Team Newb

by M Helbig

  With that expensive looking armor, the strange man had to be a much higher level than anyone else. I developed a theory that the amount of blood loss from a blow was proportionate to the percentage of Hit Points you lost. A useful bit of information if I was right.

  I shrugged and decided there wasn’t much more for me to learn. Drawing my sword, I approached a lone bunny. The little guy was chomping away at a big bunch of lettuce. He looked so cute and innocent. I was about to go hunt something else when I remembered the fountains of blood I’d seen the tiny terrors produce from the other new players.

  I bit my tongue, swallowed my emotions and took the bunny on its side. Through the blood shower, I almost didn’t see the white 3. As I focused harder, the interface popped up on a page titled “Blood Filter.” The bar was currently all the way up. It moved down to fifty percent when I thought about decreasing the blood. As I considered moving it down farther, the bunny hit me to produce a much more realistic amount of blood. Unfortunately, fiddling with interfaces wasn’t the smartest thing to do during combat. A red 2 was floating barely out of view as another red 2 spit out of my shin. I was almost down to half of my Hit Points, and the dastardly rabbit was barely hurt.

  I quickly got my head back in the game and nipped the bunny in the back for a 4. It tried for the same shin, but this time I was ready for it. It missed, and I countered with a backhand slash for 3 more. The rabbit did a flip onto its back and stopped moving. Now that I was safe, I took the time to use Inspect. I scanned another rabbit that had hopped on top of the one I’d just killed. Evidently, the bunnies didn’t care what you did to their kin. It only had 10 HPs total. I wasn’t sure if there were other mobs behaving like that, or if these and maybe a few of the other ones in the new player area were the only ones—but I’d have to figure that out when I started hunting anything new.

  Kneeling, I pushed the other rabbit off and touched the corpse. Thank God they hadn't made this too realistic, like some other MMOs. No way I wanted to actually skin this thing and cut out its guts. It was a cute, fluffy bunny after all. A non-moving fluffy bunny with dead eyes but . . . a fading fluffy bunny with dead eyes, and now just a spot of grass with a blood stain.

  I did vaguely remember Dad moaning when players demanded they take out some of the more realistic features. For some reason, they felt bad when they realistically crushed someone's throat or could smell burning flesh after casting a fireball. I’d a feeling that most players only complained because skinning and gutting things took more time before they got their loot.

  My first kill contained:

  Unlucky Rabbit's Feet

  Rarity: Junk

  Weight: .01 Pebbles

  Description: The feet certainly weren’t lucky for the rabbit . . .

  I doubted it was worth much—probably one copper—but it was still the most wonderful thing I’d seen. My first loot! As easy as the bunnies were, I could probably safely kill them forever without much in the way of danger, as long as I made sure to stay away from the forest. The bright yellow eyes were back, following me in case I needed a reminder. From what Olaf said, I should also stay away from other players. The weird, high-level guy who was mercilessly slaughtering bunnies (mostly with his feet, for some reason) was probably exactly the kind of person he had in mind.

  My instinct was to go straight for another bunny, but I remembered my vow to learn from my mistakes. Fortunately, this opponent had been easy. Distracting notifications had popped up throughout the fight. If this had been a harder fight, the extra missed dodge or hit on my opponent could’ve been the difference between celebratory dancing and a fresh, handsome corpse.

  I decided to check what options there were and pulled up the interface. The Swear filter I left off, as those things tended to have hilarious, unintended results sometimes. I was really after the Notifications section, even if I hadn’t realized it. I selected to turn off all non-damage/non-healing messages during combat. I also put my HPs, MPs, and APs permanently in the top-right corner of my vision. With that done, I exited the screen and read the messages I’d ignored during the fight.

  You have gained 1 skill point in 1-Handed Swords! 2/25

  You have gained 2 skill points in Inspect! 4/25

  You have gained 50 Experience Points! 50/1,000 to next level.

  You have received -2 Faction with the Fluffy Bunny Collective. Total: -2 Fluffy Bunny Collective (Suspicious).

