genius. I want to know how twins happen; how they happened to me,” I explain.
“Well, let me explain it to you, beautiful. When awesomeness collides, and that awesomeness produces explosive mind-blowing fireworks, you get two babies. Simple as that,” he jokes, lightening my mood. I slap him playfully on the arm and decide to get my shit together. This isn’t so bad, right? Blake’s excited and I should be excited, too. I have so much to be thankful for with these two jumping beans claiming my uterus. This time, I’m not alone. Blake’s here by my side, and after the fall the doctor told me I had, I’m grateful they survived. I look at it this way: the babies and I survived, so maybe this is the beginning of my happily ever after. This is the first chapter to my new and improved life. However, I feel guilty about feeling the slightest bit excited about Blake and me starting a family, because I don’t have that with Lacy. I never will. My family will never be complete without her, and even though she has no clue I even exist, I still feel like I’m betraying her by keeping these babies. It breaks my heart I haven’t been able to watch her grow up, to see her transform into the most beautiful little girl that I know she’s grown to be. Most of all, I hate that she’ll never know just how much I love her.
Six
~Wyatt~
“Wyatt, just go home.” I lift my face from my hands and look up to Lucille. She has her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.
“Home? What home, Lucille?” I lean up, rest my elbows on my knees and keep my eyes attached to hers; waiting for some sort of emotion to shine through her, anything but resentment.