by Terri Reed
“Those are two very different types of commitment you’re talking about,” he said, his expression wary.
“Maybe, but both require attention, patience, dedication. There’s a risk with both, as well,” she said, realizing that her words were just as true for herself as for him. “You could lose your job and have nothing to show for the commitment you gave it.”
His gaze narrowed. “That’s true. But a job won’t leave a heart in tatters.”
His words brought her up short. “Who was she?”
“No one.”
“Is she still in your life?”
“No!”
So that was why he was afraid to commit to a relationship. A woman broke his heart. The thought reverberated through her mind and resonated deep within her own heart. Who was she to judge him when she, too, had the same fear? “Then why are you still letting her affect how you live and what you do?”
Another question she had to ask herself regarding Michael. Funny how it was so easy to see other people’s issues clearly and not recognize them in oneself.
He stiffened. “Don’t try to analyze me, please.”
A wry smile escaped. She was as loath to reveal her inner turmoil as he was. “I might not like what I find?”
“Something like that.” He cupped her cheek, the pad of his thumb rubbing across her bottom lip. “I’m going to miss you.”
Her heart fluttered, and emotions bubbled up from the depths of her heart, making her want to throw her arms around his waist and cling to him. Staring into his eyes, she sifted through the complex emotions burrowing into her heart and soul. She was profoundly grateful to him for so many reasons—not only had he protected her, making sure she left the woods alive and unharmed, he’d made her feel special and cared for.
Not once had he found fault with her; not once had he patronized or degraded her thoughts, opinions or actions. Sure, there were moments when they had not agreed, like when he told her he was coming along in the boat, but never once had he been disrespectful.
Over the course of the past few days, she’d grown to care for him in a way she’d never cared for anyone else. She admired his strength of character, his integrity and commitment to justice, to his faith, to her. He may not want to give his heart away, but Jeff Steele was a man worthy of trust. A man to count on, whether times were hard or easy.
There was a bond between them that could only come from having survived an ordeal like they had. She told herself the emotions crowding her chest stemmed from the intensity of the situation, from facing horror and death. That once she was back home, her feelings would fade and in time all this would be a memory to pull out occasionally.
However, her mind, her heart, refuted that notion with a sardonic laugh that rang in her ears, mocking her attempt to deny that she’d fallen in love with this man.
Her breath stalled. She had fallen in love with Jeff.
Words rose, bittersweet on the back of her tongue. She held them in. He’d made it clear a relationship wasn’t what he wanted. She wasn’t even sure if she did. They barely knew each other, yet she felt as if they’d spent a lifetime together. But complicating the situation with words and emotions that would lead only to a broken heart wasn’t something she could bring herself to do. Instead, she entwined her arms around his neck and drew him closer, putting all the love and affection and caring and respect and honor she could into a kiss.
His arms snaked around her, tugging her close until their bodies were flush, their hearts beating in time together. She never wanted this moment to end. He withdrew his lips from hers. A whimper of loss escaped from her throat. He dropped his forehead to hers.
“I’m really going to miss you,” he repeated, his voice husky and low.
She forced a brave smile. “I’ll miss you, too.”
For several heartbeats they stayed connected. The world around them seemed to have faded. The beauty of the surrounding mountains, the sweet scent of pine in the air, converged into nothingness.
All that mattered were these last few moments together. Moments she wanted to engrave on her heart for all time.
Her pulse spiked as if she’d run a mile. Suddenly, the future loomed bleak and unwelcoming without him in it. Unwilling to let him go, she said, “You could come visit me. Utah’s not that far from Washington. No strings attached. Just friends.”
He lifted his head, his eyes tender. “It would be better for us both if I don’t.”
She swallowed back a protest. Maybe better for him. He was done with the moment, with her. She shouldn’t be hurt. He’d never made a promise or overture that could lead her to believe he felt the same. “I understand.”
He stepped back and opened the SUV’s door. “Agent Tremont will take you to Bellingham.”
The man sitting behind the wheel saluted her. The corners of her mouth lifted in what she hoped resembled a smile, but feared looked more like a grimace.
“You’ll stay there tonight and be on the first flight out in the morning.”
She didn’t trust herself to speak. She could only nod.
“Thank you, Tessa.”
Tilting her head, she managed to ask, “For?”
“You said you’d find the source of the contamination and put a stop to it. And you did.”
She’d been so naive and arrogant that first day when she’d arrived at Glen Lake. The “expert” come to save the fish and protect those who used the lake. She’d thought she could fix everything alone. She’d thought she didn’t need anyone, not her team from the Fish and Aquatic Ecology Unit, not God. And certainly not Jeff.
But she did need him, her heart cried out.
Sadness descended, upping her fatigue and tension.
“We did it together. As a team,” she reminded him and placed her hand over his heart. “You’re a good man, Agent Jeff Steele. Our country is a safer place because of you.”
“Not yet. Once we have Sherman in custody and dismantle his operation, then our country and our neighbors to the north will be safer.”
“Be careful, please.” Renewed worry camped out in her chest.
