by Marcel, Zoey
Her wobbly arms gave out and she fell into Nimbus' waiting arms. Their bulk consumed her and provided her comfort from his harrowing speech only a minute ago.
Jude collapsed on top of her, trying to catch his breath as the other two were.
She hadn't heard Nimbus say that. He would never bite her and make her his blood mate - a demon. That was unconscionable. She hadn't seen the devilish, predatory look in his blazing fire opal eyes. It was only a nightmare and when she awoke he would be her sweet, angelic man again, her caring, protective master. The one who would never harm her, nor damn her so irreversibly.
Sonya lifted her face to see his eye color. The peaceful green fields his irises had become again reminded her of Elysium. There was evidence of a soul in them now and the eternal paradise housed in the romantic way he looked at her slowly stole back her trust despite the discernment screaming like a rebel in her head.
Nimbus wasn't a demon. He was her angel. That was the truth she chose to believe. Her breathtaking reality, because if he wasn't the creature she needed him to be then she was damned from heaven and in grave danger in his presence. If her perfect fantasy of him wasn't real, she would be forever haunted no matter where she ran, or to whom she turned.
***
Sonya lay alone in the pasture grazing and sunning herself when a vibrant light flashed to the side of her. She turned with a shrill scream to see Cassiel standing there and tried to use her long, black hair to cover her frontal nudity from him. He graciously averted his eyes and presented her with a robe to cloak her body in. She donned it quickly, astounded that she stood in the presence of an archangel and it was with great remorse that she recalled that she too was an angel. “Cassiel, what are you doing here?”
“I was going to ask you the same question,” he returned, facing her once she gave him permission to look.
Her cheeks felt warm from his reproof and the fact that she wasn't wearing anything when he appeared to her. She hadn't questioned her nudity before he arrived. She was a pony after all, grazing in the green pastures her master offered to her, but once Cassiel appeared, she realized that she was naked and she felt humiliated and ashamed of her scandalous conduct.
“I was enjoying the sunshine,” she said with a nonchalance she didn't feel.
“Is this what he has turned you into? A senseless beast of burden who wanders around naked and eats grass like a horse?”
Her head bowed at his derision. “You wouldn't understand.”
“No, I don't, but I don't think you truly do either. Are you aware of the monster the one you call master is? He is a demon, Sonya, and you are an angel. Have you forgotten that?”
“I know,” she said quietly, unable to look at him.
“Why, Sonya?” There was so much anguish in his voice it made her heart spasm with pain, “Why did you turn your back on a loving God to serve the enemy? Why did you throw away the glory of heaven for this?”
Why had she? It sounded incredibly foolish when he phrased it like that. Her tone cracked as she spoke, revealing her lamentation over the height from which she had fallen. “I don't know.”
Sonya felt torn and confused, but she shouldn't be. She should know damned well what to do and then do it, not weigh the pros and cons of both options. She was an angelic being; the decision to go astray shouldn't even be a card in her hand, but it was. Freewill – the greatest blessing and curse.
Nimbus had denied her this right and while she had resented him for it in the beginning, she had found it strangely arousing and eventually came to appreciate and worship him for controlling her. Why did she revere the one who had stripped her of her rights and worth, had used and abused her and reduced her to nothing more than an object and a plaything? He robbed her of her soul and purity. Denied her a choice and she was following him to hell with praises on her lips.
The truth was mind-boggling, unreal. She fell in love with a demon and made an idol out of him, a god whom she worshiped against her conscience, but completely in accordance with what was buried deep inside her wayward heart. She loved Nimbus and that was why she had fallen. She tasted the forbidden fruit he offered her and liked the sweet, juicy flavor of sin too much to walk away from it like she should have. She put him first in her heart and God second - original sin.
“Do you know what happened the night you left the orphanage to go and check on Mr. Hemingway?” Cassiel asked gravely, “A coven of vampires attacked the orphanage, seeking to feed on the children. Nimbus and a few other demons went with them to offer protection in case they were met with any angelic opposition. They attacked because they knew you left and Celeste was alone. Two of the women who lived with the children there were killed. Celeste defended them as best as she could, but she was outnumbered. Nimbus wounded her and was about to kill her until Michael and I came and fought them off.”
Sonya was appalled. “Is Celeste all right?”
“She is fine. Nimbus is not the angel he once was, or the man you like to pretend he is. He is a demon and no amount of submission from you or preaching from anyone else is ever going to change that.”
“But he could become a black angel.”
“He has had thousands of years to repent if he wanted to. If he was truly penitent he would have done so by now. He won't change, Sonya, but you should.”
“I can't just leave him.”
“Why not?” Cassiel's tone sounded firm and serious. “Is it worth your soul, Sonya? Do you really want to spend eternity in hell with him?”
Of course she didn't, but the harrowing truth of the abyss seemed to pale in comparison to losing Nimbus forever and crushing him by leaving. Somehow that seemed a greater hell than the one she was now damned to because of her trespasses.
