by Kat Mizera
I didn’t know exactly how to say what I needed to say, but I wasn’t going to be able to rest until we’d talked. Samaria had pointed out that he was in danger anyway, just by virtue of being my bodyguard, and though I hated to jump the gun with a talk about relationships, it was necessary in our situation. Maybe that was what I needed to focus on, the part about how we couldn’t really have a casual fling, and then point out how much extra danger a relationship with me could put him in.
I sighed.
This was dumb. Xander wouldn’t be afraid. I was the one who was afraid and it had more to do with emotions than threats. And that was the part that made this difficult to talk about.
I opened the door when he knocked, and caught myself before I could sigh out loud. He wore low-slung gray sweats and a long-sleeved white T-shirt that pulled tight across his shoulders, showing off that gorgeous chest of his. His eyes met mine and he smiled.
“Hey, Princess.”
“Hi.” I moved aside so he could come in and shut the door behind us. “You want tea or anything?”
“No, thank you.” He watched me carefully. “What’s up?”
“I…” Oh, hell, I didn’t even know where to start. “I guess we need to talk.”
“About?”
“Us.”
“Okay.” He stood there looking at me, not saying or doing anything else.
“The thing is, it’s complicated.”
“Because you’re a princess and I’m a commoner?”
“No.” I waved an impatient hand. “That has nothing to do with it. The thing is, I can’t just…have a casual fling with my bodyguard.”
“And?”
“Which means that it’s all or nothing and that’s not fair.”
“To whom?”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, who is it unfair to? Me or you or someone else?”
“Well, both of us. I mean, people normally date for a while, get to know each other, before they decide if there’s anything to it. In our situation, we can’t really do that. And then, if things go wrong, it would be a big mess and—”
He advanced on me like a predator, backing me against the bed until I had to grab his arms or I would have gone over. “You talk way too much,” he growled. “You think too fucking much. And you drive me batshit crazy. Will you shut up long enough for me to kiss you?”
“Xander, we can’t—”
He pushed me onto my back and followed, landing on top of me, his mouth seeking out mine. The minute our lips touched, it was all over. I forgot every excuse I’d come up with, every careful statement I’d crafted to keep him at arm’s length, and every damn reason I had for not letting him fuck me into the middle of next week.
He broke away long enough to pull off his T-shirt and sweats, pausing before climbing over me slowly this time. “You gonna undress or do I need to do it for you?”
“You,” I whispered.
19
Xander
I took her clothes off without waiting for her to say or do anything else. I’d lost all my patience for whatever was bothering her and I’d already learned that the best way to connect with her was sexually. She truly drove me nuts sometimes, but the fact that she’d reached out to me meant she wanted me as much as I wanted her, and maybe after a few orgasms she’d be calm enough to actually talk to me. To date, she mostly talked in circles and that ended now.
I was already harder than stone and realized I hadn’t thought to grab condoms.
“Nightstand,” she whispered, motioning with her head. Yet another reason I was crazy about this woman; despite everything going on, we were still perfectly in tune to each other and she’d known why I hesitated.
I crawled where she’d indicated, opened the drawer and grabbed one, immediately ripping the package and sheathing myself. I was skipping over all the fun stuff, but I was on a mission that went way beyond getting off. We’d do that too, but not until I’d taken some sort of control of both her and the situation. My gut told me she needed me to, but that she struggled with letting go, so I had to man up. Which was my pleasure.
I leaned down and kissed her again, gentling my touch and letting her relax into me.
“I’m sorry I’m such a disaster,” she said against my mouth.
“You’re not a disaster, baby.” I angled my hips and slowly slid into her. “You’re just going through a tough time.”
She let out a sigh, her eyes fluttering closed as I settled deep inside of her. Damn, she felt magnificent, her pussy snug and welcoming, as if our bodies had been made for each other. I slid out a little and pushed back in, watching her face, letting her fall into the rhythm I set. I pressed light kisses along her jaw, sliding around to her ear, her neck and then down to her throat. Her skin was salty but sweet on my tongue, and I took a moment to enjoy her taste. Then I stopped moving and waited for her to notice.
“Why’d you stop?” she murmured.
“’Cause we need to talk, Princess.”
“Now?” She let out a little squeak of distress as I started to pull out.
“Tell me the real reason you ran away from me after we made love.”
“I don’t know.”
I pulled out to the tip and she gasped, her fingers digging into my ass, trying to hold me inside of her. “Xander!”
“Tell me.”
“I honestly don’t know.” Her voice dropped and she blinked up at me. “Do we have to do this now?”
“Yup. It’s the only time you give me any control of anything. The rest of the time you walk and talk all over me.”
“You don’t understand.”
“So tell me.”
“Why would anyone willingly become part of this life?”
“You mean the royal life? I don’t know. Have you asked Lennox?”
“It’s different. Sandor is larger than life, and she’s ex-military.”
“And what am I? Chopped liver?”
She smiled, reaching up to touch my face. “I think you’re pretty amazing. Sexy and smart and such a good man…”
“But?”