  It was good to know in only nineteen more kills I’d be level two. I suspected the level progression would be much slower past the first few levels. It sounded easy to get to level two, but that high-level guy had me worried. He was easily slaughtering the bunnies in one hit, and I was desperately afraid he’d get bored and decide to target the new players next (if that was possible). He even took out two bunnies by blowing his nose on them. I wasn’t sure if he was using magic, though I suspected he wasn’t.

  As I prepared to just ask him what he was doing there, one of the other players beat me to the punch. He completely ignored the young woman, laughed at random intervals, and talked exclusively to the dead bunnies. I decided to give him as wide a berth as I did the forest. At least I knew exactly what to expect from the yellow eyes.

  My next bunny went down while only doing 3 to me. There was no loot on it, though. I was down to 8 HPs, which quickly bounced up to 9 when I naturally regained a point. I felt more than half of my HPs were safe enough and immediately engaged a third one. Why didn’t more people just stick to the easiest thing they could? Sure, it’d take longer to make a fortune, but if the easy stuff was like this, only an idiot like me would ever die. Slow, steady, little risk.

  Another bunny fell to my blade with a paltry 2 more lost HPs, and I got an uncommon Rabbit Pelt, which the description said was usable for trade skills. With my 8 remaining HPs, I charged another one from behind. I was a big, strong man mercilessly taking on soft, shoe-sized animals. I was beginning to see why they’d done so many studies on players after they reintegrated into Earth society.

  Without even thinking about it, I swung again. Now that I knew what to do, this was easy. I missed my first attack and was caught so off guard that the bunny bit me in the shin for 4!

  “Oh, a swing and a miss,” a deep voice said from behind me. “Young Lucas isn’t going to stay in the majors much longer with moves like that.”

  The bunny caught me in the crotch as I turned to see who was talking. It was that weird high-level.

  “I hope he didn’t plan on ever having any digital babies, folks, though with moves like that, I think this is what the folks in the biz like to call ‘natural selection.’ But remember, the opinions presented here do not reflect the management of this station or Major League Baseball.” He winked at me.

  I tried to shake off the pain and ignore him but didn’t manage it very well. My next attack would’ve only hit the bunny if it’d grown an extra five feet.

  “Does the boy see something we don’t, folks, or is his depth perception that bad? Maybe they’ll add the optometrist class in the next patch. You all know how much I want to try the old ‘You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses’ on Grafvitnir.”

  I considered aiming my next strike on the high-level but knew he’d destroy me, assuming I even could attack another player. I’d need to find that out later. I shook off my distraction and focused, finally hitting the bunny for 3.

  “‘Look out, Lucas!’ our brave and handsome hero shouted. ‘He’s about to perform his dreaded Bunny-Hop special attack.’ Lucas stared at him, perplexed by our brave hero’s obvious brilliance and stunning handsomeness, but worry not, folks, our brave hero then instructed Lucas on how to prepare himself for the hare-raising attack. ‘Move a little to the left after his tiny mouth stops moving.’”

  I wasn’t sure what to make of my new “friend,” but considering how everything else had gone in the fight, I decided to listen to him. The bunny’s mouth stopped moving, and I moved to the left. A second later, it backflipped and kicked. The attack
barely missed breaking my nose, and as soon as it landed, I took advantage of its Stunned status and landed a critical hit to finish it.

  The “brave and handsome hero” pumped his fist in celebration. “And the crowd goes sedately appreciative with a rousing golf clap. With moves like that, he should be level two in . . . a below average amount of time, but at least he won’t get sent down to the minors.”

  At first, I thought he was just a lunatic using metaphors for a game that hadn’t been played professionally in over fifty years while talking to an invisible audience, but then I remembered you could record your exploits and stream them for extra cash. Some of the richest former players in the game’s history had gone that route and quite a few of them never advanced past level twenty-five before they retired, though my new friend’s manic grin and long, curly mustache indicated the strong possibility he was an outright loon.