“I will.” He captured her hand. “Goodbye, Tessa.”
Slipping her hand away, she squared her shoulders and pushed her emotions down as far as they’d go inside her soul. She climbed into the SUV. He shut the door with a final click. A moment later, the vehicle rolled away.
Twisting in the seat, she took one last look at Jeff, his dark hair gleaming in the autumn sun. “Goodbye, my love,” she whispered, resigning herself to never seeing him again.
She was alone once more.
God will not abandon us.
Clinging to Jeff’s words and to the faith he’d helped her to renew, she sent up a prayer. “Keep him safe, Lord.”
ELEVEN
Jeff watched the SUV until it disappeared from view. He rubbed at the hollow spot in his chest where his heart had caved in on itself. Letting her go was excruciatingly painful, like nothing he’d ever endured. But it was the right thing to do. For both their sakes. She was a bright and shining moment during a dark and nasty ordeal. He’d come to care deeply for her, but she had a full life that had no room for him.
He wasn’t good at relationships. He wasn’t good at committing. Despite how independent and self-reliant Tessa appeared, she was a woman who longed for commitment. But committing meant letting his heart get attached. Attachment made him vulnerable to the hurt that would eventually come as it always did when he let himself get too close to anyone. Growing up he’d loved every nanny who’d come to stay, and his heart had died a little when each one left.
Then he’d met Janie. For a brief time he’d thought she’d healed his heart, but in the end, she’d left him, too.
He couldn’t take that kind of heartache again.
A mocking
voice inside his head chimed in, What makes you think you aren’t already attached to Tessa?
He blew out a breath. Okay, maybe he was a little attached to Tessa. They’d just survived a horrendous ordeal together. They’d bonded in many ways, but that didn’t change the fact that their futures were on different paths.
And if he kept reminding himself of that, eventually he’d come to peace with living without her.
Resolving not to think about her or the emptiness inside his heart, he returned to the visitors’ center, where the tactical team prepared for the assault on the compound.
He was handed an assault rifle and a Kevlar vest.
“We’re good to go,” Coleman said.
Jeff checked the clip on the rifle and then put on the vest as anticipation revved in his blood. They piled inside a convoy of SUVs. Randy had explained about the motion detectors set along the side of the highway set to send a warning to Sherman when anyone came off the main road and took the dirt road carved through the trees.
When the convoy reached the dirt road, they found the wiring for the motion detectors and looped the circuit, making the way passable without detection.
A half mile away from the compound, the convoy stopped, and the teams piled out. They would go the rest of the way on foot.
“Stay alert,” Coleman said in a hushed voice. “They are heavily armed.”
Jeff led the way as the men spread out and worked a path through the trees. The smoke from the generator explosion had long evaporated, but the smell of burning gasoline lingered in the air. When they reached the compound, the place looked deserted. Not a man in sight. And thankfully, no dogs.
Keen to arrest Sherman, Jeff motioned to Coleman that he was taking the house. Coleman nodded. Jeff peeled off and hustled for the house, his assault weapon up, his gaze watchful for signs of movement. Two tact team members followed him. Jeff was glad for the backup.
He reached the porch and flattened himself near the front window. An eerie sensation made his fingers tighten around the rifle. Why had Sherman let him get this close? The man had to know they were here.
Jeff peered through the break in the curtains. The house appeared empty, too. No movement. No signs of life inside. He moved so he could look through the window at a different angle. A chair had been positioned in the entryway. He had a bad feeling this was a trap.
He motioned for the men to fall back. Using the butt of the rifle, he broke out the front window. Before climbing inside, he checked the floor for trip wires and found a thin cord leading to the chair. Jeff stepped over the wire with one foot and froze balanced half in, half out of the window as his gaze landed on the seat of the chair facing the front door. The seat was filled with C-4.
Another cord attached to a pin in the explosive led to the door handle. Whoever opened the door would be blown to smithereens along with anyone in close proximity.
Heart hammering, he backed out of the window. Coleman joined him on the porch.
“It’s a booby trap,” Jeff said. “The house is rigged to explode.”
Coleman’s nostrils flared. He motioned with his hands and yelled, “Fall back. Explosives!”
Once they were a safe distance away, Coleman requested a bomb squad to join them at the compound.
“We cleared the buildings.” Coleman gestured toward the compound at large. “We didn’t come across anyone matching the description of Sherman or Aaron. But you should take a look to be sure they aren’t hiding in plain sight.”
The tactical team had rounded up the men working the illegal marijuana operation and had them corralled, sitting in a tight circle in the center of the compound.
A glance was all Jeff needed. “No, they aren’t here.” He searched for Emil among the men. “Neither are any of the men who’d been part of the security force.”
Jeff’s gaze landed on Kyle, the young man who’d brought them food when he and Tessa were first brought to the compound.
Grabbing Kyle by the collar, Jeff dragged him to his feet. “Where are Sherman and all the guards?”
Kyle shrank back. “I don’t know. After the explosion, they took off.”
“Where to?” Jeff shook him.
“I don’t know,” the younger man said. “They left as fast as they could.”