Still, her lover was a demon - a devil that broke into an orphanage to serve as a bodyguard so the undead could feed on the blood of children by night. He injured a good friend of hers and would have killed the angel if not for the providence of divine intervention.
Nimbus was an incubus. She knew they often acted as voyeurs while people made love and stood in their rooms soaking up the erotic dreams humans had. On occasion they had sex with people in their sleep and sometimes took them by force if they woke up and tried to scream or struggle. Her conscience was appalled by the heinous crimes this soulless creature of hell had committed, but to her undying disbelief, her taken heart said: “I don't care.”
She had heard it said that a kingdom divided against itself could not stand, but how much worse to have a divided soul? She was damned no matter which choice she made.
“Why did you come here?” She evaded.
“To let you know that as of today you are no longer an angel.” Cassiel placed a hand firmly on her shoulder.
Sonya gasped when she felt strength and power leave her and the very last trace of light. She fell to her knees from the impact of the quiet, yet powerful transformation from angel to human.
There was so much sorrow in his violet eyes. “I'm sorry.”
“I feel so vulnerable and afraid all of a sudden like a blanket of protection is gone,” she confided in horror as she shuddered with fear. “Please take it away. This is a terrible feeling. I feel so lost and alone.”
His face was fraught with pain. “That is precisely what you are, Sonya.”
Her eyes stung. “I don't understand. Why am I human instead of a demon?”
He hesitated, violet eyes shimmering with the greatest depth of emotion she had ever seen in him. “Someone spoke in your defense and asked that the Father turn you into a human instead. He graciously did so.”
“Who was it?”
“What matters is that you are now in mortal danger. You lost the Father's protection and favor the night you sold your soul to the devil, but now that you are human you are even more vulnerable. You need to get as far away from Nimbus as possible, because if he finds you he won't show you any mercy this time. He will know you are human and that you have spoken to me.”
“He
is going to make me a demon, isn't he?”
“That seems to be his intent with you.”
“But I can become a crusnik once he turns me. I can ask forgiveness.”
Cassiel looked disturbed by her plan. “A penitent fallen angel can become a crusnik, but Nimbus wants to mate with you and claim you as his eternal blood mate. The very nature of demons suffocates any light that tries to penetrate the darkness of their souls. A few have reverted back to the light, but they are rare and I have never heard of a demon's blood mate leaving their partner and becoming a black angel.”
“I can be the first.”
“You don't understand the deep, irrevocable bond of the mating and claiming ritual. Once bitten and marked, you are that being's mate forever, not simply for a lifetime,” Cassiel warned. “You will become the very evil you wish to flee from the more time goes by. Your body and soul will be united to your mate in an unshakeable bond that time and distance can neither change, nor break. Some say the bond extends beyond the grave into the afterlife. That the ties that bind them will keep them united and help mates find each other even if one of them is dead and the other is still living. You can run from him if you wish, but ultimately he will come back to haunt you.”
She shivered. Her future certainly looked grim.
“The best scenario for you is to stay human and run. Don't let him find you.”
“Wait. What if by chance he catches me and makes me his blood mate and a demon? If I flee right away and come to you will God turn me into a black angel?” she asked imploringly.
“If you have remorse for your sins then yes, but if you are torn he will know it. Even if he changes you and your heart is divided you are only damning yourself. You must be truly sorry for your trespasses. If Nimbus bites you come to me as quickly as you can, but don't dawdle. The more time passes after you are claimed, the more evil you will become and you don't want to reach the point of no return, the soulless point where God can no longer use you. Here. I believe you will need this.” Cassiel gave her a coin-bag that probably contained gold, “Now go. My prayers are with you.”
He disappeared before her eyes. Sonya was numb with shock, but she knew what she had to do before she had a second thought. She had to run.
***
Nimbus was floored when he discovered Sonya went missing. The anger came, but not as immediately as he would have thought. What preceded it was a feeling he hadn't anticipated: loss. There was a startling ache in his chest that stole the air from his lungs until he couldn't breathe or feel anything but the terrible anguish gnawing viciously inside of him. He didn't need this damned human emotion, but he couldn't get rid of it. It had always been there. He felt this ache the day he was cast out of heaven and Sonya just stood there and watched him leave. She could have followed, but she didn't. She chose light over darkness. Chose God over him and it hurt Nimbus more than he could bear.
His eyes stung and he felt a lump in his throat. God only knew he might have caved to the intolerable moisture that threatened to unleash itself if Jude hadn't walked in. “Where is that curvaceous, little slave of yours?”
“Gone.”
“You sold her?”
“She ran away,” Nimbus hardened himself so he didn't sound as depressed and pathetic as he felt inside.
“The insufferable bitch. Would you like me to send someone to hunt her down?”
“Summon a few dire wolves up from the underworld, but I want her brought to me alive and unharmed.”
Jude grinned. “You want her healthy so you can break her yourself?”
“Something like that,” Nimbus muttered absently.
“I will get started.”