She traced a line around my lips. “But I’m questioning this new reality of my life, and until I figure out what’s going to make me happy, how can I make someone else happy?”
“Ah.” I snapped my hips forward and gave her a little of what she wanted, watching the rapture on her face. Damn, I loved giving a woman that look, the one that showed me exactly how much I was pleasing her. “So you’re worried about hurting me?” I drew out and slowly moved back in until I was fully seated and she moaned.
“I’m…worried…about…everything.” Her eyes were closed now and she dragged my mouth back to hers. I kissed her, with slow, erotic pulls of my tongue, until she was squirming, her hips slamming against mine as she got closer to release.
Then I stopped and dropped my forehead to hers. “Do you want me, Elen?”
“What?” Her eyes flew open and a spark of annoyance flashed in them.
“Yes or no? Do you want me?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“Yup.”
“Xander.” Frustration seeped out of her as she watched me. “Fine. You want to talk? Let’s talk. I want you so much I can’t stand it sometimes, but we both know a relationship doesn’t work unless both people are in the same place in life. And we’re not.”
“Explain.”
“I don’t know what I want, where I want to be, or how much danger Omar is posing. As my lover—my boyfriend—you’re going to be caught up in the entire shitstorm of life in a royal family.”
“As a Royal Protector, I already am.” I moved a stray piece of hair off her forehead.
“But how do you know I’m worth the risk?” Her eyes were filled with insecurity and confusion, something I’d never seen in her before. “That we’re worth the risk.”
I softly kissed her lips. “No one ever knows anything for sure, we just do the best we can with the information we have. Ri
ght now, the information I have is that we turn each other on. We argue like an old married couple, but damn, baby, when we make love it’s explosive. And I like a woman with some sass. How boring would it be if you agreed with everything I said?”
She gave me a soft smile and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. “So, can we go back to that explosive stuff now?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“Are we going to do this dating thing?”
“We need to formalize our arrangement?”
“Kinda. Because the next prince who grabs my girlfriend’s ass is going to get a beatdown.”
She chuckled. “Shut up and fuck me, Pretty Boy.”
“That’s my girl.” I rolled onto my back and set her on top of me. “Why don’t you go back to being in control for a while?”
Despite our passion, we were tired, and after making love twice, fell asleep without any more conversation. I woke up at six with her soft, naked body draped around mine and realized I could get used to this, to being here with her. The problem, though, was that people were undoubtedly going to know immediately that we were involved, because I was positive Sandor and Lennox had stopped by my room to see if I wanted to work out. Once I didn’t answer, and then they discovered I wasn’t at the gym, they would text me and—my phone buzzed before I could finish my thought, and Elen shifted.
“Missed your workout?” she rumbled in a sleepy voice.
“I worked out last night, so yeah, but I don’t foresee getting out of here without being seen.”
“I don’t care.” She nestled deeper into my chest. “Do you have to leave?”
“No. Workouts aren’t required and I don’t have to be at the daily briefing until nine.”
“Mmm, let’s go back to sleep.”
“Once I’m up, I’m up,” I said softly.
Her eyes fluttered open. “We can order breakfast and eat it in bed.”
I smiled. “Sure.”
She reached for her phone and sent a text to the kitchen, which was apparently something she did regularly. I didn’t usually meet up with her until after the morning security briefing, unless she had somewhere to be early, but even then, she was usually ready to go by the time I picked her up, so I hadn’t known she had her breakfast delivered. It wasn’t a big deal, but it made me realize we didn’t know each other as well as I’d thought.
She’d disappeared into the bathroom after sending the text and I pulled on my sweats and T-shirt since I’d have to shower and get ready for my day at some point. We did have to talk about how this was going to work, because while I was in no way embarrassed about being involved with her, my gut told me we needed to go slowly and take some time to get to know each other better. We were nothing but extremes right now. Fighting and fucking, so to speak, which wasn’t a good way to get serious with someone.
“Why don’t you run to your room and shower real quick?” she suggested. “By the time you get back, breakfast will be here and we can eat and have a few minutes together before we go to work.”
“All right. Be back in fifteen minutes.” I kissed her on the lips and headed out. I needed to charge my phone too. Luckily, I had a fast charger in my room, so I plugged it in as soon as I got there and took a quick shower. I shaved, brushed my teeth and dressed for work, chuckling when I noted the scratch marks on my biceps from where she’d dug her nails into them. It was like a badge of honor and I wished I could show the other guys. I wouldn’t, of course, but it was a guy thing to want to.
I stuffed my feet in my boots, put on my shoulder and ankle holsters, and pulled a sweatshirt on over my T-shirt. Now if I could get back to Elen’s room without talking to anyone, I’d have a little time to spend with her.
I’d just stepped into the hallway when I heard steps behind me. I tried not to turn around but of course, Lennox was on me in a couple of steps.
“Hey.” She nudged me. “Welcome back.”
“Thanks.” I gave her a grin. “Miss me?”