  “So, what kind of channel are you streaming to? Baseball fanatics?” I held my hand out to shake his. “Also, my character’s name is Horus, not Lucas . . . How do you know my real name?”

  He recoiled from my outstretched hand like it was a snake and ran off. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. There didn’t appear to be anything wrong with my hand, but given the guy’s crazy actions, I figured it was probably for the best.

  Noticing that I was down to 4 HPs, I decided to wait the eleven minutes until I was back to full before continuing my losing battle exterminating cute, adorable bunnies from the field. Three more popped into existence right behind me, and it looked like there were more bunnies in the area than when I began.

  Now that I knew how to dodge the bunny’s special attack, they were even easier. I took out the next sixteen without incident and was rewarded with a glowing aura and nice celebratory music. I assumed that meant I’d leveled and checked the notifications I’d been ignoring. Evidently, I’d missed quite a bit.

  You have gained 3 skill points in 1-Handed Swords! 5/25

  You have gained 1 skill point in Inspect! 5/25

  You have unlocked the Regen skill!

  You have gained a total of 1,950 total Experience Points and a new Level!

  Welcome to Level 2! 0/2,000 to next level.

  You have received 1 skill choice on leveling!

  You have received 2 stat points on leveling!

  You have gained 15 Hit Points on leveling! 30/30 HP Total.

  You have gained 4 Magic Points on leveling! 8/8MP Total.

  You have gained 8 Action Points on leveling! 16/16 AP Total.

  You have received -38 total Faction with the Fluffy Bunny Collective. -40 Fluffy Bunny Collective (Suspicious).

  With all the deaths I’d had and considering how I’d be kicked out of the game if I had another two, I decided to put both points into Stamina for the extra Hit Points. Once I got to level five, I’d probably be safe enough on money to not worry as much, so I could move them back out if needed.

  After all the awesomeness of leveling and the ensuing dance I did until the celebratory music stopped, I almost missed the new skill I’d unlocked. I let out another “Woooo!” as I finished reading the skill description and immediately used a point to learn it. As its name implied, Regen increased my hit point regeneration by five percent per skill point (though only out of combat), making it an insanely valuable skill for a soloist like me. That left me with two unused skill points.

  I took a look at my character sheet.

  Horus

  Level: 2

  HP: 34/34

  Class: Adventurer

  MP: 8/8

  Race: Human

  AP: 16/16

  Experience: 0/2,000

  AC: 8

  STR: 19

  Resists

  AGI: 13

  Light: 0

  DEX: 19

  Dark: 5

  STA: 17

  Earth: 0

  END: 8

  Water: 0

  CHA: 9

  Fire: 5

  INT: 4

  Wind: 0

  WIS: 4

  HP Regen: 2 per minute (2.1 per minute out of combat)

  Carrying Capacity: 43/380

  MP Regen: 2 per minute

  AP Regen: 2 per minute

  Skills: 1-Handed Swords 5/25, Inspect: 5/25, Regen 1/25, Survivalist 1/25

  I was so thrilled I took out two more bunnies before I even noticed how tired I felt. I tried ignoring it because I’d more important things on my mind, but when I barely took out the third one even with my extra Hit Points, I realized the feeling was accompanied by a debuff of the same name that dropped all my stats and skills by ten percent. It occurred to me the developers had put that in there to prevent players from literally playing themselves to death as the human brains behind them still needed sleep (though it may have also been to prevent people from playing longer to get more loot and thus more of the company’s money). The real capper was the Hunger debuff which completely halted all natural HP, MP, and AP regeneration. I gave the bunnies a salute as worthy opponents and left just as the debuff increased to twenty-five percent. I think several of them tipped their heads in return, but that may have been the debuff’s effect on my Intelligence.