Jeff released him. Kyle sank back to the ground, drawing his knees to his chest, making him look more like the teenager he was than a hardened criminal.
Swiping a hand through his hair, Jeff fought to control the frustration coursing through his veins. He would track Sherman down to the ends of the earth if need be. “Did you find Aaron’s body?”
“No bodies,” Coleman said.
“Did Sherman bury Aaron?” Jeff asked the group of men.
“He’s not dead,” one man offered.
“So Aaron lived.” Jeff gritted his teeth, conflicted by the information. On one hand it was good news for Tessa’s sake. She hadn’t taken another person’s life. She didn’t deserve that burden. On the other hand, Aaron would be even more dangerous wounded and angry. “He would need a hospital.”
Coleman nodded. “I’ll send out an alert to all medical facilities within a two-hundred-mile radius. They couldn’t have gone farther than that yet.”
“Unless they flew,” Jeff pointed out.
Turning to the group of men with their downcast eyes and bowed shoulders, his empathy tugged at him. Randy had said most of these men were homeless or runaways who’d been promised a better life only to end up enslaved, working for long hours and kept high on drugs as a means of controlling them. “Does anyone here know where Sherman and Aaron were headed?”
Kyle’s chin lifted. “Aaron kept yelling stuff about getting even with the lady who stuck him with the scissors.”
Jeff’s stomach twisted with dread. Would Aaron make good on his threat to exact revenge on Tessa? Fear rippled through him.
“We have to secure Dr. Cleary,” Jeff told Coleman. “She’s not safe until Aaron Roscha and his father, Sherman, are apprehended.”
Coleman used a satellite phone to call the agent who’d escorted Tessa to Bellingham. “Agent Tremont, where is Dr. Cleary?”
As Coleman listened to the answer, Jeff curled his fingers to prevent himself from ripping the phone out of Coleman’s hand so he could hear what was happening. Anxiety twisted in his gut. He wanted to assure himself Tessa was safe.
“Keep a close eye on her. I’m sending more men to help protect her,” Coleman instructed before hanging up. “She just checked into the hotel in Bellingham. Tremont will stand guard outside her door.”
Tessa was still a target. She wouldn’t be safe until Aaron and his father were behind bars. Jeff had to arrest Aaron and Sherman before they had a chance to hurt Tessa. He couldn’t live if something happened to her.
* * *
Tessa changed into the new clothes she’d bought in the hotel’s gift shop. Normally not one for sweat suits but growing fonder of them after this experience, she couldn’t resist the bright lemon-colored fleece-lined two-piece set with the city’s name emblazoned on the thigh of the pants and across the chest of the jacket. The T-shirt underneath had a silk-screened image of nearby Mount Baker.
As souvenirs went, the outfit would be a reminder of surviving her ordeal in the North Cascades Forest.
Her hair was damp from the bath and wildly out of control. She should have bought a hair tie to tame her curls, but it felt so good to be clean and warm, she supposed she could live with unruly. As she towel-dried her hair, she wandered over to the lone square window. The three-star hotel faced the airport. The roar of jets taking flight ricocheted off the walls of the room.
At least the place was dirt-free and she was safe. Agent Tremont had said he’d be right outside if she needed anything.
How about Jeff’s love?
Shaking her head at her own folly for falling in love with a man who didn’t believe in commitment, she lay on the bed, relishing the cushioned softness. She’d never take a mattress for granted again. Part of her wanted to curl up and go to sleep, to find solace in her dreams rather than face the reality that she would never see Jeff again. Not that she thought sleep would come easily. Her emotions were too raw; her heart still beat too fast, and her stomach was tied in knots.
She should be elated to be returning to her own home and her work.
But returning to a lonely apartment, to a lonely office, to a lonely lab, didn’t appeal anymore.
She’d always told herself she was better off without family. Her parents had their own lives, lives that didn’t include her. She had no siblings, no cousins. No hope for a romance on the horizon. At least not with the man who’d captured her heart in the depths of an ancient forest.
Her gaze was drawn to the framed photograph hanging over the king-size bed. A majestic waterfall in black-and-white captured on print by a famous Pacific Northwest photographer should have been awe-inspiring. Instead, the image evoked all the terror she’d experienced from the last waterfall she’d seen.
To distract herself from her memories and her heartache, she grabbed the television remote. Maybe some mindless TV would help ease the chaos going on in her mind. She searched the channels, bypassing every sitcom and drama until she landed on the local news station, anxious for the commercials to end.
The local news should have a report on the illegal marijuana farm in the North Cascades Forest. The raid on Sherman’s operation would be a big deal and newsworthy. Maybe she’d catch a glimpse of Jeff.
Her heart squeezed tight with hope and throbbed with sadness at the same time.
A thud outside the door jolted her attention from the television. Her heart grabbed her by the throat.
“Calm down,” she groused to herself. “It’s only Agent Tremont bumping the door.” She stood and padded barefoot across the room. Despite what she told herself, she put the U-shaped security latch on and slowly opened the door enough to peer out. The hall was empty. “Agent Tremont?”