“For real. You left me with freakin’ Marcus and Axel… They don’t do anything but eat and work out. I’m dying for us to watch more Project Runway because you know Sandor won’t.”
I grinned. Lennox and I had remained good friends after leaving the Marines and had gotten reacquainted while working for Joe. Project Runway was our guilty pleasure, something we did together because no one else we knew was interested. Now I wasn’t sure how to explain my evenings might be occupied.
“What?” she asked. “You don’t want to watch it anymore? Sandor doesn’t mind.”
“No, I do. I, er…” I paused. “Can we talk about it later? I have to do something first and I’ll explain after I do it.”
She arched a brow. “You and Elen finally get naked?”
I looked around wildly to make sure no one had heard her. “Jesus, can you lower your voice? She’s really skittish about this thing between us and if anyone starts gossiping or giving her shit about it, I don’t know how she’ll react.”
Lennox frowned. “I think you and Elen were the only two people who didn’t notice how much you two wanted each other. Why do you think Sandor kept you on her duty detail? He could’ve moved you but the two of you are made for each other.”
I groaned. “Please, can you just keep this to yourself until she and I sort some things out?”
“Okay.” She smiled. “But Sandor already knows, and since he knows, Erik knows, which means Casey knows and…” She shrugged helplessly. “Everyone already knows.”
“Fuck.”
20
Elen
Our breakfast had just arrived when Xander got back, and we sat at the small table and chairs by the window to eat. He was quiet, which was a little worrisome since he usually was the one trying to get me to open up. Still, it gave me the chance to simply watch him eat, and I wondered what it would be like to wake up together every day. Share meals together. Go to bed together each night. I’d never lived with a man, or been in a serious relationship before. The boyfriends I’d had were either young love, like when I’d been in college, or guys that were a pleasant diversion, not people I wanted to settle down with. Xander made me want it all and I didn’t understand it completely. This was all so new, but it felt so natural.
“Why are you watching me?” he asked, his eyes meeting mine.
“Just thinking how hot you are,” I murmured, playfully batting my eyelashes at him. “Wondering if we have time for a quickie before work.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think so, Princess, but I’m down for a quickie at lunchtime.”
“Hmm, your window of opportunity may have passed by then,” I deadpanned, teasing him.
He quirked a smile at me. “Uh-huh. So you’re going to turn down me having your pussy for lunch?”
My panties were probably a little wet now and I gave him a look. “Now why would you say a thing like that? I’ll be ripping your clothes off any second now…”
“Easy, Princess. It’s only four hours until lunch.”
“Speaking of lunch, I think I have to meet with Lennox. There’s a wedding update, so it’ll be us, Casey and a few others. It’s getting closer.”
He nodded. “So no oral at lunch. Got it.”
“Tomorrow we’ll be at Parliament all day, so there will be no oral at lunch tomorrow either.”
“Jesus, what kind of place are you running here?” He was teasing me right back.
“Hence why I suggested the breakfast quickie.”
“I wish we had time,” he said, “but I only have fifteen minutes to finish eating and get to my briefing. What are your plans for the morning?”
“I have to prepare a speech for tomorrow regarding the next part of the education bill, so I may stay here and try to get some work done until lunch.”
“All right.” He refilled his coffee cup and seemed to have something on his mind. He was fidgeting, which wasn’t like him, and I cocked my head curiously.
“You okay?” I asked
cautiously.
“I think…” His voice trailed off and he put his coffee cup down. “I ran into Lennox and she already knew where I’d slept last night.”
My stomach clenched a little at the thought of everyone knowing my business, knowing about me and Xander. I wasn’t sure what my family would think, but mostly I didn’t want them weighing in on something so personal and so new. We needed time alone together first and it didn’t look like we were going to get it.
“Babe?” Xander was watching me carefully.
“I don’t care if people know,” I said slowly. “I just don’t want them in our business. We’re still figuring out where this might go. We live and work with them almost twenty-four seven, which means they’re going to be watching everything we do.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No, but like I said, we’re still new. And then, if it doesn’t work out, there are going to be a billion questions…”
“Then I guess we need to make sure it works out.” His eyes twinkled. “Don’t worry so much, Princess. We’ll figure it out together, okay? I’m not telling the guys anything—it’ll be easier for me ’cause guys don’t tend to gossip about that stuff. You’ll have to decide how much to tell the girls.”
I nodded. “I’m close to Lennox and Casey, so chances are I’ll have to spill.”
“You have to tell me the rules, though,” he said quietly. “Can I hold your hand if we’re off duty? Family dinners? Casual events? I need to know your boundaries.”
I hesitated. Boundaries didn’t sound like a good thing or fair to either of us. “I want whatever we do to be natural. I want you to touch me when you would normally touch a woman you’re involved with. I don’t want us to take anyone else into consideration. I mean, of course, we have to be proper when we’re at Parliament or whatever, but not in front of family or when we’re alone at the palace. This is our home.”
“Okay.” He wiped his mouth. “Just one more question.”