  Olaf, Tiny Slayer of Tiny Wolves

  After trying several different merchants near the gates, and after using the map a few deeper inside the city, I sold my meager haul from my deeply traumatic day of hunting adorable animals. The five unlucky rabbit’s feet, two pelts, six tufts of fur, and three hunks of rabbit meat netted me one gold, two silver, and two copper. The merchants nearest the gate only offered me around half that. I vowed to try a few different merchants whenever I sold anything to build a list of who offered the best prices. I’d also figured out that it helped to pair up the item with the appropriate merchant. Selling the pelts to the tanner and the meat and other bits to the butcher had netted me twice what the other merchants offered.

  Fortunately, I found an inn before my Tiredness debuff rendered me nearly immobile. I was now down to a seventy-five percent decrease in all stats and skills. The inn charged one gold a night for a bed and meal, cutting my day’s profits to two silver and three copper. Now I knew why nobody hunted rabbits for money. Would I’ve been better off eating the raw rabbit meat to cut the food portion off my bill, or was salmonella poisoning possible in the game?

  I didn’t even feel the pillow as my head hit it. Exactly eight hours later, I awoke without experiencing my usual post-wakeup grogginess. My clothes weren’t wrinkled at all, I had no morning breath, my hair was perfect, and I didn’t even have to go to the bathroom. While it was odd to not experience all those, I certainly wasn’t complaining.

  When I went down the stairs to get my complimentary breakfast, I headed toward one of the few empty tables in the back. Most of the people in the inn I was sure were players, given their mismatched clothing styles and clashing colors. In these games, players often put on whatever they found as loot or picked stuff for stats instead of aesthetics. The two men in glaringly polished plate armor were definitely NPC guards, since the names displayed over their heads were preceded by “Guard.” I guessed this was to make sure players knew who they were and to deter anyone from causing trouble when they were near.

  As I weaved between the crowd to get to my target table, an arm grabbed me gently and pulled me back. I was about to summon my weapon but stopped when I saw the owner of the small hand. It was Olaf, my savior.

  “Horus, was it not? I have been keeping my eye out for that person you were talking about but have had no luck. Why don’t you sit down with my friends and me?”

  “Thanks for looking, Olaf,” I said.

  He was seated with three other people. Closest to him was a tall, thin high elf with golden blonde hair in a ponytail that he named as Decrona. She immediately used Inspect on me, so I returned the favor. She was level three and wearing something called Fine Leather from head to toe, which appeared to be player crafted and probably cost as much as a nice house in the real world. Her Finely Crafted
Bronze Dagger probably cost as much as a car.

  The person next to her, named Alizia, was sticking out her long tongue at Decrona but paused to smile when I looked in her direction. Her huge, green-skinned frame barely fit in the human-sized chair. Inspect identified her as a forest giant.

  Alizia waved at me in greeting. The resulting breeze nearly toppled me over. “So, you’re the newest member of our group? Welcome to the team!”

  Decrona rolled her eyes and glared at Alizia, which only made her smile bigger. “He’s not a member yet. I only said we’d consider him.” Decrona turned to me. “Normally, I’d let you in on the word of our kind-hearted but impulsive associate here, but we are still grieving from our recently lost fourth member. Nanny left us to join some friends of hers from the real world. Understandable, of course, but I doubt her friends have anything like the knowledge and leadership abilities that I possess. Her levels will certainly suffer in the long run, but friendship, I suppose, does have its advantages.”

  Decrona’s tone was already starting to grate on me, but it wasn’t like I had a lot of other offers. My solo endeavors hadn’t gone terribly well, and it’d be great to have some backup. Besides, Olaf was awfully nice, and the goofy giantess seemed friendly too. If I didn’t end up liking them, I could always go back to soloing.

  “So, what do I have to do to join?” I asked. “Is there an initiation? A quest?”

  Decrona used Inspect on me again. “First, you need to catch up to us in level. Right now, that’s only one, but if you take too long, it could be more, as we’re much too busy to wait for you. You also need to do something about that gear. I’d say about three pieces upgraded or seven more Armor Class. Please don’t think I’m doing all of this to be hard on you, it’s only that the mobs our group will be fighting are quite a bit tougher than the ones you’ve likely been soloing, and you’ll get torn to pieces without the things I’ve mentioned.”