Jude left, giving Nimbus the solitude he yearned for. Then the anger came. The silent rage he waited for. The ache was still there, but the wrath hardened his bleeding heart. The traitor would pay. For the rest of her miserable life she would pay and for all of eternity thereafter. So she didn't view him as her master? This was all a game to her? A game that could be ended whenever she grew bored, or her fickle nature kicked in and she decided to change sides again? That rubbish had no place in his world and she would learn it very quickly once he got her back.
Nimbus recalled the one and only time Sonya had ever said she loved him. It was that day he made her pull that cart through London in the buff while they were invisible to human eyes. She wanted him to say it back, but he hadn't. Would she have stayed if he had? Would his love have been enough to keep her here with him, to make her faithful and obedient to the point of damnation?
Her words had touched him that day, but when she could leave him so easily out of guilt, or whatever petty emotion it was that drove her away from him, he didn't believe her. She may very well have feelings for him, or care for him on some level, but she still followed her conscience instead of him. She still had torn loyalties, but that wasn't loyalty to him on any level. She was a traitor to both sides. Heaven rejected her for that betrayal, but he took her in and gave her a home and a purpose, brought her pleasure and value under his jurisdiction. Then she threw it all away. It was over in her eyes.
But she was blinded. It was far from over and it would never be over until he decided it was. He had a mind for it to keep enduring as long as the stars still burned in the night sky. Sometimes as he lay in bed at night watching her sleep, he thought he just might continue this thing they had even after the stars turned cold and the sun and moon both failed to give off light. Forever sounded good to him. How dare she disagree?
Jude always said Nimbus was too soft on Sonya. He was right. It was time to teach the brat to mind. It was time to throw down the gauntlet and show her his world. None of this hiding her wings to pretend she wasn't an angel. The wings were coming off and if he ever permitted her the luxury of wings again it would only be as a demon.
A week passed and he began to despair. He kept to himself, only seeking company long enough to inquire after the results of the search. Finally after two weeks, Jude came to him with the bittersweet words he had been dying for: “They found her.”
***
Sonya was scared to death when they arrived at the manor. She wasn't supposed to get caught. She couldn't bear to see Nimbus sad, or angry. She wanted her freedom. Odd that freedom had seemed so much like slavery these past two weeks. She felt so lost and alone without him, helpless and scared without him there caring for her and telling her what to do. He protected her and gave her guidance and direction. Without him she was no one.
What had he done to her? Had she really been so brainwashed that she was no longer capable of functioning without her master? No, he wasn't her master. She mustn't think like that ever again or she would wind up in hell with the rest of them. She was a good, wholesome creature who made a mistake. She was independent and devoted to the Most High.
Ah, but there was a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt she had been plagued with constantly these past two weeks, but she felt no shame. She wasn't sorry for what she did with Nimbus and this was why she felt guilty, because she felt no shame like she knew she should have, like she would have if she were truly good and innocent as she had once been. Alas, he had taken those things from her and for whatever reason she didn't care.
Jude greeted her at the carriage. “Well, well, if it isn't the runaway slave. Your master is waiting for you in the stable.”
The walk to the stable seemed like a life sentence, yet a fleeting blur at the same time. Why did she have to come face to face with him again? It would kill her, if not literally. Once they reached the stable, she saw him stoking a fire that burned in a pit dug out of the ground with a hot poker.
“Take her robe off,” Nimbus said.
Jude stripped her and pushed her to her knees. If Sonya had been afraid before, her anxiety only multiplied now. She could have sworn that was a branding iron nearby. She knew he would be angry and hurt and likely punish her for it if he caught her again, but she hadn't anticipated being tortured for leaving.
&nbs
p; “Why did you leave, Sonya?” Nimbus asked.
Uh, oh, he called her by name. That meant this was serious. She swallowed. “Because I shouldn't be here.”
“Do you have something against England?” he quipped, “Why shouldn't you be here?”
She grimaced. This was even worse than she imagined. He jerked her up and forced her to make eye contact with him.
“Look me in the eye and tell me why you betrayed me,” he growled. His eyes were furious, the green becoming the golden amber shade of polished citrine as they fought to keep from becoming their demonic orange color.
Her eyes welled. He was hurting inside. In spite of his blazing fury, she knew him well enough to see past it to the dying man beneath. She had cut him very deeply and she would never forgive herself for it. “Because I shouldn't be...”
The words wouldn't come. They would kill him to hear them, just as they were eating her alive to even think of saying them to him.
“Say it!” He slapped her, eyes flashing to orange.
The tears broke free. “I shouldn't be with you.”
Her heart broke over those words and she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes to ascertain his reaction to them. There was an awful, heavy silence loud enough to deafen and thick enough to kill all who were swept up in its wake.
“You have been with me for a year and it only just occurred to you? Time is supposed to deaden the conscience, not awaken it.” He jerked her chin up, “Who told you that you shouldn't be with me?”
Mentioning Cassiel's name probably wasn't a good idea at this point, but lying would only condemn her further, so honesty was her only option. “Cassiel.”